Chapter 20

Alice

Still out on the balcony, I brought my glass to my lips and took a sip, wondering just where the hell Connor had gotten off to. The booze was making my thoughts muddled and unclear, and I knew that I needed to keep myself in check if I didn’t want to turn into a sloppy mess in front of everyone.

Finally, Connor stepped back outside from the ballroom and took his place next to me.

“How was the socializing?” I asked.

“Could’ve been better,” he said. “I think our friend Richter is on to us.”

My stomach dropped.

“Are you serious? How does he know?”

“He overheard our conversation out here.”

My blood ran cold, realizing it was likely him that I’d caught a glimpse of not too long ago. I looked around with furtive glances, wondering if he was still listening.

“Then what…what are we going to do?”

“Nothing,” he said, his voice as cool and calm as ever. “He doesn’t have any evidence, and if he tries to make an issue out of this then I’ll just paint him as an envious colleague trying to portray me as a liar to bump me out of my promotion. He’d end up coming out of the other side looking worse than me.”

“So, you’re just going to call his bluff?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said. “I know Richter—he’s all talk. He was likely hoping that I’d fold as soon as he let me know that he knew everything. A button-up dweeb like him wouldn’t risk a scandal on his name.”

I felt a little better seeing how calm Connor was about the whole thing.

“I don’t know how you’re handling this so well,” I said. “I’d be freaking out if I were you.”

“Trust me,” he said. “When you operate on people’s hearts for a living, you get used to pressure really fast. Besides, I’m more interested in you right now.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“And what does that mean exactly?”

“You know,” he said. “You’ve been acting strangely all night, even before I dropped the news about LA. You got anything you want to talk about?”

I did—I really did. But I wasn’t sure just how much of what I wanted to discuss with Connor was appropriate. I was a mess of emotions, and for someone like me who was used to playing things close to the chest, talking about my feelings so openly was something I was hardly used to. And on top of that, I didn’t even know what my feelings actually were.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I’m still just trying to reconcile the Connor I knew with the Connor right here in front of me.”

“Oh?” he asked.

“Yeah. I mean, I started this assignment thinking you were going to be the same man I always knew. Hell, I was half expecting to walk into your office that first time and see you with a nurse on your lap with her tongue crammed down your throat.”

Connor laughed.

“Maybe back in med school. But these days? Not so much.”

Despite his laughter, I spotted the faintest flash of a particular expression on his face, a brief wince that seemed to suggest he was a little embarrassed by my reference to his old ways, as though he couldn’t believe that was the man he once was.

“And back in there,” I said, sticking out a thumb toward the ballroom. “Did you see how many women were gobbling you up with their eyes? It was almost funny.”

“Truth be told,” he said, “I don’t even really notice it.”

But he had noticed me.

I shook the thought out of my head, not wanting to get too drunk this implicit compliment.

“The Connor I knew back in the day would’ve done more than notice it,” I said. “I remember back during those few weeks when we were dating… The way your head would turn whenever some skirt with a nice pair of legs coming out the bottom walked past—I would’ve sworn that one of those days your head was gonna just pop right off your neck.”

A smile spread across Connor’s face as he shook his head.

“I can’t believe it,” he said. “And you just let me get away with that?”

I shrugged.

“I was just so happy to be with you that I was afraid to rock the boat, you know? You were the big catch, and I knew you had…other options.”

“It’s funny that you think I’m the only one who’s changed,” he said. “I mean, look at you. You’re a tough, confident woman. Hell, I’d be afraid of what would happen if I got caught checking out a girl with you on my arm.”

“You really think I’m all that different?” I asked.

“Are you kidding?” he asked, his dark eyebrows rising into surprised arches. “I barely recognized you when I stepped into my office and saw you waiting for me. I mean, I knew you were the same girl, but you had a poise that gave me pause.”

I was intrigued.

“Tell me more, Dr. Rex,” I said, sidling close to him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped as if remembering something. Then he looked away for a brief moment in thought before going on.

“You’re wrong if you think that the reason I dated you back in high school was because you were there and I was single and you looked like easy pickings. That’s not the case at all. See, I’d dated just about every type of girl that school had to offer, everyone from cheerleaders to student government girls to everyone in between. But when I saw you… I don’t know, there was just something different about you, something that intrigued me.”

“Something good, I hope,” I asked with a smile. “And not something that made you think I was the type of girl who’d let you get to third base within an hour of the first date or something.”

“Nah, not like that at all. It was more like that these other girls seemed to a have a solid sense of who they were. At least, the type of person they thought they were. You…were different. I could tell right away that you were something special, but that you were the only person who didn’t believe it.”

“I was pretty damn insecure back then,” I said, my heart fluttering a little at his words. “I mean, you’re right—it seemed like everyone at school had who they were figured out except for me. I was just the gawky girl who floated around campus, never really appearing on anyone’s radar.”

“Except for mine,” he said, his eyes locked on me, his voice clear and confident.

I felt the hot spread of blush on my cheeks. Then the next words came out in a clumsy tumble.

“Then why did you just throw me aside like I was nothing?”

There was strange, immature brattiness to my voice, as though my old, less secure self had come out for just a moment. Connor looked away, weighing his next words carefully.

“Because, like you said, I was different. And I had a reputation to maintain. Back then being a womanizer who was with a different girl every week was an important part of who I was. I know, it was stupid, but that’s high school for you. So, stupidly, I broke up with you. Only later did I realize just what I’d thrown away so carelessly.”

A tingling spread out from my heart and the world seemed to melt away around me.

“And…” I started. “What would you do if you could do it all over again? If you could talk to that old Connor again?”

I knew I was pressing my luck, but I didn’t care. I needed to know just where I stood. To my surprise, I noticed that Connor’s and my hands were both resting on the stone barrier of the balcony, nearly touching.

“I’d tell my stupid teenage self what I had right in front of me,” he said, his body moving closer to mine. “I’d make him understand what an amazing girl he had, tell him that women like this don’t come around every day.”

Almost as if being pulled by some sort of strange force, our lips moved closer and closer by the second.

“You don’t have to go back, though,” I said. “You’ve got me right here.”

A smile tugged up on one side of his mouth.

“I certainly do.”

Then he kissed me hard.