Eighteen

On the way to wherever Jared was taking her, they stopped to pick up two new prepaid phones and tossed the ones they'd been using previously into a dumpster behind a restaurant. She knew Jared had another phone that he seemed determined to hang on to, but he'd turned it off, so hopefully it was untraceable. She had to trust that a spook knew how to stay off the radar.

As Jared headed toward Upstate New York, she became increasingly more curious as to where they were going, but she had to admit the quieter highways, the thick canopies of trees, the houses set back from the street, and the landscape dotted with horses and barns and long driveways made her feel calmer. She liked Manhattan with its energy and pace, the amazing food, art museums, and plays. But this more rural part of New York also had an appeal. They weren't that far from the city, but it felt like they were in another world.

Jared turned off the highway and entered a narrow lane that wound past a couple of houses, ending in a circular drive in front of a two-story house, with a big, rambling porch. There was lots of open space around the home, including a border of trees that created a wall of privacy, and a creek that meandered across the property.

As she stepped out onto the loose-pebbled drive, she said, "Whose place is this? And if you tell me it's a safe house, I'm going to have to suggest to the bureau that they step up their game."

He smiled. "It's not a safe house. It's the home my family moved into after 9/11."

"What? Wait a second. You're bringing me to your dad's house?" She was more than a little surprised.

"He's not here. He lives in Hawaii now. I bought the house from him three years ago, and I put it in a trust that cannot be traced to me."

"Not even by a rogue FBI agent?"

"Nothing is foolproof, but this place is as close to that as you can get. Let's go inside."

She followed him up the steps and into the house.

"It's a bit musty," he said, as they stepped into the entry.

The small foyer had dark hardwood floors and a staircase leading up to the second floor. Off to the right was a wood-paneled living room. On the other side of the hall was a dining room, and she presumed there was at least a kitchen and maybe a bath on this floor.

Jared walked into the living room, pulling dustcovers off the couches and chairs. The style of décor was more rustic farmhouse than the modern contemporary pieces he had in his Manhattan apartment.

"My dad left his furniture behind when he moved," Jared said. "At some point, I probably need to pick up some new pieces."

She walked into the room, pausing by a series of photographs on the wall. She felt a tug on her heart as she stared at a family of four: mother and father and two boys of elementary school age. The picture had been taken in front of a Christmas tree. Everyone was dressed in red and black. Jared's dad was a mirror image of his son, with brown hair and light eyes. His mom had dark-red hair and the kind of smile that drew you in, much like Jared's. Jared, who appeared to be about twelve, was making a goofy face at the camera, while his brother appeared more well-behaved.

"My mom loved that photo," he said, coming up next to her. "Even though I was making trouble. She said it captured the moment perfectly."

"Sounds like she thought you were a troublemaker most of the time."

"I liked to have fun," he admitted.

"And your brother—does he have the same mischievous personality?"

"No. He's very chill, laid-back. He doesn't move too fast, doesn't think too hard, doesn't worry at all. I envy him. He takes after my dad. I'm more like my mom." He paused, glancing back at the photo. "Those were happy times. I really had a great childhood. I took it for granted."

"Most people do," she murmured.

He looked back at her with his penetrating green eyes, and she caught her breath, fighting the urge to kiss him again, to take this small quiet moment and make it even more intimate, to give him comfort, to share his pain, to bring him pleasure.

But then Jared stepped back.

She felt an absurd wave of disappointment. Had she just misread the moment?

"You want the tour?" he asked, digging his hands into his pockets. "Or do you want to have a little fun first?"

"I'm leaning toward fun," she said warily. "But what does that involve?"

"A trip next door."

"That was not the answer I was expecting. Especially because a second ago…never mind."

"There's time for that kind of fun later. I have something else in mind, something that will clear your head. If you're game. And I'm betting you are."

"Of course I'm game. Lead on," she said, feeling an irresistible pull to join in whatever adventure Jared had in mind.

He took her out the front door, around the back of the house, through a thicket of trees and a wooden gate.

"Is this your property, too?" she asked, as they moved down a narrow path.

"No. It belongs to my neighbors, Pam and Carl Hale. They've been family friends forever, and when my dad moved to Hawaii, they got custody."

