I would sometimes watch Sam sleep and wonder if I’d ever fall in love with another man again. And if I did, what it would be like for Sam. How he’d take it. Or how he’d understand that. The cruel reality that he would always bear the scar of a broken family.

But as I stood there on the back porch of Ramsey’s house, knowing my son was safe on the couch, that Sam trusted Ramsey and I trusted Ramsey, and that Ramsey’s aunt and uncle took me and Sam in as though they’d known us for years…

“I love you,” I said. “I mean it, Rams. I love you.”

It was scary to be in love with someone new. It was scarier to have to protect my heart and Sam’s heart.

“You don’t know what you mean to me, Jordyn,” Ramsey said. “This has been building inside me for a while. The every-other-weekend thing was fun… but I want more than that. And I have to answer the question you asked.”

“About the house?”

“Yeah.”

“Rams, I don’t care why you bought this house,” I said.

“I was engaged once before,” he said.

That sort of surprised me. “Oh?”

“After Brian was killed, everything else in the world just fell apart. I know I told you about this already, but it was the moment where it all just collapsed. Aunt Millie and Uncle Tom took me in and you know what happened from there. I bounced around schools and towns, running from them, coming back, until I finally had to smarten up a little. I had to finish high school and I had to do something with myself. I met someone at my lowest point. She didn’t save me, Jordyn, but she was there for me. We were there for each other, you know? We were young. We fell in love. And we were just… there.”

“That’s okay, Rams. You know my situation with Keith. High school bad boy sweetheart that never went away. I never escaped to experience anything in life. It was all just laid out for me. I kind of counted on Keith to be my family. To replace the family I either never had or lost. I forced myself to overlook all the red flags. And the rest is history.”

“It’s not that simple for me, darling,” Ramsey said. “It was comfortable, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I went to work for Uncle Tom and did all I could to save the company with him. And we did a good job. Guys like Matt became something like best friends to me. I was the best man at his wedding. His marriage right now is a mess, but that’s not part of this story. What I’m trying to say is that we… no, I let a moment dictate an entire relationship. Aunt Millie forever wanted a big family. She wanted kids. She wanted grandkids. What you gave her tonight was something you can’t imagine.”

I suddenly felt flustered. “So, they never had…”

“Never worked out,” he said. “Their families were a mess too. That’s what always gave me hope. Seeing those two together. And Aunt Millie fell in love with Sarah.”

“That was your…”

“Yeah,” he said. “She was my…” He looked away for a second. “The entire thing just grew. I never reeled it in. I never took the time to figure it out. It’s such a cheap excuse to say I was suddenly engaged.”

“You can tell me anything, Rams. Whatever happened. Or why. If you were just trying to make your aunt happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“That feels like a worse excuse, Jordyn. But what happened after that… that’s the worst. And the reason why it all happened. That’s why I ended up buying this house. I wanted to fix it up. I had plans made to take down walls, add windows, turn it into this beautiful home for a family. The family I would never have. Maybe to punish myself for everything that happened. Or maybe to flip the house and make some money.”

I swallowed hard. I saw the look on his face.

“The family you would never have?” I asked. “What does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. Uncle Tom had me so involved in the business, I didn’t know what day of the damn week it was. Everywhere I turned, Sarah was doing something and planning something. Aunt Millie was loving her life, cooking big meals, talking about the future in a way that made me wonder if I was just there as a figure or to have a purpose. And it all fell apart. Because of me. I… I ruin things, darling. Telling you I love you just now? That was probably bad. Because I ruin things.”

“Can’t be worse than what I’ve gone through,” I said. “No matter what.”

“Be careful with that, Jordyn. You’re responding to something you haven’t heard yet.”

“I’m standing right here listening, Rams.”

“Yeah, you are. And I never want you to leave. I spent years in this house wondering what I should do. I almost feel like I’m stealing memories from another family by living here, you know? Someone else could be here. With their kid or kids. The family dog. A cat or two. And here I am, just taking up space.”

“You’re doing a lot more than taking up space, Rams.”

“I need to sell this place.”

“So, sell it. I know a couple of realtors.” I smirked.

“I had the plans out the night you called me when Sam needed to go to the hospital.”

“The plans?”

“For the work on the house. It was the first time in a while that I had taken them out. You have my mind a little more than twisted right now.”

I sucked in a slow breath and held it.

Was Ramsey trying to imply he wanted to fix this house up for Sam and I to live in with him?

“I said I would never fall in love again,” I said. “I said I would never put Sam in a position to get hurt by another guy. So much of what I said… you’ve ignored and ruined.”

“Told you I ruin things,” he said.

“Rams… that’s the kind of stuff that needs to get ruined.”

“I walked away and left a lot of people hurt,” he said. “It wasn’t just an engagement that-”

Ramsey’s eyes moved and there was a knock on the glass behind me.

I turned and saw Sam standing at the door, holding his stuffed bear.

Mom instinct took over and all my attention went to my son.

Not that I would expect Ramsey to take exception to that.

I slid the heavy door open and Sam started to rub his eyes. “I want to go to bed.”

“You can sleep on the couch, dude,” Ramsey said.

