CHAPTER 10

Butterfly

Gia

DIGGING THROUGH COLTON’S DRAWERS, I find a pair of his socks and put them on, then head downstairs to check on dinner. I had the day off today, so I decided to get the stuff to make a roast with all the fixings, including baby potatoes, carrots, gravy, and homemade sweet rolls—something my mom taught me to make. Seeing that the roast is still not done and the rolls are rising, I take my cell phone off the counter then grab a glass and go to the fridge. I pour myself a glass of wine and take it and my phone with me, heading out the front door to the porch. After setting my glass down on the wooden rail, I dial Nat.

“Hey, stranger! I was just about to send a search party to Tennessee to look for you,” she says when she answers on the second ring.

“No search party necessary.” I smile, taking a sip of wine. “Sorry I haven’t called. Things have been a little crazy here this last week.” I say, thinking that’s not a lie. Between dinner with Colton’s family last Sunday, work this week, visiting grandma, and dinner with Nina and Ned yesterday, I haven’t had a chance to really catch my breath.

“I understand crazy,” she says, then asks, “How was dinner with Colton’s family last weekend?”

“Good,” I reply softly. Dinner was good; actually, it was perfect. I loved the feeling of being a part of a family. I hadn’t had that in so long that I forgot just how good it felt to have that connection, to sit around a table with people who care about each other, and listen to them talk and share stories. I missed it, and having Colton with me, holding my hand, and keeping me close made it even better.

“Just good? I know you were worried.”

“Really good. His brothers are cool and his sister-in-law is sweet. Plus, his nieces are adorable, and you already know I love his parents. The whole thing was good. I was worried over nothing.”

“And things with you and Colton?” she prompts, and I take my wine with me over to one of the rocking chairs and sit down. As soon as I do, Loki comes and puts his head on my lap.

“I’ve completely fallen for him,” I admit softly, while looking out at the water as it takes on the pinkish color of the sky above.

“You’re scared,” she whispers, reading my tone, and my eyes close briefly.

“Terrified,” I whisper back, taking another sip of wine. “Two days ago, he brought all my stuff upstairs from the room I had been staying in when I got here, and told me to unpack. He had cleaned out some drawers for me and made room in his closet.”

“He’s not messing around.”

“He’s not,” I agree, biting my lip. “It’s all happening so fast. Do you think it’s too fast?” It’s the same question I’ve been asking myself for the last week.

“Does it feel right?” she asks back, and I don’t even have to think about my answer.

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you’re going.”

God, I love my best friend, and I miss her.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, which is why I’m planning a trip to come see you in a couple of weeks.”

“Really?”

“Really. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to stay for too long this time, but I figure I can always come back. Maybe over the summer for a few weeks?”

“You can always come back, and you know you’re welcome anytime,” I say, looking forward to introducing her to Colton and his family, maybe even Tide and Olivia.

“How’s your grandma?”

On that question, pain hits my chest and radiates through me, making my stomach twist. “Not good. She’s back to being withdrawn. She’s… I don’t know. She’s just not herself, or the self she was when I first got here.”

“What are the doctors saying?” she asks, sounding worried.

“Nothing new, that it’s the progression of the disease.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” I set my wine glass on the ground at my feet so I can run my fingers through the fur on top of Loki’s head.

“What’s going on with the arson investigation and the house?”

“I haven’t heard from the detective again since the last time we spoke. Colton and Tide helped me get everything from Grandma’s house that I could salvage, and I’ve slowly been going through it all, but there’s a lot of stuff. I also contacted her insurance company a week ago, and they told me they are still looking into the claim and doing an investigation of their own.”

“Hopefully they’ll get that all sorted out soon.”

“I hope so,” I let out a breath. “Grandma’s insurance is covering her right now, but I don’t know if that will last long term. If it doesn’t, I’m going to have to find a way to pay for her to stay at the nursing home until I can sell the house for her.”

“Let me know if you need me to help you out.”

“It should be okay. Except to pay for school, I still haven’t touched the little bit of money my dad left me. If I need to, I’ll use that.”

