Lori’s head was already spinning, and she hadn’t done anything more than kiss Ander.

They’d gone to dinner and the symphony earlier that evening, and she’d offered Ander a drink when he’d walked her up to her apartment.

They ended up making out on her couch, and already Lori was so turned on she wanted to explode.

To begin with, Ander’s hands had only been in safe positions—on her back, in her hair, cupping her face—but now his caresses were becoming more presumptuous. As his tongue plunged between her lips to play along the roof of her mouth, one of his hands slid down to palm her bottom.

Lori moaned against his mouth and clutched at the back of his shirt. She adjusted until she was practically in his lap, pressing her breasts against his chest and trying to get some friction on her groin.

Still deep in the kiss, Ander slipped his hand beneath the hem of her dress and stroked up her bare thigh. She shivered at the intimate contact and tore her lips away from his so she could gasp.

Ander used the opportunity to mouth his way down her jaw to her throat. He lingered over her pulse point until Lori whimpered in pleasure.

Her arousal hot, wet, and throbbing now, she shifted again, moving one of her legs over both of his thighs so she could straddle his lap. She needed pressure against her clit and she needed it now.

He held her hips with both of his hands to brace her as his lips moved even lower. He took one breast in his mouth through the silk of her slinky cocktail dress and suckled at her nipple so skillfully Lori’s hips started to work shamelessly against his.

Ander was hard now. She could feel the bulge of his erection in his trousers. She rubbed her arousal urgently against his and felt pulses of pleasure spiral out from the contact.

Her skirt was bunched up around her waist, and Ander’s hands slid down to hold and squeeze the soft flesh of her ass. She wore a thong because the silk of her dress was so thin, and the strip of fabric across her wet pussy was exquisite torment.

“Ander!” she gasped, as one of his hands slipped between her thighs to press against the place she was most hot and wet. Her back arched as she tried to ride his hand with embarrassing abandon.

Ander raised his face to stare at her for a moment, his eyes hot, hungry and almost primitive. Then he groaned and leaned forward to mouth her throat.

Without warning, he bit down hard.

Lori came against his hand with a choked cry.

She was conscious of Ander straightening up so he could watch as she rode out the spasms of pleasure. When they faded, she slumped against his chest, gasping and pressing sloppy kisses against his cheek and the side of his head.

Ander held her tightly for a few minutes, until she started to move against him again. She rubbed against his groin, felt a thrill at how hard and tense he was.

She knew he wanted her. And she wasn’t even close to sated.

“Ander,” she murmured, stroking his smooth head and kissing all over his face. “Do y—”

“Fuck, baby,” he rasped, his hands suddenly strong on her shoulders as he maneuvered her body off of his. “I better go.”

“Oh,” she said, staring as he stood up stiffly, still kind of dazed from her orgasm. “Do you have to?”

He gave a huff of ironic laughter. He was sweating a little, and he held himself so tightly he could barely move. “I’m sorry, Lori. I definitely have to go.”

“But—”

“I have that early class in the morning. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He leaned down to give her a quick kiss on the mouth, and then he left before she could get another word out.

Lori collapsed back on the couch with a little whimper. Her body felt chilled and she was brutally disappointed. Not really surprised, though. He’d done this to her before.

She and Ander had been dating now for a month. They went out, talked every day, did a lot of kissing, and sometimes went even further like tonight, but Ander always called an end to it before they got to sex. Lori truly appreciated the way he’d been willing to take it slow. Moving from friendship to something deeper was obviously what both of them wanted, but she’d been worried about moving too fast because of the way their relationship had begun.

She thought she’d made it clear that she was more than ready for sex now, however, but Ander still wouldn’t take the final step.

If he wasn’t yet ready, she would be patient. He’d been more than patient with her.

But she knew he wanted it. Knew he wanted her. It didn’t take much for Ander to get aroused around her, and men didn’t have the advantage of being able to hide their arousal very well.

It wasn’t a physical issue. She knew that. But she didn’t know what else he might be waiting for.

She thought they were both in the same place emotionally. They’d both been in too deep when Lori was still his client. They’d taken a step back to being friends for three months so they could come to terms with what they wanted and set the groundwork for a more healthy attachment. And for the last month they’d been pursuing a romantic relationship. They hadn’t spoken words of love, but she knew how much Ander cared about her. She knew how important she was to him. And she knew how much he desired her.

So why didn’t he want to have sex with her?

***

“Whee!” Lori exclaimed in pure glee, sliding over to Ander on the ice. “Did you see me? I didn’t fall once! I’m so much better this time.”