“I want my bed.”

“Ah, right,” Ramsey said.

I looked back at Ramsey. This was the perfect moment to let patience slip away.

Only Ramsey wouldn’t let that happen.

He bent his knees and crouched in front of Sam. “You ready to head home?”

“Yeah,” Sam said.

“Sam, I’m visiting with Ramsey,” I said.

“I’m tired,” he whined.

Ramsey looked up at me. “He’s tired. We’d better get him tucked into bed.”

I bit my bottom lip.

He was so good with Sam.

He was so good with me.

What was he worried about with us then?

* * *

Sam rested his head on Ramsey’s shoulder.

We stood at the bottom of the steps just inside my house.

“I’ll take him,” I whispered.

Ramsey nodded.

“Come here, Sammy,” I whispered. “I’ll take you up.”

“Can Ramsey?” Sam asked in a sleepy voice, his eyes half shut.

My eyes locked with Ramsey’s.

Well? my mind thought.

“Sure, dude,” Ramsey said. He put one of his large hands to Sam’s back. “Let’s go.”

I followed them upstairs, my heart racing and swelling. Something as small as this was so big to me. There was nothing harder as a single mother than coming from work after a bad day and still having to handle all the little things that mattered to Sam. Because it wasn’t his job to bear the burden of my bad day.

There wasn’t a single time since moving into this house that someone besides me had carried Sam up the stairs to put him to bed. I’d had help from Norah and Brenda plenty of times, but each time Sam would stay on the couch and wait for me to come home. And then I’d begin the trek of carrying him. Which wasn’t that big of a deal, only now, he was getting bigger. And I was getting more and more tired.

In Sam’s room, Ramsey placed him down on the bed. I caught myself making hand motions as though it were me placing Sam down. A quick breath away from giving Ramsey instructions, even though he wasn’t a fool.

That was just the Mom instinct kicking in again.

“Goodnight, dude,” Ramsey said. “Sleep tight.”

“Thanks, Ramsey,” Sam said.

Hearing my son say Ramsey’s name was a whole other set of emotions to my already delicate heart.

Ramsey turned away from the bed and as he passed me by, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“Stay,” I whispered.

“I’ll be downstairs,” he whispered back. “Do your routine. Do not skip a second of it because of me.”

I squeezed his hand again and he squeezed mine back then let my hand go.

Ramsey exited the room and I sat on the edge of the bed with Sam. I wanted to be back at Ramsey’s house, on the back porch, standing in the cool air, talking to him. There was so much I wanted to know about him. So much he wanted to know about me. But Sam came first, and always would.

I ran my hand through his hair and smiled. “Close your eyes, Sammy. Get a good night of sleep.”

I leaned down to hug him and his tiny arms were wrapped around me tightly.

“Mom, are they family?” he asked.

“Who?” I asked, breaking the hug.

“Aunt Millie? Uncle Tom? Are they family to us?”

I swallowed hard. “Oh, Sammy, they’re not… you know, sometimes family…” I was short on words, which I didn’t like. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and confuse him. “I think they’re family. Okay? Do you know what family is?”

“Not really,” Sam said.

“Family are people who care about you. Love you. Help you when you need help. People who make you laugh when you’re having a bad day. People who make you feel comfortable when you’re having a bad day. Like Aunt Norah. Aunt Brenda. Right?”

“Is Ramsey family?”

I should have seen the question coming, but I didn’t.

It was enough to steal my breath for a few seconds.

“What do you think?” I asked Sam.

“I think he’s family,” he said. “He’s tall. And he’s got too’s on his arms.”

I laughed.

Too’s were tattoos.

“Yes, that’s true, Sammy,” I said. “I think you’d better get some sleep now. Do you want me to read to you?”

“No,” he said. “Go hug Ramsey.”

“Hug Ramsey?” I asked.

“Yes. Isn’t that what you do when you love someone?”

Now my heart leapt into my throat. “Oh, Sammy, that’s such a sweet thing for you to say. And, yes, you hug someone when you love them.”

“You can read to me tomorrow.”

Sam turned and pulled the covers up to his chin.

Sometimes I wondered if he had somehow gone from five to fifteen without me remembering the years in between. Or maybe he just understood more than I gave him credit for. My desperate urge to protect his innocence.

I stole one last kiss and left the bedroom, slowly shutting the door.

I let out a deep breath and blinked fast.

So much was happening and changing at once.

I walked down the stairs and found Ramsey standing in the kitchen, nestled into the corner nook where he had pinned me that one time. Lifting me up and sitting me on the counter, having his way with my pleasure, leaving me just a little bit more addicted to him.

When he saw me, he grinned.

I saw small dimples hidden under the messy scruff on his face. The sleeves of his shirt always rolled up, showing off ink and muscle. The size of him screamed protection… and at the same time, it suggested danger. Yet I couldn’t get away. And I never wanted to get away. I wanted to be with him all the time.

“Crazy night, darling,” he said. “We didn’t get to finish our talk.”

I hurried toward him.

My hands grabbed his face and I moved to my toes. “I don’t give a fuck about finishing our talk right now.”