Logan was waiting outside when we pulled into the driveway at home.
“He texted. He wanted to talk to you,” Mason told me as he parked.
“Hey—” Logan started as we got out of the Escalade to head inside.
Mason went on ahead, and I held a hand up, stopping Logan. “If you’re here to apologize or reassure me you’re not going anywhere, you don’t have to.”
He frowned, raking a hand through his hair and grabbing a fistful. “Really?” He gestured behind him. “It’s just that Taylor reamed us out, and I thought maybe—”
“I didn’t go running because I was worried about losing you and Mason.” I cocked my head to the side. “Well, I did, but it wasn’t all about that.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “Some of it’s about my mom, and there’s other stuff. I’ll be fine. I promise. I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you thought.”
“I know you aren’t, but I still feel bad.”
I grinned. “So Taylor reamed you out?”
He laughed, his hand falling from his hair. His shoulders seemed to loosen. “Yeah, and Mason came out shirtless in the middle of it. Another time and place, and I would’ve been all over him for doing that. I think he came out to find you.”
I tried to hold in my grin. “And he found your girlfriend instead.”
“Good thing I’m Logan Kade. I mean, come on. If I wasn’t the #sexmachine, I might’ve felt a little self-conscious.” His eyes grew thoughtful. “I’d never noticed how ripped he is. I think he needs to cut back on some of his training. He’s lean cuisine now. Does it hurt? When you’re bumping and grinding against him? Do all those hard muscles give you road rash or something?”
I clapped him on the shoulder, turning for the house. “Stop while you’re ahead.”
“But—”
“Stop, Logan.”
“Okay.” He sighed, reaching around me and opening the door.
Nate, Matteo, and Mark waited for us inside. No Taylor, and no Mason.
“Where’s my boyfriend?” I asked.
“Getting some water,” Matteo reported.
“Where’s my other half?” Logan asked.
Nate grinned. “If she’s smart, heading back to Cain without you.”
Logan scowled. “Not funny, Nate. Not funny.”
Nate laughed. “I think she’s downstairs watching TV or something.”
“So what’s going on?” Logan asked, sitting down. His hand rested along the back of the couch. “What’s Malinda Junior doing here?”
Mark sneered at him. “So funny, Logan.”
Logan shrugged. “You never call. You never email. I don’t get letters from you. What’s going on? It’s like we’re not even brothers anymore.”
“I’m Sam’s brother, not yours.”
“Means the same thing.”
“And you read your own mail? I thought that’s why you got a girlfriend. So she could go through all your mail and fan letters.”
The joking suddenly stopped, and Logan leaned forward. “You want to say that again?”
Mark’s lips formed a line. “You haven’t been around all summer, and the first time I’m seeing you, you’re giving me shit about not talking to you? I’ve been here. Where’ve you been?”
Mason came back from the kitchen, but paused behind Mark.
“I know you were with your girlfriend, but fuck, man,” Mark continued. “All you care about is your brother, Sam, and now your girlfriend. From what I’ve been hearing, you haven’t been such a good friend to Nate, much less Matteo.”
Nate looked confused.
Matteo shot him a look. “I’m the lowest on the totem pole? Is that what he’s saying?”
Logan ignored them both and shot to his feet. “You want to be penpals now? I was joking. That’s what I do. But fuck, man, if you really want to have Dr. Phil phone calls, just call me. If I’m not fighting or having sex, I’ll pick up.”
“No.” Mark shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying—”
“You sore because I didn’t stay for your bday pool party? Well, I’m sorry about that, but we had things to deal with.”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” Mark pointed at him, snapping his fingers. He gestured to Mason, too, seeing him behind him. “You, too. I heard about the party last night—that there was some biker feud and someone pulled a gun. I got a text from Matteo asking me what was going on, and I had no idea. He couldn’t get ahold of you two.”
Mason and Logan looked at Matteo, who shrugged and lifted his hands. “I didn’t know what to do. I was with Tiffany last night. She got a text about a big party at Channing’s, and we were headed there. We’d almost gotten there when we heard the gun. A huge crowd came running down the street after that.” He indicated Nate. “I saw this one running and picked him up.”
Nate grimaced.
“Yeah,” Matteo added. “We came back here, but no one was around. I knew you guys were here because the two Escalades were in the drive. But I didn’t want to turn creeper and look in the bedrooms.”
I flushed, knowing what Matteo would’ve seen if he had.
