Harlan

 

“So, what was Cade’s motorcycle doing at your place?” Monique asked as we sat down at the local Chinese restaurant. She stared at me intently, her head tilted to the side in question. It appeared she had something on her mind.

“He’s babysittin’ her son,” Mia responded without even glancing up from the menu. “Stop interrogatin’ her, Moni, or she won’t come shoppin’ with us again.”

“I’m just tryin’ to figure out why such a hot man is babysittin’. There’s gotta be somethin’ in it for him.”

The way Monique talked about Cade made me uncomfortable, and a little nervous. I didn’t know how to take Monique and her comments. She seemed entirely too interested in everyone else’s relationships. Part of me wanted to avoid her, but then I also wanted to know what she thought. The fact was, I liked having Cade around. It had only been a couple days, but I liked him.

“Moni, stop. Cade’s helpin’ Harlan out, so leave her alone. Besides, it ain’t none of your business anyway,” Toni chimed in.

Monique let out a long sigh. She inclined her head toward me, her long, lean body tilting toward me, and she whispered, “I’m just sayin’, Cade doesn’t go out of his way for just anyone. There must be somethin’ more than friendship goin’ on there.”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I felt when I was around Cade, but I never imagined for a moment that he could feel something for me. I assumed that he was just being nice. It didn’t matter, he was a single guy with nothing holding him back, our lives didn’t really mesh very well.

“Well, she’s not lyin’,” Mia said. “Cade doesn’t go out of his way for random people.”

“He likes my son,” I explained. I wasn’t about to let these women get my hopes up on something that probably wasn’t true. “I’m new to town, Cade’s just helping me.”

“Seems odd for a man who hasn’t been in a long-term relationship in years, and I’ve never seen around children before,” Monique stated.

“Please stop,” Toni commanded. It was amazing that the gossip stopped the moment she spoke up. I’d seen the men in the shop respond to her in that manner, but I didn’t imagine her friends would as well. “Cade is my best friend, practically my brother, and all this interrogation is gonna do is scare Harlan off.”

Mia and Monique both went off to the buffet table to fill their plates, leaving me with Toni and Margie.

“Harlan, don’t let Moni get to you. She means well. She sees herself as a matchmaker. Her constant questionin’ and pushin’ are what finally got Mia and Jake back together. She thinks she’s helpin’ in her own convoluted way,” Toni explained.

“And Mia just wants to see her brother-in-law finally settle down,” Margie added. “Cade’s not one to date around much, so the idea of him hangin’ around a woman and her kid is a big deal.”

I let their words sink in while we went to fill our plates and eat our lunch. I liked the idea that Cade could be interested, but I certainly wasn’t going to get my hopes up on something that would probably never happen.

Once back in the mall, we laughed and joked around, trying on a few horrible outfits just to see who could find the worst.

“Margie wins,” Mia announced the moment Margie came out of the dressing room in a dress that made her look like a cupcake. A puffy, bright pink skirt with what appeared to be rainbow sprinkles, a yellow, pink, and blue top, with a thick gold belt tied around her waist. She looked ridiculous.

“I think you need to try on this dress,” Monique said, carrying a jade green dress that appeared to be very tight.

My eyes widened, this dress was beautiful, but not the kind I would usually wear. “I’m not sure.”

“Just try,” Mia prompted. “This dress is gorgeous, and the color is perfect for you.”

“Fine.” I relented with a sigh.

Inside the dressing room, I stared at the small piece of material and huffed. Throwing my leggings and tee shirt to the bench, I slid the dress over my head. I stared at myself in the mirror, taking in the amazing dress that embraced every curve. The top of the dress was tight around my bodice, hanging from my shoulders, and long sleeves wrapped tight around my arms. The knitted fabric hugged tightly at my waist and the flair of my hips, and ended about three inches above my knees. It was the most feminine and striking dress I’d ever worn.

“Come on, Harlan,” Monique prompted. “Let’s see that dress.”

I stepped out of the dressing room. Nervously, I looked down, clasping my hands tightly in front of me.

“Wow,” Mia said softly. “You look stunning. That color is magnificent on you.”

“It is beautiful,” I said, feeling more confident.

“You have to buy it,” Margie said.

“Where would I wear it? Can’t wear a dress like this hanging out with Dillon at the park.”

“Oh,” Toni said with a wicked smirk. “I’ll take care of that.”

After shopping, lunch, and more shopping, Toni dropped me off with my arms full of bags of clothes and shoes. “Do you need help?” she asked.

“I’m good. Thanks for today, it was fun.” I didn’t have many close friends in Ireland, and since Dillon was born, even those friendships had drifted off. It was nice being out and getting to know these women. Even Monique’s probing and pushing seemed to come from a friendly place.

