When I heard a frantic knock on the front door of my apartment, I wasn’t sure what to think. Any family problems would probably come through on the phone before anybody actually arrived at our door — and I had a noticeable absence of friends in my life, thanks to my packed schedule. Jack did flicker into my mind, but the thought of him stung so badly that I forced it right back out again. Of course it couldn’t be Jack. I’d told him not to come back.

Trouble was, that thought hurt too.

I pursed my lips, making my way to the door to find out who was calling on us. Too young to understand that a rapid knock might mean something important, Josie was coloring away at the dining table, oblivious to my confusion and concern.

When I opened the door, I was none the wiser.

The man in front of me was vaguely familiar, but I already felt addled with pregnancy. Where had I seen him before? It seemed so obvious.

“Hello,” he said, sounding serious for such a young man — no older than 21, I’d guess. “You’re Dylan Kapernit.”

“Yes,” I said. A sense of dread crept over me as something in my head finally clicked. This was one of Jack’s pack, from the tattoo parlor. I kept my grip on the door, as if I’d need to slam it shut in a heartbeat. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Mark,” he said. “Jack’s my alpha.”

“I remember.”

He cleared his throat, shifting the weight to his back foot. “I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly what happened. I just know something did, and he’s been weird. Maybe it’s wrong of me to come over; here, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Is Jack okay?”

Mark shook his head firmly. My stomach turned and froze.

“Did something happen?”

“Not yet,” he said. “But it might. Can I come in and explain?”

I opened the door a mite to let him pass, glancing back at Josie. She was looking over at us now, her interest piqued.

“My daughter is home,” I said, keeping my voice too low for her to hear. “It’s nothing that’ll upset her, is it?”

“No, I’ll be careful,” he said, and paused to offer her an awkward wave. Then, his eyes were back on me, as frantic as his knocking had been. “Okay. So… lunitis. Our pack. D’you know about that?”

“That’s why we’ve been distant,” I said. “He didn’t tell me.”

“Ah.” He grimaced, shifting his weight again. I gestured at the couch, but he continued to fidget after he sat. “Okay. So… turns out he’s immune to it. Most people aren’t. They’ve been trying to find someone who is so they can, um… operate on them, I guess, and take out samples to help them create a cure. Or a vaccine, or… I don’t know. Something like that. Maybe I misunderstood. He explained it pretty fast. But the point is, he’s going in for that operation, and it’s… I mean. It’s really dangerous.”

My heart flipped, seeming to beat off-rhythm. “What do you mean, it’s dangerous? It might not work?”

“I mean… they really think he might…”

I shook my head, not wanting to afflict Josie’s curious ears with death. Maybe I just didn’t want to hear it myself. I felt bile rising in my throat, and lifted a hand to rub at my chest. This was bad. No matter how angry I’d been at Jack before, it had all melted away now. It didn’t matter in the face of this risk. If this went wrong, I wouldn’t have time to forgive him, as my instincts had apparently intended. Some part of me had assumed we’d reunite some months down the line, or at least hoped.

As heartbroken as I had felt before, those hopeful parts of me were now under threat too. It felt like the earth was shaking beneath us.

“He can’t do this.”

“I tried to stop him,” he insisted, shaking his head. “He just got his test results back today. Came to the shop to tell us what he was doing, and that he’d be out of work for a while — if the surgery goes okay. Then he got a cab right back to hospital.”

I scrubbed my forehead with a hand. “I have to go.”

“I think… yeah.” Mark cleared his throat, nodding down at the floor. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pry into your business, but I think you’re the only one he’ll listen to now.”

“Josie-”

“I’ll take care of your daughter,” said Mark, shifting forward on the couch again. He just couldn’t sit still. Maybe that was why it had taken me so long to recognize him; before, in the tattoo parlor, he had seemed so composed and calm. He was a totally different man now, consumed by this panic that was swallowing me whole too. “It’s fine. I’ll wait here as long as you need.”

“Are you…?”

“I’m sure.”

“No,” I pressed, face flushing with shame. “I mean. Lunitis. Are you… contagious? Do you know?”

He sank back into the chair. “I’m sorry. I should have said that first. I’m clean; I’m not contagious. I apologize. I got tested years ago. Been trying to get Jack to go for years.”

I nodded, standing from the couch. It felt like I was hemmed in here. What did I need, in order to leave? What should I take? And could I really leave Josie right here with a stranger?

As if she could hear my thoughts, Josie stepped up behind me with a picture clutched in her hand, eyes fixed on Mark.

“Hi, sweetie,” I said, crouching to her level. “You okay?”

She nodded, looking pointedly between me and Mark. I took the hint.

“Josie, this is Mark. He’s a friend of Jack’s. Mark, this is my daughter Josie.”

He gave her a moderately convincing smile, folding his hands together to try and keep them still. “Hey, pup,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Josie echoed. Her eyes were already on his tattoos.

Mark turned his arms over, letting her see each side. “You like them?” he asked. “Jack said you gave him some pretty colors. You mind doing that for me too?”

Josie’s face lit up, and she ran to her box to pick up the colors. I gave Mark a grateful smile, if a small one, and checked my pockets. Wallet. Phone.

“Toss me your phone,” he said. “You get ready to leave; I’ll put my number in so you can keep in touch. Make sure she’s doing okay.”

“Thank you, Mark. This is really kind of you.”

