It was a whole week later when Jack finally contacted me. By that time, I had almost resigned myself to never hearing from him again, and had begun to consider the tattoo he gave me an unpleasant reminder of a failed romance as well as a lost love with Micah.

I assumed it was either these nasty feelings or a stomach bug that was making me feel so ill-at-ease. I had already enlisted mom’s help to pick up Josie from school, hoping to head straight home from Blessings as soon as I closed up. The past few days had been like wading through mud — but this morning it had been especially difficult to scrape myself up out of bed and head out of the door. All I wanted to do was sleep, and even the forward momentum of walking was turning my stomach.

If I worked anywhere else, I might have called in for the day, but running my own business meant that the doors would be closed if I wasn’t there to open them. That just wasn’t acceptable.

It was as I took a seat behind the counter, back sore and head spinning, that my phone rang. I assumed it was my mom calling to make a change to our arrangements — so it gave me quick a shock to the system to see Jack’s name and picture flash up on the screen. Already, I felt a cold sweat gathering on my forehead. I really wasn’t equipped to have this conversation right now, but he’d taken so much time to get to this point. Could I really risk missing this call now?

Or would it be bad news?

“Hello,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut and cursing myself as I answered. I tried to sound casual, but figured it was a losing battle. Even after only knowing him for a month or so, Jack seemed to have the measure of me. He was bound to hear the tension in my voice whether I spoke one word or seven. He’d be expecting me to be nervous, anyway.

I realized with an irritating twinge of empathy that he was probably nervous too.

“Hey,” he said. Sure enough, there was a hint of caution coloring his tone, absent of the usual confidence and easy-breeziness. Was that the sound of a man calling to end the nameless thing between us, or to try and make amends for a week of silence? Better to wait and see than to guess. “You doing okay?”

“Sure, fine,” I lied — or at least tried to. I couldn’t have convinced a child. “You?”

“Mm,” he said. “Better now, I think. Been missing you.”

“You could’ve called,” I said, already regretting it. I didn’t want to scare him away. Still, wasn’t it true? “I’m not mad, you know. Just…”

I trailed off, unsure how to finish. He waited for a good few seconds before prompting me.

“Just…?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know how to say it. I missed you too. Which seems stupid, considering…”

That sentence, he didn’t need me to finish. We both knew how crazy it was to be so serious about a man after such a short period of time. The fact that he even had to outwardly tell me he needed time to think was more intense than most relationships would be at this stage. Most people just wouldn’t have called for a while. Admittedly, that was kind of what he’d tried. If not for me turning up at SeaTac Tat last week, he might not have called today at all.

He cleared his throat into the awkward silence. “Well. For what it’s worth, I think that time was, uh… good for me. Clarity, and all.”

“That’s good,” I said, leaning against the counter. I was so light-headed already; with the added focus on this conversation, I could barely hold my head up. “So. Um. You made your mind up, I guess…?”

“Yes,” he said, with some finality. “Sorry. I’m not trying to leave you hanging. And now I still am, and… alright. Yes.”

It was more flustered than I’d ever heard him. He was barely making sense. My heartbeat was rough and noisy. “Jack…?”

“Yeah, I think we should… you know. We should keep seeing each other, if you still want to. That’s what I think.”

“Okay.” I lifted a hand to rub my temples, trying to encourage my head to play ball. Jack wanted to pick up where we left off, and that was a good thing. I needed to at least be able to sound a little enthusiastic about it. “Yes. I’d like that.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

I smiled faintly. He could already read me so well. “Just a headache. Nothing serious.”

“Well… rest up, alright?”

I heard him move in his chair. Was he at home today, I wondered? Or was the store just quiet enough for the call to be clear of background noise? I tried to picture him, drinking in the luxury of the mental image I’d been denying myself for the past week or so. It had been easier to try not to think about him, but now that I could…

“Dylan? You’ll rest?”

“Oh, sorry. Yes. Well… after work.”

“Seattle can wait for its flowers,” he insisted. A little warmth had crept back into his voice now, encouraging and familiar. Maybe we really could get over this. Maybe it had been healthy to step back and reevaluate our priorities, however much it sucked. “All that pollen and the strong smells probably aren’t helping.”

