Chapter One
I am in my old beat up Dodge Spirit with the windows down, the cool night air blowing through my hair. Big orange reflective cones are up ahead. My car expertly starts to swerve in and out through them often crossing into the wrong lane of traffic. It is a good thing it is middle of the night and no other cars are out. There are benefits to being in a small college town. You know the kind that has one community college, a Wal-Mart, a McDonald's, and an over abundance of eighteen to twenty year old bored college kids. The car swerves, I take a deep breath and yell excitedly as adrenaline rushes through me. The crisp fall air filling my lungs with joy. Steve Miller Band is on the radio so I sing along, “Go on take the money and run!” I lean out the passenger window taking in the freedom of the night.
I look back over my shoulder to take a look at the man driving. Tall, lean, and beautiful. I know beautiful isn't the ideal way to describe a man, but that is exactly what this man was. He has sandy blond hair that he wore just long enough to cover his ears, his eyes were a striking color although for some reason the color is always missing. Are they striking green or are they striking blue? This part of my dream is never clear. He is dressed in casual clothing gray t-shirt and regular blue jeans that somehow accent his incredibly fit body. He may have been lean but he was defined not skinny. Everything about him feels so real. I am in awe of how he makes me feel so free lighting my body on fire. Something about him, where did he come from? How did he and I end up in my old beater car? These are things I don't remember which is why it must be a dream. No guy like that would ever have been interested in me, and in my dream or maybe memory he isn't not like romantically anyways. I imagine every girl he came into contact with had the same feeling course through their veins. He is that type of guy.
He pulls my car over next to my house,a small two bedroom home that I share with my room mate. He turns off the engine walks around the car and opens my door. Picks me up and carries me to my bedroom window, which is open. Why is my window open? Why are we not using the front door? All thoughts that have since crossed my mind when I awake from the dream. He helps me through the first story window. Once in I lean out he gently puts his hands on the sides of my face. Long strong fingers caress my cheeks. He leans in and gives me the simplest of kisses on the lips.
“I had fun tonight. I am going to need you remember this.” With that he turns and walks away disappearing in thin air before he even finishes crossing the lawn.
This dream has awakened me from my sleep for the millionth time. It first came to me over ten years ago, when I owned a beat up Dodge Spirit. When I lived in a small two bedroom house in a sleepy community college town in nowhere Missouri. I was just a nineteen year old smart girl without any common sense and desperately struggling to keep control over a “gift” that seemed like a curse. I have since learned so much.
Why, at thirty years, old does this dream still haunt me? I have managed to build strong mental barriers that keep out the spirits that once plagued me. I ground myself to the earth constantly to keep me in the real world. I could never tell when I was seeing and hearing ‘spirits’ if they had crossed over to me or I to them. Staying grounded in the here and now with my barriers up is the only way to keep it at bay. I no longer drink copious amounts of booze to numb my body to keep it all away. Instead I do it all on my own. Nineteen year old Vera is now a stranger to me. I am a completely different person entirely.
I have many regrets from my teen years and early twenties, but now my life is pretty good. Dull, repetitive, but steady. I work as an administrative assistant during the day and then go home to my little studio apartment in Kansas City at night. I have separated myself from most of my family choosing to accept them for who they are. I am not going to dwell on the past and I am also not going to submit myself to any form of abuse. Which is why I am better off keeping to myself and only seeing family on holidays. All that matters is that I am surviving.
Now if I could only figure out why I can no longer sleep and why every time I close my eyes that beautiful man with shaggy hair is always there waiting for me. Maybe I am just too alone? Maybe I am keeping it alive because that memory of a dream is the one moment in my life I didn't have all my barriers up? I just wish I could remember his eyes and why the hell were we not at least in a cool car like a classic mustang convertible or something? I mean if I am going to dream of being in a car with a mystery man driving with the windows down I should at least have been in an awesome fast classic car of some kind, right?
I reach over to my night stand and fumble through the pitch black darkness to find my phone. There was a time I had to sleep with some kind of light on. I desperately feared the dark. With me learning to block spirits from my mind and grounding myself to the earth those fears began to subside. Finally finding my phone I push the button so I can check the time. Oh holy brightness! The screen temporarily blinds me. My eyes finally begin to focus as I squint at the screen I am able to read 4:30 am. FUCK. I know there is no way I am going to manage to go back to sleep. I need to Sleep. Four hours is not enough sleep to live off of every night. The only comfort I have is that it is a Saturday morning and I don't work on the weekends.
