Chase
I didn’t see Luc the rest of the day.
I imagined she was avoiding me, and it actually stung, proving yet again, she’d somehow found the last broken piece of my heart and held it long enough to breathe more life into it.
I grabbed my gun then slammed my hand against the wall until it went numb.
She wasn’t supposed to happen.
It was supposed to be just sex.
Nothing more.
And I’d done the stupid thing and let her in, only enough for her to see my darkness and run in the opposite direction.
Instead, she’d embraced it like you would a stray sick cat and had become hell-bent on saving my life.
But she didn’t know.
I was way past worth saving.
And even if I had her, I wasn’t good enough to keep her.
And this life — this life was one I would never choose for her.
Regardless of how much I liked kissing her, touching her, just laying my head against her. She was the peace in my war.
And the most selfish thing I could do was ask her to pick up a gun and join the fight when her job, all along, had been to end it.
I swiped my phone from the nightstand and frowned when I saw all the new text messages.
Tex: Commission moved to tomorrow night, try not to get killed before then.
I rolled my eyes.
Nixon: He’s too busy having sex.
Dante: Who? Tex?
I smirked at the thread.
Nixon: Keep up. He’s banging the help.
I gripped the phone into my fist and then texted back.
Me: I will gut you from head to toe if you say one more thing, Nixon.
Dante: Holy shit, you’re right!
Phoenix: Good thing we don’t have an HR department.
Does nobody take my threat to Nixon seriously?
Sergio: So you went from threatening to shoot her to what? Threatening with your cock?
Tex: Raise your hand if you shuddered when Sergio said cock.
Me: Raising both hands.
Dante: Ditto.
Nixon: Didn’t even know he had one it’s so small.
Sergio: Cock life.
How had we gone from the commission talk to this?
I wiped my face with my hands.
Tex: Family dinner at Chase’s?
Me: NO!
Nixon: I’ll bring wine.
Tex: I got bread.
Sergio: Salad.
The texts came so fast that by the time I typed out my response, they had already set a time.
In the next hour.
I growled and tossed my phone onto my bed just as Luc walked by. I could feel her sadness; it filled the air, making it hard to breathe.
“Family dinner,” I grumbled.
“After?” She tilted her head and swallowed.
I crossed my arms. “It’s been moved to tomorrow— Umph!”
She’d jumped into my arms and kissed me so hard that I saw stars, and without breaking that hot-as-fuck kiss, started pulling my shirt over my head with one hand and unbuttoning my jeans with the other.
“Is this about the dinner or the commission?” I grinned against her mouth.
“Shut up.” She slid down my body and jerked my jeans to the ground. I sprung free, ready for action, ready for her, ready for… peace.
Her eyes swallowed me whole as she stood and then pulled her shirt over her head. I would die, and soon, but I would die with her name on my lips and a vision of her body in my blood-filled gaze.
I tugged her to me, needing to feel her as my anxiety skyrocketed out of control with the need to claim her, to protect her, to stay by her side.
The war in my chest fanned to life with every kiss, every touch.
She yanked me down to the bed, and when I hovered over her and took her lips in my mouth, when I licked down her body and felt the soft curve of her feet and braced her hips with my hands, it hit me.
If she was giving me everything…
What would she have left?
I grasped her chin with my hand and pressed a kiss to her lips. “No more, Luc.”
I pulled away.
It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, refusing to take those pieces with me to the grave, like Mil had taken mine.
I would never be that person.
Ever.
I stood and backed away slowly, as hurt flashed across Luc’s features. “I can’t.”
“What?” Her face fell. “I don’t understand.”
I grabbed a blanket from my chair and covered her with it then kissed the top of her forehead. “I won’t do it.”
“Do what?” Her lower lip trembled. “What’s happening?”
“I know what it’s like…” I wrapped the blanket tighter around her body. “…to give yourself to someone expecting nothing in return, hoping, but not expecting, only to have that very selfish person take and take and take until you have nothing left. I’ve been taking. And it ends now. It’s the most selfless thing I can think of doing before…” Before I died. “So I’m asking you — no, I’m begging you—” My voice cracked. “—take it all back.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“Fucking take all of it!” Pain exploded through my chest at her hurt expression. “Because I won’t do it!” I yelled. Why was I yelling at her? Why? “I’m not like her! I won’t be like her!” I tugged at my hair and then clawed at my own chest. Everything hurt.
Everything.
“Damn it, Luciana! Promise me you’ll take it all back! I can’t do that to you! Don’t you understand me? I WON’T DO IT!”
She stared me down, her eyes brave, her posture straight. “Too late.”
I kicked the chair in front of me then slammed my hand against the nightstand, sending the lamp flying.
“Chase…” Her voice was calm. “…what are you doing in two weeks?”
I crumpled to a heap on the floor, trembling, and said, “I don’t know.”