SOPHIA
I almost ate my thumb. I wasn’t an actress. Pretending I was comfortable sitting with Jules and Elizabeth while my friends watched before leaving the coffee shop was agonizing. I couldn’t drink the coffee in front of me. I could only anxiously gnaw my knuckle, hoping time would pass and I would only be left with a minor stomachache.
“Darling,” Jules whispered. “You hardly spoke to your friends.”
“What? Oh. Um…they’re just doing their own thing…they’re mad at Jame—uh…”
“We should probably get back. Sophia isn’t even touching her croissant.” Elizabeth tried to smile at me while she changed the subject. “And heaven knows we could all use a shower. Being locked away like that was pure torture.”
I glanced at her, wanting to thank her for enjoying my company while locked away in her safe room.
“I suppose. So, you’re really okay staying with them, darling? You don’t want to stay with Simon and me?”
“Honestly…” I was staring out the window of Elizabeth’s car once we climbed in, hardly paying the ladies any attention while we drove away. “…I just want to leave.”
I abandoned my friends in the coffee shop. Michelle, Luke, Derek. People who cared for me unconditionally, and didn’t have a clue about my past, and I just left them sitting there like they were meaningless to me. I felt pathetic. I was pathetic. I regretted even opening my mouth when I noticed the uncomfortable silence and saw both Jules and Elizabeth had turned to stare at me from the front of the car.
“What?”
“You just want to leave?” Jules repeated my words, a hint of sadness in her voice, as though I had entirely shocked and betrayed her. If she only knew.
“I, uh…” I froze, swallowing my nerves and trying to build confidence to talk so bluntly with Jules and Elizabeth. “…I just need some space.”
“I hadn’t thought of what impact this would have on you, darling,” Jules said after a brief silence. “You’ve been through so much in the last year. Yes. Of course, go wherever you need to be to find peace.”
She looked at Elizabeth, who was observing me in the mirror. Where would I find peace? Jameson? Oregon? A rickety boat in the middle of the sea on a rainy day? My mind. My mind was the only place that would bring me peace because it held my mom, freezing the good, positive, happiness I had lost…and kept losing.
“I’ll book a room for her at the Ritz.” Elizabeth smiled at my reflection, but I had nothing to give her in response.
The Ritz? Is she kidding me? I just wanted a room at a motel, somewhere nobody would find me. Not the Ritz Carlton.
“It has a view of the water…if there’s any view left.” Jules shrugged, turning to look at me again from her seat.
“That’s fine. Whatever. Thank you, Mrs. Kerry.”
I want my mom. If we were together, she would have done something amazing to eradicate the fear and nerves of this hurricane. She would have found some way to make it beautiful. She always found beauty in tragedy.
The tightness returned to my lungs, pulling inward and suffocating my weak heart. I imagined Jameson was in the backseat with me, holding me and helping me count, but even that was useless. The sudden wave of emotion came over me, flooding my mind and numbing all remaining emotions.
Jules stroked my cheek, slowly pulling me from the blank daydream that held me prisoner in the back of Elizabeth’s car. Blinking, I realized we had returned to the Kerrys’ home and I had sat, staring at the blackness in my mind for the entire ride.
“What do you need, darling?” Jules whispered, squatting in the doorway so she could reach my faded eyes. “Did something happen to you last night? Is this something about Jameson? Are you okay?”
Jameson. My head lifted at his name, a small fire returning to my heart. If I closed my eyes and tuned out all sound, I could feel it begin to burn again. It was still faint, but there. His name alone was enough to pull my soul back from the brink. But Jules was more right than I could tell her. It was all about Jameson. Something happened.
“It’s just a lot, Jules,” I mumbled, keeping my head to the ground. “My mom and being here, now this…I just want to be alone.”
“I’m worried about you, Sophia.” She placed her palm against my cheek.
Her hands were soft and warm, filling my senses with the pungent aroma of her rose hand cream.
“You’ve lost some light,” she continued. “What hap—” She was cut short by the vibrant sound of men approaching from behind her.
Jules’s head swung around. Her frame lifted from beneath me, and her hand quickly abandoned my face while she ran toward Simon instead of supporting me.
I guess I truly am alone in this world.