I decide to go to the gym. My apartment complex has a small 24 hour gym that is free for residents. It has two treadmills, an elliptical, stair climber, free weights, and some other weight building machine thing that I honestly have no idea what it is or how to use it. I am not a fitness buff at all. I am not even really that in shape either. I like to run away from my problems figuratively and literally making the treadmill my best friend. It is a healthier release than the booze method I fell back on in my younger days. All the running really hasn't done much for my body though. I am completely average build in a short compact package. I am just over five foot tall and still very curvy. I believe my height is the real reason why I could never be sexy even if I tried. I have resigned myself that I will always be kind of cute in the little sister kind of way to any guy I meet. Sexy is not a term anyone would ever use to describe me.
I have procrastinated long enough. I look at my phone and realize I have laid in my bed an extra thirty minutes listening to the musings in my head. I shake my dream away and pull back the covers and step out of bed onto the soft carpet beneath my bare feet. Sighing, I bend over in the dark and open one of the drawers beneath my bed. I have one of those wood platform beds with the storage underneath from Ikea. I have to save as much space as I can in my tiny apartment. I pull out cheap athletic leggings, my running socks and a sports bra then walk the four steps to my bathroom.
I brush my teeth looking in the mirror. I see a tired looking version of myself looking back. Slight graying under my eyes, light pale skin with a few freckles speckled over the bridge of my nose onto my cheeks, long wavy dark brown hair, and hazel eyes. My eyes are the only feature of my face that is interesting. Sometimes they are a light light brown, sometimes they are a dark green, and then sometimes they are an odd shade of green gray. I don't even bother attempting to brush my hair. I pull it up into a big messy bun on top of my head.
Once dressed I turn the music on my phone and put my ear-buds in. I always turn on the music before I leave my little apartment. I love walking through life with a constant stream of sweet tunes through my ears. Music heals my heart and makes each day of existence more manageable. My only friend, Kelly, is always quick to remind me how it is not safe walking with music in my ears.
“Anyone could sneak up and grab you at any moment! You wouldn't even hear them coming. You're not a fighter. Some guy can throw you over their shoulder and you would be gone!”
I know it could happen, but I also know it is unlikely to happen. I think she greatly underestimates my survival instincts. I have no qualms with sticking my fingers in a man’s eyes and kneeing him in the goods to try to get away. If I had the extra money I would take a self defense class, but as it is I am barely scraping by most weeks. I am sure to turn the little light on in the kitchen area by my front door before I walk out. I hate opening a door into a dark room. Never know what could be lurking there. I lock the door, wiggle the door knob just to be sure, and I am gone.
I head down the four flights of stairs to the main floor. The hallway smells of stale cigarettes. I know it’s the smell of other apartment dwellers who smoke within their homes leaking out into the hall. I don't understand why when we all have little balconies that have enough space for a little chair and table. A spot you can easily smoke in without stinking up the entire building.
En Vogue is currently blaring through my ear-buds as I watch my feet move along the stained carpeted steps, “Free your mind and the rest will follow,” I sing along quietly under my breath. I have no particular music taste. It’s all free game for me. I put my phone on shuffle and let it come to me as my phone seems fit to send it. I never know what will hit my ears, as long as it is on my phone I know it will be something I enjoy.
I look up three steps from the bottom to see my reflection in the glass doors and gasp and my heart jumped into my chest. I swore for a second I saw the reflection of a man behind me. A tall lean man in jeans with a zip up hoody jacket. I instinctively jumped forward down the remaining steps and look behind me. No one. Ear-buds are in so I obviously didn't hear anything either. Weird. I step outside breathing in the chilly city air. I should have worn a jacket. It is getting to cold for leggings and a sports bra. I stop for a second look around and then close my eyes. Thankfully a more calming song is playing now as I push my energy out around me checking my protective barriers. All in place and heavily fortified. My mental wall is still up.
After seeing the reflection I had a feeling I couldn’t shake that I was being watched and it was still dark out. My mental mirrors pointing outward were still in place no one should be able to see my light, my energy. I should, in theory, still be perfectly blended in with all other regular humans. Even on the sidewalk right now I should look remarkably unremarkable.
I try to shake off the uneasy feeling and begin to cross the parking lot to the gym with haste. In fact I am feeling so unsettled I began jogging. The cool air pierced my lungs as my heart rate picked up. At the clubhouse door I quickly entered the code for the door to open. I wanted the door to slam behind me but the door had to be annoying and close slowly on it’s own. As it closed I looked out into a parking lot full of sleeping cars. The nagging feeling of change had crept into my bones. I need to run this feeling out of me. I have to get free something isn't right. I feel haunted for the first time in years. It is plausible that my repeat dream has me on edge. I am still so perplexed by the pieces of it I remember and how nothing fits together.
Stepping onto the treadmill that is farthest from the door. I turn it on and start a brisk walk while Eve blares in my ears amping my body up.
“Drop your glasses, Shake your asses, Face Screwed up like your having hot flashes,
Which one, Pick one, This one, Classic, Red from blond, Yeah, Bitch I'm drastic!”