“I’ll be fine. Honestly.”

“Sure,” he said. “Well, do you think you’ll be better by Friday? Not to invite myself or anything, but… I’d like to try family dinner again. If that’s okay with you.” He paused. “Maybe meet at your place beforehand? Catch up?”

I swallowed, leaning back in my chair. Nothing was comfortable, even as I was getting such nice news for the week ahead. The family members who knew Jack had gone AWOL had been very concerned last week. It would be a relief to be able to tell them he was coming along again the day after tomorrow — so long as they promised not to question him about it.

Maybe that was a problem for another time. My head was killing me.

“That sounds great,” I said, closing my eyes again. “Meet at mine. I’ll be home at five-thirty. You want to meet me there?”

“Absolutely.”

The certainty in his voice made my heart swell. Even through the fog of my headache, it was nice to hear that. To know that however much time he’d needed to reassess things, he still really wanted to see me. Maybe he had all along.

“Okay,” I said. “I’d better get off the phone since I’m behind the counter, but… I’ll see you Friday, then, I guess?”

“You will. I’ll be there. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Yes, yes!”

“Lots of water,” he pressed. “No caffeine. Bye, Dylan.”

“Bye, doc.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes as I hung up — then deeply regretted it, sinking down lower into my chair to try and offset the pain and the nausea. Maybe I really should close the store up and go home. I had no wedding or events work due in today, so it wouldn’t effect any time-sensitive customers. I’d lose a little passing trade, and that was frustrating, but it had been a long time since I’d felt so off-color.

I didn’t know how long my eyes had been closed when I heard the door open. Lurching upright in my chair to make sure I wasn’t being rude to a customer, I felt the world spin around me. I’d be lucky not to pass out — but luckily, I could collapse back into my chair. This wasn’t a customer. This was Mom and my youngest sister, Kylie.

“Jeez, Dilly,” said Kylie, hands shoved into the pockets of her bleached denim dungarees. They were as much a part of her style trademark as the splatters of paint you’d inevitably find if you rolled down the long sleeves of her shirt. “You know you’d end me for working while I was this sick, right?”

“He’s very responsible,” Mom said, stepping behind the counter and checking my temperature with the back of her hand. “Almost too responsible. See, we worried you’d be like this. I’m going to watch the store, and Kylie’s going to run things at home for you and Josie.”

“Oh — guys, that’s not-”

“It’s very necessary,” said Kylie. “And you’re gonna pee on a stick for me, too.”

I pulled a face. Admittedly, some of it may have been out of pain, but… that was a hell of an assumption my sister was making. “I’m not pregnant.”

“Alright,” she said. “Here’s the facts. And Mom agrees with me, so don’t go turning to her to help you. Just listen. Every single time a baby pops up in there, you get sick the exact same way.”

“You can’t say ‘every single time’ about something that’s happened twice.”

“Watch me,” said Kylie. “Every single time. Don’t you remember, before? You practically passed out trying to carry groceries into the house for Avery. And don’t act like it’s not possible. We all smelled that alpha all over you.”

I flushed, even dizzier will all the blood rushing to my head. “Kylie!”

“What?” she shrugged one shoulder, giving Mom a conspiratorial grin. “It’s true, and it’s not like you have anything to be ashamed of. I mean… do those tattoos go everywhere, or-”

“Kylie.”

“They’re everywhere,” said Mom, dusting some stray dirt off the countertop and catching it in her palm. “I already asked.”

“How does it feel being more of a prude than your own mom?” asked Kylie. “Is it embarrassing, or are you going to be all smug about it as soon as you’re better?”

“Is this how you’re planning to ‘help’ me at home? By torturing me?”

“What do you want from me? You’re just so easy to torture.”

I threw her a withering look, but couldn’t help but smile anyway. Being around Kylie made me feel like a teenager again, and that wasn’t always necessarily a bad thing.

“Anyway, I already bought the test, so… you can either pee on it and prove me right, or you owe me fifty bucks and you’ll just find out I’m right at a later date.”

“Fifty bucks? What the hell kind of pregnancy test did you buy?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “A normal one. We’ll call the rest interest and a service charge.”

