Seventeen
Raven
Locked in Jonah’s bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror. My hands grip the counter and I lean in to study my face: red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes and a wild mane of dark hair framing my pale face.
“Lovely. I look like a zombie. Real sexy, Raven,” I whisper to myself.
Even though I took a shower a few hours ago, I decide another one might help to rinse the dead, decaying look from my face. I pull my hair into a messy bun to keep it dry, and stand under the warm water. A good scrub of my face has me feeling human again. I hop out and the reality of what’s about to happen has me patting my body dry faster than usual. Butterflies swirl in my belly along with eager anticipation.
A smile pulls at my cheeks, flooding my body with warmth. I push the obstacles from today to the back of my head and lock my worries away. They’ll still be there tomorrow. Tonight, it’s just us.
I brush my teeth and throw on a new pair of panties I bought on my last Victoria’s Secret shopping spree. After I slide the bright blue lace up my legs, I check out my reflection from all angles.
This particular style is called The Cheeky and while checking out my backside, I can see why. The low slung, hip huggers are made of delicate lace that cut up dramatically in the back accenting the full curves of my bottom. I bought these with Jonah in mind. He can’t seem to keep his hands off my booty, and I can’t wait to see what he thinks of these.
I forgo a bra or tank and decide topless is the way to go. I run a brush through my hair and allow the messy waves to fall in haphazard disarray.
A quick peek into the bedroom reveals lit candles, soft music, but no Jonah. I race to his bed, arms crossed at my chest, and crawl on top. Lying on my stomach, I take deep breaths to calm my nerves.
He has so much experience with sex. What if I disappoint him? He’s used to sexually confident women who probably hang from the rafters or stand on their heads. I can’t compete with that.
“Stop it. It’s going to be fine. You can hang from rafters,” I whisper. Muffling my giggles into the pillow, I picture myself in some ridiculous position which only antagonizes my nerves.
Think sexy. No giggling.
I breathe deep, and visions of Jonah quiet my thoughts. I welcome the sultry voice of Ella Fitzgerald and the smell of lightly scented candle wax to soothe my frazzled nerves.
I hear the click of the bedroom door as it opens then softly closes. Still on my stomach, my arms folded under my head, I turn to see him and almost choke.
Jonah’s in nothing but a pair of black pajama pants. They hang low on his hips exposing the v of his lower abdominal muscles, dusted with dark hair. Holy crud. His inky black hair is spiked with moisture. He must have taken a shower in the guest bathroom. Kaleidoscopic arms, bulging with muscle, tense at his sides, I gawk at his masculine body then settle on his smiling face. His hazel eyes move over me in a visual caress, causing a tremor of need to vibrate beneath my skin.
“Fuck. You look so sexy right now.” His deep voice and dirty talk have me trembling.
My eyes lock on his as he crosses the room to the bed.
“You take my breath away.” His penetrating gaze roams over every inch of my form. “Don’t move. Stay just like that.”
I obey, and he disappears to the foot of the bed. What’s he doing?
The mattress dips at my feet just before I feel the warmth of his hands cover my calves. Using them to guide him, he slowly climbs up my body until he straddles my hips. The fabric of his cotton pants brushes my exposed skin. I take a deep breath and relax as the tips of his fingers run along the edge of my panties at my back.
“These are my favorite.” His fingers trace from one hip to the other.
“I bought them just for you. I thought you’d like them.”
“I fuckin’ love ’em.” He flexes his hips into the space between my legs, his blatant arousal making me gasp. “Can’t you tell?”
“Um, yeah, I can.” Nervous giggles creep up from my chest and tickle my throat. Don’t giggle!
He traces the line of my tattoo from my hip to my shoulder. My skin tingles and goose bumps break out across my flesh. The bed dips by my head, and he nips at the shell of my ear. I inhale citrus and spice, swirling my senses and igniting a fire in my belly.
“Have I ever told you how much I love your tattoo?” His mouth travels along the side of my throat where he kisses at his spot.
My head tilts to the side to welcome his attention. His soft lips follow the line of birds, gently kissing and licking until he’s back at my hip. A pleasured moan rises from my chest.
“You like that, baby?” he asks against my skin.
I arch my back, lifting my bottom up and into his chest. He slides his hand beneath the lace and cups one cheek, squeezing and molding it in his hand while his mouth continues its torture.
“Jonah, I want to see you.” My words finish on a whimper.
“Not yet. I’m not finished playing with you.”
I’m so turned on already I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when he’s finished playing with me.