Ander laughed and drew her smoothly beside him. “Much better. I told you you’d be good at ice skating if you’d just relax a little.”

Lori gave him a little frown, although inside she was brimming with happiness. “Just once, I’d like to see you be wrong about something.”

“Oh, I’ve been wrong about plenty of things,” Ander murmured, pulling her toward him and draping both arms around her waist. “I just don’t like to advertise the fact.”

With a sniff, Lori said, “You don’t like to advertise much of anything.” She still wasn’t adept at keeping her balance on her skates while standing still, so she clung to Ander’s shoulders.

Ander’s blue-gray eyes softened, a familiar look igniting as he gazed down on her. “I believe I’ve advertised how incredibly gorgeous you are.”

She felt like melting, even in the middle of the ice rink. But it wouldn’t do to collapse into a pile of sap, so she lifted skeptical eyebrows. “You’re stretching credibility at the moment. My hair is a mess, my cheeks are beet red, and I’m a little suspicious of my nose.”

His lips twitched. “Your nose is red too.”

Lori released an outraged huff at this horrifying information and tried to pull away.

Ander wouldn’t let her go. He laughed and pressed a kiss on the side of her mouth. “I’ve never seen anything more gorgeous in my life.”

Lori couldn’t help but laugh too. She gave him a little hug, privately swooning with giddy affection and tender reassurance. The wounded part of her psyche that had always been insecure couldn’t help but bloom at his words.

But she wasn’t feeling entirely stable on her ice skates, despite the improvements she’d made since the first time they went almost five months ago.

Plus, she had a plan for the day, and she couldn’t let Ander’s irresistible sweetness distract her from that plan.

So she drew back and started to skate again. Ander easily overtook her. He circled the rink a few times as she went around more slowly. She didn’t mind. She was sure it must be frustrating for as good a skater as he was to keep pace with her. And anyway she suspected he might be showing off a little.

He deserved it. She couldn’t help but admire the surety, speed, and strength with which he crossed the ice. Ander might be as intelligent and experienced a man as she’d ever met, but he was still a man.

And men liked to show off.

She was having a private giggle over this when Ander fell in beside her. He eyed her warily. “Why are you laughing?”

“I wasn’t laughing.” The lie would have been more convincing had her lips not wobbled.

Ander narrowed his eyes. “Lori?”

“You’re a marvelous skater,” Lori said, wide-eyed and just a tiny bit exaggerated. “It’s breathtaking to watch you. If only I could skate half as well as you.”

He wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Fine. I get it. If you want to mock the urge to show off, we can discuss your insistence that we play a certain board game the other night, just so you could beat me and gloat about it for hours afterward.”

“That was different,” Lori said, absently reaching over to take his hand despite her indignant tone, “It’s one of the few things I can do better than you. You can’t begrudge me a little gloating, when you do everything better than poor inferior me.”

“Stop it.” Ander gave her an impatient, sideways look.

“Don’t snap at me,” she said, forgetting her plan in her annoyance. “And don’t tell me to stop like you’re the boss of me.”

Ander made a sudden move, so quickly she couldn’t follow it. One minute they were skating along hand-in-hand, and the next Ander had her pressed up against the wall of the rink, his body holding hers in place and his eyes intense, almost fierce. “I will tell you to stop. I’ll tell you to stop every time I hear you say something that implies you’re not valuing yourself. You might as well get used to it. Because it’s the only way we’ll be together.”

Lori’s mouth dropped open. She gaped up at Ander, breathless and startled and (absurdly) a little bit thrilled.

After a stretch of silence, Ander’s fierce expression softened a little. “Lori?” he prompted.

She swallowed hard and managed to speak. “All right. I get that. But I’ll only accept it if it goes both ways.”

Ander’s lips tightened slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you always get standoffish when I try to encourage you not to get angsty or brooding about...about your past. If you get to make sure I value myself, it’s only fair that I get to do the same with you.”

Ander’s expression was very still for a moment. But then he relaxed into a wry smile. “I’m not sure why I ever thought dating you was such a good idea. You’re sure to drive me crazy before a year is out.”

Lori laughed, in relief, in reaction to the aftermath of tension, and in genuine amusement. “I assure you that goes both ways.”

They started skating again, and Lori tried to overcome her rush of tenderness and affection so she could finally carry out her plan.

It wasn’t a large-scale or dramatic plan. She just wanted to find out why Ander didn’t want to have sex with her yet. And since he’d never been a forthcoming man, she was afraid a direct confrontation would backfire. So she’d suggested they go ice skating to give her the opportunity to ask him smaller questions and give him the chance to share in small doses.

