~Savannah~

“Does it seem like this is happening fast?” I ask Violet during our counseling session the next morning. “I mean, we haven’t talked about moving in together, at least not formally, but I’m starting to think about it, and it doesn’t scare me.”

“Savannah, you’ve known Ben most of your life. You didn’t have to go through the initial getting to know each other stages. You’ve done that already. So, to admit that you love each other and want to move forward in your relationship is a logical next step.”

“Right.” I nod and rub my hands on my pants nervously. “But it makes me nervous.”

“I can see that. Why do you think that is?”

“Because I worked hard to be independent,” I reply, not even realizing that I felt that way until this moment. “And I’m afraid that if we live together, I might lose a piece of myself again.”

“Well, that’s logical too,” Violet replies and nods thoughtfully. “I can see where you’re coming from. But, something you’re going to have to keep reminding yourself is that Ben is not Lance. They’re completely different men, and the relationship that you share is different too.”

“Boy, that’s the understatement of the year,” I reply. “Which brings me to something else to talk about.”

“Okay, shoot.”

I shift in my seat, gathering my thoughts. “My marriage was horrible.”

“And now you hold the record for understatement of the year,” Violet replies.

“I know.” I grab my bottle of water and take a long sip. “It was the worst time of my life, and I truly believe that no matter what the future holds, it will never be as bad as it was while I was married to him.”

Violet just nods, urging me to continue. I begin to peel the label off of the water bottle and focus on that while I continue to talk.

“While I lived it, I knew it wasn’t right. That not every marriage was that horrible. But at the same time, I couldn’t let myself analyze it. Because if I did, I really think that I would have had a nervous breakdown.” I glance up to see her reaction, but she just arches an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. “But now that I’ve been with Ben for a while, and I am in a healthy, loving relationship, I can finally see just how horrible it was before.”

My eyes find hers again and I can’t help the tears that come. “It was worse than anyone should have to go through. He didn’t treat me like a human being, not to mention his partner in life. He treated me like I was a possession.”

I bite my lip for a moment, wipe my eyes, and keep talking, unable to keep the words at bay.

“He’s a horrible man, V.”

“Yes. He is.”

“And now I have something so beautiful with Ben, and I can’t help but feel sorry for the woman I was before, because she was missing out on so much joy.”

“Oh, Savannah.”

My gaze whips up to hers and I’m mortified to see Violet crying. “You’ve never cried in my office before.”

“I know.”

“And even though you knew in your heart long ago that Lance was a horrible husband, you couldn’t admit it aloud. Even to me.”

I nod and wipe more tears from my cheeks.

“I’m so happy for you, Van. What you’ve found with Ben, and the healing that’s happened in you because of that relationship is remarkable.”

“Thank you.” I sniff, relieved that the crying jag seems to have subsided. “Do you think I’m completely over it?”

“Well, that’s a question only you can answer.” Violet wipes her own eyes. “You’ve absolutely come a very long way, and you’re much stronger now than you were when you walked in here two years ago.”

“I am.” I nod. “And I know that there will always be scars, and there may be moments that something triggers a knee jerk reaction. I can’t help it when that happens.”

“It should happen less and less as time passes.”

I nod again. “I can see that. I’d like to keep coming to see you for a while.”

“I don’t think we’re done quite yet,” she agrees. “But, we could probably schedule appointments twice a month rather than once a week.”

“Awesome.” I stand and Violet pulls me in for a hug. “Thank you.”

“It’s been my absolute pleasure,” she replies. “Are you off to work now?”

“I’m going to swing by my place to grab some things and then I’m headed to the office.”

“Well, have a great day.”

As I leave Violet’s office and head toward my house, it feels like a weight has been lifted. A weight that I’ve carried around with me for a long, long time. It’s amazing.

I pull into my driveway, surprised to see Ben’s loaner car there.

“Ben?” I call out as I walk into the house.

