Something was up with Justin. I wasn’t sure what, but I hadn’t talked to him in days. Other than a few short texts with some BS about how busy he was, I hadn’t heard from him at all. He didn’t go to the hockey game. He was “busy.” He hadn’t been online to play Zoran. Sorry, he was “busy.”

I knew I wouldn’t see him the week of Christmas. I had told him we were taking Emma back to Piketon; he’d said he was working, but I didn’t expect complete silence. We had gotten into the habit of texting off and on all throughout the week, and the complete silence was weird.

On Christmas Day, I broke and sent him a “Hope you are having a Merry Christmas” text, and all I got back was a short “you too.” I tried to tell myself that it was just because he was at work, but when I sent him a message to see if he wanted to do something the next weekend and he “had other plans, but hoped I enjoyed my weekend.” I got the picture. I mean, really, what the fuck?

I knew it was New Year’s weekend so I shouldn’t have been surprised he had plans, but for some reason I was. I didn’t think he had been seeing anyone since we had been hanging out. I wasn’t mad because he had plans; I got it. We were just friends, so naturally, he was looking for someone to hook up with.

Not that I liked the thought of him with someone else, that was what we’d agreed to. But I really thought we had at least become good enough friends for me to deserve more than a total blow off. Something had to have pushed him away, but I had no idea what. He seemed to have a good time at the cookout. Last thing I remember, we were watching a movie, and then I woke up on the couch, and he was gone. I don’t mean he went home, I mean he was gone, gone.

Well, too bad. It was probably for the best anyway. I knew we could never be more than friends, and since I really wanted someone to be with, to build a life with, it really wasn’t a great idea for me to spend so much time with him. I knew all that, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt for him to blow me off so completely.

Nathan had told me he and Linc were going to a new club if I wanted to go. At first, I had told him no, but now I sent a text letting him know my plans had changed, and if they were still going, I was game. I was glad to hear we were going to a place I hadn’t been to before. It was in the warehouse district, and as long as we got there early, we should be able to get a table.

I went upstairs, showered, and put on my tightest jeans and favorite silk shirt. It was a little dressier than I normally wore, but I needed a little pick me up and feeling like I looked good was a start. Then I called for a Lyft, because I was planning to get totally wasted tonight, so there was no chance I was driving.

When I got out of the car, the guys were waiting for me out front. Lincoln was in jeans, a button-up shirt, and a cowboy hat like always. But it looked like Nathan had gone all out. He had on short shorts, a sequined top, purple hair, makeup, and tons of glitter. He was classically Nathan and absolutely beautiful. It was a shame neither of those two did it for me. They were two of the best men I knew and that would have been so simple, but no, I couldn’t be into one of them; I had to choose an unavailable jerk who didn’t want kids. Dammit.

“You have got to be freezing,” I told Nathan as a greeting.

“Beauty is pain, my friend, beauty is pain!” he said and then he stood back and took a good look at me. “Well hot damn,” Nathan simpered. “I may be freezing, but our boy looks hot as fuck tonight.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands. “Turn around,” he ordered, twirling his finger in the air showing me what he wanted. I did as he said. “Yep, he is wearing his fuck me pants. You see that, Linc? He is wearing his fuck-me pants. You are totally getting laid tonight, sugar.”

“I assume you guys started drinking before you got here?” I chuckled, stating the obvious.

“Maybe just a teensy bit,” Linc drawled.

“Where is Justin? I figured he’d be with you to welcome in the New Year,” Nathan said, looking around for Justin.

“I don’t know. He had other plans, I guess. Seems like even being friends with me was more than he could handle. Fuck if I know,” I grumbled.

“Well, that is just flat-ass stupid. But no shit dude, you do look hot as fuck. Hope you were planning to get laid tonight, ‘cause I’d hate to get into a fight, defending your honor and shit.”

“Very little honor left to defend, my friend,” I told him, laughing. “And hell yeah, I’m definitely planning on getting laid tonight.” Time to stop sitting around, wishing for more with someone who wasn’t available and get with someone who was.

We paid the cover charge and headed into the club. We were early, so we were able to get a great table. You could see the dance floor and the bar, which made Nathan happy as always. I didn’t really care where we sat but the view of the dance floor would be great once the club got busy. I loved to watch men dance. There was just something so sensual about it.

“So, what is on the agenda for tonight?” Nathan asked. “I just want to drink, dance, and find someone to kiss at midnight. Maybe I can find me a big, hot muscle bear for the night.”