Mason looked at him. “You brought that girl here? To this house?”
“Yeah.” He looked at Logan, then me. “Was I not supposed to?”
I met Mason’s gaze. Kate had said someone was talking. Could it be her?
“You met her at Channing’s fight?” I asked him.
“Yeah.” Everyone looked at me as Matteo continued. “She was hanging with some of her friends.”
“Who are her friends?” Mason asked.
“What?”
“Who are her friends?”
Matteo slowly stood. “Look, if you have a problem with her, I won’t bring her around.”
“Have you?”
“What?” Matteo ran a hand over his face, suddenly looking tired.
Mason asked again, “Have you been bringing her here?”
“Once or twice. Not a lot. I’ve been at her place.”
“She has her own place?”
“She’s got roommates.”
Oh, fucking hell. I closed my eyes, cursing in my head. This was the leak. “Would one of those girls be named Kate?”
“Yeah,” Matteo confirmed. “How’d you know?”
“And does Kate’s boyfriend hang out at the house sometimes when you’re there?”
“Yeah, he’s a big mofo. Some of his buddies were at that bar the other day, too. That’s why I said hello…” He trailed off, suddenly seeing angry faces around him.
Mason turned away. I hung my head, but Logan shot to his feet. “Are you fucking serious? You’ve been hanging with our enemies?”
“I didn’t know they were your enemies. I swear!” Matteo moved around Logan. “Mason, I didn’t know. I’m being honest.”
“What is going on?” Mark sat down, his gaze jumping around the room.
Mason said to Matteo, ignoring my stepbrother, “There’s a shit ton of history here. You’re always so happy. I didn’t want to rain on your parade. We’ve got enemies around these parts, and if you get involved, it can make you paranoid. You seemed like you were having a good time.”
“There’s no way he would’ve known about Kate,” I offered.
“Who’s Kate? Other than Tiffany’s roommate,” Matteo asked.
Mark snorted. “Some chick that went psycho on Sam a while back.”
“What?!”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t out of nowhere. She and Mason used to have a thing, before me.”
Matteo turned to Mason. “You dated her?”
“I used to fuck her.” His lips thinned. “Unfortunately.”
“She and her friends thought they were in an actual girl gang and jumped Sam,” Logan said. “They put her in the hospital one night.”
“Oh. Wow.” Matteo’s voice grew quiet. “I’m sorry, Sam. I had no idea Kate was like that.”
“You guys were told someone was snitching?” Nate asked Mason and me.
I nodded. “Kate found me at the carnival one night. She said we needed to be wary, that someone in the inner circle was talking.” I looked back at Matteo. “You had no way of knowing, so don’t feel bad.”
“He didn’t really know anything, right?” Logan asked Mason.
“Not really.”
Matteo frowned, scratching his head. “Yeah, you guys talk in riddles sometimes. I think I’ve gotten used to it, but now I’m starting to realize it’s just all code for things. Look, don’t tell me anything. I’ll stop seeing Tiffany. We’re not serious. We were just having fun until I go back to school and football.”
Nate and Logan seemed satisfied with that. Both leaned back on the couches, stretching their feet out.
Mark kept looking from person to person, and after a moment he threw his hands up in the air. “Am I the only one pissed right now?”
Matteo said nothing, just sat between Logan and Nate on the couch. Mason moved to stand next to me and touched the small of my back, his hand shifting under my shirt to rest against my skin.
“Why are you mad, Mark?” he asked.
“Because—” he sputtered. “I want to know what’s going on.”
“We can’t tell you.” Logan disentangled his arm from the back of the couch and leaned forward.
“Why not?”
“Because you’re friends with Quinn,” Logan explained.
“But he’s working with Adam.” Mark pointed to Mason.
“Doesn’t mean I’m friends with him.”
“He thinks you are.”
Mason frowned, his hand pressing harder against my back. He tugged me against him. “What do you mean?”
“He thinks you guys are all copacetic. Becky, too. They were asking what was going on last night, since everyone knew you were at that party.”
That didn’t sound right. “Becky asked, too?” I said.
He looked at me. “Well, I mean…” He lifted a shoulder. “She was there, and Adam was asking me. She didn’t tell him to be quiet or anything. I just took it to mean she agreed with him.”