And then maybe she could piece together what was going on.

They skated in companionable silence for a while until Lori asked with impressive casualness. “Did you think it was weird when I asked you to go ice skating the first time?”

Ander shot her a quick, sharp look, but he answered easily enough. “I was a little surprised, but by that time you’d already asked to do other things with me, so I wasn’t flabbergasted.”

She snickered at his choice of words but was quick to follow-up. “Were you flabbergasted when I asked you the first time to go out somewhere, rather than just going to the hotel?”

With a half-shrug, Ander admitted, “Yes. You’d said all along you didn’t want to pretend with me and you didn’t want to do anything that would feel like a date. I assumed you wouldn’t change in that. Why did you?”

Since it wasn’t fair to expect him to share without sharing herself, she answered honestly, “I was a mess over finding out your real identity. You’d become more and more real to me as our sessions went on, and that was the last straw. It just felt so cheap and dirty getting together just for sex.”

Because she was looking up at him, she caught a flicker of something like pain on his face. “It felt cheap and dirty to you?”

“No!” she gasped, realizing he’d misunderstood. “Being with you didn’t feel that way. It was that I was paying you for sex. It felt like I was using you the way everyone else had always used you, and I hated myself for that. But not enough to stop. I didn’t want to give you up. So the dates were the only compromise I could live with.”

Ander let out a small breath. “I see.”

When he didn’t continue, Lori prodded him. “So did you want to go on those dates with me or were you happier for it just to be sex?”

He pulled to a sudden stop, bringing her to a halt too. He put his arms out to keep her balanced and held her eyes with an unwavering gaze. “I was thrilled when you changed the routine. You know by now that, at that point, I was...I was crazy about you. You were my only client, and I longed to get rid of the professional side of the relationship. I didn’t know how. And I had to hope the dates were a sign that you were trying to change our relationship too.

Lori made sure not to show any dramatic reaction to his words, even though her pulse pounded and her heart soared. He didn’t open up easily, and she couldn’t make him uncomfortable now that he had. She just gave him a little smile. “They were. I wanted to change it too. I was just too scared to admit it to myself because I thought it was impossible.”

He returned her smile and suggested they wrap up the skating. Lori agreed, since her legs were getting tired and she had more stages of her plan to carry out.

So far, things were going wonderfully well, and she hoped that by the end of the night she would be in bed with Ander again.

And, even better, finally hear him put all of his feelings into words.

***

They were walking from the ice rink to Ander’s favorite Italian restaurant when Lori asked into the peaceful silence that had lingered between them, “What did you think when I asked you to go with me to Quebec?”

“What?” Ander had his hand on the small of her back as they walked, and he glanced down with a quizzical look.

“You heard me,” she insisted. “I was just thinking of what you told me about when I asked you to ice skate, and I was wondering what you thought when I asked you to go with me to Quebec.”

Ander narrowed his eyes warily. “But that was before all the dates.”

“I know,” Lori said, frowning. “Is there some rule about my having to ask questions in chronological order?”

With a chuckle, Ander relented, “I was...I was glad that you asked me. But you already know that.”

Her frown deepened. “I have some thoughts, based on what I know now. I had no idea at the time, but now I think back and I can see that maybe you were ...” She cleared her throat and concluded a little shyly, “Maybe you were fishing for the invitation.”

“I was,” he admitted, his voice dry rather than sentimental. “As soon as I got even the smallest hint that you were trying to work up to an invitation, I did everything I could to make myself available.”

She giggled. “Even acted like you didn’t remember which weekend I was planning to go?”

Ander had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “Well,” he drawled, “I couldn’t look too eager.” At her delighted snicker, he added, “It would have scared you.”

“It would have. I was liking you more and more, but I was still obsessed with it being professional.”

“And you wouldn’t stop bringing up the money. Every time you did, it was like a slap in the face.”

Lori couldn’t help but feel bad—now that she knew how Ander had been feeling. But she wasn’t about to take all the blame. “Well, I was still paying you. What was I supposed to do? Throw the money out the window and assume we’d fall into each other’s arms?”

“Of course not,” Ander admitted, staring ahead of him with wry, knowing eyes. “You were just doing what you were supposed to. I was the wreck who kept letting his feelings get trampled on because he was too attached to pull back like he should.”

“You weren’t a wreck,” she insisted, defensive of Ander even against himself and even without much evidence on her side. “What else was there for you to do?”

