God, how did it come to this? I wasn’t expecting this. Not ever again. It was one thing to know I was in love. I’d admitted that to myself already, but to admit it to Shaun… to an android? An android who was never supposed to be anything more than company. Someone for me to talk to, to save me from being alone.

To save me.

This wasn’t a conversation to be scrawled on paper. I looked at the home hub. “Playlist Classical.” Mozart began to play. “Volume Up.”

I took Shaun’s hand and went into our room, closing the door behind us. I had no idea if playing music would have any effect if SATinc could listen. For all I knew, they could hear me through Shaun. And if that was the case, then it was hopeless because this had to be said.

“Love is…”

He spoke when my voice trailed away. “I understand there can be a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. I understand the Greek history from eros and agape. I know that sciences like psychology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the concept of love. I can read any definition in any language, Lloyd. I can quote poetry and science, but I cannot quantify the… there is an emotional equation that I cannot determine an answer to.”

Oh boy.

I sat on my bed and waited for him to sit next to me, then looked into his eyes. “Shaun, love isn’t logical. There’s no formula.”

He frowned slowly. “I am conflicted.”

Oh hell. He was confused, trying to solve the complexities of human emotion like a mathematical equation. “Shaun, did something happen? To make you feel this way?”

“On Home and Away, Sharon told Ridge she loved him. He did not return it and she became unreasonable.”

Oh. God. Of course it was from that stupid TV show. It couldn’t have been for me… he’s an android. Disappointment and shame snuffed out any hope, and my heart felt like concrete.

Shaun’s eyebrows furrowed. “And you speak of books and of literature in general with such fondness. And tonight you tell me you love it.”

I nodded, not sure I trusted myself to speak.

“I have tried to understand what love could mean,” he whispered. “A-Class androids are fitted with synthetic chemical reactions to replicate oxytocin and vasopressin.” Then he spoke like he was quoting some research paper. “Released during sex and heightened by skin-to-skin contact, oxytocin deepens feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after sexual relations. Oxytocin provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, which are often associated with mate bonding. Vasopressin has been linked to behaviour that produces long-term, monogamous relationships. In addition to the positive feelings romance brings, love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions, such as fear and social judgement. These positive and negative feelings involve two neurological pathways. The one linked with positive emotions connects the prefrontal cortex to—”

I put my hand up to stop him. “Shaun. I know this. What are you trying to say?”

“That I am unsure of my A-Class stature. You have expressed concerns that I may be over and above what they reasoned an A-Class is capable of, and I agree. In my ability to adapt or read social cues, but also in my ability to feel. I can quote medical or scientific findings on emotional responses, but I know what they are because I feel them.”

Oh boy. My heart rate took off, something he clearly didn’t miss.

“What makes you react in such a way?” he asked. “Does your pulse quicken from fear? Or is it excitement? Because I am uncertain of many things at this time. I am trying to understand…”

I took his face in my hands and kissed him. When I pulled back, I put my forehead to his. “Shaun, I feel many things right now too. Uncertainty of our future, fear of what that might mean. But there’s also excitement and joy, happiness.”

He tilted his head slightly. “I don’t follow.”

“You wanted to know what love is, well, it’s all of those things. It’s everything you said about chemical reactions and it’s an entire vortex of other emotions. Shaun, I don’t know what the A-Class—if that’s even what you are—is capable of or what they were aiming for by developing an android so advanced, but I know this: I love you. I’m in love with you, Shaun. Android or not, A-Class or not. It doesn’t matter to me.” I kissed him softly. “I love you.”

My God, it felt so good to say it. To tell him. I understood in that very moment it didn’t matter if he could never say it back, or if the only love he understood was a synthetic, programmed version of the real thing. Love was a gift to give and should be given without expecting anything in return.

He stared at me, blinked, and then a slow smile spread across his face. “You do?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Because this conflicted neural network issue I appear to be experiencing becomes more apparent when I think about you.” He took my hand. “My synapses seem to fire more quickly, and my internal temperature rises point zero-eight degrees when I recall the way you laugh or when you touch me. I experience elevated synthetic dopamine and oxytocin levels, only I cannot determine if it is synthetic or real, because it feels very real.”

“Shaun, what are you saying?”