“In the kitchen,” he calls back. He’s on the phone and he doesn’t look happy in the least. “There are only three of us who take that home each night,” he says. He’s rummaging through drawers, shuffling papers, and then hurries out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedroom. I sit in a stool at the island, waiting for him to come back.

“What’s going on?” I ask as he walks into the kitchen.

“Ethan says the flash drive that we keep all of our financials on is missing.” He pushes his fingers through his hair and exhales loudly. “Depending on who closes that night, it would be him, Shelly, or me that takes it home at the end of the night.”

“You keep it on a flash drive? Isn’t that a bit primitive?”

“The point is,” he says, ignoring me, “that the passwords to bank accounts, balances, everything is on there. And my checking account was wiped out this morning.”

“Oh my God.”

“I keep the payroll and savings on my computer at home, so those are safe, but whoever did this took quite a lot. I have calls out to my bank and CPA, but it’s a fucking mess.”

“How can I help?”

He kisses my forehead. “Be patient with me today.”

“I can do that.”

He nods and fetches his car keys. “I’m going to check my place again, and then back to the office to tear the place apart. Do you need anything from me?”

“I think you have plenty on your plate,” I reply. “I’m good. I’ll text you when I’m on my way home from work later.”

He nods and waves as he leaves. Who could have stolen his financial information? I wander upstairs and change my clothes, then pause in the living room, glancing about in case I see something. Not that I know what the flash drive looks like, but it doesn’t hurt to check.

The small pile of mail from yesterday catches my eye on the coffee table. I forgot to go through it.

I sit on the sofa and thumb through a utility bill, some junk mail, and a large, padded envelope. I tear it open and break out in a cold sweat. I’m numb.

What the actual fuck am I looking at?

Photos. Of me. Of Ben. At our jobs, coming out of the dojo, at dinner.

In my bed.

The photos fall out of my fingers and scatter over the floor. There’s nothing else in the envelope. No note.

Just these photos.

Oh my God.

There’s a knock at the door. I don’t feel my legs as I stand to answer it, and can’t even process quite who I’m looking at when the door swings open. The sun is blinding me. I shield my eyes.

“Lance?”

“We do look a lot alike, don’t we?” He grins and walks in, pushing me backwards.

“Larry?”

“Oh good,” he says, glancing down at the photos on the floor. “You got the package.”

“What the hell is going on?”

“Jesus, Savannah, you’re slow, but you’re not fucking stupid. What do you think is going on?”

“Who took those photos?”

He smiles, but there’s no light in his eyes. Jesus, he looks just like Lance.

My phone is in my pocket, but my fingers are shaking too much to be able to dial it.

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret,” he says calmly. He picks up a photo of Ben and me sleeping in my bed and smirks. “Don’t you look cozy in this one?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Well, we’re going to explain everything. Don’t worry, we won’t keep you in the dark. But first you and I need to go somewhere.”

“No.” I shake my head and back up. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Yes. You are.”

“You don’t know me very well if you think I’m getting in a car with you.”

“I’ll break your fucking arm, and then put you in the car and take you anyway. If you think I’m bluffing, you’re more stupid than I thought.”

My God, he looks just like Lance. No, he’s not bluffing. Everything in me is screaming to not get in that car, but I don’t see where I have a choice.

“Take your handbag and keys. We’re not uncivilized,” he says and smiles sweetly now. “We’re just taking a little field trip.”

He takes me by the arm and leads me out of my house, down the porch steps, and to my car.

“You’re driving.”

“I don’t know where we’re going.”

He rolls his eyes and shoves me into the passenger seat, takes my keys, and starts my car. “Fine. I’ll drive. But I hate driving.”

“I hate being here with you, but it looks like we’re both stuck anyway.”

He arches a brow and pulls away from my house. “No wonder Lance smacked you around. You have quite the smart mouth on you.”

I don’t answer him. I turn my head and stare out the window and he drives in silence. The city slips away and we’re out in the country for what feels like forever. We drive through Baton Rouge, and keep going until he turns off the freeway, following signs for the Louisiana State Penitentiary.