His large hands move back up to massage my shoulders with gentle pressure. Having never been touched this way before, my body responds in new and unfamiliar ways. I melt into the bed. A glorious tingling starts at my chest working its way through my veins and heating my blood.
His slow powerful strokes work down my back. I feel small and delicate under his expert touch. Hands, lips, tongue, and teeth, all stimulate my hunger. I’m panting and greedy. My moans combine with the soft music filling the room, creating an erotic symphony.
“Jonah, I can’t take much more.” I move to roll over, but Jonah presses his chest into my back, caging me to the bed with his weight. His arms rest close to my face and I barely hold back the desire to lean over and trace the tattoos on his biceps with my tongue.
“My girl’s eager.” He rocks his hips into me.
An embarrassing whine flies from my lips, and I grind back into him. Intimate parts of my body request, no, beg for his attention.
“You keep that up. This will be over before it begins.” He nips at my neck, soothing his tender bites with slow sweeps of his tongue. “Don’t worry, baby. We’ll get to that. First, we need to talk.”
My body freezes and I twist my neck to look at him.
“Talk? I don’t want to talk.” I sound like a child forced to eat her vegetables.
How sexy is that?
He bites his lip, fighting a smile. “We have to. I know you’re on the pill, so birth control is taken care of, right?”
My face falls into my folded arms to hide my pink cheeks.
“Yes. How did you . . .” Stupid question. He’s seen me take them. “Never mind.”
The only parental thing my mom ever did was take me to get put on the pill at sixteen. She probably thought I’d end up just like her. Gah! I don’t want to think about this now.
“Here’s the thing. I’ve never had sex without a condom. I’ve also never made love to a woman before. How would you feel about me not wearing one?”
“Ugh! Jonah, you’re seriously killing the moment here.” I speak my muffled complaint into the pillow.
“What? I’m being thorough. It’s your first time and I want it to be good for you. I think going bareback would be better. But I won’t do it without your permission.”
“Bareback?”
“Without a condom.”
I’ve had fantasies about what my first time with Jonah would be like. In all my versions of this moment, I never had a conversation that involved the word bareback. This reminder of Jonah’s sexual experience to my lack thereof is off-putting. But I love him and I believe he loves me. There’s no doubt in my mind that he has my best interest at heart. He always does.
“I trust you.”
His weight lifts and he falls to my side. I prop myself up on my elbows and look into his handsome, smiling face.
“All right, no more talking.”
On a growl, he leans over and possesses my mouth. His tongue glides along mine, rekindling my need. I tilt my head and press in deeper. My toes curl and my back arches in an attempt to get closer. He sucks my tongue into his mouth and runs his teeth along it as I pull it back. The simple scrape turns my insides to liquid.
More.
The word echoes in my head, sending the message to every nerve cell in my body. He’s consuming me, and I want nothing more than to crawl inside him. His hand curls around the back of my head and he rolls. My legs open to him, cradling his body. He hovers over me, the hard plains of his chest cushioned against my breasts. Flexing his hips, he grinds into me with solid steel and I swallow his moan.
His hands dig into my hair, grabbing it firmly at the roots. A slight tug opens my mouth further and he plunges deeper. With firm pressure he continues to rock against me, building my impending release. My stomach flips with the promise of what’s to come.
Breaking free for air, he kisses down my neck, leaving me panting for breath. His warm mouth closes over the firm tip of my breast. Electricity shoots down my torso to my womb. He switches back and forth, sucking on one while rolling the tip of the other between his finger and thumb. I slide my legs against his, restless and impatient.
“So fucking responsive,” he growls, the rumble of his deep voice against my chest vibrating down my body. “God, you taste so sweet.” He licks and pulls at my breast. “I want to taste the rest of you.”
His words are rocket fuel to my libido. I’m writhing and panting. His hands roam down my torso to between my legs. My body bows off the bed. If I wasn’t so wanton, I’d be embarrassed at my lack of control.
He runs his lips down the length of my body, pausing only to nip at my belly button.
“Mmm, Jonah . . .” I want to say something to communicate how good he feels against my skin, but I’m too lost in the sensation.
Hooking his fingers into the fine lace of my panties, he shreds them with a firm tug. I moan, lifting my hips, and he tosses the flimsy lace to the floor. I’m all feeling and emotion, completely void of rational thought.
He lifts his head and gives me his sexy, one-dimpled smile. This one is similar to the one I’ve gotten before, but better. Way better. His lowered lids and dark glare turn this smile into something different all together, and I’m gone. Completely owned with one look.