“Still, you know you can ask me and I’ll give you whatever I can.”

“Thank you.”

“That’s what best friends are for.”

“So when do I get to be the one to save you?” I joke.

“You got suspended for beating up Nick Krouger when we were eight when he put gum in my hair. I think we’re even.”

“I enjoyed beating him up,” I mutter, and she laughs. It’s not a lie. I did enjoy it. He was a bully; he picked on everyone all the time. And after I punched him in the nose, he stopped doing that and actually became a good friend.

“Speaking of beating people up, how are things with Colton’s ex?”

“She’s been quiet. I don’t know if her dad talking to her worked, but she hasn’t been around again.” I say leaving out the fact that her friends did come by the bar when Colton’s friend Evan was in town with his girlfriend June.

“That’s good.”

“It is. Hopefully it stays that way,” I sigh.

“I hate to let you go, but I need to get to sleep, I have court in the morning at eight, but I need to be up by five to go over a few things before I head into the city.”

“Get some sleep.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Call me soon. Don’t wait so long next time.”

“I won’t,” I promise, hanging up when she does. Dropping my cell phone into my lap, I bend over and place my face close to Loki’s. “You get to meet my best friend soon,” I tell him, burying both my hands in the fur on either side of his head, and he lets out a huff then his ears perk up.

Hearing the purr of a motorcycle engine getting closer, I lift my head and watch Colton pull up and park in front of the house. I knew he would be a sight to behold on his bike, but I had no idea just how turned on I would get seeing him straddle the seat, put on his black helmet, and start the engine this morning. When I saw all that, I wanted to run out the door after him and make him come back inside to take care of me. It was even hotter than when he came to get his keys in the middle of the night before the fire happened.

As Loki takes off down the steps to greet Colton, I pick up my wine glass and walk over to the railing. I lean against it, smiling as he takes off his helmet and puts it on the seat behind him before running his hand through his hair.

“How was work?” I ask, and his eyes come to me then heat as they travel over his T-shirt I have on, and my bare legs.

“Good.” He dismounts and comes toward the house, his eyes never leaving mine, even as he pets Loki. “I like coming home to find you in nothing but my shirt, standing on the porch and drinking wine,” he says, climbing the steps and right to me, wrapping his hand around my hip and touching his mouth to mine.

“I also have on socks,” I inform him when he leans back, and he smiles, dropping his eyes to my feet.

“I see.” His hand skates up my naked outer thigh and over my hip, then under the edge of the panties I have on. “Were you waiting out here for me to get home?” he asks, skimming his fingers along the edge of fabric, across my stomach, and down over my pubic bone. “You’re wet.”

Latching onto his shoulders I dig my nails into his leather jacket. “I came out here to call Nat,” I reply breathlessly, and his fingers slip between my legs as my head falls back to my shoulders.

“Look at me, baby.” Lifting my head, I hold his gaze as he circles my clit with his thumb. “Were you waiting for me to get home?” he asks again, and I nod. I was waiting for him to get home. I wanted to see him again on his bike, but this time I wanted to be able to have him after I saw him.

“Colton.” My hips jerk and my head falls back again as his thumb circles faster.

“Look at me, baby,” he repeats, and I do. As he wraps his hand around the back of my knee and pulls my leg up around his jean-covered hip, the material scrapes against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh and two thick fingers slide inside me. “I love how wet you get for me.” He kisses the shell of my ear. “The sounds you make.” He nips it. “The way you feel so fucking soft and sweet in my arms.”

“Oh, God,” I pant, sliding my hands up to his neck and turning my face toward his. “Please kiss me,” I beg. His mouth lands on mine and his tongue slips between my parted lips.

The moment his taste hits my tongue, I come apart at the seams right there, out in the open. Even though it’s not dark out and there is not a cloud in sight, the stars dance and lightning strikes, making my entire being light up from the inside out. I moan against his tongue and tighten my hold on his hair to keep myself from losing him. Picking me up with his hand behind my other knee, I wrap my legs around his hips as he carries me inside. I help him out of his jacket, and it drops to the stairs on the way up. Then his shirt and mine join it along the way.

