Sixteen
Raven
In shock, I stare silently as Eve tilts her head, smiling with affection to the man at her back.
“Raven, this is the guy I was telling you about, Vince. Vince, this is my best friend, Raven.” Eve introduces us like we’re at a dinner party.
Vince leans forward, sucking Eve’s earlobe into his mouth. Her eyes flutter closed and a soft moan escapes her lips. His eyes lock on mine as his lips peel back over his teeth, and he sinks them into her ear.
Eww.
“Nice to meet you, Raven. Eve has told me a lot about you.”
That’s why he looked at me so familiarly yesterday. He’s been feeding information about me to Dominick. No doubt Eve has told him everything. I groan as I think of all the things I’ve told her, things I confided in her about my life.
I bet he’s the one who told Dominick that I had fallen in love with Jonah, that I was staying with him every night, that I was a virgin.
Vince is Dominick’s Ass-In-The-Hole.
He had this planned: having Vince stalk me, violate my personal life to gain leverage against me, taking advantage of my best friend, her loving heart and beautiful body, to spy on me. I lock eyes with Vince, but talk to Eve.
“I just needed to make sure you were okay. I hadn’t been able to get ahold of you and I worried.” The words flow without emotion. My mind churns, processing how wrong this is. “I’ll let you guys get back to it.”
“Wait, are you sure you’re okay?” Her words come out on a moan as Vince cups her breast right in front of me. I have to get away from here.
“Yeah, I have to go.” I run to my car, wishing I had the strength to tell Vince off. His blatant attempt to make me uncomfortable worked.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Rave!” Eve yells and I slam my car door shut. My hand hits the lock button and I fire up the engine, my tires squealing as I pull away.
Shaking with uncontrollable force, I grip the wheel tighter. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.
I want to tell Jonah about Vince and wrap myself in the safety of his strong arms until the hurt goes away. I crave his touch like an addict. It doesn’t make any sense. He’s with another woman. How disgusting can I be? Pining after a man who has lied and cheated?
I hate myself for what I am and how I feel. I’m Dorothy, skipping happily down the Yellow Brick Road of self-loathing. Blasting the radio, hoping the comfort of the music will be a decent substitute for the man, I grimace. Skeeter Davis sings “The End of the World,” and for once, I understand her pain.
Waves of despair wash over me. The negative emotion, from my childhood until now, bears down. I want it to end, desperate to release my tortured soul from this doomed life I was born into. I would gladly give up this fight. Maybe Jonah and I aren’t that different. I’ve been a fighter all my life too. But I don’t fight against people. I fight against feeling worthless, ashamed, and unlovable. I’m sick of it, and at this point, I’d welcome death.
Morbid thoughts swirl in my head when I hear the faint chime of my phone. I dig it out of my backpack, grateful for the distraction.
One new text.
Raven, I need to see you. Tried calling but no answer. Call me ASAP. xJ
He must have called me when I was at Eve’s door. But why? What could he possibly want after a night with her? My phone rings in my hand.
In no shape to drive while talking on the phone, I pull over and check out the caller ID. Tears spring to my eyes as I read the words, “Jonah Calling”.
I should throw my phone out the window and go home, but I can’t. The pitiful girl in me wants to hear his voice. And why is he calling me now? The phone continues to ring. He could be calling to confess, to end things officially. Or . . . what if he’s changed his mind?
Hope creeps back in, an energy that ignores my misery.
I have to know.
I squeeze my eyes shut and press the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Baby, hey.” I relax against the soothing tone of his words. How did I think I could live without this? “I need to see you. Are you at Eve’s?”
“Oh, um, no, she uh, had a date. I didn’t want to intrude.”
Silence.
“Jonah?”
“You’re at your place? Alone?” I hear the accusation in his voice, chasing away the calm. Bitterness burns in my chest, squashing optimism and reviving my broken heart.
How dare he act like I’m a child. He was at a strip club. With Candy!
“No, I’m not home. I’m out. Why?” My clipped words come out harsher than I intend, but oh well.
“Where are you? I need to talk to you.”
“You’ve got me on the phone. So talk.”
More silence. I wait.
“Raven, what’s going on with you? You sound, I don’t know, pissed or something.”
Is he joking?
“How was your meeting?” I say, my voice laced with acid.
“It was good.” He draws out his words cautiously.
Yeah, I bet it was.
“Oh, yeah? Good, huh? I bet it was. I bet it was real good.” The sarcasm in my voice is so obvious I sound completely ridiculous.
“That’s it, Raven, where the fuck are you? I don’t know what’s going on, but this attitude you’re throwing is pissing me off.”