I tremble as he places himself between my legs. His eyes lock on mine seconds before he dips down. His mouth presses against me in a probing thrust. My head falls back. Every nerve fires and I’m overcome with desire. His hands still my hips in a display of full carnal domination. Gripping the sheets, I dig my heels into the mattress and push my hips up begging for more. His mouth commands my body, pulling my strings and pushing me on. He slides his hands beneath my bottom to tilt my hips, delving deeper and thrusting harder. Euphoria swirls behind my eyes with every abrasive scratch of his stubble between my legs.
“Jonah, I’m gonna…” My words fade into a glorious moan and I bit my lip.
He pulls back, the cold air hits me hard. I open my eyes to see him braced above me looking intently into my face.
“Why did you stop? I didn’t . . . I was almost . . . there.” My voice whines with disappointment.
“You’re ready.”
He’s not asking, but I nod.
Yes! I’m ready!
He kisses my chin. “You sure about this? Cause, fuck baby, I need to be inside you.” He runs his tongue along my bottom lip. “Deep inside you.”
I push my hips up and dig my fingernails into his arms.
“Yeah, my girl’s ready.”
He slides his pants down and kicks them to the floor. I stare openly at his arousal.
This is going to hurt. Bad.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll go slow.”
My eyes dart to his face. Did I say that out loud?
He crawls up my body, eyes fixed on mine. His hands push my arms above my head, weaving our fingers together. In this position, his weight against me, his huge body forcing my legs apart, I’m completely at his mercy. Helpless against his invasion. And totally safe. Warm, silken heat nudges its way in, slowly pressing, forcing me open. Instinctively, my body resists and I press my knees into his sides.
“Deep breath.” He brushes his lips against my jaw. “Relax.”
Taking a deep breath, I concentrate on relaxing my muscles. He pushes in further.
“I love you.” He speaks the words against my neck, feathering kisses against my skin.
He releases my hands, and I brace them against his ribs. His pulse races against my palms. His hazel eyes darken and worry crosses his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“This is it.”
“It?”
A deep pink blush colors his cheeks. My eyes widen.
Oh, IT.
He looks conflicted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I wrap my legs around his hips and use my heels to press him to me. “I’m ready, Jonah. I want this. I want you to be the one to do it. I love you.” The confidence in my voice mirrors the feelings in my heart.
He smiles so sweetly that I’m forced to catch my breath.
“Okay, baby. Take a deep breath and blow it out slowly.”
My eyes lock on his in determination. Taking a deep breath through my nose, I hold it and nod. I blow the breath out slowly, and when I’m almost out of air, he buries himself completely. A hiss shoots from his lips as he pushes past the final barrier of my virginity. My eyes slam shut at the searing pain.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I love you.” Tender brushes of his lips trail from my jaw to my shoulder.
After a minute, I release his hips, my legs no longer able to hold him with their quivering muscles. The burn recedes, leaving behind a delicious fullness.
Past the pain, I focus on Jonah’s face: both dimples, full teeth, and shining eyes. Pure male pride.
He cups my face, running his thumbs along my cheeks. “Feel okay?”
“Perfect.” I rake my hands into his hair and pull him in for a deep, wet kiss.
“My girl.”
His movements start slow, dissolving my discomfort and awakening my hunger. I scrape my nails along his scalp, grasping in desperation. Closer, deeper, harder. More. I don’t know what’s come over me. All I know is that I need Jonah more than oxygen.
“Jonah, I—”
A gasp robs me of my words as he rocks into my body. Ripples of pleasure shoot up my torso and coil in my chest. I grip his backside with two hands, feeling the flex and release of his muscles as he moves between my legs.
Possession pushes below the surface of my skin. An animalistic satisfaction at being marked, permanently changed by the man I love.
“More.” The simple spoken word has him rolling his hips deeper, and thrusting harder.
Yes!
I groan as the tension builds, churning low and ready to burst.
“You’re perfect. So hot, and fuck, so tight,” he growls into my mouth.
I’m hot and writhing, his words and body mastering mine. Every angle winds me tighter, pushing me higher. I buck against him, searching for release.
A shift of his hips in the right spot and sparks fly behind my eyes. I suck in a lungful of air, my release shooting through my body. My nails dig into his biceps and I call out his name against his lips. He continues to rock into me. And just like an expert guitar player hitting the perfect chord, another explosion of pleasure pushes through me. My heels dig into the bed, riding out my climax. Blissful satisfaction washes over me in waves. I labor for breath, floating down and sinking into the bed.
Is it always like this?
My body hums. I blink away the post-orgasm fog. My limbs fall to the side, sated and heavy.