“Lose the panties,” he growls as he drops me to the bed. Shimmying out of my panties, I watch him kick off his boots and then remove his jeans. The moment he’s naked in front of me, his hand wraps around his cock and he starts to stroke. I whimper at the sight of him, and my core tightens in anticipation. I can’t get enough of him. I know I never will. “Come here.” He crooks his finger at me, and I get up on my knees and move toward him.

I don’t even think about what I’m doing. But seeing him with his hand wrapped around his cock, I want my mouth on him. I wrap my hand around his and lick over the head. Hearing him groan in approval, I take him deeper, so deep that he bumps the back of my throat.

“Fuck.” His hand slides into my hair, and I look up at him and see his dark lust-filled eyes are locked on me. Moving my hand with my mouth, I twist and bob, taking him as deep as I can. “Christ, so fucking perfect.” His hand slides down my back and over my ass, and then his fingers are in me, making me moan and whimper around his length. “As much as I’m loving this, baby, I’m not fucking coming in your mouth,” he growls, but I ignore him and keep going, so lost in the moment that I don’t even care what he wants. “Jesus.” His hips jerk back, forcing me to release him, then I’m on my back and his face is between my legs. Licking, sucking, nipping, and biting every single inch of me. My hips arch off the bed to get more of his mouth and fingers that are fucking into me ruthlessly.

“I’m…”

“Let go,” he snarls against my clit, and I do.

I let go and fly over the edge into darkness, where he catches me, bringing me back to life with his mouth on mine and his cock sliding deep inside of my still pulsing core. My legs wrap around his hips and my nails dig into his back as he fucks me hard. His hips piston and jerk so quickly that my breath hitches and my mind blanks of everything except him and what he’s doing to my body.

Knowing I’m going to lose myself again, I tighten my hold with my legs around his hips and my arms around his back. This time when I come, he comes with me, groaning down my throat while I moan down his.

Slowing his strokes, his hand moves to the side of my face when our breathing has evened out, and my eyes open to find him looking at me.

As I see the look in his eyes, my lungs get tight. I don’t even have to ask him what he’s thinking to know, because I’m sure I have the same look in my eyes right now. I’ve fallen right into love, and I don’t even know when it happened.

“You okay?” he asks, running the pad of his thumb across my cheek while studying me intently.

“Yes.”

“Did I hurt you?” he questions, searching my eyes, and I shake my head. Dropping his forehead to mine, I watch his eyes close. “I took you hard.” He did, but I loved every second of it.

“You also made me come hard,” I murmur, running my hands down then up his back. “I think I might have marked you.”

“Good.” He smiles, opening his eyes to look at me once more. Yes, I’m totally head-over-heels in love. “Let me take care of this condom and I’ll be back.”

I nod, wondering how I hadn’t noticed him put one on. “I need to go put the rolls in the oven and check on dinner,” I tell him, and his body stills over mine. “Colton?”

“Give me a second, baby,” he says, studying me, and nervousness fills my stomach.

“What?”

“How the fuck did I get so goddamn lucky?” he asks softly, and that nervousness goes away and a new, much better feeling fills my stomach.

“Waking up to you, going to sleep with you, is all I need, but you keep making that shit better everyday in new ways.”

“I—”

“Never thought I’d be happy again. You proved me wrong.” Tears fill my eyes and I close them to try and fight them back. It’s useless; they overflow, but he catches each one with a soft kiss that makes me cry harder. “I hope I can make you as happy as you make me,” he finishes.

I sob, lifting up to bury my face in his neck. His arms wrap around me and he rolls us so we’re front to front. Once I’ve gotten control of my tears, I whisper, “You… you make me happy. Being with you makes me happy.”

“I’m glad, baby.” He kisses me then tucks my head under his chin, holding me tightly to him for a few minutes before leaning back to capture my cheek in his hand and search my face. “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” I whisper, running my fingers along the edge of his jaw, and he smiles a small smile then touches his mouth to mine.