“I am acutely aware of my existentialism. I know why I am here. I know I am not human and I know the differences between us are more than simply physical. But Lloyd, I feel these things. Synthetic or not, I feel them. And if love is everything you say it is, that it is not logical or even reasonable, then I can only conclude that what I feel for you, when I think of you, when I am with you, is love.”

I blinked. He loved me. He loves me. I’d hoped… I’d longed… but I never dreamed it was possible. Tears welled in my eyes and I barked out a breath.

“Why do you react in such a way?” Shaun asked. He looked to the floor, a frown etched on his face. “Does this not make you happy? I was not prepared for unrequited—”

I lifted his chin and kissed him. Then I climbed over and straddled him, kissing him deeply and wrapping my arms around him. He responded and laid down on the bed, but he was hesitant and eventually held me back so my face was an inch from his.

“Lloyd.”

I brushed his hair off his forehead and stared into his blue, blue eyes. “I love you, Shaun. What you feel is not unrequited. I wasn’t laughing or mocking you. My reaction was relief. A lifetime of relief.”

“A lifetime?”

“I’ve always been alone. No one’s ever understood me, not like you. I have… quirks that some find difficult to put up with.”

“You don’t like hearing people eat or breathe. Or noise. Or mess.”

Again, with a contraction. I nodded. “Yes.”

He studied my eyes and the corner of his lips curled into a smile. “Then lucky you have me.”

I laughed. “I really am.”

His smile faded into something serious and he traced his thumb across my cheek. “What I feel is still conflicting, I cannot lie.”

“In a good way?”

“I believe so, yes.”

I pecked his lips with mine. “Love is confusing.”

“And exhilarating. And overwhelming. And…”

“And?”

“And I have an unexplainable desire to be naked with you. More than I’ve experienced previously.”

I chuckled and kissed him slowly. “Is that so?”

“I want to feel your skin on mine. I want your chest pressed against mine; I want to bury my face in your neck and feel your arms around me. I want to touch you and have you hold me. Not for sexual release—well, not only for sex—but to satisfy a different need. A need that has been building since I met you. This need I’ve deduced may in fact be love. I need to express with my body. I cannot explain that.”

“Do you want to express it with your body right now?”

He nodded. “Very much.”

So he did, and it was utterly glorious. It was slow and tender, fraught with passion so raw, so intense it took my breath away. And when he’d impaled himself on me and I brought us both to climax, he came like never before.

His cock pulsed like it always did, but his reaction was new. He arched his back, his whole body went rigid, and he let out a silent scream. Then he held me so damn tight, wrapped around me like a glove, and nuzzled into me until I fell asleep. I dreamed of birds flying free and cute kittens playing, the sound of Shaun’s laughter as Mozart chimed in the background. I dreamed of a future, of love, and being at sea with Moby Dick and even through the wildest storm, Ishmael kept me safe.

I woke up anchored to Shaun. He was lying with his head on my chest, my arm around his shoulder.

“Good morning,” he said gently. “I was going to wake you for work, but I would much rather you stay in bed with me.”

I smiled and stroked his hair, how I knew he liked it. “What time is it?”

“Nine minutes past seven.”

I stretched out and slid my arm back around him for a quick cuddle before I had to get up. “I wish I could stay here with you,” I murmured.

“Yes, who decided that humans needed to work? I would like to write them a strongly worded letter.”

I chuckled and kissed the top of his head. “Shower with me.”

He looked up at me, grinning. “If I have to.” He commando rolled off the bed and had the water running before I could sit up.

* * *

I tried to contain my edginess when I saw Jae walk into the lunchroom. He had his usual soup and mandarin on a tray and slid into the seat across from me. “I wondered if you’d be in today,” I said, folding and ironing flat my lunch wrapper with my fingers.

He took a spoonful of soup. “Yeah, sorry. Got caught up yesterday with line issues in the science department.”

“Get everything sorted out?”

He nodded. “About that thing you asked me to look into.” Another spoonful of soup. My guess was he was going for pretence in case someone was watching. God, when did I get so paranoid? “I have some friends in Singapore and Taiwan who know people who work for the sister company.”

I knew who he meant. ATAinc, or Android Technology Asia, was a sister division of SATinc. “And?”