My head whips around. “You’re taking me to the prison?”

He doesn’t answer. He just smiles and shows an armed guard our identification. They don’t even bat an eye as they let us drive through. We’re led inside and to a small, windowless room with a table and three chairs set up for us.

“This is where inmates meet with their lawyers.”

“Lance’s lawyer isn’t here.”

“Yes, he is,” Larry replies proudly. “He’s assigned me as council now that his trial is over.”

I can’t breathe. I’m covered in sweat. I can’t stop shaking. I have to look weak and vulnerable, which is not how I want to look to them, but I can’t stop.

“They wouldn’t normally let you in with me, but I made it worth someone’s while to let me do pretty much whatever I want.”

“You’re paying them off?”

He laughs now. “Oh, Savannah. You’re so naïve. If it wasn’t so pathetic, it would be cute.”

A door opens, and Lance walks in. The guard uncuffs him and he sits opposite me at the table, staring at me.

Staring through me.

“Well hello, wife.”

“I’m not your wife.”

He scoffs. “A technicality. You’re still mine, Van. You’ll always be mine.”

I shake my head and stand.

“I want to leave.”

“Sit down,” Lance says in that calm, menacing voice he used every day of our marriage. I hesitate, but then obey. “Good girl.”

“What do you want?”

“Show her,” Lance says, never looking away from me as his brother opens a briefcase that I didn’t even see him carrying. He pulls out hundreds of photos and spreads them over the table.

Fuck.

I can’t swallow. I can’t breathe.

“Look at how big young Sam has grown,” Lance says, pointing at a photo of my sister’s son walking home from the bus stop. “And how sweet Eli’s baby and wife look in their backyard.”

I sit still, numbly watching as he and Larry comb through the photos of every member of my family, all at different times of day.

Then Larry pulls out photos of Ben and me and Lance’s smile slips.

“And now you’re whoring yourself out to Ben?”

I don’t answer, but rather sit in horror as more photos are pulled out. Ben and me, all over town. In our homes. With my family and his mom.

“You have someone watching us?”

“Clearly,” Lance says and rolls his eyes like I’m stupid. “We see everything.”

Larry tosses a photo of the Chanel No. 5 on my vanity onto the pile.

“You stopped wearing your perfume,” Lance says.

“I hate that perfume.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” he replies. “You’ll fucking wear it. Every goddamn day.”

“I’m not married to you,” I remind him again. “I can do what I want. I can wear what I want.”

“Okay.” Lance sits back and crosses his arms over his chest. “Let’s talk about that. Larry, show her the last of them.”

Ben throwing up at the side of the road. Ben getting beat up in front of his building. Ben and me standing on his front porch with the door open. Ben and me standing by his Jeep, right after the accident.

“I admit, the whole cut brake line thing was a bit dramatic.” He shrugs. “But I kind of liked trying something out of the movies.”

“All of this is your fault?”

“Oh, this and more.” He grins again, looking so fucking smug. I want to kick him in the balls. “Is Ben having some financial trouble this morning?”

“What the hell, Lance? You’re doing all of this because I’m not with you anymore?”

“Who do you think you are?” Lance asks, ignoring my question. “You’re nothing, Van. You’re a piece of shit. You’re fat, you’re horrible in bed. Jesus, fucking you is like fucking a dead fish.”

It’s all things I’ve heard before.

“Do you seriously think you deserve to be happy?” he continues. “You don’t deserve anything except for the beating I gave you when you thought about leaving me.”

“And you deserved the one Ben gave you in return.”

Every tiny ounce of humor leaves Lance’s face.

“You have two choices.” He leans in now, pinning me in his stare. “You can break up with this prick, go back to living the way I say you may, and I’ll leave Ben and the rest of your fucked up family alone.”

“Or?”

“Or, you can keep seeing Ben. Fucking him. You can keep your hair short, and wearing your disgusting perfume, and pretending like I never existed in your world.”

“I’ll take that option.”