Pulling in a breath, I push gently at his chest. “We should get up.”

“Right,” he agrees, but he doesn’t move, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants to say something. He doesn’t voice whatever it is that’s on his mind. Instead, he shakes his head then pulls me up with him and takes me to the bathroom.

Setting me on the edge of the sink, he cleans me up then kisses me sweetly before taking care of the condom. After pulling me off the vanity, he leads me back into the bedroom. Letting my hand go, he grabs a pair of sweats and puts them on then takes my hand again and pulls me downstairs to the kitchen. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I love him, but I don’t. I should, but I don’t want to take away from what’s building between us. So instead, I finish up dinner and we eat it sitting side-by-side at the island. I also might have given Loki a full serving of roast.

~**~

Standing in the doorway of my grandma’s room the next evening, sadness fills my chest as I watch her hospice nurses, Elizabeth and Stan, attempt to hold her down while she does everything she can to fight them off.

“She was trying to kill me!” Grandma screeches at the top of her lungs, trying to raise her hand to point at me.

Wrapping my arms around my middle to hold myself together, I fight back a fresh wave of tears then swallow hard over the heavy lump in my throat. When I make eye contact with Stan, I see regret fill his eyes when they’re finally able to safely dose her with the sedative that will have her asleep before too long.

“That’s right. Just relax, darlin’,” Elisabeth says close to Grandma’s ear once her muscles start to relax and her body gives up the fight. Tucking the covers around Grandma’s now still body, she lifts the bedrail and attaches the alarm that will go off if she tries to get out of bed. “Gia,” she calls, and I pull my eyes off my grandma to look at her, lifting my chin ever so slightly in acknowledgment. “I know you were planning on staying here for dinner, but I don’t think that would be safe. She’s been in a bad way today, and I don’t want to risk her accidently hurting you if she wakes up.” She comes toward me, and I look past her at the bed to see Grandma’s eyes are open and staring blankly at the ceiling.

“I don’t even know what set her off,” I whisper, looking at Elizabeth, and her face softens while her eyes fill with regret.

“That’s the way of her illness, honey,” she explains, and I tighten the hold I have on myself so I don’t fall apart.

“She’s never done that before,” I quietly point out. “One minute, she was sitting up in her chair and we were working on her puzzle, and the next, she was knocking me to the floor, trying to strangle me while screaming she wouldn’t let me kill her,” I choke out, and her hand wraps around mine.

“I don’t have an answer for you. I wish I did,” she says, then the fingers of her other hand touch my chin. “Let me get a look at that.” She forces my head back to inspect my neck. “She got you good,” she mutters, and I start to reach up to touch my throat but she stops me before I can. “Don’t touch it.” She rips open an alcohol pad, and I wince as it burns my torn skin. “You gonna be okay, kid?”

“Yeah.” I lower my head when she’s done and attempt to smile, but I know she doesn’t buy it when she shakes her head at me.

“I know this isn’t easy for you.” It’s not easy for me, but at the same time, it’s worse for my grandmother, who’s living in a world that no longer makes sense to her. A world where everyone is a stranger. I can’t imagine what that must be like. “Go home, take a bath, and get some rest,” she instructs, and I give her a nod before she leaves the room.

I feel Stan stop close, so I look up at him.

“I’ll keep an eye on her tonight. She’ll be okay.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, and he squeezes my arm then disappears out the door. Walking across the white tile floor, I take a seat in the chair pulled up next to Grandma’s bed then reach over the railing and wrap my hand around hers. Her eyes are still open, but she doesn’t acknowledge me.

Dropping my forehead to my arm resting over the bedrail, I start to cry. It takes a long time for me to get myself under control, and when I finally do, Grandma’s eyes are closed. I pull in one more shaky breath as I stand and lean over the bedrail, pressing a kiss to her wrinkled cheek. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.” Her fingers tighten around mine as I speak, and I pretend she knows who I am and that she’s saying “I love you, too” before I let her go.