Mom laughed, putting her hand on my back to gently guide me out of the chair. “Oh, boy. I’m sorry, Dylan. I thought I was sending you home to peace and quiet, but apparently not. You better do what she tells you.”

“I don’t think I’ll have much choice,” I admitted. “Especially after Josie comes home. It’ll be two against one.”

“You bet!” said Kylie, sounding chipper. “Come on, then, invalid. Daddy. Invalidaddy.”

“I’m too sick for shitty puns.”

“Or,” said Kylie, taking my arm and wiggling her fingers goodbye to Mom, “are you sick because you haven’t been around me and my shitty puns enough? Medical experts are divided.”

Playfully frustrating as Kylie’s company was, I couldn’t be more grateful to her when we stepped into my apartment and I knew I could relax. I fell into my armchair with a graceless flop, eyes closed and back aching. Then I felt something light hit my stomach.

“Wakey wakey,” said Kylie, disappearing back into the kitchen — presumably to make use of the Keurig. “Go prove me right.”

I looked down at the floor, where the boxed pregnancy test she’d thrown my way had tumbled down after impact. There was absolutely no way I was pregnant. I’d only slept with Jack a couple of times, and I was reasonably sure we’d used protection.

Sort of.

Had we?

I bit the inside of my lip, turning the box over in my hands. If my sister was right, this would be a pretty big sign from the universe that Jack was supposed to be something more than a couple of dates at various vegan restaurants. It would also be absolutely terrifying. As much as I loved both my children, losing Adam had left a scar on my heart that would never heal. It was even worse than losing Micah. At least my husband had been given years on this Earth to get to know himself, and to enjoy life, and to fall in love. He had a family. He was happy.

Adam had never even gone to kindergarten.

The thought of being responsible for another new life gave me palpitations. Besides, Jack had only just come back from nearly two solid weeks of deliberations about whether or not he wanted to be with me. If I was pregnant, he might never call again.

“Move,” called Kylie, from the kitchen. “I can hear you thinking. If you fall asleep I will put your hand in a bowl of warm water and take matters into my own hands.”

I shifted to the front of the chair, taking my time standing up. The room spun around me. “Kylie, that’s disgusting.”

“You push me to it.”

I made my way to the bathroom, box held tightly in my hand. When I emerged minutes later, my face was no paler; I was already sick, and there was no color to drain from me. Even so, the look on my face must have said it all.

“I fucking knew it!” Kylie jumped up from her seat, coffee spilling over the edge of the mug and hitting the floor with a splatter as she pulled me into a tight hug. “Aw, man. Congratulations!”

“It might be a little early to celebrate,” I said, wobbly enough to be grateful for her physical support. “This is… I mean. It’s crazy. I’ve only been dating him for a couple of weeks. I’ve never even thought about another baby. We’re not ready.”

“You’re the best dad a kid could ask for,” said Kylie, over my shoulder. “And there are a lot of dads in our family, so… don’t quote me on that. But Josie loves you to bits and pieces, and she’s going to be so absolutely thrilled to have a little baby brother or sister.”

I nodded, trying to process the information. Josie would be excited.

“Hey,” said Kylie, a little softer now. “Relax, okay? It’s a beautiful thing. New life. Even if you turn out to be dating some asshole who disappears in four minutes’ time, you’ve got your family. You know that, right?”

“Mm.”

She rubbed my back, standing on her tiptoes to squeeze me tighter. “It’s okay, Dilly. Let’s try to be excited, yeah? Mom’s going to be stoked.”

We moved to the couch, sitting down as a pair. Kylie abandoned her coffee mug a couple of feet away, still rubbing my shoulder in a soft, soothing rhythm.

“Put it this way,” she said. “At least now you don’t have to be sick anymore? Mom’s morning sickness cure had you on your feet just perfect last time.”

I smiled. It was sweet of Kylie to try and encourage me, and I appreciated it — but I couldn’t get the image of Jack’s horrified face out of my head. I was an idiot to think that this morning’s call was proof that we were something. Soon enough, when I told him the truth, I’d learn that we were just a couple of overkeen daters after all.