He shook his head. I tried to keep eyes on him as I pulled on a jacket and a pair of shoes, lacing them up as quickly as I could.

“He’s my alpha,” he explained. “He means the world to me, you know? Little pack. We don’t really say it much, but… family’s family. I see how happy you make him. I know what you are to each other. So whatever it takes for him to stick around with us, I’m going to help make that happen. Even if that means, uh… hunting through the store’s computer system to find your address and come knocking your door down uninvited. You know?”

I nodded, tying the last bow. I climbed to my feet, holding Mark’s eyes for a few beats. Perhaps it was testament to the bond I had with Jack, but he already felt like family somehow. It didn’t feel crazy to trust him with the most important person in my life.

Maybe because he seemed to be trusting me with the most important person in his.

He tossed my phone to me, and I slipped it into my pocket. “I’ll keep you updated,” I promised, heading out of the door. “Josie, you be good for Mark. Okay, honey?”

She was already absorbed in examining his tattoos and only gave me a brief nod. I wasn’t about to disturb her and upset her — so I gave Mark a grateful smile and ducked out, taking quick and purposeful steps down to our car. It was approximately a twenty-minute drive to Seattle General, and already I could feel nerves prickling at the back of my neck. I was sure Mark had already tried, but just to satiate myself I tried calling Jack’s phone, biting my lip as it went straight to voicemail. Already switched off.

I finally reached the car, and made quick work of setting off, fingers drumming nervously against the wheel. There could be no pretending that this wasn’t my fault. If I had only forgiven him, he would never submit himself to something so risky. Would never devalue his own life enough to play Russian roulette. It was a foolish mistake on my part. After losing Micah and Adam, I should already have learned long ago that life was too precious and too short to stay angry for very long — especially considering that no harm had come to anybody.

Yes, he had behaved irresponsibly, but he was lonely just like me. He was afraid, just like anybody else would have been.

The drive seemed to last forever, traffic loud and frustrating around me. Was it usually this busy in the early evening? It seemed like everybody was a worse driver than usual, too — cutting lanes and swerving around me like I was the liability. It was all I could do not to break the speed limit, feeling antsy any time I passed a cop car as though they could read the desire to go faster in my mind. As though they’d be allowed to pull me over for that.

This couldn’t wait. I had to get to the hospital in time, and I didn’t know how long I had left.

By the time I pulled into the parking lot, my hands were shaking so badly I could barely shut off the ignition and lock the door. Taking deep breaths, I shoved the keys into my pocket and headed straight to the reception desk. It had been a long time since I’d visited the hospital. Probably some checkup or other for Adam. My hand came to rest on my stomach, absent-minded, as I finally reached the desk.

I just hoped this baby would get to know both their fathers.

“Hi,” I said. “I’m… not sure which ward I’m looking for. My partner is here for surgery today, for research purposes; I’m really hoping to see him before he goes in.”

“What kind of surgery?”

I swallowed, resting my hands on the desk to try and force myself to stop fidgeting. “I don’t know, honestly,” I admitted. “He made this choice all on his own; it’s… it’s for some kind of research. That’s all I know.”

“Let me see,” she said, turning to the computer with a few taps on the keyboard. “What’s his name, please?”

“Hickam,” I said. “Jack Hickam.”

“Okay, Mr. Hickam. Bear with me.”

I didn’t correct her mistake, though it made me feel guilty to wear his name right now. I didn’t deserve it, allowing him to put himself in this much danger. I turned around to take in my surroundings, as though they’d somehow wheel him on a gurney behind me as I waited. He was somewhere in this hospital. I just begged any spirits or saviors that were listening to give me enough time to find him.

“Okay,” she said, frowning. “I don’t have him in the system, here. Was it scheduled last-minute?”

“Yes, very. It’s a really dangerous surgery; I really need to see him first.”

“I understand, sir. Let me make a few phone calls, sir. Wait here for me.”

“Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much.”

I leaned against the desk, afraid that I’d stumble if I moved too far. My knees felt weak. My entire body felt weak, actually; the weight and the gravity of this enormous risk pressing down on me. I hadn’t missed this part of being in love — the powerful nausea that sprung all over you whenever you felt they were hurt, or at risk, or…

My breath caught and shuddered as I realized exactly what I’d just thought, and forced the emotion down. I couldn’t think about that four-letter word right now. Not until I knew that he was safe.

“Okay,” said the receptionist, frowning down at the phone. I tried not to make it obvious that I was listening, but my jaw clamped tight shut and I turned to her. Finding Jack was more important than displaying good manners right now — and that was saying something. “Okay,” she repeated. “I see. Thank you. I’ll tell him.”

I stared at her openly then, chest thudding and hands white-knuckled on the desk. I could already see from the look in her eyes that nobody had answered my prayers.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hickam,” she said. “It seems he’s already being led to surgery.”

“He’s still awake? Can’t I-”

“I’m sorry,” she cut in, her eyes creased and apologetic. “They won’t allow any visitors now that’s he fully prepped. What I can do is find out where he’ll be returning to afterwards, and arrange-”

Her words faded out, along with the color in the world around me. It was too late. Whatever happened now was in the hands of fate, and the doctors through which that fate was channeled. All I could do was wait, and hope, and pray.

My hand fell to my stomach, resting on the child within me. The only piece of Jack I could hold right now. If we lost him, it’d be more heartache than I could take. Now, I didn’t even have the chance to tell him so.