“Cade’s a good man. He can be a bit rough around the edges and he’s not as open as some, but when he cares about someone, he cares,” Toni explained. “If you let him in, he will be the most loyal person you’ve ever met.” She paused long enough to climb back into her truck. “Anyway, see ya on the plane tomorrow mornin’.”

I watched as Toni drove away. She completely rocked me with her words, like she could read my thoughts and the questions that I’d been asking myself, then drove away. Was that normal for her?

Dazed, I shook my head and opened the door. The house was silent. The only sound was Dillon’s cartoons quietly playing on the television in the living room. I placed my bags on the floor by the door and moved toward the living room. Stopping dead in my tracks, I felt the walls I’d built up around my heart crack and crumble. Cade lounged in the corner of the couch, sound asleep. Dillon snuggled into Cade’s side with his head on Cades’ chest. Cade had one strong arm wrapped around Dillon, holding him, while his other arm rested on the arm of the couch. His feet rested on the table in front of him.

God this man was gorgeous. I took a moment to gaze at his tanned, handsome face. He usually looked so tough, his square jaw was so firm and his eyes always assessing. But now, his face was relaxed, there was a softness about him that I hadn’t noticed before. He seemed at peace, sleeping there with my son. They were quite the pair, sprawled together.

Emotion bubbled in my chest, and escaped in a tiny tear down my cheek. Everything about Cade was too good to be true. I couldn’t believe a man like him existed. For some reason, he seemed to like me, and he liked my son. This was something my son had never had before. What I wouldn’t give to have this man be all mine. I just hoped that Cade didn’t hurt him, or me.

Not wanting to disturb their sleep, I quietly exited the house, deciding to go to the bar and have Bobby make us food.

“Afternoon, Harlan, how’s it goin’?”

“Good, Bobby. Slow today?” I asked.

“It’s always a little slower in the summer. What can I do for you?”

“Can I order food? Cade babysat Dillon for me and they fell asleep. I thought it would be nice to have dinner for when they wake up.”

“Sure, what do y’all want?”

I made my order and waited in the kitchen while Bobby prepared our meals. We talked about the race this weekend, the cars, and Dillon. One of the things I loved about Bobby was he never asked questions about my past or Ireland. He never pushed for information.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked, attempting to be brave.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is Cade the kind of guy who pursues things with a lot of women?” My voice was quiet and kind of shy. I knew what Toni said, but I guess I wanted to hear it from someone else who had known him just as long.

Bobby was quiet for a few long moments as he prepared our food. Without stopping and looking at me, Bobby sucked in a breath and explained Cade. “Cade’s the kind of guy who would do anything for the people he cares about. Yeah, a lotta people are like that, but Cade’s different. He would run through fire to help his friends. Cade doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do, and he doesn’t play games. If he’s showing interest in you, it’s because he’s interested in getting to know you better. And he would never use your son to get to you. I’ve seen him with that little boy, Cade adores him, as much as he seems to like you. If you’re interested, let him know. If not, try to let him down gently. He’s been screwed over enough for one lifetime.”

With that, Bobby placed our meals into a bag and sent me on my way, refusing payment. I hurried across the parking lot to my little house, feeling even more confused than before. I didn’t know how I felt about him. I loved the friendship we were starting, but the other things I felt when I was with Cade made me want to throw caution to the wind and see where things would take us. If it weren’t for Dillon, I probably would jump in with my eyes closed. But I couldn’t do that. Dillon already had a relationship with Cade, if things with him went badly, Dillon would never understand. It would break his heart, and mine too. I wasn’t sure I was ready to risk that possibility.

I entered the little house quietly, and went straight to the kitchen to get everything ready for when they woke up.

“Did y’all have fun?” Cade’s deep, rumbling voice made me jump back, smacking my head off the cabinet door. “God, Harlan. I’m sorry.” He was immediately at my side, his long, strong fingers rubbing the spot where my head had connected with the wood. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” he asked softly, caressing my head and pressing his other hand into my back. He pulled me into him, and hugged as he tried to stop the throbbing.

“I’m okay,” I whispered. I almost couldn’t breathe being this close to him. He smelled so good, like the outdoors with traces of gasoline and burning rubber. “I’m just a klutz, is all.” I tried to pull away from his embrace, but he only pulled me in tighter. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was, I just woke up. Dil’s still sleeping though, he wore himself out playing.” He let me go just enough to inspect the spot where my head hit the cabinet. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Pulling back again, he let me go this time and stood, just looking at me. It figured, our first embrace and it’s because I hit my head. “I’m sure, I’m fine.” I touched my fingers to the small lump forming on the crown of my head and flinched slightly.