“Oh, God forbid.”
He growls, and I know I’ve upset him. Ha! Now he knows how it feels.
“You want to know how my meeting was? It was perfect. Better than perfect. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
Did he just say that being with Candy was perfect? Better than perfect? That jerk!
“You’re a liar!”
“What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
I’m breathing heavy, and anger keeps me from articulating an answer. All I want to do is scream.
“What is it, baby?” His words drip with sarcasm. “You run out of shit to talk? Those sweet little lips of yours can’t keep up with you being a bitch—”
I gasp. Loud. “What did you call me?”
“Fuck. That’s not what I meant—”
“No, Jonah. You just called me the b-word. I can’t believe you just called me that!” The tone in my voice is so high I’m surprised my windows don’t burst.
“Baby, calm down.”
“Do not call me baby. Not after what you’ve done. Not after tonight.” A whine slides up my throat and I burst into tears.
“Raven, you’re scaring me. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”
I whimper and sob, knowing I should hang up, but lacking the power to say good-bye.
“Please don’t cry. Look, I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day, and I need to see you.”
I take a deep cleansing breath as Guy’s words flood my mind. This is it. The moment he was talking about. I swallow a shaky breath. I have a choice to make. Fight or give up.
I love Jonah with all my heart. As disgusting as it is, I would take him even now after he’s been with Candy. But what kind of a future do we have? Putting his life at risk isn’t an option. And fighting for our love will only be prolonging the inevitable. Dominick has me. Besides, the fight takes energy. It takes words and emotions that I’ve run clean out of. I’m drained in every possible way.
I have no fight left.
“Good-bye, Jonah.”
~*~
Jonah
“Fuck!” I launch my phone across the room. It shatters against the wall. I’ve just destroyed my only way of getting in touch with Raven.
My ass drops to the couch and I rest my elbows on my thighs. I run my hands through my hair like my head is a genie’s bottle and I’m begging for my three wishes.
What in the hell just happened?
You called her a bitch, asshole.
What was I thinking? I was pumped up from my meeting with Dominick and sick of being away from Raven all day. I’ve never seen that attitude from her before. It caught me off guard, and I slipped. But she was pissed before that.
Growling in frustration, I sit back and stare at the ceiling in my living room. This isn’t over. I’m not letting her get away with a simple fucking hang-up.
No. She will talk to me and tell me what the fuck is going on. Jumping up from the couch, I grab my keys. I’ll drive every street of this city until I find her.
My truck thunders through the streets of Las Vegas. I check everywhere. First Raven’s studio, then Nori Pizza where Eve works. The hostess gave me Eve’s address so I could check there. After I talk to Raven and give her a firm spanking, I’m talking to Eve. Employees shouldn’t be giving out addresses. The way the girl acted, I probably could have gotten her bank account and social security numbers if I’d asked.
No sign of her Nova anywhere. After an hour of circling the city, I go back to her place and wait.
Parked out front of Guy’s Garage, I replay my conversation with Raven for the millionth time. She usually answers the phone with a smile in her voice. This time she was pissed from hello. What could I have done to upset her from the time I left her in my bed this morning?
I watch the numbers on the clock climb. It’s just after one in the morning. Rubbing the exhaustion from my eyes, I hear the familiar rumble of Raven’s Nova. She’s driving like an Andretti. Her car screeches through the turn into the parking lot. I jump out of my truck as she throws the Nova into a spot sideways. She slams shut her car door, muttering something about reinforced steel walls.
I make it to her as she’s turning around. She jumps and stops herself just short of running into my chest. I reach to pull her to me. She stiffens, dodging my embrace. Her eyes avoid mine, but I can tell she’s been crying.
What the fuck?
“Baby, don’t close me out. I don’t understand what I did—”
She silences me with a piercing glare.
“Okay, I called you a bi— uh, the b-word. I’m so sorry for that. If I could take it back I would.”
I cup her cheek and pray she doesn’t push me away. The moment my skin connects with hers, she presses into my hold and closes her eyes. A lone tear makes a path down her face, pooling at my hand.
“Baby, talk to me. What did I do? You were pissed before I called you. When you answered the phone, I could tell you were mad.” She leans into my hand. “What you said about my meeting—”
She snaps out of my hold with wide eyes and stands to her full five foot eight inches. Her face is hard, the softness she showed earlier completely erased.
“What’s wrong? You want to know what’s wrong?” she says with a shaky voice and cold, hard gaze.
I’ve never seen her like this. She’s furious. I reach for her again and she shoves my arms away. I step back.
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Jonah. I was told yesterday by my biological jerk-wad that he bred me for prostitution. Then, my boyfriend took better care of me than I’ve ever been taken care of in my life, just to turn around and break my fucking heart!”
