Chapter Six

When another knock came on her office door that evening, Rowan glanced up expecting to find her assistant standing there. Instead her brother grinned at her. “I come bearing sustenance,” he said, holding up takeout bags.

“Yay!” She got up, her stiff muscles protesting each movement, and rounded her desk to hug her brother. “It’s good to see you. Thanks for bringing me food.”

“Welcome. I’ll think of a way for you to make it up to me.”

“I’m sure you will,” she said with a laugh, pushing piles of papers out of the way to clear a corner of her desk.

“Damn, it looks like a war room in here,” Kevin said in a sort of horrified fascination, taking in the state of her office.

She huffed out a laugh. “It really does. And as of right now, it seems like the good guys are losing the battle.”

“I’m not worried. You’ll prevail in the end.” He set the bags down on her desk, moved a couple boxes off to make room for them to eat, then eyed her. “You really sore still?”

“I’ve felt better,” she said, dropping back into her chair and reaching for the first bag. The savory, garlicky smell of whatever he’d brought was making her mouth water.

He came around behind her to rub her neck and shoulders. She stopped what she was doing, sagging back and letting out a moan. “Your shoulders are rock hard,” he admonished, digging his fingers in while he made gentle circular motions.

“Not surprised,” she muttered, closing her eyes. “Oh my God, don’t stop. Since when can you give a massage like this, anyway?”

“Just another skill I picked up from Nick. I can now melt away muscular tension and build a cabinet with my bare hands.”

“I knew I loved him.” He and her brother had been dating for seven months now, and just moved in together a few weeks ago. “How’s shacked-up life treating you so far? Still amazing?”

“Yep. I’ve definitely found The One.”

The happiness in her brother’s voice made her smile. Kevin had dated a few not-so-nice guys before meeting Nick, so she was even happier for him. “I’m glad. He’s a sweetie.”

“Yeah. And before you take a bite of your dinner, let’s get another dose of whatever pain relievers you have down you.”

“Good call. It’s so handy, having a pharmacist in the family.” She took the bottle out of her top drawer and downed two as her brother kneaded the back of her neck. “Believe me, I’m loving this, but can we eat now before I starve to death?”

“To death? Ah, we can’t have that.” He stopped and dug them both plates out of one of the bags. “Let’s do this.”

Within a minute she had a plate piled high with chicken souvlaki, veggies and tzatziki. “Yum,” she mumbled around the first bite.

Kevin’s deep blue eyes sparkled with laughter. “You’re so easy, Ro. I’ll have to make sure the next guy you date knows that one of the quickest ways into your heart is through your stomach.”

She made a face and swallowed her bite. “Don’t go telling my secrets, now. Not that I have to worry about having anyone for you to tell, since I’m going to be buried alive under paperwork for the foreseeable future.”

“Still no one on the radar?”

She broke eye contact and looked down at her food, thinking of Malcolm. “No.”

He paused at that and lowered his fork, watching her. “There is someone,” he said, sounding captivated.

She shook her head, speared another piece of chicken. “No, there’s not.”

“There totally is,” he insisted, and shifted his chair closer. “Who? Come on, tell your little bro.” He leaned an elbow on the desk and propped his cheek on his fist, waiting.

Rowan sighed and finished her mouthful, debating whether she should tell him. Her office door was shut. No one could overhear them, and she told her brother everything anyway. “He’s not on the radar. Not like that. Well, he kind of…reappeared on it all of a sudden, and it feels like our paths keep crossing lately.” She couldn’t help but think there must be a reason for that.

“Interesting. Who is it?”

She hesitated only a moment before answering. “Malcolm.”

Her brother’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I know. He’s involved with the case I’m currently working on. We’ve seen each other a couple of times recently, but always for business. Except for yesterday after the accident.”

“He was there?”

“He all but ripped my door off its hinges to make sure I was okay.”

“Aww,” he said, sitting up to put a hand to his heart. “And then what?”