“Nothing.” Ander sighed and moved his hand from the small of her back so he could wrap it around her and pull her against him. “I was hopelessly trapped. I’d never felt that way before. I couldn’t lose you. But I couldn’t move forward because of the nature of our arrangement. No wonder I was a wreck.”

Lori poked him with a scowl. “You weren’t a wreck.”

Ander’s lips twitched. “You say that because you never got to see any of the brooding.”

She stopped walking and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. Peering at him closely, she asked, “You’re not brooding anymore, are you?”

His eyes took on the most delicious warmth. “No. I’m not brooding anymore.”

***

The host of the restaurant, whose name Lori knew now as Don, greeted them ecstatically and was able to seat them immediately.

Lori and Ander had been to the restaurant many times in the last month, and she always enjoyed herself there.

They talked about Ander’s plans for next summer—another field project on a Greek island—and about Lori’s next book. And they’d gotten their orders and started to eat when Lori took advantage of a lull in conversation to launch into her next question. “Why did Don look so surprised, the first time you took me here?”

Ander’s shoulders stiffened a little and he looked uncomfortable. She felt a pang of disappointment at his reaction, since he’d been far more open than usual this evening.

“It’s no big deal,” she said quickly, not wanting to put him on the spot. Before, she would have pried mercilessly, but she cared for him too much to rip open his heart like that now. If he couldn't yet share, he didn't have to.

The corner of Ander’s mouth flickered with a familiar, ironic expression. “Very generous of you to give me the out.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously, Ander, I know I’m being nosy.”

Ander cleared his throat. Took a long sip of wine. Then said, “He was surprised because I’d never taken a woman here before.”

“Your clients?”

“I never took them here. I’ve always liked this place. It’s...it’s special to me. I didn’t want to mar that by bringing my work with me.”

Lori’s breath hitched. “But you brought me?”

“Yes,” Ander said softly, holding her gaze with obvious significance. “I brought you.”

Her cheeks flushed with pleasure and she had to hide her face behind her wine glass for a moment to mask her reaction. There had been so many tiny hints and clues to Ander’s feelings—all along, for so long—and so many of them she had missed.

It took her breath away sometimes. The knowledge that she’d meant so much to him when she was supposed to just be his client.

When she’d recovered her equilibrium, she asked, not as part of her plan but because she’d always wanted to know, “Do you know what your dad was doing here that night?”

Ander looked stiff again. But he bit out, “I don’t know. I can only assume he knew I spent a lot of time here.”

“So he came here on purpose?” she gasped, her eyes widening in outrage. She hated Peter Milton more than she’d ever hated anyone, and nothing she learned about him made her hate him any less.

With an awkward shrug, Ander said, “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Maybe ...” Her voice cracked with a sudden pang of fear and she couldn’t bring herself to voice the idea.

“Maybe what?”

She took a deep breath to work up her courage. “Maybe he didn't come here just to be mean. Maybe he actually wanted...wanted to see you.”

Ander jerked his head to the side, breaking off their shared gaze. And a variety of emotions twisted on his face before he was able to reply. “I doubt it. But it doesn’t matter. There’s no reconciliation in store for us. I hope you’re not thinking there is.”

“I’m not. I just thought it might be good for you to see that you’re not the only one who might ...” She trailed off, suddenly scared she was presuming too much. Ander’s eyes were cool and wary on her face. But she pushed on, “Who might wish that things were different.”

After a tense moment, his expression changed and he let out a hoarse breath. “Yeah.”

Lori tried to hide her relief, once again determined not to make a big deal about any kind of sharing Ander was willing to do.

“Were you mad at me?” she asked in a small voice, staring down at her pasta. She felt Ander give her a sharp look, so she explained, “When you found out I knew who you were?”

“No.” Only then did she dare to look back up at him. He appeared strangely tired all of a sudden. “The truth is I was so glad you knew.”

***

They went back to Ander’s place, since it was only a few blocks from the restaurant. Lori wasn’t sure he would suggest it, so she just acted like it was understood and headed there after they'd told Don goodbye.

She’d been over to his place countless times. There didn’t have to be anything significant about her going there tonight.

But Ander’s silence on the walk revealed that he knew there was.

They’d gotten inside and Ander had locked the door before he finally spoke. They faced each other in the entry hall and he asked, “So are you going to tell me the final intention of your little inquisition tonight?”

Lori sucked in a sharp breath. “It wasn’t an inquisition! Really. I didn’t mean—”

“I didn’t intend to imply it was rude or intrusive,” Ander interrupted, his face calm and his voice even. “But there’s something underlying it. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

Groaning, she rubbed her scalp in frustration. “I thought I was being clever and subtle.”