“See, you aren’t fine. God, I’m so sorry.”

He took my hand and led me to the small table. I started to pull out a chair, but he stopped me, placing his hands on my hips and lifting me effortlessly onto the table. Staring at him, I was unsure of what he was going to do. My nervous heart raced, fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings. Cade took ice from the freezer and wrapped a few pieces in a dish towel. He then stood in front of me, parting my legs slightly as he moved in and placed the towel on my head.

He leaned in and placed his open hand on the table, inspecting that the ice was in the right place. His scent washed over me. The feel of his hips between my knees, his weight slightly pressing into me made my heart race faster and every nerve explode with feeling.

“How’s that,” he rasped quietly. His eyes flashed with desire as he pressed closer to me. Heat rolled off him, raising my temperature and desire.

“Much … Much better. Thanks,” I whispered. Never in my life had I ever wanted anyone to kiss me as much as I wanted Cade to kiss me right now. Licking my lips at the thought, his eyes flashed down to my mouth and held. He leaned in just a little more until only a breath separated our lips. I could almost taste him.

“Momma, I’m hungry,” Dillon announced from the doorway.

Cade jumped back, but his eyes never left mine. There was a carnal hunger there.

“Hey, Buddy. Did you have a good nap?” I asked, focusing on my son, I hopped down from the table and pushed past Cade. “I have dinner right here.” To Cade, I added, “I have dinner for you also, if you would like to join us.”

Dillon ran over to Cade and lifted his arms. “Up please.”

Without even hesitating, Cade picked him up and smiled. “Okay, little man. You’re up, now what do ya want?”

Dillon shocked me and made my heart swell to almost bursting. He leaned in and gave Cade a wet little kiss on his cheek. “Love you, Cade. We eat now, please?”

Cade was stunned speechless; he stared with wide eyes at my little boy, a grin spread across his face. Cade lit up more than I’d ever seen before. He glanced at me, surprised and worried, a question in his eyes.

With what was sure to be complete shock and terror on my face, I tried for a genuine smile. I wanted to be as encouraging as possible. Part of me loved that Dillon had taken to Cade and cared about him. The other part of me wanted to take Dillon from him and ask him to leave, this was what I feared. Dillon was getting attached.

Turning back to Dillon, Cade kissed his little cheek. “I love you too, buddy.” Cade placed Dillon in his seat and slid the chair to the table.

He looked to me, but I couldn’t make eye contact. I busied myself with getting Dillon’s dinner out and placed down in front of him. I took mine and Cade’s out and set the table with our food as well. Getting drinks from the fridge and glasses from the cupboard, I never looked up, but I could feel him staring at me. The heat of his stare felt like it was burning me alive. I couldn’t let this happen. I couldn’t let him get close enough to break our hearts.

***

I did the only thing I could think of to separate ourselves from Cade. I avoided him, ignored his texts, and managed not to crumble when he helped with pit practice. Cade called several times, tried to talk to me at the garage, and at the track over the weekend. I even saw his motorcycle in Bobby’s parking lot several times.

It was reported that Cade visited Dillon at daycare once. He dropped off a full set of Turner Racing diecast race cars to play with. The numbers fifty-five, sixty-five, and seventy-five cars quickly became Dillon’s favorite toys. He took them everywhere. Dillon said his friend Cade got them for him.

My eyes stared, unfocused at the wall of my motorhome a week and a half later. I just returned from another grueling day of race practice and avoiding Cade, and had just put Dillon down for bed. We had team meetings and other obligations that placed Cade and I in close proximity. He no longer tried to talk to me in the garage, but I caught him looking my way. It was impossible for me to know what he was thinking, his features provided no hints.

I wondered what would have happened if I would have reacted differently that night. What if I wouldn’t have freaked out when Dillon told Cade he loved him? I was jarred from my musings when my phone buzzed. My stomach felt like it fell through the floor when I read the text.

 

Harlan, it’s been over a week without a word. Please just talk to me, yell at me, do something. Tell me what I did wrong.

 

Once again, I pressed delete as my chest seized and a muffled sob escaped my throat. He didn’t know what he did wrong, and why would he? It’s not like I ever told him. Cade had no idea how much his caring for Dillon could harm Dillon and hurt me when he decided it wasn’t any fun dating a single mother. My life wasn’t mine. I had to put Dillon first, even if it killed me.

From that moment on, I resolved to forget about my budding feelings for Cade Hanson and focus on my son and my racing. Even when a bouquet of beautiful purple and pink irises and calla lilies showed up before the race with a note apologizing and asking me to call, I stuck to my guns. I couldn’t let him take my focus from what was important.