Becky loved Adam, but she understood we weren’t friends with him. That made me feel like something else was going on, but it wasn’t something I could get from Mark. When Mason and Logan fell quiet and remained that way, I knew what they were doing. Mark might be friends with Logan, and friendly-ish with Mason, but he was my stepbrother. He was mine to handle.
I moved forward. “Mark, are you asking because you were worried about me, or because Adam asked you to find out what was going on?”
“He—” Mark stopped again. He gripped the back of his neck. “Adam didn’t really ask in so many words, not like he wanted me to find out. But it still pissed me off. I had no clue what was going on, and then I heard there were gunshots at a party you were at? Yeah, I guess I got mad.” He glared at Logan, then Mason. “She’s not just yours. She’s mine, too. My sister. My family. You can’t keep putting her in danger all the time.”
I didn’t look up at Mason. I didn’t dare because he was either ready to rip Mark’s head off, or—I didn’t want to know. I stepped toward my stepbrother. “Mark, it’s not like that.”
“Yes, it is, Sam. It has been for a long time.”
He was coming after Mason. There was no way things would end fine now. I saw Logan stand to come to his brother’s defense. You attack one, you attack all. That was our motto. But this was my stepbrother.
I held my hands out, as if to help silence him. “Mark, it’s not like that. I swear.”
“It has been, Sam! You can’t argue that. Those girls putting you in the hospital. Didn’t you guys deal with a drug dealer the other year? How is that safe for Sam? And Sebastian? I mean, there’s a pattern, and you guys can’t deny it. Over and over again my sister is in danger. And this year, a guy tried to hurt her at the carnival, the fucking carnival. We gotta go to work tomorrow, and I’ll be worried the entire time that someone’s grabbing her or worse, just like that Broudou guy tried.”
I felt Mason right behind me. Logan had moved forward to stand on his other side. I saw Nate rising out of the corner of my eye. This was so not good.
Mark opened his mouth to keep going, and there was so much he could say.
I closed my eyes. The list was long, but then I felt that storm inside of me again—it was pressing and pressing, trying to get free, until suddenly I yelled out, “It’s not them!”
There was a moment of silence.
“You can’t say it’s not them, Sam. I know—”
“It’s me.”
I opened my eyes, knowing everything was right there. He could see the pain, the yearning, the rage. All of it was showing, and I couldn’t do a damned thing to hide it.
“This summer, it’s been me, Mark. I went to that fighting event without Mason. I shouldn’t have gone, and I should’ve left right away. I didn’t. I’m the one who put him in danger. And getting a job at a carnival, where someone from Roussou could easily find me? It was your idea, but I sure went for it. All summer I’ve been lost. I was thinking of psychology, but it didn’t feel right. Not completely. All the other majors I thought of didn’t fit either, so I don’t have one. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Mason’s got two career paths he’s getting ready for. Logan is doing communications, and everyone knows he’ll be amazing at whatever he ends up doing with it.”
“I will?”
“Heather is running Manny’s, and she’s going to marry Channing.”
Mason looked down at me. I saw the movement from the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Shame flooded me as my words spilled out. “Even Becky and Adam know what they’re doing with their lives. They’re getting married. He’s either going to take over his dad’s company or go to law school. And she’s going with him.”
One by one, I was removing the knots inside me. I tossed them out until there were just two left. They were the biggest of all, and I moved away so Mason wasn’t touching me. It didn’t feel right to let him comfort me as I said this.
My voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “And my mom’s getting married this summer. I’m not avoiding her because she wants back in. I’m avoiding her because…” Here it was. The first boulder was her, but the second was what she represented. “…She’s getting married, and I think the whole thing is a crock of shit.”
Her.
Marriage.
All of it.
I didn’t want to get married.
That was the last boulder sitting on my chest, but I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t tell Mason because I knew it was something he wanted.
I didn’t believe in marriage anymore. It was one more thing my mother had destroyed for me.
“Excuse me.” I left. I didn’t know where I was going, but I couldn’t stay here. The truth was going to spill from me, and I wouldn’t risk it. I could lose Mason that way.
“Sam!”
He followed me outside, but I turned and held my hands out. “No. Let me go.”
I still couldn’t look at him, but his voice sounded closer when he said, “Sam, what’s going on?”
It was me. I was the monster here. It was all me.
“Just…let me go, for now.” I started forward again. “I need some time.”
And before he could grab me or change my mind, I took off.
I didn’t stick to the sidewalk or the roads. I cut through back paths, and when I came to a crossroads, I ran away from any place I’d ever been before.