“A big, hot muscle bear? Seriously? That is so not your type.”

“I never thought so either, but, sugar, there is this new security guard at work. Ex-military. Big, hairy and oh so delicious. He so does it for me. He totally makes my manties wet. Of course, since he works at the hospital, he is totally off limits. That is my rule number one, you know.”

“You and Justin and your dumb fucking rules,” I muttered.

“Sorry, sweetie,” he said apologetically. “I know the thing with you two sucked.” “There was no ‘thing’ with us two. We were just friends, and now he has ghosted me completely, so I guess we weren’t even really that.” I sounded like a whiny bitch, but seriously, him cutting off contact like that hurt.

“Girl, please. Just friends? Trust me, I don’t look at my friends the way he looked at you. Or the way you looked at him. You might not have been bumping uglies, but you weren’t just friends. You could cut the sexual tension between you two with a butter knife. So fucking hot,” he sighed, fanning himself dramatically.

“Maybe so, but all that got me was two months of celibacy and a raging case of blue balls. I seriously want to get laid.” I looked around the club, trying to see if anyone looked interesting.

“Well, what’s your pleasure then? Let’s find you someone to put an end to this horrible atrocity. You need a bear. I know that isn’t your type, but seriously, you need someone to take care of you, and bears are perfect for that.”

“You just have bears on the brain. I am not looking for a bear. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but when I find it, I’ll let you know.”

“For real, man? Two months! That is like eight weeks,” Linc said still stuck on the first part of our conversation. “That’s too long. I’d be climbing the walls by now,” Linc said, shaking his head and looking scandalized at my lack of sex.

“So, what is the longest you have gone without?” I asked him.

He looked thoughtful. “Well, since I got to Austin and discovered the warehouse district, and the twink buffet that is available, I’d say maybe two weeks. You know that time I was sick last winter? That really sucked.”

“You, my friend, are a horndog.”

“I am. That is true. But as long as everyone knows the score, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Speaking of which, look at the cute little redhead over by the bar. Wonder if he’d be interested in saving a horse this evening?” He winked.

“Why don’t you go grab him while Nathan and I head on out to dance. We’ll see you on the dance floor.” This was just what I needed tonight. To feel the beat and lose myself in the music. We weren’t out there long before the floor started to fill up. Nathan was a great dancer, and it was always fun to dance with him. Plus, he was so pretty, he was a guy magnet.

Lincoln was out on the floor dirty dancing with the redhead. I was getting tired, but the thump of the music kept me going. At some point, I lost Nathan and was dancing with a hot looking blond. He had a great body and nice eyes. The song ended and a slower song started. It was more of a groove song, and he reached out and pulled me close, grinding against me as we danced. And you know how the saying goes, “The quickest way to get over a guy was to get under another one.”

* * *

I really didn’t feel like going out tonight, but I had promised Matt I would go. Besides that, I really needed to get out of the house. The last couple weeks had really sucked. It was so hard to distance myself from Mark. He was a good friend and a lot of fun to hang out with. More than once someone did something stupid, and I had my phone out, ready to text him and tell him. But it was what I needed to do, so I did it. Maybe with a bit of distance, we could hang out again. Like he was going to want to hang out with me after I’d blown him off like that.

What I needed was to get laid. It had been way too long for me, and that just wasn’t like me at all. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone more than a month without sex, and I was pretty sure I had never gone two. I dug through my closet, deciding what to wear. I settled on my black skinny jeans and a plain white T-shirt. It wasn’t fancy, but it looked good. At least we were going to the new club in the warehouse district and not to the club where Mark and his friends hung out.

And at some point, I needed to stop thinking about Mark and start thinking about getting laid…with someone who wasn’t Mark. Because I thought about getting laid with Mark a lot.

Matt was going to swing by and pick me up so I didn’t have to worry about driving home. All I had to worry about was finding someone to get naked with, and that was something I had always been good at.

We were running a little bit later than we had planned, so I was just hoping that we wouldn’t have to wait too long at the door. I hated when that happened. We were lucky though; one of Matt’s friends was the bouncer, so we got right in. That was one of the benefits of going out with Matt. He knew just about everybody, and they always fell all over themselves to help him. Part of it was that he was such a good-looking guy, but mostly, he just had a really commanding demeanor that people seemed to respond to.