I flinch at her curse. “Broke your heart?”
“Do you know what it’s like to go your entire life never being touched? Never being told that you’re loved?” She laughs and her lip quivers as she wipes her tears. “No one was ever there for me. Not when I was sick. Or sad. Never. Can you even fathom the effect that has on a person? They have a term for it. It’s called Failure-to-Thrive Syndrome.”
She exhales and her shoulders slump. “You want to know the first time I heard the words ‘I’m proud of you’?”
My heart cramps with every broken word.
“March 16, 2007. Sick isn’t it? I remember the exact day. I was fifteen years old. It wasn’t my mom or my dad who said it. It was Guy. My high school shop teacher.”
Her eyes glisten with tears. I picture a little dark-haired girl crying alone with no one to comfort her. My hatred for her parents roots deep in my soul. Even now, it’s not my Raven standing before me. It’s that sad little girl who desperately wants to be loved. Who craves the touch and comfort that only a parent can provide. I want to reach out and hold her, but her arms wrapped around her body in a protective shield.
“Then you come along.” Her voice is softer now and she meets my eyes.
I am undone, powerless against her pain.
“You hold me, protect me, worry about me . . . tell me you love me. And the sun shines on me for the first time in my life. I look beyond your past, your reputation, all because I’m so desperate for what you give me. I fell so deeply and madly in love with you I couldn’t see straight.”
I watch the clear waters of her eyes turn stormy and cold. “And then you find out what I really am and you run to her. Not even twenty-four hours after you left me warm in your bed, you go to her!” Her last words break with the cries that assault her body.
Her? I don’t have any idea what she’s talking about, but I hate myself anyway for hurting her like this.
“Raven, baby, you have to listen to me. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Her? Her who? I didn’t run to anyone. I’m right here with you.”
I brave a touch and wrap my hand around the nape of her neck. Bending down so she can look in my eyes, I flex my fingers into her skin. “Raven, look at me.”
Her eyes come to mine. The brokenness of her past shines through their aquamarine depths.
“I love you. You’re the only girl I ever want to run to.”
Her eyes narrow, but this time not in anger. This looks more like confusion. “But . . . I saw you. You were there at her club. I saw your truck outside in the lot.”
Shit. I study my feet, but keep hold of her neck. She knows I was at Zeus’s. She thinks I ran to Candy because of everything that happened with Dominick.
It upsets me that she doesn’t believe my feelings for her are stronger than what Dominick has planned. But I know that’s not what made her believe I would run to Candy so easily. Her lack of self-worth is ingrained. My hate for her parents festers and spreads.
I’ll explain, get on my knees and beg if that’s what it takes for her to understand. I’d do anything if it means I get to keep the lost girl I hold in my hand.
“I was at Zeus’s Playground tonight, but it wasn’t for the reason you think.”
Her face is still hard, but the muscles in her neck relax a fraction.
“Blake and I had a meeting there.” I pause a second to make sure she’s still with me. “We met with Dominick.”
“Jonah, why?” She steps close and grabs the wrist of the arm that’s holding her. “He could have hurt you. Are you okay?” She runs her hands over my chest, arms and up to my shoulders, searching for physical damage.
My skin tingles at the touch I was afraid I might never feel again. I take advantage and wrap my arms around her waist to pull her closer.
“Yeah, I’m fine, but can we talk about this inside?” I look up towards Raven’s studio and picture trying to cram myself into her bed. Nope, not happening. “Or better yet, can I take you home now? I’ll explain everything there.”
Her eyes drop to her feet, and she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth.
Please say yes.
She sniffs and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Okay.”
I exhale the breath I was holding and pull her into a deep hug. Placing a quick kiss on her head, and inhaling the smell of her hair, my heart slows its frantic pace.
Not wanting to let her out of my sight, I walk her to the passenger side of the truck and usher her in. Then I snag her backpack from her car, shut and lock her doors.
The ride to my house is silent. I notice Raven still looks confused, and I grab her hand to rest on my thigh. Her expression softens as I gently run my thumb along the smooth skin of her wrist.
Once home, I open her door and help her out. I swing my arm over her shoulder and she leans into my touch. From my garage, we walk up to the house side by side. I tell myself to give her some space, but I’m not ready to let go of the comfort her body gives mine.
Settling on the living room couch, I bring her a glass of water and sit next to her. She’s turned toward me with her legs bent, knees to chest, arms wrapped around her shins.
I run a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was afraid if I told you the truth you’d worry or try to talk me out of it. After seeing you yesterday and last night,” my jaw involuntarily tightens at the memory of her hurting, “I had to do something. I had to try.”
