IRIS

I don’t know if I can trust Alvos, but I desperately need to hold on to someone. I clutch at his strange hand, because it feels comforting and strong, even though I’ve barely met him. He seems kind enough. I’m aware it might all be an act. That this might be another ploy by my captors to break me in new, fresh ways. To let me think I’m being rescued all so my guard will go down and my reaction will be that much stronger when I’m betrayed again.

I’m aware of this, and still I cling to Alvos, because the thought of being hurt again terrifies me.

I try to remain unmoving, to be calm, but the moment the newcomer, Tarekh, touches my leg, I jump. Memories flash through haunted corners of my mind, of pain and blood and bad things that I’m trying to forget. “Sorry,” I yelp out.

“I need you to be still,” he says. “This is just the sterilizing pads.” Something wet swipes across my leg, brusque and businesslike as he rubs over the wound. Even though it’s scabbed over, it hurts when he does that, and I jerk again. He lets out the smallest of sighs at my actions. “You might need to hold her, Alyvos.”

I suck in a breath, because the thought terrifies me. Being held down while someone hurts me? It’s like my worst nightmares come back to life. I try not to let it show, though, because I’ve learned that my feelings no longer matter.

The hand I’m holding tenses in mine, as if he can sense my fear. “No,” he says, and his tone is firm. “No one’s holding her against her will ever again. If Iris doesn’t want you to touch her leg, she can say no.”

I want to sob with relief at that.

Tarekh sighs heavily this time. “You’re being a stubborn fool, Alyvos. Shouldn’t you be helping Kivian on the other ship?”

“Iris needs me here,” he says simply, and his thumb rubs against my skin. That small touch reassures me. It reminds me that he’s promised not to hurt me. Even though it might destroy me to get betrayed again, I believe him. I have to believe in something.

“I’ll try to be still,” I whisper, and I tighten my grip on Alvos’s hand. I know that’s not his name. Not all of it anyhow. There’s a little twist in the middle of his name that’s fascinating and unique. I could probably emulate it reasonably well, but…I haven’t. It’s a small test to see how he reacts to my mangling of his name, so I know what to expect. Each time I say it wrong to him, I tense, waiting to see if he’ll slap me or correct me or his quiet confidence will turn sour.

He hasn’t said a thing, though.

“You’re fine, Iris,” the alien holding my hand tells me. He puts his other hand over our joined ones and now his two hands are warmly clasping mine. It’s reassuring, and I only jerk a little when Tarekh drags the abrasive, burning pad over my leg wound again.

I endure the cleaning and then gasp when something hot pierces my leg.

“I need you to be really still for this part,” Tarekh says, though he sounds less impatient now. “It’ll hurt less that way, I promise.”

Well, that’s definitely the right thing to say. I do my best to be still even though I’m sweating from terror and bad memories are making me quake. I’m glad in a sick way that I can’t see what he’s doing because that would be ten times worse. I concentrate instead of Alvos’s hands on mine and how they feel. He’s got calluses, I notice, and for all that he’s only got three fingers and a thumb on each hand, they feel big and warm and comforting. His skin is incredibly soft and I think of suede again. I concentrate on it, wondering if it’s just my imagination or if all of him feels like a fuzzy bunny. It’s oddly relaxing to picture my rescuer as a masculine-sounding bunny.

I pet his hand, imagining him with floppy ears, a pink, twitching nose, and the warmest, friendliest eyes. I like the thought, and it’s comforting enough that I don’t realize that Tarekh’s done until something cool and wet is smeared over my leg.

“That should seal it for now,” the medic says. His hands leave my leg and I realize the pain is gone, too. I relax a little at that. Tarekh continues to speak. “We’ll check it again in the morning and I’ll put you on a round of human-safe antibiotics. For now, though, you’re free to go after I give you a couple of shots.”

Free to go. Go where? I’m in outer space, now on a pirate ship if what they’re telling me is correct. I’m still at the mercy of the people around me. But I bite back the stab of resentment and nod, keeping my expression calm and bland. “Thank you very much.”

There’s a long pause, and then Tarekh clears his throat. “I’ll, uh, just see what’s taking Cat so long with those clothes.” There’s a hiss of sound that I realize is a door, and then it gets quiet again.

Alvos’s hand is still in mine. “Are you all right now? If it hurts, tell me and I’ll get Tarekh back in here.”

“I’m fine,” I tell him, because even if everything hurt, I don’t want to be a burden. If these truly are my saviors, the last thing I want to do is become a problem that has to be dumped off on someone else…and I’m already blind. I’m already going to need more help until I get acclimated. I know a lot of people back on Earth get by just fine without their sight, but this is new to me, and until I get used to it, I’m going to struggle.

He grunts, as if he doesn’t quite believe me.

Alvos has been the nicest out of the group so far. I wonder if I can ask him questions without him getting upset. Or are bunny-people foul-tempered? He was strong, I remember that from him lifting me and carrying me. But so far he’s been patient, even kind. If I ask something and he gets offended, though, I might lose a finger…or worse.

It might be worse not to know, though. “Alvos…are we in here alone?”

“Of course.”

I weigh this response and decide that even if he’s not telling the truth, it doesn’t matter. “What do you plan to do with me?” I ask him.

He considers for a moment, and then his clothing rustles. A shrug, perhaps? “I don’t know yet.”

At least he’s honest, but his answer still fills me with dread. He did say they were pirates, and I know what these aliens all seem to think of humans. That we’re little more than playthings for them, things without brains or feelings. The fact that he doesn’t know what they plan to do with me means that I might have to earn my keep.

If I have to do it on my back, I will. I just never want to be in a cage again. “I won’t fight you if you want to touch me,” I offer. “I’ll be good.”

The alien makes a disgusted sound and his hand slips out of mine. “That’s not what I meant.”

He sounds angry, and fear makes me tremble. I can’t afford to have him upset at me. He’s been my champion so far and I need to stay on his good side. “I’m sorry.”

Alvos makes another upset sound. “Iris, quit keffing apologizing. I’m not going to hit you.”

Hitting me? I’d be lucky if that was the only punishment for an unreasonable slave. I don’t know what response he wants, though, so I remain silent.

I hear the sound of steps and the air moves slightly, as if he’s pacing back and forth in front of me. “I need you to trust me when I promise that no one’s going to hurt you here. No one’s going to use you for that, either. You’re safe. When I say I don’t know what’s going to happen with you, it’s because I can’t make choices for the rest of the crew. We all have a say in who stays on the ship. If it’s up to me, you can stay. Worst comes to worst, we’ll take you somewhere safe where they’ll take care of you.”

I remain silent. It sounds nice, but I’ve learned not to trust anyone or anything. The only thing I can control is the way I present myself. Pleasant. Harmless. Unassuming. So I smile at him as if that’s a terrific answer that has solved all of my questions. “Thank you.”

He sounds disgruntled at my response, and I worry I didn’t sound enthusiastic enough.