“If you do, I’ll—”

“You’ll what? You’ll be pissed and keep following me? Do you think I can’t call the cops and my lawyer and put a stop to this?”

He tilts his head to the side, watching me. “No. I’ll slowly destroy everyone you love.”

“You can’t do that.”

His lips twitch. “I’ve already started. But let me be clear. I won’t kill Ben. That’s too easy. No, I’ll make Ben’s life hell. I’ll destroy him. Financially, emotionally. It will be a constant battle, and he’ll never know where I’ll come from next.”

“You talk a big game, Lance, but I don’t believe you’ll pull it off.”

“We’ve been in your house,” Larry reminds me. “And his. When you’re sleeping. When you’re fucking. We’re always watching.”

“And then I’ll start with your family. This is going to be quite fun, actually, so I’m kind of hoping you go with this option. Look at how innocent and safe Sam looks while he walks home from the bus?”

“Keep your fucking hands off of my family.”

He ignores me, and keeps looking through the photos. He holds up one of Mallory locking up her shop after dark. “Mallory shouldn’t close her place up by herself after dark in the Quarter. Anything could happen. Oh, and look at this one! Your mama outside in her garden. She has earbuds in her ears. I’m quite sure she wouldn’t hear someone come up behind her.”

I’m seeing red. “You’re threatening my family.”

“Oh, you know this isn’t a threat, sugar. This is what’s going to happen. You may have put me in here, but you didn’t keep me from doing what I do best.”

“Terrorism?”

“I’m just being a good husband. I’m helping you make good choices.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Call me that again and you’ll see how fast I can come across this table and choke you out. There are no windows in here.”

Oh my God.

“If you’re thinking of going to your brothers about this,” Larry says, “you might want to think again. Because at any given moment, we have people watching them. In fact,” he opens his phone and turns it around so I can see, “I just received this photo a minute ago.”

It’s of Ben coming out of his house.

“We bought the house across the street,” he continues. “I have a sniper upstairs, and at any moment he could take Ben out.”

He’s winning. I’m never going to be free of him.

“You care about all of these idiots. I have no idea why,” Lance says, as if he’s talking to a good friend, joking around with him. “But you do. So my hunch is, you’re going to ditch Ben and mind your manners from here on out.”

“Is it because Ben beat the shit out of you?” I ask softly. “Because he’s better than you?”

“He’s not better than me. You chose me over him long ago. No, it’s only partly because of the physical pain you allowed him to inflict on me. It’s mostly because you’re mine. And you don’t get to be with anyone else. Ever. I won’t allow it.”

“You don’t have a say.”

He busts up laughing and points to the photos. “Have you heard anything I’ve said? Have I ever bluffed where you’re concerned?”

No. No, he hasn’t. Lance doesn’t bluff.

“So, those are the choices. You remember your place and go back to behaving the way you should, or you continue this nonsense and I terrorize your family. Either way, I get what I want, so I’m really content with whatever you decide. See? I have changed. I’m willing to compromise.”

There’s a knock on the door and Larry immediately scoops up the photos and puts them back in the brief case.

“Take that home,” Lance says. “It’s okay, I have copies. Think about it tonight. I’ll know what you decide in the morning.”

“How?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be fun if I shared all my secrets now, would it?” He winks and Larry passes my keys back to me. “You can drive yourself home now.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“God, you’re so fucking pathetic. So boring. You should go now, before I decide to have Larry follow you out and give you a black eye.” He smiles and wiggles his fingers. “Bye, wife.”

Bile rises into the back of my throat as I hurry out of the prison and back to my car. I throw the case in the backseat and get away as fast as I can. I have to call my brothers. Ben. Mama.

I have to call the police!

But Lance’s face is still in my head, and I know in my heart of hearts that I’ve lost. He wasn’t bluffing. He’ll hurt them. He’ll hurt them forever.

And I can’t have that.

I turn on the windshield wipers and then frown when the water doesn’t clear away.

It’s not rain.

It’s tears.

And a hole inside me so deep and wide that nothing will ever fill it up ever again.