Claire
“MOM!”
I’m standing in the kitchen making a cup of tea when Sasha comes storming into the house. Walking over to the end of the island, I look over to the front door. “Sash? Baby? Is everything okay?”
Dallas and Legs are down the hall and greet Sasha in the middle. Bending down to give the girls a nuzzle, she looks up at me and says, “I got your message earlier. Heard the tone in your voice and was worried. I figured I’d stop by and check on you.”
“You should have gone to UCSB not Rutgers!” I say in jest. “Baby, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m good. I just needed to hear your voice is all.” The girls are dancing around Sasha’s legs and it’s as if she is reading my mind because she walks over to the back door and lets them out into the yard.
Watching my daughter walk back over to me, I realize that despite Jackson’s concerns Brad will not affect our lives. I will not allow it. Sasha and I have come too far to allow some jerkoff into our lives. Yes, I was stupid at fifteen. I am not the same girl anymore. I allowed my better judgement to be clouded by pretty words and an even prettier face. Brad didn’t deserve me at fifteen, he sure as hell doesn’t deserve my daughter now!
Sasha finally comes over to the island and stares at me. “So, you gonna tell me what is bothering you? And don’t say nothing, because I know you, Mom, and you don’t call for no reason.”
Looking around the main floor, I attempt to verify that nothing has been moved, my natural instinct to fix things taking over. Sasha looks back at me and says, “Have you been sleeping? I worry about that since I moved out.” Again, my child is reading me. Damn that kid of mine is too smart for her own good.
“Sasha, stop! I’m fine. Dallas and I are good and we now have Legs for the next few weeks. We are all fine.”
“Can I ask you a question?” she says.
Placing a hand on her cheek, I say, “Baby, you know you can ask me anything.”
“I worry about you. I worry that you aren’t loved enough. Have you been loved enough, Momma? Was the love that Ya and I gave you enough?
Trying to shrug the question off and be nonchalant, I say, “What’s enough, Sash?” Then with a laugh, I follow up with, “Of course I have been loved enough.”
“But why haven’t you ever dated? You’re beautiful. Everyone says so. Ya and I look like you and you tell us all the time that we are. So tell me. Have you been loved enough?”
“Sasha, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Worry about you. It’s your senior year and you have your new internship starting tomorrow. I’m fine.”
Sasha looks at me as though she doesn’t believe one word that is coming out of my mouth, and shakes her head while pushing off of the island. “You deserve to be loved, Mom. I don’t remember you ever having a man in your life. Why is that? Why have you secluded yourself from the world?”
Looking at my daughter, I see the same stubborn tilt that I get when I’m not budging on a topic. I know that I have to give her something or she will never let it go. “Sash, baby, life doesn’t always work out the way you hoped it would. I have a good life. I’m okay. Really, I am. It just isn’t what I had hoped it would be when I was younger.” Brushing a nonexistent crumb off the counter, I follow up with, “It is so much better. You, you are my great love.”
“You say that as though you are sixty years old and have given up, Mom! Jez, you are only thirty-seven! If you met a man and fell in love you could have another child if you wanted. You’re young. Fuck, you are absolutely rocking! Have you seen yourself in the mirror? Every boy I know at school drools over you every time you stop by the dorms.”
“Do not curse in front of me! And stop it, Sasha. As for me having another child, Jesus, for all that is holy, bite your tongue! How many times do I have to tell you and your aunt that I am happy?”
Throwing up her arms in defeat, Sasha walks back over and lets Dallas and Legs back in. Turning back to me, she says, “Fine! I give up! But just so you know, Jack looks at you like you are the sun and moon combined.”
“Sasha!”
“Okay…I get it, you don’t want to talk about Jack.”
“Not just Jackson, Sash, men and love in general. It is not your job to worry about me.”
“Okay. But I do. I love you. I want to see you spread your wings and soar. But okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk about your sex life.” Looking at me with concern, she follows up with, “You are getting some aren’t you, Mom?”
“Sasha!!”
“What? You don’t have to have a man in your life. But please tell me you have a FB or a vibrator or something.”
“Jesus, Sasha. When have I ever given you the impression that this kind of questioning is appropriate?”
Walking over to me, Sasha wraps her arms around me and squeezes. “Claire.”
“Mom!” I say, pushing her slightly away, one eyebrow arched almost to my hairline.
“Mom,” she says sarcastically, “I love you, but man you need to get laid!”
“Sasha! I raised you better. I did not raise you to talk this way. Go home.”
“Yes, you did. You, Ya, and Suzie taught me that. Sex is their favorite subject.” Walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing a bottled water, she closes the door and looks back at me over her shoulder. God damn, I made one beautiful girl. “You most definitely raised me to be open, honest, and frank. And frankly, Claire, you need to hop on top of Jack and ride him to town,” she says this with a laugh as she walks out of the kitchen and toward the front door. Blowing me a kiss as she shuts the door closed, she says, “See you tomorrow! I’m so excited!”
Jesus that kid is awesome I think to myself as the door shuts. But then Sasha’s final words hit me and I realize that I need to figure out a way to keep Brad away from our daughter.