She nods, but remains silent.
I tell Raven about the meeting, careful to expose every detail. When I finish, she stares past me, as if she’s seeking counsel with some unseen force just over my shoulder. I allow the silence and give her time to process all the information.
“So, you’re going to lose your fight? On purpose?”
“Yes.”
“But . . . you’ve been waiting so long for this fight. How can you give it up so easily?”
“Simple. I’ve been waiting longer for you.”
The best thing that ever happened to me shows up in coveralls and a pair of Chucks when I least expect it. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her.
I lean forward and un-wrap her arms from her knees. Holding her hands, I press them to my chest. “You feel that? Every beat pounding away? You do that to me.” I want to groan. I’m so frustrated. How can I get her to understand how much she means to me? I squeeze her hands. “You’re part of me now. I’d do anything for you. I’ll fight for your life as I’d fight for my own.”
Wonder colors her face. She throws her body into mine and tucks in tight on my lap. I wrap her up in my arms and hold on. I almost lost her.
“I’m so sorry, Jonah. Please forgive me. I had no idea. I thought you had lied about the meeting and that you were leaving me. I heard you and Owen talking about you breaking up with me, and I thought it was because—”
“Hold on.” I lean away to look in her eyes. “I never told Owen I was breaking up with you. Where did you hear that?”
“You guys were talking when I woke up.” Her gaze swings toward the kitchen then back to mine. “I heard you.”
I think back to the conversation and start to laugh. Raven wrinkles her nose, which makes me laugh harder.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Baby, we weren’t talking about me breaking up with you. We were talking about my plan to meet Dominick. I knew I was going to have to lie to you about it. Owen wasn’t happy about that, thought you’d already been through enough. And he was worried about me coming face to face with him.”
The corners of her mouth lift slightly before she burrows back into my chest. “I swear you find the strangest things funny.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”
“Blake is funny,” she says like a petulant child.
I hold Raven, her body relaxed and nestled into mine. I think of how she was neglected as a child. I smooth her hair and kiss her head, wishing I could be enough to fill that void in her soul.
I can’t change her past. But I’ll damn well keep her safe in the future. After she hung up on me tonight, not knowing where she was, I was driving all over town worried she’d been in an accident, or worse. That shit ain’t happening again.
“Baby?”
“Yeah?”
“That stunt you pulled on the phone with me tonight?”
Her body curls deeper into my lap. “Um, which part?”
“You should know tonight won’t be the last time I fuck up. I’m new to relationship stuff, so you can plan on getting pissed at me a lot. But from now on, when you’re pissed, you do it where I can see you.”
She pushes herself up, her hand on my chest. “See you?”
“You can put up walls and not talk to me, call me every name in the book, throw shit at me, I don’t care. But you’ll do it with me and end every night in my bed.”
“But, but—”
“No buts.” I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and give her a squeeze. “I’ve been in fights with guys twice my size, been locked in holds so tight I didn’t know if I’d survive, but I’ve never been as scared as I was tonight.”
“Jonah—”
“Driving around town, looking for your car, knowing that Dominick has his sights on you . . .” I slide my hand up and grab a handful of her silky hair. “I can’t lose you.”
She blinks once then again. “I promise. You’ll never lose me, Jonah.” She rests her forehead against mine. “Never.”
I pull her to my chest and she nestles in.
“No more hanging up on my ass either,” I say while I rub her back.
“Okay. As long as you never call me the b-word again.”
“Deal.”
She sighs and nuzzles her face against my neck. I feel the brush of her nose under my ear. As if touching isn’t enough, she breathes in deep, taking a little bit of me inside her. I stifle a groan.
Shifting on my lap, she tempts me with her sexy ass. The sweet fragrance of her shampoo combined with the feel of her soft body permeates my brain. I’m overwhelmed with the burning desire to be inside her. My blood races. The primal man in me wants to stand up and beat his chest, knowing that he’s found a woman to claim, to mark her as his own, going places with her that no man has gone before.
“I love you, Raven.”
She tilts her head up to look at me. “I love you.”
I brush my knuckles against her cheek. “Can I show you?”
Her eyebrows drop low.
“Make love to you, baby.” I answer her unspoken question.
Her body goes rigid in my arms and she studies my face. Whatever she sees seems to agree with her. A sexy smile pulls at her lips and damn if that doesn’t seal the deal.
Nodding her head slowly, I stand with her still in my arms. She cups my face, her thumbs at my dimples, and places feather light kisses against my mouth. I race to the bedroom, her giggles bouncing against my lips the entire way.