With my head hanging, my eyes lifted upward to watch Jules and Simon embrace. As their display of affection slowed, their movement revealed an anxious pair behind them. Thomas was stiffly erect, his arms woven tightly against his chest and Jameson…Jameson. Maybe I’m not alone. His fingers were intertwined atop his head while he spoke to Thomas, both uncomfortably rigid.
Thomas turned toward Elizabeth as she slowly meandered to him, wrapping her arms around his body and resting her head against his chest. The three of them could have fooled anyone, just like they had fooled all of us. I noticed Jameson’s hands drop to his side while Elizabeth spoke, his jaw tightening in response to whatever she said. His dark eyes met mine. Now what did I do? It was a look of disappointment; a feeling I never wanted to see reflected at me. His feet slowly, hesitantly, stepped toward the car. It was difficult to pull my eyes away, but I quickly did so and climbed from the car, walking toward Jules and Simon.
“Sophia.” Simon pulled me against him.
I looked over his shoulder, watching Jameson freeze. His mouth snapped shut, tightly adhering to itself, while the muscles of his defined jaw told me exactly how angry he was. I just don’t know at what or whom.
“I was so worried about you,” Simon pressed. “Jules and I were frantic. When Thomas called to tell us you were here…that was the only comfort we had in that storm. Knowing you were with the Kerrys…”
Sure, Simon. That was just what you wanted.
“Sophia,” Elizabeth called, approaching Simon, Jules, and me. “Let’s go make your reservation.”
Her short bob bounced with each step. I looked over Simon’s shoulder, receiving painful expressions from Thomas and Jameson. Even Thomas was giving me the death stare, but that wasn’t new. He would hate me forever for coming to Florida…and sometimes I felt the same way.
“Reservation?” Simon inquired, glancing between Jules and I as he finally released me. My body was boiling, as though his touch was acidic.
“She needs some space,” Jules mumbled, appearing ashamed. “Elizabeth’s booking a room for her. She’ll be fine, Simon. She’s a strong girl. She just needs some space. This is a lot for her. Poor darling…”
“Alone?” Simon inquired, his eyes alight. “Should we come with you, Sophia? It’s not safe out there for a young woman after a storm like this. There are looters and thieves…”
“Thieves are everywhere.” I looked at Simon, my nerves finally confident enough to communicate with the people around me.
Biting my top lip to stabilize myself, my eyes caught Jameson’s movement to the side. His head hung low, even shaking, as he followed Elizabeth and Thomas into the broken home.
Thieves were closer than I had ever thought. One had stolen my safety and the other had stolen my heart.
***
Elizabeth was standing against the front desk, somehow managing to appear entirely put together despite a hurricane. How can this hotel even function now? How are these rich ladies finding their pearls and diamonds? And seriously, how can those people be sitting out at the pool? I don’t belong here. None of this. None. It isn’t me.
“Sophia?”
“Sorry.” I blushed, approaching Elizabeth. “I was thinking about Jules.”
She passed a sympathetic smile in my direction and motioned for me to join her at the desk. The tall, tanned man across from her offered a similarly pathetic expression.
“Darling,” his drawl sang straight from the theatre, “your friend here’s told me all about how your home was damaged. You’re mighty brave for making it through. We’re honored to have you staying here with us.”
Right. You mean you’re so honored to take the thousands of dollars Elizabeth was forking over. I nodded, unable to smile. I was empty. Elizabeth looked between the man and me before laughing uncomfortably.
“We’ll just take keys for the rooms and be on our way,” she sang.
“Keys? Plural?” I whispered, nervously crossing my arms. I hoped she hadn’t invited Jules and Simon. I needed space from them too.
“Honey.” She placed some hair behind my ear. “We’re staying here too. Thomas and Jameson will come later.”
I needed space from them, most of all. Most of all? My heart couldn’t handle any of this. I know I was looking at her with a look of distaste, an automatic reaction that I couldn’t prevent.
“What’s wrong, Sophia?”
“Nothing,” I lied, thinking for a moment. “I just thought I would really be alone.”
“I don’t think that’s the safest thing right now. We’ll just be in another room of the suite. It’ll be like you’re alone.”
“Suite?” Oh, crap.
My reluctant footsteps followed Elizabeth around the front desk toward the elevator, where she tapped her foot while we waited. As soon as it arrived, we piled in and stood in awkward silence. I wanted to be alone, but felt even more like a prisoner than I had during the actual hurricane. I was practically at the mercy of Thomas and Elizabeth now. And Jameson.
“Honestly, Sophia,” she mumbled, looking down. “I’m concerned for you. If Jameson knew you’d almost electrocuted yourself in your room, he would never recover.”
“Excuse me?”
I hadn’t tried to electrocute myself. I just hadn’t thought about the fact I was knee-deep in my bedroom pool that also contained exposed wires. Forgive my mind for being overstuffed with trauma and thoughts that often prevented my intelligence from appearing.
“We can talk about it later,” she shushed me once the doors opened. “It isn’t something to discuss publicly.”
My mouth hung as she stepped onto our floor, twisting the key card between her bony fingers. Her hand was still adorned with sparkling rings that reflected light from every source within the Ritz, windows, fluorescents, all reminding us of her blinding wealth and status against the destruction that surrounded us.
These aren’t my people. I don’t belong here. But these aren’t Jameson’s people either. Neither of us belong here. Yet somehow, Jameson fit in entirely. He was like a chameleon, morphing into whatever identity was required of him, and the thought of the fluidity and ease with which he could change frightened me. And there went my mind, slowly slipping into panic and its newfound inability to accept anything as true anymore. What if this isn’t real? What if Jameson isn’t truly who Gabe was on the inside?
With shaking nerves and my head hanging low, I followed Elizabeth into the hotel room, unsure of what to expect. I saw the wires. I knew. What is wrong with me?
“Your room is the second door on the left. I’ve had some clothes brought up for you. They’re on your bed,” Elizabeth rambled while we walked inside. “I hope you don’t mind. I figured you’re around a size eight or ten, right?”
The interior was overwhelming and we had just stepped into the living space. There were two loveseats separated by a dark coffee table and one club chair at the head of the table, all of which were resting on top of a fancy rug. It was too fancy. This was all so fake, it made my teeth hurt.
“Eight,” I replied. “Thank you.”
I was struggling internally, but still managed manners. I stood in the living area, watching Elizabeth from behind as she moved around the space, heading toward the open kitchen area and flicking on every light on the way.
“You need to eat,” she teased. “You’re skin and bones.”
Hardly. What I needed was for Elizabeth and this disgusting reminder of the difference between Jameson and me to leave me alone so I could curl into a ball under a very warm, dark blanket.
“Sophia,” I heard her mumble while resting on one of the loveseats. “We can talk now if you’d like.”
“No. Thanks.”
She patted the cushion next to her, “Please, dear. Before the boys get here. We should discuss what happened at your house. You must be in utter shock.”
I am in shock—shocked that someone with any sense would continue probing someone who did not want to talk. My mind was a mess—why was she still talking about this and probing like a nosy parent? Part of me felt comforted that Elizabeth was trying to care, as awkward and uncomfortable as it seemed for her to attempt to support someone so beneath her stature, but I couldn’t let anyone in. I wasn’t about to divulge anything to her. I just found out my aunt’s boyfriend was watching me. Stalking me to get to Jameson. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore.
“What happened at her house?”
I spun around, my heart stopping, feeling as though it had been days since hearing his gentle tone. I had been too involved in my own thoughts to hear him enter. He should have brought me comfort but, in that moment, I wanted to cry.
“Soph,” Jameson continued, approaching me hesitantly. “What happened at your house?”
“I thought you weren’t coming until later.” Elizabeth stood from the couch. “Where’s Thomas?”
“Downstairs. Parking. What happened at Soph’s house?” His eyes were fixed on mine, unrelenting and accusatory.
“Nothing,” I sighed, turning my back on Jameson.
It was a strange sensation, a creeping feeling that began in my fingers, inching just under my skin toward my chest. It pooled beneath my throat, tightening its grip around my breath and I had to escape.
I felt…angry. My feet carried me, almost floating, in a frantic rush toward the second room on the left. The bedroom was larger than half of Jules’s home, with an attached bathroom. Everything was white or gold. Everything was exquisite. Nothing was me.
Slamming the door, my body hurled itself forward, landing against the floor. I felt so attacked, demanded of, and not given time to even accept that not only was I an orphan, but I was homeless.
What happened at Soph’s house? Everything.