“And then he left for a meeting here, and has done his best to ignore me ever since.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes. “But you still have feelings for him.”

She cleared her throat, pushed a piece of carrot around her plate. “I thought they would go away, but I guess not.”

“You should know better than that.” He folded his arms across his chest, cocking his head a little, his expression almost disappointed.

Yes, I should. It wasn’t easy to admit she’d made a mistake. Even though she’d cared about Malcolm a lot, she could see it wasn’t going to work out in the long run. Their jobs made it impossible, for one, and she figured the sensible thing was to make a clean break early on, before he got hurt.

Instead, they’d both gotten hurt. And her reasons, the ones that had seemed so definite and important at the time, seemed flimsy now. Sometimes hindsight sucked.

She frowned. “It’s my own fault. I was the one who ended it.” She’d been on her way to losing her heart. Ever practical, having seen the signs early on, she’d ended it with as clean a cut as she could manage.

“Yeah, and how’d that work out for you?”

A heavy pressure began to build beneath her breastbone. “I’m fine. I knew it was for the best, so I made the call and dealt with it.”

“But you just said the feelings never went away.”

There was no point in trying to put on the tough act in front of Kevin. He was the only person on earth she trusted with her deepest secrets. Her shoulders slumped. “All right. They’re still there. And seeing him again makes me…” She tried to find the right word.

“Ache?” her brother suggested.

She met his eyes, a dark blue like hers. “Yes.” She pushed out a deep breath. “I made a huge mistake when I broke up with him.”

Kevin studied her for a moment. “Was it because of that jackass you shacked up with before him?”

“Partly.” Her relationship with her asshole ex served as a cautionary tale for ever getting involved with another alpha male again. Malcolm had wound up an unwitting casualty of that decision. “Malcolm and I are both driven, and we both work too much. But we’re also so different.”

“So are Nick and I, and I’ve never been happier. I saw the sparks flying between you and Mal the night I introduced you at the gala, and anyone with eyes could see the connection there. I haven’t talked to him since a couple weeks after you guys broke up, but—”

“Wait, you talked to him afterward? You never told me.”

Kevin blinked at her. “Yeah, I called him up to see how he was doing.”

“And how was he?”

“Why do you care about that now?” he challenged, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you decided you did the right thing by walking away.”

She threw him a mock scowl. “Jerk.”

He grinned, ripped off a piece of pita bread and stuffed it into his mouth. “He was hurt, Ro. He didn’t come out and tell me that, of course, but I knew. And you must have too.”

Somehow it was worse hearing it from someone else. “Yeah, okay, I knew. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, though. We’d only been seeing each other such a short time. Hadn’t even slept together.” How could Malcolm have felt so strongly about her when they hadn’t been intimate that way? She didn’t understand that.

“Maybe not, but he was into you big time.”

I was into him big time too. “He’s pretty cold to me now. Strictly business, except for after the accident.” He’d seemed so concerned then, and that hug, brief as it was, had been amazing. Didn’t it show that he still cared about her on some level? God, she was so confused now.

“Male egos are fragile things, Ro. And when it’s an alpha male we’re talking about?” Kevin let out a low whistle and shook his head, then regarded her with a soft expression. “Look. I know how it is for you. How important your professional reputation is to you. How tough Dad has always been on you, and how hard you’ve had to push yourself your whole life to meet his standards and get here.”

“He was hard on you too, and you’ve managed to overcome it.”

“He and I have had other issues. But now I have Nick, so it doesn’t matter.”

Rowan envied his outlook. Would it be like that for her if she had Malcolm to have her back? Maybe. Though the idea of asking him whether he was open to get back together now seemed ludicrous. Because he was well within his rights to either laugh in her face or tell her off. And seriously, how embarrassing was it for someone else to know how desperate she was for her father’s approval at this age?