Ander actually laughed. “It was very well done. But I know you too well, Lori.” When she just stared at him, he prompted, “Are you going to tell me?”

Since he’d asked for it, she just blurted it out, “Why won’t you have sex with me?”

He shook his head with a rueful smile. “I thought that might be what this lingering stroll down memory-lane was about.”

“I’m serious, Ander,” she insisted, afraid he was going to dismiss the issue with characteristic irony. “I’m happy to wait as long as you need if you’re not ready, but can’t you tell me what’s going on?”

Ander’s spine stiffened, almost imperceptibly. And he licked his lips in what she understood was hesitation. But when he spoke his voice was natural, almost casual. “We can have sex, Lori. Of course, we can have sex.”

“But—”

“I wasn’t sure if you were ready. But, if you want, we can have sex tonight.”

Lori stood frozen in place, confused and disoriented. He had to have known she was ready before tonight. There was no evidence of dissembling in his manner or tone, but something about his response didn’t ring true.

“Ander?”

He smiled at her as he moved farther into his loft. “Surely, you know how much you turn me on. You weren’t worried about that, were you?”

“No,” she said, trying to keep up. “But I thought...I mean, you were...” She stopped and stared at the floor so she could focus. Forced her mind to work clearly.

Ander walked through the living area toward his bedroom. When her mind cleared enough, she followed him and found him standing in the entrance to the bedroom with a look of concentration on his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, grabbing him by the arm. Something wasn’t right here, and she still wasn’t positive about what it was.

But she was starting to get an idea.

Ander looked over at her absently. “Sorry. I was trying to remember where I put the condoms when I took them out of my case. I know I had a lot of extra.”

Lori blinked at him, momentarily distracted from the larger issue. “Didn’t you have some in your place already?”

“No.” With a small, rueful huff, he admitted, “I’ve never had sex here before.”

Despite all she’d learned about Ander over the last months, she still felt dizzy from astonishment. “What?”

“I’ve never had sex in this apartment before.”

“But you’ve lived here for ten years.”

“Yes. What’s your point?”

“But ...” Lori gulped, processing this revelation. “You’ve only ever had sex with clients?”

Ander glanced away. “Since I started working...yes.”

And now Lori was sure she knew what was going on, why Ander had been stalling, why he was acting like everything was normal when clearly something was bothering him. Not sure how to address it, she dealt with another issue first.

Putting a soft hand on his chest, she murmured, “Ander, I don’t think we need to use a condom.”

She felt him jerk very slightly. “What do you mean?” he gritted out. He wasn’t quite meeting her eyes.

“I mean, you’re the only man I’ve ever had sex with, and you haven’t had sex with anyone but me in over seven months. Right?”

“Right.”

“I know how vigilant you’ve been about your health. You’re healthy. I’m healthy. Neither of us is having sex with anyone else. We don’t need the condom.”

“But I’ve had sex with all those other women—”

Lori felt a pang of sharp pain at the thought—at the thought of Ander fucking all of those women over all of those years. But she pushed through the pain to what she knew was true. “They’re in the past, Ander. And you didn’t get a disease from any of them. We don’t need the condom.”

Ander’s face changed, softened. He reached over to cup her cheek with a hand that had always been so warm. “Lori, unless you’re ready to start having babies, we still need the condom.”

Despite the seriousness of what they were dealing with, Lori couldn’t hold back a giggle. “I didn’t forget about that, Ander, but I’ve been on birth control for ages. As soon as I decided to see you regularly, I went to the doctor. I know we were always careful about the condoms, but accidents happen, and I really didn’t want to get pregnant.”

Ander made a strange guttural sound. One she didn’t recognize. Then he looked away from her again.

Her heart racing frantically and her fingers trembling a little, Lori reached up to take his face in her hands and make him meet her eyes. “Ander, just tell me the truth. Why do you keep stalling?”

He swallowed so hard she saw it in his throat. But this time he didn’t evade the answer. “I do want to. Desperately. I’m just...I’m just terrified.”

Lori’s lips parted, half astonished although she’d suspected something like it. Just not so extreme. “Why are you terrified of making love to me?”

“Because that’s what it would be.” Ander swallowed again. Looked horribly uncomfortable. But he managed to force out, “I’ve never done it before.”

Emotion rose from Lori’s heart to her throat, so deeply she almost couldn’t breathe. With one brief sob, she threw herself against him and hugged him urgently, burying her face in his shoulder to hide her sudden storm of feeling.