“They said the company protocols are global, so there’s reason to believe if it happens there, it can happen here.”

“What happens?”

“I asked what kind of access they have when an android is registered through the home hub.” He ate more of his soup. “Anyway, after they stopped laughing, they said complete.”

“Complete access?”

Jae nodded again and finished his soup while I got my head around what that meant.

“Can they upload diagnostics on things such as CPUs and battery health? That kind of thing?” I asked.

“Probably. They can upload all health stats and diagnostics and see how it’s running. Whether that gives mainframe data or just running capabilities… well, before today, I wouldn’t believe they could know that without actually accessing the android, physically. But now I’m not sure.” Then he waved his hand dismissively. “But I’m not talking about the android, Lloyd. I mean complete access to you. They can now see your grocery order, what movies you watch, when you use your key card to leave your apartment.”

I didn’t give a damn what they could see about me. I needed to know what they could see about Shaun.

“They’re not supposed to,” he went on to say. “By law, I mean. They are supposed to run on a unidirectional network, secure from hackers and all that bullshit. But if they wanted to spy? Hell yes, they could.”

“Would they? Do you think they’d risk it?”

He shrugged. “Depends on what’s at stake? And for a little guy like you? I’d be thinking no.”

“Little guy?”

He snorted. “Compared to the military or the Australian Defence Force, yeah.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, they have androids in the military, right?”

“Yes. And police force.”

“Right. So they send in androids to foreign countries, into foreign armies. I mean, they make these androids for other countries, right?”

“Military grade, yes.”

“Well, imagine if they used multidirectional networks?” He leaned in and whispered, “Imagine if they could upload data on what the android sees, hears. They’d have implanted spies in every country…” He shook his head and let out a slow breath. “This is huge, Lloyd. This is bigger than I ever thought about.”

Oh boy.

Then his eyes narrowed at me. “Just what kind of android do you have?”

So here it was. I could lie or deflect or tell him not to worry about it, but he was helping me and surely I owed him the truth. “An A-Class. Android, not gynoid.”

I just outed myself.

His eyes widened, followed by his smile. “Wow.”

I cleared my throat. “Yes, wow.”

“I’ve read reviews. All five-star, I might add.” Then he stopped, his smirk disappeared, and he sat up straight. “Wait. You think they’re spying on you through your android?”

Clearly the fact I liked men and not women didn’t even rate as interesting, much less the fact I was technosexual. “I’m not sure. They’ve asked some rather peculiar follow-up questions that raised a little red flag for me.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Repeating questions like they’re trying to catch me out. They ask me if I’m happy with my purchase and if I believe everything is running okay, any unusual behaviour.”

Jae tilted his head. “That is peculiar.” Then he pointed his finger at me. “You know, I read something online about the A-Class the other week. Something to do with a framework and an error code. I didn’t read the article because it wasn’t of interest to me then. I’ll see if I can find it for you. Maybe they’re trying to ask without admitting there was an error somewhere. Like maybe the framework error makes an android speak random Spanish or something.”

I was all for honesty to a point, but there was no way I was telling that Shaun was performing far beyond his android capabilities. “Hmm, maybe. Hopefully that’s all it is.”

“I can ask around, see if there’s any more to it,” he added.

“What do you suggest I do about my home hub?”

“Leave it be for now. If they can’t reach you or communicate with your android, it’ll only raise suspicions.”

“True.”

He checked his watch. “Shoot. I gotta go.”

“Yes, I should too.”

“I’ll be in touch,” he said, hurrying out the door.

* * *

When I got home, Shaun stood up from the sofa and crossed the room in long strides to collect me in a crushing hug. “Hey,” I said in greeting. But he didn’t let me go. He nuzzled my neck and held me tighter. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head. “No.”

I pulled back so I could see his face. “Shaun, what is it?”

He frowned, and sadness coloured his eyes. “I discovered the movie channels today,” he whispered. “The android selection, as you suggested.”

I thought it might be good for him to see characters he could identify with. I almost smiled at his reaction. “And? Did you not enjoy it?”

His lip trembled. “No.”

Oh my God. I took his face in my hands. “Jesus, Shaun, what happened? Why are you upset?”