My walk is in time with the music, halfway through I adjust my speed and incline, I am ready to get lost in the run. I need to get lost in the run. My feet are pounding as I stare straight ahead looking at a poorly plastered wall. I am lucky that my run down apartment complex still has this little dirty gym space set up. The wall has a stain around it from sweaty hands and nicks in the plaster from when ever they moved the equipment around last. I am lucky they haven't sold it all because God knows I couldn't afford an actual gym membership and running the local trails gives me the creeps. I know the outside air would feel great I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Losing myself to the music all thoughts began to drift from my mind. It was Bliss.
Fifteen minutes later my legs began to tire, so I adjust my speed down to a slow jog then reached my arms over my head to stretch. I crossed my right arm over to my left and turned my head to my right. Then I saw him. The man from the reflection watching me in the gym. I tripped and fell face down on to the treadmill and slid backwards onto the floor.
“Oh shit!” I said under my breath as I got up onto my butt and scooted back against the wall behind the machine. I know, I should have stood up as soon as possible, but I didn't. I knew this guy. Deep down I knew him. My mind was spinning and my body had come alive. I couldn't even think straight. My breathing was still rapid, it could have been because I didn't cool down, it could have been from the fall, or it could have been because I was looking at the man from my dreams staring at me from across the room. Holy fuck my heart and lungs are going to beat out of my chest. Music still blaring in my ears I see his mouth move, but I can't hear the words. I shake my head and close my eyes, maybe he will be gone again. Slowly I open them up one eyelid at a time, nope still there. Using all of my courage I pull the ear buds from my ears.
“Vera.”
That is my name. I obviously don't respond. I am not usually good in social situations regardless and this... this.. just couldn't be real. Oh, he is so handsome. My memory , dream, whatever of him didn't do him justice. He isn't near as lean as I remember. He is well over six foot tall, his shoulders are wide and strong, his hair shorter then I remembered. A lot shorter. It is still the sandy blond but it is cut and styled into a sexy faux hawk with gel at top. He started to take a step towards me causing me to gasp trying to back farther into the wall. Plastering myself as close to it as I could inching my way up the wall until I was standing. I am not sure if I am scared or just plain confused. Emotions of all sorts are surging through me. My reflexes are starting to come out to play and I am ready to take flight. However, I know even if I move he is between me and the door. There is no way I would be able to get past him when he has a foot on me height wise and looks to be as solid as a brick house.
“Vera” He says again. “You have been so hard to find. I lost you years ago and have been looking for you. Do you remember me?”
“Y-yes I think I do.” I nodded and took a deep breath trying to steady my nerves.
He took another step towards me, and then another. He was close enough now to reach down and grab my hand. He brought it up and brushed a light kiss right upon the knuckles. A jolt of electricity shot down my arm as I jerked my hand away and look up into his face. His eyes, his eyes are not green or blue. They are teal. A deep deep teal and they look as if they are penetrating past all of my barriers and seeing everything I don't want anyone to see.
A smirk appears at his lips. He has a wide mouth and when he smiles there was a dimple in his cheek. God, this man was handsome, wait no not a man. Well, he is obviously a man but also something else. His ears are pointed. I wondered if they were pointed in my dream or I guess memory. This can't be real. His hair was longer then, I realize I never saw his ears. I take a deep breath and fight for words.
“How did you get in here?” I ask.
“I am elvish.” like that explained everything.
“Oh”
He smiles and my internal dialog goes crazy. What the hell, why can I only say “Oh”? Why am I so derpy? He probably thinks I am a nerd. Wait, what do I care what he thinks? Oh, wait, did he say he was elvish and he was looking for me?
“What?” I stammer.
Gees, I am doing a swell job with this conversation, maybe I should just pretend he isn't here and try to walk back to my apartment. I turn to try to wiggle past him towards the door. He reaches up and grabs my hand.
“Can we at least talk?” he asks. His voice is melodic it flows over my body and I knew there was no way I could say no.
“Yes, let's talk.”
“Can we go up to your apartment?” It was a suggestion again not a question. I could feel it once again I no longer had control over my words.
“Yes, my apartment. Let's go talk in my apartment.”
I turn toward the door to lead the way. The sun is rising as we walk across the parking lot. My thoughts are oddly not on the Elf-man following me and unless I was looking directly at him it was as if I was already forgetting what he looked like, again. Are his eyes startling blue or green? I turn my head to peek to see if he is still there. Teal. His eyes are the richest color of teal I have ever seen. I stopped walking to just stare. He chuckled a deep laugh and smiled.
“I thought you were going to take me to your apartment to talk.” and pointed to the door into the building.
“Oh yes, sorry I forgot.”