Ander hugged her back with fierce passion, and they stood in the entrance of his bedroom embracing for a long time.

Finally, Lori pulled away and managed to say. “I’ve never made love either. Not for real. It’s the first time for both of us. But don’t you want to try?”

He laughed unexpectedly, half ironic and half affectionate. And he said, “Yeah. I want to try.”

***

Lori was so relieved by Ander’s answer that she couldn’t stop herself from kissing him. It turned out to be a good idea.

Ander kissed her back with a fervor that took her by surprise. And, after a few minutes of kissing in the doorway to the bedroom, they stumbled over to the bed without any further reflection or discussion. With some muttered cursing from Ander and some giggling from Lori, they managed to yank off all of their clothes while still kissing and caressing each other.

Then finally they were naked in the bed together, with Ander settled between her thighs and her arms twined around his neck. It had been so long, and it felt so familiar. But the look in Ander’s eyes wasn’t familiar. He’d never looked at her like this when they’d had sex before.

It wasn’t just hot, hungry, or needy. It was tender and possessive both. Like she was everything to him—everything he’d ever wanted. She still occasionally caught a flicker of anxiety but it didn’t get in the way. She was a little afraid too—her hands were shaky as she stroked his back and the curve of his head, but the nervousness didn’t matter.

Lori’s heart felt like it was flying with a joy too rich for giddiness, and her body was responding quickly. She hadn’t had sex in months. And, while she’d made good use of the vibrator Ander had given her almost a year ago, it just wasn’t the same.

But now Ander was here. His body was hot and heavy on hers, and his flesh was solid and deliciously tight.

“Oh, Lori,” Ander said, his voice already thick with desire. He’d pulled out of the deep kiss and was trailing his mouth down her neck toward her breasts. “Fuck, you feel incredible. You have no idea how good you feel.”

She whimpered in response to his words, and then arched up as his mouth closed around one of her nipples. He sucked and flicked his tongue until jolts of pleasure shot down to her heated arousal.

When she was clawing at his neck, he finally pulled his lips away and mouthed his way down her belly and back up to her other breast. Soon, Lori was gasping and mewing and trying to rub her groin against his thigh.

Ander spent a long time on foreplay. While she was desperately eager to have him inside her, she understood his moving slow.

So she let him kiss and fondle her until she was sopping wet, writhing, and flushed from head to toe. She clutched frantically at Ander’s head, which was pressed against her belly. One of his hands was tweaking her sensitized nipple while the other was massaging the back of her knee.

“Ander,” she begged at last, wound so tight she was afraid she was going to come just from foreplay. “Ander, please, I can’t wait anymore.”

He grunted against her abdomen and then slowly raised his head, as if it was too heavy to lift. His eyes were glazed, and his face deeply flushed. He took a few raspy breaths and stared down at her, sprawled wantonly beneath him. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “Neither can I.”

With eager hands, she helped him position himself between her legs. His cock was fully erect, so hard she was afraid to touch it. So she let him line himself up at her entrance and push the tip of his cock inside.

His eyes met hers. They were still a little glazed, but she could see the blaze of emotion and the flare of fear mingled in their depths.

“Me too,” she breathed, tightening her arms around him. “Ander, me too.”

He understood. He pitched his hips forward.

Nothing between them now. Nothing at all.

Lori cried out loudly on the initial penetration. Her inner walls stretched pliantly with the intimate intrusion, but she was tight and he felt so substantial. It didn’t hurt. It was just all so overwhelming.

After the first surge of aching sensation, her long restrained lust took over.

Whimpering with pleasure and need, she pumped her hips beneath him involuntarily, too far gone to even wait for him to thrust.

“Lori,” Ander choked out, his arms bent and his mouth right at her ear. “Fuck, Lori. You’re...You’re...Oh fuck.” His hips started to move with hers, their motion fast, clumsy and wild.

Lori was practically sobbing in pleasure, need, and emotion. They were out of control and wouldn’t last long, but it was so much better than it had ever been before.

She knew Ander cared for her. He knew she cared for him. And they were sharing something far more than their bodies.

“Ander,” she gasped, her back arching up as her pelvis bucked shamelessly beneath his. She was so wet she could hear the wet noise of suction, beneath the slapping of their skin together and the shaking of the bed. “Ander, gonna come. Oh, God! Make me come.”

Ander released a groan so loud it was almost a shout. His hips pistoned against hers, his cock sliding inside her in tight, primal thrusts. “Lori. I can’t...Fuck, Lori. Come, baby. Come for me.”