Pulling up in front of the Rusty Rose thirty minutes later, I put my Jeep in park then get out. I called Colton as soon as I left the nursing home and told him what happened. Before I even got done speaking, he told me he was going to come home. I reminded him that he couldn’t leave; it’s Saturday, and everyone works Saturday, including his parents. That’s when he told me to get my ass to him so he could see for himself that I was okay. His reaction isn’t a surprise. He’s been worried about me. He doesn’t have to say it, but I can see it in his eyes whenever we talk about my grandmother.

I open the door to the bar and am greeted by the sound of people having a good time and loud music. It’s not a surprise the place is packed. Since the weather started to warm up, it’s always packed. Making my way through the people gathered here and there, I head toward the bar, and the minute I spot Colton, his eyes lock with mine and fill with worry. Taking my hand once I’m close, he pulls me with him into the office then closes the door behind us.

“You’ve been crying,” he accuses once he’s turned around to face me.

“I’m okay,” I tell him, and he shakes his head, pulling me into his chest, wrapping one arm around my back and the other around my skull.

I circle my arms around him, fighting back a fresh wave of tears. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have let you drive like you are. I didn’t even fucking think.”

“I’m okay,” I repeat as I tip my head back to look up at him, and his hand slides to wrap around the side of my neck, making me wince.

“Jesus.” He tips my head back farther and his eyes zero in on the three claw marks on my neck. “She did that to you?”

“She didn’t do it on purpose,” I defend, and his face softens.

“I know that, baby,” he replies gently. “From now on, I’m going with you when you go to visit her.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“From now on, I’m going with you,” he repeats roughly, and I don’t argue, because I know that tone and understand it would be pointless. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” I drop my forehead to his chest. “I hate that she’s suffering. I mean, I know she’s not in pain, but still, what she’s going through seems worse,” I say, and he doesn’t agree or disagree; he just holds me. I need him to hold me. I feel safest when I’m in his arms, safest when I’m with him. “I should let you get back to work,” I sigh after a few minutes, and his hold tightens.

“You should let me hold you,” he corrects, kissing the top of my head. So I do. I let him hold me for a long time before he uses his fingers on my chin to tip my head back toward him. “I’ll drive you home.”

“You need to work.”

“I can leave to drive you home,” he says, sounding agitated, and I look up at him, seeing that same aggravation in his eyes.

“I have my Jeep.”

“Your Jeep will be fine here for the night. I’ll drive you back here in the morning.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” he answers, running his fingers along my cheek. “Let me tell Dad that I’m leaving.”

“Sure.” I nod and he kisses me softly then lets me go to open the door.

Following him out into the bar, I watch him go to his dad and as he speaks, Kirk’s eyes find mine and his face softens. Clapping Colton on the shoulder, Kirk makes his way toward me then wraps his bulky arm around my shoulders.

“You gonna be okay, honey?” he asks, tipping his head down toward mine, and my chest gets warm. I’ve not only fallen for Colton, but also for his family.

“I’ll be okay,” I assure him, and I will be. Having Colton, his family, and Nat, I know I will always be okay.

“Do you want a drink?”

“I’ll wait until I’m home to have a glass of wine.”

I smile up at him and he smiles back then he kisses the side of my head before he lets me go, saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” I agree, taking Colton’s hand when he holds it out to me. Grabbing his jacket, he leads me out the back door of the bar then over to his bike. I totally forgot he rode his bike to work today.

“I—” I start to tell him that he should use my Jeep, but before I can do that, he puts his helmet on my head and snaps it in place. “You need a helmet,” I point out, and he goes over to the bike parked next to his and takes the helmet off the seat.

“I’ll borrow Dad’s,” he explains, putting on his dad’s helmet that’s the same black as his, and then he helps me into his leather jacket that smells like him. I watch him get on the bike then he holds out his hand to me.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I tell him, and he smiles.

“It’s easy, baby. Just toss your leg over then hang onto me.”

“I’m—” As I begin to tell him that I’m not sure about this, he doesn’t let me. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward him.

“Leg over,” he instructs, so I do. I toss my leg over the seat behind him then wrap my arms around his waist as tightly as I can. “Loosen up a little, Dimples. Promise you’re going to love this.”