“Just because I miss Malcolm and have unresolved feelings for him doesn’t mean he feels the same way. I can’t talk to him about it. I wish I could, but I can’t.” It was too terrifying, the thought of putting herself out there after she’d hurt him. Malcolm might lash out at her, wanting to hurt her as she’d hurt him. To get even. At least, that’s what all her other exes would do.

“Okay,” Kevin said with a shrug, and reached for another piece of bread. “It’s your life. Do what you want.”

Rowan sighed and aimed another mock glare at him. “I hate it when you do that.”

His eyes twinkled. “What, give you some tough love and not care what other people think of me? Benefit of being in touch with my feelings. Took a long time to get here, but oh, so worth it.”

Her little brother was brave, she thought in admiration. Much braver than her. How was that for a revelation? “I hate that you’re better than me at relationships.”

“And I love that I’m legit better at something than you, overachiever.” His expression sobered. “And you do realize that work won’t ever love you back, right?”

God, he was so right. “Can we change the subject now?” she asked, unprepared to deal with the emotional downer he’d just dropped on her. There was too much on her mind.

“Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything but my lack of a personal life, or Dad.” The main driving force for her entire life, and not always for the better.

“Okay. Then how about I tell you about the idea I have for when I pop the question.”

She gasped, lowered her fork to the desk. “You’re going to propose?”

A small crease formed in his cheek as he grinned. “Labor Day long weekend. I’ve got it all planned out.”

Rowan pressed her lips together as a rush of tears stung her eyes.

Kevin chuckled. “Come on, don’t cry.”

She shook her head. “I won’t. It’s just I’m so proud of you and happy for you.” Her voice was all choked up. He was the best brother and friend anyone could ask for. “Nick’s so lucky.”

“That’s true,” he joked. “I tell him so all the time.”

They finished dinner and talked about his plans to propose at an oceanfront resort down near Hilton Head. Their father was gonna freak when he heard the news, but Rowan had a feeling he would come around soon enough, once the initial shock wore off. Kevin could handle it, though, and he had the full support of her and their mom in addition to Nick and his family.

After eating, Kevin helped her tidy up and took the bags. “Oh, almost forgot,” he said, pausing to pull a set of keys out of his pocket. “Surprise.”

No way. “You picked up my car?”

“Yep. Nick dropped me at the garage. I’ll take your rental back for you, too, so you can get some extra sleep tomorrow morning.”

“God, you’re the best.” She threw her arms around him and gave him a big squeeze.

“Also true.” He hugged her and traded keys.

“It’s parked out front in my usual spot.”

“Okay. Hey, it’s even got a remote starter on it. How come the rental cars I get never have remote starters?”

“Because you’re cheap.”

“Frugal,” he corrected on his way to the door. Once there, he stopped to glance back at her with a searching look. “Sis? There are no do-overs. We have to make every minute of this life count.”

“Yeah, I know.” His words were going to haunt her. It seemed that while she’d been chasing down her goal of becoming a lawyer and being hired as an Assistant U.S. Attorney, she’d stopped living somewhere along the way.

Facing the mess on her desk after her brother left and shut the door behind him, that truth hit home harder than ever. A sinking feeling took hold in her gut and it was impossible to shake it off.

No, Rowan. You deliberately chose this. Just like you chose to walk away from what you might have had with Malcolm.

Regret settled heavy in her stomach, a hard lump she could no longer ignore. Yup, she’d made a big mistake with him. The question was, did she have the guts to try and fix it?

At least the food and pain relievers had made her feel better physically. Ready to put in another few hours, she sat at her desk and opened the file she’d been working on before Kevin showed up.

A loud boom from outside ripped through the quiet and shook the room, making her jolt.

“What the hell?” Heart hammering, she spun around in her chair to look out the window. What she saw made her heart lurch into her throat.

Down in the parking lot out front of the building, her rental car was on fire. And Kevin was lying crumpled on the sidewalk nearby it.

“Kevin, no!” Guilt and apprehension all but choked her. She shot to her feet, grabbing her cell phone to dial 911 as she raced for the door.