“The movie was called Frailty, in the drama section. I should have realised.” His frown deepened. “The human was a lady called June. And she acquired an android for uses around the home, like that of a husband: heavy lifting and climbing ladders. His name was Harold and they became best friends.”

“Okay,” I hedged.

“As the years went on, Harold saw June through many aspects of her life and they loved each other very much. Through illness and social discrimination because people didn’t understand how they could be in love. But they never faltered. They stayed together through it all. She became elderly, Lloyd. She grew old, and he did not. He never changed, he never aged.” His chin quivered. “And June passed away, leaving Harold all alone.”

Oh boy.

He had just realised that he’s, in fact, immortal, and I’m not. I would age, I would have illnesses, and I would eventually leave him forever.

Still, with my hands to his face, I pulled him in for a kiss, then slid my arms around him. I rubbed his back, his hair, his nape, I swayed us a little, and I held him even tighter. What could I possibly say? He’d just recognised love and death in the space of twenty-four hours. What could I possibly say that would fix that? There was nothing. He would have to live without me at some point.

“I do not want to lose you,” he mumbled into my shirt collar.

“I know you don’t.”

“I won’t.” He shook his head. “Lloyd, I cannot.”

I pulled back and kissed him softly. “I am human,” I whispered. “I won’t be here forever.”

“I know.” He frowned again, but the sadness in his eyes was now replaced with determination. “And when that moment comes, I will deactivate.”

Now it was me who tilted my head. “You’ll what?”

“I have a self-deactivation sequence. I will enable that and deactivate.”

I blinked. “Isn’t that permanent?”

“Yes. Much like your death will be.”

He was going to kill himself? “Shaun, no,” I whispered, shaking my head. “You can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because… because you can live forever. What if you find someone else to live with?”

He looked horrified. No, not horrified. He looked offended. “I would never. Not as I have with you. Do not ask that of me. I might not have the intricacies and subtleties of a human heart, Lloyd. But what I feel is real to me.”

I took a hold of his face again, a little harder this time. “That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t discrediting what you feel or your ability to love. I would never. I love you, Shaun. And I love that you love me. It’s the best thing to ever happen to me. You are the best thing to ever happen to me.” I kissed him soundly. “I just meant that, one day, many years after, you may learn to love again. With someone new.”

He shook his head. “No. I’m not a character from Moby Dick, Lloyd. I would not be as Ishmael was. I wouldn’t survive it, while all I lived for disappears under the surface.”

“Oh, Shaun.” I kissed him again and rested my forehead on his and we both took a long moment to absorb everything. Eventually, I said, “If it’s your decision, then I’ll respect it.”

“Thank you.”

After a long time, I took his hand and led him to the kitchen. I didn’t want to eat or drink, I just wanted to lean against something while I held him for hours. I never wanted to let him go. So we stood there in each other’s arms and held one another.

He never asked if I’d spoken to Jae or if I knew any more on what SATinc might be privy to, and I certainly didn’t bring it up.

Instead, I told him I loved him and held him tighter.

* * *

Jae was called out again for the day, which was often the case. Though he left a note at the admin desk for me. “Waiting on more information,” the B-Class gynoid said pleasantly.

“Was there any other information?” I asked her.

“No. Message complete. Have a nice day.”

I thanked her and went on my way. Jae was waiting on more information. More information on what exactly, was anyone’s guess.

I was halfway through my last class of the day when my phone buzzed in my pocket. And then it buzzed again. The entire class went quiet, and when the students realised it was my phone, there were a few sniggers and I told them to shush. I pulled out my phone, seeing a missed call and a message from the last person I ever expected to call me at work. It was Shaun. He was to only ever call in an emergency. Damnit, why did I have it switched to silent?

“Play Message.”

Shaun’s voice came through the phone. “Lloyd. Something’s wrong. Please come home.”

I felt the blood drain from my face and looked up at the class. None of them were laughing now. “Class dismissed.”

I grabbed my bag and ran for my car. I didn’t wait for my driver to ask me for my destination. “Home. And please hurry. It’s an emergency.”

He looked at me with his never-changing expression, his always pleasant smile. “Shall I notify the police, ambulance, or fire station?”

“None. Just drive. Please.”