It’s only then that I notice Jonah still moving above me. His colorful arms flex and pulse. His eyes lock on mine, and he bites his bottom lip. I can’t resist the urge to taste it myself and push up to pull at the soft flesh with my teeth. He releases it and I suck it deep into my mouth.
He quickens his pace then growls his release. Heat fills my body where the sting has died to a dull ache. I lick and suck at his lips and tongue until his movement slows. He collapses onto my body, and I wrap my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck. We breathe heavy, chest to chest, hearts pounding against each other, until we calm.
“I’m not ready to give you up,” he says against my skin while moving gently inside me.
“I’m not ready to be given up.”
We kiss, this time absent of the heat from earlier. Only gentle touches and whispers of affection.
“Thank you, Jonah. That was better than I imagined.”
His lips brush mine once more before he rolls off of me. I wince as he pulls free from our connection. He falls to my side and wraps me in his arms.
My head on his chest, he takes a deep breath. “Baby, that was incredible.”
We lie in silence, Alicia Keys singing “How it Feels to Fly” and soothing the aftershocks of our lovemaking. The lyrics send goose bumps racing across my skin. Lying here in Jonah’s arms, having given him the only thing of worth that I have to give, I’ve never felt freer. Tears sting my eyes, and I swipe at one that rolls down my cheek.
“Ah, shit. I’m sorry. Was it too rough? Are you okay?” Jonah’s hands are at my face, wiping at the moisture beneath my eyes.
Propping myself up, I look at him and smile. “Do I look okay?”
“No. I mean, of course, you look amazing. But you’re crying.”
He continues to dry my wayward tears. I stop his hands with mine. “I’m fine. It’s been an emotional day.” My fingers trace the tattoo on his chest. “Was it, um, okay? You know, for you?”
He throws his head back in a quick burst of laughter. “Shit, let’s put aside the fact that I’m in love with you. Let’s also not count the fact that being skin on skin, no barrier between me and your hot, wet, gripping—”
I smack him playfully in the arm, my lips upturned and cheeks cramping from the glowing review he’s giving me.
“Okay, all that aside, the way your body responds to mine, the slightest touch or shift in my position . . . Moans of pleasure coming from those gorgeous lips . . . Baby, that was the hottest . . .” His eyes dart to the side as if he’s having a hard time putting words to his feelings. “What we did tonight was more beautiful than anything I’ve ever experienced.”
“I feel the same. I’m glad I waited for you, Jonah. You deserve to be my first—”
“And your last.”
My jaw drops open before I catch it and slam it shut.
Could he really mean what he just said? I’ve heard men do that, say things they don’t really mean after sex because they’re caught up in the moment. He doesn’t look uncertain. He’s not smiling, his mouth isn’t twitching uncomfortably. His eyes are fixed on mine and his face is soft. I don’t have much experience in this area, but if I had to guess, I’d say he looks like a man in love.
My rational side busts out a checklist. He replaced my door, risked his safety to talk to Dominick, hunted me down after I hung up on him, and tonight he loved me, mind, body, and soul.
How could I take advantage of his love by allowing him to give up his fight for me? There has to be another way. My mind is slow with fatigue and sexual satisfaction, but I scroll through possible alternatives. Beyond ending my life, which isn’t an option, there’s only one other thing I can do.
“Jonah?”
“Yeah?”
I clear my throat, my mouth suddenly dry. “I could run.”
Silence.
“I could just take off and drive to New York or Florida. I’ll change my name and find a job that pays cash. After a while, you could come visit me. You wouldn’t have to throw your fight. I could even get—”
“No.” His answer isn’t angry, but absolute. “That’s no way to live. We’d have to move every few months, constantly looking over our shoulders.”
“You don’t know that. He might just give up when he can’t find me locally.”
Hooking his hands under my arms, he pulls me up his chest and we’re face to face.
“You think Dominick is the kind of man to let go of something he wants? You know he’d come after you, Raven, for no other reason than he doesn’t like to lose. I want you free from all ties, and throwing the fight is the only way. Money is the only language Dominick understands.”
Hot tears pool in my eyes and cool as they cascade down my face. “I’ll never be able to re-pay you for all you’re giving up for me. I’m afraid that, in time, you’ll resent me.”
“Impossible. The title will always be there. The fight is replaceable. You’re not.”
Closing my eyes, I bury my face in his neck. “I love you.” It’s the only thing I can think of to communicate my appreciation. But it’s not enough.
“I love you too.” He repositions me at his side.
I lean up and give him my lips. It’s in this kiss that two truths penetrate and soak into my soul.
First, Jonah loves me.
And, second, I don’t know what the future will bring, but whatever happens, I won’t be facing it alone.