His hoarse, uneven words were the most erotic thing she’d ever heard. The pressure at her center coiled up so tightly she couldn’t keep quiet. She made helpless, rhythmic sounds—something between gasps, sobs, and screams.

And then she did scream, as the tension finally broke.

Ander came with her, her clenching inner walls trapping him inside her and pulling him into climax too. She cried out Ander’s name with a lot of other wordless sounds as her body bent back like a bow and her pelvis kept riding out the spasms of her pleasure.

Because Ander came at the same time she did, all she was conscious of was his twisting face, the shuddering tremors that ran through his body, and the breathtaking look of shattering release in his eyes. The choked sounds he made as he came were muffled by her flesh, since he bent his head forward to bite the dip of her shoulder.

They clung together, gasping and kissing with sloppy ardor as she became aware of something she’d never experienced before.

Ander’s semen inside her.

He had collapsed on top of her, not pulling off as he always had before. He buried his face against her hair and neck, muttering out incoherent endearments as they both tried to pull themselves together.

Lori couldn’t remember anything ever feeling as good as his hot, heavy, sated, softening body on hers. She’d never gotten to feel him this way. Never gotten to experience anything after the orgasm.

When he finally heaved some of his weight off her and met her eyes, his expression wasn’t what she expected. His features were deliciously relaxed, but she saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t any better,” he said, sounding awkward and hoarse.

For a moment, Lori’s chest hurt so brutally she couldn’t breathe. “You didn’t think it was good?”

He stared, blinking several times. “Of course, it was good for me. It was—I don’t have words to describe it. But I could barely even make it until you came.” His face twisted, painfully embarrassed. “Pathetic.”

“Oh,” Lori growled, suddenly so mad she could scratch him. “Just stop it.”

Ander blinked at her again. He was still propped up above her. His sated cock hadn’t even slipped all the way out of her, and she felt a gush of fluid where they were joined. “What?”

“I said just stop it.” She took his face in her hands in an attempt to make him understand. “Your role here isn’t to please me. Just get that out of your head. Your role is to be with me. We please each other. And don’t you ever act like I’m expecting a certain kind of performance. You’re not that man anymore. That’s not the way we are together now. So just stop it.”

Ander stared at her for a long time, and she saw something torn in his expression. Then his mouth started to twitch in that expression she so loved. “Right,” he murmured. “I guess you told me.”

She pulled him down into a hug. “It was amazing, Ander. Truly. Better than...than anything.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, pressing kisses into her hair. “For me too.”

They lay tangled together and kissed for several minutes, until Lori felt an inexplicable sensation between her legs.

“Oh,” she gasped, jerking her lips away from his and trying to focus on what she felt.

Ander murmured, “Hmm?” as he edged a hand between their bodies to squeeze her breast.

“You’re getting hard again. That’s quick!”

With narrowed eyes, he drawled, “Have I ever given you reason to doubt my powers of recovery before.”

“No,” she admitted with a snicker. “But this seems really quick. Yay me!”

Ander’s body shook with stifled laughter and he leaned down to kiss her again, his tongue stroking deeply and hungrily.

By the time he pulled out of the kiss, he had hardened all the way inside her. He helped her adjust her legs so they were bent up with her heels pressing against his ass.

The position let him sink inside her more deeply, and they both moaned at the penetration.

Ander straightened his arms, pulling his chest off of hers a little. And he started to thrust with a slow, pleasing rhythm. Every stroke of his body sent tingles of sensation to a newly growing orgasm at her core.

As they moved together, they held gazes, and she saw everything she needed to know in his eyes. She had no idea how she’d gone so long without seeing, without knowing, without realizing the kind of man Ander really was.

He wasn’t a cool man, despite the pretense he put on. He was a passionate man who’d learned not to be.

But now she saw real passion in his eyes, in his expression. And it matched the depth of passion in her own heart.

He moved over her rhythmically until she came, arching up and gasping out his name, and then he kept thrusting with a deep, naked tenderness until she felt her body clench up once again.

Drowning in feeling—both emotional and physical—Lori’s irony came to save her. A spark of memory inspired her and she adjusted her hands so they were clinging to his shoulders.

Then she started to tap the fingers of one hand in quick succession on his shoulder.

Ander’s rhythm faltered and he blinked at her dazedly. She could tell from the tension in his features that he was getting to the end of his control.

That only made it better.

“Aren’t you going to lose it?” she asked, breathlessly but with a characteristic tartness. “I thought this was what you liked the most.”