The club was pretty packed, but we found a couple of the guys we usually hung out with. They had a table and called us over. We took a seat and a waiter came around to get our drink orders.

“Hey there, beautiful,” he said, smiling at me. “What can I get you this evening? Our mixed drinks are half price for another half hour. Domestics are three bucks a bottle and we have some great microbrews on tap. So what’s your pleasure?”

“What’s your name, sugar?” I asked, flashing him my best smile.

“Samuel,” he answered, returning my smile. “But you can call me Sammy.”

“I’ll start with a couple shots of Jameson and a glass of water, Sammy. How about you, Matt?”

“Just a bottle of Shiner’ll work for me,” Matt said as Sammy turned to go with a wink.

“I have a feeling someone is going to have to keep an eye on your ass tonight. What is up with you, man? We haven’t seen you in ages and you just seem on edge or something.” Matt looked at me like he was trying to figure me out.

“Nothing is wrong with me. I’ve just been busy. I’m fine really. I just need to get laid, man. That is all. It has been a long couple of months and my hand just ain’t cutting it. I need…something, I don’t know what, but I’ll know it when I see it.”

Matt was looking at me like I had lost my mind. “A long couple of months? A long couple of months of what? When was the last time you got laid?”

“I don’t know. I guess when I took that bartender home when Chris got married.”

“Dude, that was like over two months ago. What is wrong with you? You never go that long without someone.” He was acting like I just told him I was dying.

“Like I said, nothing’s wrong with me, man. I’ve just been crazy busy that’s all. You know how crazy it gets around the holidays, plus it’s hockey season, and I have been trying to hit most of the home games.” And yeah that sounded just as stupid to me as it did to him. I downed my first shot, enjoying the burn.

“Hockey? Since when are you into hockey. I thought baseball was your game.” Matt was still looking at me like I had been body switched by aliens or something.

“It doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “I’m done with that, and tonight, I need to get laid.” I motioned for Sammy to bring me another shot and downed the second one. I sat back and looked around the club, trying to decide just exactly what I was looking for. Sammy was definitely flirting with me, and he was cute. But the problem with waiters is you never know if they are really interested or if they are just hoping to beef up the tip. Plus, I try not to hit on them ‘cause I know they get it all night long and must get tired of it, so unless he gives me a clear sign he is for real interested, I’m not going there.

I downed a third shot, and I was starting to feel like coming out tonight was a really good idea. I’d find someone to go home with or come home with me. Then everything would get back to normal. No hockey games, video game marathons, or pink castles. Just me and some guy naked. No repeats.

I was still trying to decide if Sammy was interested or if I needed to head out to the dance floor when I saw someone who looked familiar headed to the bar. I jabbed Matt to get his attention. “Is that Nathan over there?”

“Nathan?” he asked. “Which Nathan?”

“The nurse up on C3, you know the really pretty one that all the patients love.”

“Oh yeah. Hold on. You haven’t been seeing him, have you?” Matt looked appalled.

“What? No way, man; he works at the hospital. You know that’s my rule number two.”

“Okay, okay, I was just asking. I’m just still trying to figure out what your deal is.” He downed his beer and shook his head. “Something is up with you.”

I ignored Matt’s insistence that something was wrong with me and focused on more important things. If Nathan was here, did that mean Lincoln and Mark were here? Mark hadn’t been going out much the last couple months. Which I knew because he had been hanging out with me. Since he wasn’t doing it now, he might be here at the club. It was New Year’s Eve, and I told him I was busy, so it would make sense if he was here.

I scanned the crowd. I spotted Lincoln off to the side of the dance floor with his tongue so far down some redheaded twink’s throat, he could almost lick his balls. Okay, so Nathan and Linc were here.

That didn’t mean Mark was. I didn’t see him anywhere so that was good. Wasn’t it? I was trying to decide if I was relieved or disappointed when I saw him.

“Oh fuck, no,” I said with an outrage I had no right to feel. He was not with that little blond twink. And that little blond twink was not rubbing all up against him like he was about to get off right there on the dance floor.

“What? What is it?” Matt asked, looking where I was staring, trying to figure out what had me so worked up.

“Nothing,” I said. “Well, nothing for long anyway.” I stood up, and before I even thought it through, I headed over to where Mark and the little blond twink were grinding all up on each other. If anyone was getting off by rubbing their dick all over Mark, it would be me, not that little blond bitch. I was being irrational. I had no right to be upset, but fuck if that made a bit of difference to the way I felt at that moment.