"Custody of what?" she asked, getting her answer as she heard a soft neigh from the barn they were approaching. "Horses?"

He nodded and led her into the barn, stopping by the first stall, where a chestnut horse gave a whinny of approval as Jared stroked her nose.

"Hey, Honey," he said. "Have you been a good girl?"

It felt odd to hear Jared speak in a soft, husky voice to a horse. "Do you two want to be alone?" she asked dryly.

He grinned. "Jealous?"

"Of you calling a horse honey?"

"That's her name." He stepped back and waved his hand toward the dark-gray horse across from Honey. "That's Barnabas, and next to him is Colette."

"You know all their names?" she asked in surprise.

"He should. He named them," a man said, coming into the barn.

For a moment, her heart leapt into her throat, and she almost reached for her gun, but Jared was walking forward, his arms extended, as he gave the older man a bear hug.

"It's good to see you, Carl. And I only named Barnabas and Honey. It was your wife who named Colette. How is Pam?"

"She's fine. She's out shopping with her sister. Wish I'd known you were stopping by a little earlier. Pam would have liked to see you."

"Sorry about the short notice. I want you to meet my friend, Parisa. This is Carl."

"Nice to meet you." Carl shook her hand with rough fingers. He had a curious glint in his gaze as he added, "About time Jared introduced me to one of his girlfriends."

"I'm not his girlfriend," she said quickly.

"Well, that's a pity." Carl gave Jared a pointed look. "What's wrong with you?"

"Hey, I'm working on it. But I might need some help from Honey and Barnabas."

"They're all ready to go," Carl replied. "You ever ridden before, Parisa?"

"A few times," she admitted, inwardly thrilled that Jared's plan involved horseback riding. "But not in the last ten years."

"It's just like riding a bike," Jared told her.

"We're really going riding?" she asked him, as Carl pulled Honey out of her stall.

"It's the best way I know to clear my head. I know you want to get back to everything, but we have some thinking to do, and there's a path that winds through the hills and around a small pond."

"It sounds perfect."

Jared helped her onto Honey's back, and then hopped on to Barnabas with an easiness that suggested he'd spent a lot of hours in the saddle. They walked the horses away from the barn, and she was happy to have a few minutes to get used to riding again.

When they hit the broader path, and Jared urged the horses into a trot, then a gallop, she was ready for a faster speed. With the wind in her face and the powerful animal beneath her, she felt like she was flying, like she was invincible, and it was a glorious feeling after the past few days of feeling helpless and out of control. Reality would eventually catch up, but for now, she was just going to enjoy the moment.

They didn't talk as they rode, but every now and then, Jared flung her a smile that made her stomach clench, and she realized she was falling for him, which was a really bad idea. She just didn't know how to stop it from happening. They kept getting closer, and the more she knew about him, the more she liked him.

There was a chemistry between them that felt like it was going to blow her mind if she ever gave in to it. But as much as she liked adrenaline, getting closer to Jared seemed a little too dangerous.

It wasn't like it had to go somewhere, but it felt like there was nowhere it could go.

They worked for competing agencies. They traveled the world. They lived their lives in the shadows, and they were almost always alone. They might be together now, but it wouldn't last.

They were truly two ships passing in the night, sharing the same space for just a very short time. It would be better if they didn't get any closer. It would be safer…

On the other hand, since when did she ever choose safe?

Sighing as her mind spun around once more, she told herself to stop thinking and just enjoy the moment.

When they got to the large pond, they circled it once, then Jared motioned for her to stop. He hopped off his horse and helped her down.

"That was amazing," she told him.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You ride well."

"I actually learned to ride in Bezikstan with Anika and Jasmine. Isn't that ironic?"

"It is. We'll let the horses graze."

"They won't run away?"

"These two appreciate rest." He led her toward a pile of large rocks. As they sat down on the boulders, he said, "This is one of my favorite spots. When I was a teenager, I used to come out here and think for hours on end."

"It's beautiful. Although, I have to admit I don't see you as a thinking-for-hours-on-end kind of guy."

"Maybe not hours. Let's call it minutes."

"Did you used to think about your mom when you came here?"

"I did. I also thought about my future, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. When my dad first bought the house and took my brother and me out of the city, we were both unhappy. We liked being away from the tragedy, but we didn’t care for the fact that we weren't with our friends anymore. We had to start at a new high school where everyone knew each other. We were not just sad—we were city kids, completely out of place."

"I doubt you had any trouble making friends. You have the kind of personality that allows you to fit in anywhere."

"I suppose. But I had a lot of anger in me back then. Gradually, over time, and after a lot of horseback rides, and some extra nurturing from Carl and Pam, who have been a second family to me, I started to let go of some of that anger. I came to love this place. And whenever I had a break, I found myself coming home."

"So, someday you want to live here permanently? Is that why you bought the house?"

"I don't know if I'm a permanent kind of guy, Parisa. But I just knew I couldn't let the house go. What the future holds, I don't know." He cocked his head to the right, giving her a thoughtful look. "What about you? Where is home?"

She had to think about that. "I don't really have one. My mother and stepfather have a townhouse in DC now. They bought it a few years ago. I've never lived there, so while it's where they are, it doesn't feel like my home. The photos on their walls are from their recent travels. I'm sure my mom has a photo album somewhere with photos from my childhood, but I haven't seen it in years. I have an apartment in San Francisco, but the assignment I had there is over, and I'm not sure where I'll go next." She let out a breath. "It's weird. I've never thought about how rootless I am. I'm glad you bought your family home, Jared. I think someday you'll be really glad you have it."

"It's not like my mom was ever here. The memories are limited to after her death, but it does represent…peace. It's where we came to terms with our new normal."

She held out her hand to him, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. "I've always thought normal is overrated," she said.

He smiled back at her. "Me, too. Good thing—since my life isn't normal now."

"Mine isn't, either. I have to admit that lately I've been feeling a little restless. The night of the engagement party, I was thinking to myself that it was the first event I'd gone to in as long as I can remember where I was actually myself. And being there, talking to Neil and Anika and Jasmine, made me feel like the girl I used to be." She shook her head, feeling a little foolish by the admission. "It's hard to explain."

"But easy to understand," he told her, tightening his hand around hers. "I know what it's like to live in the shadows, but you can come into the light, can't you? The FBI operates out in the open far more than the CIA does."

"I know, and I've thought about it. I just haven't made any decisions. I'm good out in the field. I may not blend into situations as easily as you do, but my language skills have given me opportunities to get close to people no one else can access."

He looked out over the pond, then glanced back at her. "Is that really why you do it?"

"You think I have another motivation?" she asked warily, not sure she liked him digging into her psyche.

"I'm just wondering, in light of your gypsy background, and your lack of a real home, if you're not sure who you are if you're not undercover—if you can't be someone else."

"That's an insightful comment."

"Is it true?"

"I don't know. Maybe a little. It can be easier being someone else."

"I agree. When you're undercover, the only expectations are for the job performance. If you fail, it was your character who failed, not you. If people don't like you, it's not the real you. At the end of the day, if you achieve your objective, that's your victory. The fake persona takes all the failures. The real person takes all the wins."

"I never thought of it that way, but you're right." She paused. "You know what's really weird, Jared?"

"What?"

"I never thought I'd have this much in common with a spook."

"Or I with a fed."

They exchanged a warm smile that sent a shiver down her spine. She didn't know where things were going between them, but she sensed they were heading into reckless territory. "We should probably go back. It will be dark soon."

"Okay." He stood up, then pulled her to her feet, and against his chest.

She caught her breath at the purposeful look in his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Fulfilling a very old fantasy. I used to dream about bringing a beautiful woman here, sharing a kiss as the sun went down. Want to be that woman?"

"More than I should," she whispered, sliding her arms around his waist as she lifted her head to his, as his mouth covered hers with delicious heat.

It was the kind of kiss that could have gone on forever. Everything about it was sheer perfection—slow, purposeful, tender but simmering with unexplored passion. In Jared's arms, she felt like she'd found the happiest place in the world. His presence surrounded her, but it didn't overwhelm her, didn't make her feel any less important; it actually made her feel like she was more important than she'd ever thought.

A whinny from Barnabas and a gusty breeze, brought them back to chilly reality. The sun was slipping past the horizon, and it was time to go home.

Which was a really odd thought…because she didn't know where home was…except that maybe it was starting to feel like anywhere Jared was…

That was a disturbing thought.