She tapped her fingers some more for good measure, even though she was pretty sure she was going to come with just a little more stimulation.

Ander’s face transformed with enlightenment and his elbows buckled. He shook against her, gasping out his amusement as his hips moved in delicious, involuntary thrusts.

It was so good—and so full of memories—that Lori whimpered in pleasure, her orgasm starting to tighten.

“Fuck, Lori,” Ander gasped, his body still shaking helplessly. He seemed to be laughing and making love to her at the same time. “You’re incredible.”

“You too—” Lori’s spine arched as her climax crested, spasms of sensation pulsing in rich tremors through her body. “Oh Ander! Oh yes!”

Ander let out an uncontrolled exclamation and started rutting for real, pushing against the contractions of her orgasm as he built up to his own release. “Lori,” he grunted, sounding primitive as he ducked his head, clearly on the edge of his control. “Lori, baby.”

Lori gasped frantically as she started to come down, loving the feel of his wild abandon. “Ander,” she breathed, giving into the irresistible urge to dig her fingernails into the back of his head.

Ander made a burst of noise as he froze on the cusp of his climax, his features twisting with leashed pleasure.

Then his pelvis jerked and twitched against hers and he rolled his hips with the flood of sensations. He ducked his head down as his cock pulsed inside her. “Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you.”

The words were mumbled, torn out of him without conscious thought, and released with the last of his breath. They washed over Lori, filling her with a satisfaction she’d never experienced before.

It all felt so natural--even the repetition making them seem that much more real--that it took her a minute to process what he’d said. His body was softening above her and she’d just about caught her breath when realization caught up to her.

She stiffened beneath him. “What?”

“That’s what you call sex,” Ander murmured fondly, kissing the spot on the dip of her shoulder that he’d bitten earlier. “I thought I’d taught you that a year ago.”

Lori stifled the urge to laugh at his wit. He must not have realized she’d heard him this time. But she had. He hadn’t been able to restrain himself as well as usual, and she’d come down enough to register the words.

“That’s what you say when you come?” she asked threadily. “Love you?”

Now Ander stiffened.

“That’s what you say?” she demanded, grabbing his face to look him in the eye.

After a tense pause, Ander’s expression relaxed. “That’s what I said this time.”

She glared at him suspiciously. “And all those other times you wouldn’t tell me?”

“Just nonsense,” he said, with impressive plausibility. “I told you not to pay any attention.”

Her heart beating as wildly as the feelings in her heart, Lori begged, “Ander, tell me the truth. You love me?”

His mouth twisted but he didn’t look away this time. “Yes. Didn’t you know that?”

“Well, I thought probably ...” She swallowed. “But you hadn’t said it before. You really burst out with the words when you come?”

“Is something wrong with that?”

She snickered. “Certainly not. I just didn’t think you’d be so clichéd.” Before he could bristle, she said, “I love you too. You know that, right?”

Something deep and warm ignited in his eyes. “I thought you probably did. Why else would you hook up with your gigolo?”

Laughing, she pulled him down into a hug. She just reveled in sappy feelings for a minute before a spark of curiosity prompted her to ask, “But really, Ander. Is that what you said when you came? All the time?” Her voice broke on the possibility.

“Obviously, I didn’t say it at first.” When she glared at him, he admitted, “Yes, it’s what I said. For a long time.”

“You loved me?” she breathed, washed with a wave of awe. “Even back then? Before there was any...any hope?”

Ander swallowed hard. “I knew I felt for you in a way I’d never felt for anyone before. Sex had never meant anything to me—except for business—before you. I’ve never had sex with any feeling. Never had sex without a condom before today. Not once in all my life. And you were awakening emotions I’d never experienced. I wanted to be with you, please you, protect you, take care of you. I don’t know if it was love back then, but I didn’t know what else to call it.”

To her mortification, Lori’s eyes burned with tears. She sniffed a little and tried to suppress the ridiculous urge to cry.

Ander gazed at her for several moments. Then he leaned down to murmur in her ear. “Try to fight it, Lori. We mustn’t turn into saps.”

So she laughed instead, squeezing him in her arms and wondering how she’d ever written romance novels without really understanding what love was.

They stayed in bed all night and all the following day, dozing a little and waking up to make love or to chat or to just lie in an intimate embrace.

It was all new. To both of them. No matter what experiences they brought with them to their love.

At one point the next day, Ander asked, his tone a little diffident, “When did you know you loved me?”

Lori could see now a path leading out from this moment—filled with day after day of new experiences to look forward to, ones they could live through together.

So she smiled and told him the truth. “When I fired you.”