“I don’t know about that,” I mumble, and he ignores me as he starts the engine, bringing the bike to life. Holding onto him, I squeak as he pulls off, but then feel my body relax as he drives us onto the road. Even with the cool night air whipping against my skin, I start to overheat. His body between my thighs and the bike vibrating under us, is like nothing I have ever felt before. Unfortunately, as quickly as the ride begins, he’s pulling up in front of the house and cutting the engine.

“What’d you think?” he asks, turning his head to look at me over his shoulder.

“I want to do it again,” I breathe, and he smirks, obviously reading the look in my eyes.

“Tomorrow. Then whenever you want after that.”

“Good,” I say quietly as I slide off the seat behind him. Helping me take off my helmet, he attaches it to the back of the seat then takes off his own. He gets off the bike so he can walk me to the door, with Loki following us.

“If you need me, call the bar,” he instructs once we’re at the door, and I nod then tip my head back to accept a kiss. Once he’s touched his mouth to mine, he pulls back and his eyes scan my face. “You gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Call me before you go to sleep.”

“I’ll call,” I promise, resting my hands to his chest when I see he’s torn about leaving me. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m going to go through some more of Grandma’s stuff and work on the blankets for the girls, so I’ll be busy.”

“All right.” He presses his mouth to mine then his tongue to my bottom lip before he releases me and opens the door for me. Stepping inside, Loki follows me in then sits at my feet. “Lock up,” Colton demands, and I roll my eyes as I shut the door and lock it. Moving to the window in the living room, I watch him head down to his bike, put on his helmet, then back up, and take off.

Once he’s out of sight, I head for the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine then carry that with me into the garage. Opening up one box after another, I sort things into a pile I started for donations, and another pile I have to keep. As I reach the last box from Grandma’s room, I open it up and find a beautiful wooden box with butterflies carved into the surface. Taking the box out, I flip the brass latch and open the lid. I find dozens of letters in sealed envelopes all addressed to me, with ‘Return To Sender’ written on them in Colleen’s handwriting. I take a seat on the floor, and Loki comes and lies down next to me.

I open one after another. They’re all from my grandmother, one for every birthday, every Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and holidays in between, all handwritten in swirly script that is unusual and beautiful. And all of them tell me a story, a sad story of a woman who lost her only daughter, only to lose her only granddaughter years later when her father died and his wife told her a lie that changed everything. Reading the last letter in the box, my lungs burn with anger and my heart fills with pain.

Dearest butterfly,

I’ve just gotten home from the doctors. They told me that I have dementia. I don’t think they know what they are talking about. I haven’t lost my mind. At least, I don’t think I have. Then again, if I did, I’m not sure I’d know.

(I laugh at that then pull in a shaky breath.)

I do know I haven’t forgotten about you. I think about you often and wish you would answer my letters, even just to tell me that you’re okay and you’re happy.

I love you, my butterfly.

Grandma

Butterfly. I forgot she used to call me that. I don’t know how I had forgotten, but I did. Holding that letter to my chest, my vision blurs. Putting the letters back in the box, I close the lid on it then get up and carry it inside with me. Setting it on the counter in the kitchen, I pour more wine into my empty glass then take a deep drink, hoping it will wash away the acid burning the back of my throat, making it hard to breathe.

It doesn’t help. Holding the glass tighter, I fight myself from throwing it against the wall and screaming about how unfair life is. I fight myself from calling my stepmom and yelling at her for what she did. Closing my eyes, tears stream down my cheeks. It won’t make a difference what I do now. Nothing will change. I won’t get back the time I’ve missed out on with a woman who meant the world to me. A woman who needed me and thought I abandoned her when she had already lost her husband and her daughter. Nothing will get back that time; no amount of tears or screaming will be able to fix this. It’s too late for my grandma and me to rebuild what was stolen from us.

Taking the box with me upstairs, I get into bed and hold it in my lap, running my fingers across one of the engraved butterfly wings, before opening the lid. Reading the letters once more, I soak in every single word before curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep.