“I’ll go so you can get some sleep,” Jenny mumbled and stared at the linoleum floor.

It was time to go home and wallow in her embarrassment.

“I don’t think so.” Lucas pivoted and braced his hands on the kitchen counter, caging her between his arms. He lifted a hand and ran his finger tips over her mouth, back and forth.

Jenny could hardly breathe. She lifted her gaze, staring into his eyes. It wasn’t an intimate touch, but she felt the caress of his fingers stroking something deeper within her.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about your lips? Kissing you?” He watched his finger trace her lower lip.

She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t think.

Lucas bent his head and slid his fingers down to her chin, bumping her face up to the perfect tilt. Her whole body seemed to vibrate. There was something about being together, how he affected her. It’d always been like this, but she’d ignored it. Blamed it on the alcohol. Something that’d happened earlier that day. Whatever it took to get by without acknowledging that she was attracted to her husband’s cousin.

Well, she wasn’t married anymore, and Lucas wasn’t her cousin. She didn’t have to lie to herself anymore.

The way Lucas looked at her, how he treated her... She felt like she was on a pedestal. Like she hadn’t washed and trimmed domestic pets all day. Oh, she’d showered. And shaved. And painted her toenails. Because... Well, because she’d hoped for the chance to kiss him. For something more than platonic love.

Lucas leaned against her and bent his head.

The wiry hair on his chin rubbed her cheek and over her lips. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. His mouth slid against hers—nothing hurried about the kiss. As if they hadn’t spent over eight years waiting for this moment. She fisted the material of his shirt and lifted up, seeking a deeper kiss.

He grasped her by the waist and pulled back a bit.

She groaned in protest before she could stop herself.

Lucas chuckled and lifted her, setting her on the kitchen counter. Her eyes snapped open and she stared into his dark, warm gaze. She’d never been...manhandled before. Lifted, carried, those weren’t things most men did with women of her size. And Lucas didn’t seem the least bit strained.

Those shoulders... He took staying in shape very seriously.

His smile widened and he wedged her knees apart. His hands gripped her hips, his long fingers pressing into her ass, almost as if he were holding on.

He leaned into her and she swallowed. Her heart beat so hard she could hear it. Could he feel its thump through her ribs?

“You look a little scared.” His voice was a deeper rumble now. With their bodies pressed together she could feel the vibrations in her breasts and core.

“I keep thinking I’ll wake up any moment and this will have been a dream.” She slid her hand up his chest.

“What happens in these dreams, hm?” He dropped a kiss on her shoulder, right at the edge of her tank top.

Jenny swallowed. She couldn’t bring herself to share the kinds of things she’d thought about, much less her dreams. There’d been a few, especially since Mary told her Lucas was coming home, that were more explicit than she’d have imagined herself capable of. Where did those ideas even come from?

“Do I kiss you?” Lucas tugged the strap of her tank top and bra aside, clearing the path for him to kiss an uninterrupted line from her shoulder to her neck.

She curled her toes and fisted the material of his shirt.

“Jenny? Open your eyes and see this isn’t a dream.” His lips curled into a smile. She could feel it against the crook of her neck.

She swallowed and slid her arm around his shoulders.

Maybe she’d prefer it if this were a dream. Then they wouldn’t have to talk about it, and she could just roll over and bury her face in a pillow while the mortification passed.

Lucas continued nuzzling and kissing at her throat, the sensitive spot just behind her ear. It was too real—from the smell of him, the body heat, to the scratch of his short beard against her skin—to be a figment of her imagination.

What if reality didn’t measure up?

What if she was a disappointment?

Holy shit.

She’d never thought that part through. It’d always been about Lucas, how she felt, never what she did.

Lucas’ hand slid up her back, under her shirt. His strong fingers pressed along her spine, his palm pulling her a bit closer to him.

Oh, God... This was such a monumental mistake. She wasn’t prepared for this, she didn’t know what to do in return.

“Jenny? What’s wrong?” His other hand slid around to cup her bottom. She was now a prisoner in his arms, well and truly caught.

“Just...um...” She was breathing too fast, her skin too warm, her pulse too rapid. Sex in her head was great. Reality hadn’t often been so kind.

“Did I do something wrong?” He frowned.

“No!” She cringed and dialed back her volume. “No, it’s...it’s me.”

“It’s not you, it’s me? Really?”

“That’s—Lucas.” She tucked her side-swoop bangs behind her ear and glared at him.

“What? You were going to say it.”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“Then what’s really wrong?” He squeezed her briefly. He didn’t have to say the words, talk to me, for her to hear them. He’d always been good at getting her to bare her soul.

“I didn’t...think this through. And not like that.” She jabbed her finger at his chest the moment he grimaced. “It’s...me. I’m...just...I don’t know. Not...good enough?”

“Is that what Walker told you?” His brow furrowed and his lips set in a hard line.

“This isn’t about Walker.” That’s what she wanted to believe. That the things he’d said to her, how he’d laughed at her, were just him being cruel and not her.

“Jenny, Jenny, Jenny.” He smoothed her hair behind her ear. “You know what I see when I look at you?”

She swallowed, not sure she’d like his answer.

“I see this brilliant, amazing woman who thrives wherever she decides to be. You’re resilient, despite the opposition. When you set your mind to do something, you do it.”

“You mean I’m stubborn?” She laughed, but it was a bitter sound. Stubbornness was what kept her in her marriage, not love.

“Stubborn as an ass, but that’s what gets shit done. And your ass, by the way? That’s pretty nice, too.” He flexed his hand against her bottom.

She buried her face against his chest, the kindness of his words striking deeper than she was prepared for.

“You used to wear those cut-off shorts. The ones you put that bit of lace on? God, I wanted to burn those shorts. They made me think very not-family-appropriate things. And then sometimes you’d wear that stupid shirt of Walker’s, with the sides cut out, over your swimsuit? God damn, talk about torture.”

“Oh, stop it. That was gross, cookout wear.” She’d sweat like a whore in church manning the grill. The other men, besides Lucas, were usually too tipsy and silly to be trusted around fire.

“Well, I guess gross, cookout wear turns me on.” He kissed the top of her head and stroked her back.

“You’re a weird man, Lucas Hewitt.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

He reached between then, grasping her chin with his fingers and lifted her face. She peered up at him, those warm, dark eyes of his, and the easy smile that always made everything better pulling her in.

She wanted him in a way she’d never wanted another man. Six years ago, it’d scared her so much she’d pushed him away and ran as fast as she could. She’d been hurting then, too battered and broken from fighting a war she wasn’t meant to win. Now it was different. She was different. But did he still feel the same?

Lucas leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. There was nothing uncertain about his kiss. He knew what he wanted without the inner waffling that plagued her. Heat unfurled in her chest and stomach. She was just sinking into the touch when he pulled back.

“I’ll let you down now,” he said against her lips.

“One more?” She tugged at his shirt and wrapped her calf around his thighs, as if she could keep him in place.

He hummed against her lips, the gentle slid of skin on skin both intimate, and not enough. He pushed his fingers through her hair, and tugged, forcing her to look up a bit more. He tilted his head and parted his lips suckling at her mouth, teasing her with his teeth. She pulled on his shirt and he rocked forward, pulling her ass to the very edge of the counter.

She wrapped her legs around him and pushed her hands up under his shirt.

Jenny had hugged him a million times, but she’d never touched him without guilt.

Lucas was one of those things that got finer with age. From his quickly silvering beard to his smile lines, right down to those abs. Dear God, she wanted to stay wrapped around him forever.

He lifted her slightly, with nothing more than a hand on her ass, her body braced against him.

She groaned into his mouth, her body on fire, and dug her nails into his skin.

Much more of that and she’d come undone.

Lucas turned his head and rested his cheek against her shoulder. Their ragged breathing was the only sound in the apartment.

Jenny’s goal had been to apologize, maybe kiss him, but now that wasn’t enough. There was so much time to make up for, so many opportunities lost. She didn’t want to waste more time now that he was here, where he belonged.

She kissed the top of his head and flattened her palms against his back.

“Jenny...”

“What?” She slid her hand higher, forcing his shirt up a bit more.

“Stop.”

Her hands stilled.

He’d kissed her with just as much desire as she had. Did he not want to feel this way? Was there something else?

Lucas picked his head up off her shoulder and stared at her. The warmth was still there, but he’d chosen control over passion.

“We should stop.” He braced his hands on the counter at either side of her hips.

“Should?” That was an implied order if she’d ever heard one. She inched her hands up a bit farther. Much more and she’d be stretching the fabric.

“I don’t trust myself right now.” His gaze focused on her lips, as though they were the most interesting feature of her body.

“Am I not safe with you?” One side of her mouth betrayed her, hitching up into a half-smile. Lucas unleashed? Doing whatever he wanted? The idea left her a little breathless.

He aimed a glare at her that made her swallow.

Lucas played the role of the nice guy so well it was easy to forget that under the manners and smiles he’d inherited the Hewitt alpha-male tendencies. Not all men wore them well, but Lucas? She wasn’t afraid of him.

Jenny slid her hands around to his chest. His muscles had muscles, but then again, he’d always said the best thing he could do for his career was to take care of his body. Did he take care of everything that mattered to him this well?

“Am I in danger right now? What would you do? Hm?”

“Jenny—stop.” Lucas reached up and grasped both her wrists in one of his big hands.

“Okay, okay.” She splayed her hands, but his grip never eased.

“I wasn’t... I didn’t expect you to want to see or speak to me. If I ever saw you again.” He glanced away.

Her heart thumped against her ribs painfully, as though it wanted to escape her body to comfort him.

“You were my best friend. Of course I did. I’ve missed you. I’ve hated myself for—”

“No. Don’t.” He cupped her cheek with his other hand. “You were caught in a no-win situation I put you in. Me. Because I was fucking selfish. I didn’t tell you out of any altruistic urges. I was selfish, plain and simple. I’m the one who should say sorry. And I am. I’m so fucking sorry—”

“Sh.” She leaned her forehead against his. “Let’s agree to one thing here and now, okay? Neither of us gets to be the martyr. We were all at fault. No one was blameless. Agreed?”

“Okay,” he whispered, eyes closed, fingers stroking her cheek.

“Good.” She blew out a breath. Maybe eventually she’d be able to take that to heart and forgive herself someday. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

“Me, too.”

“Can I have my hands back?”

“No, I don’t trust you.”

“That’s harsh. What could little, old me do to big ‘ol you? You don’t actually think I could make you do anything you didn’t already want to do?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” He finally opened his eyes to glare at her.

“Well, now, that sounds like fun.” She grinned. She wanted to be free with him, to kiss, be playful, and all the feel good things adults who were attracted to each other did without throwing around insults. She wanted it all with Lucas.

“Jenny.”

“Lucas?”

He just kept glaring at her, but she wasn’t afraid of that look.

“What? I’m supposed to...what? Feel bad about acting on what we’ve both wanted? For kissing you? For—what? What’s the problem?” She shrugged, her patience unraveling.

“Me. I’m the problem. I went to the other side of the fucking country because I was terrified I would do something. I stopped drinking when we were hanging out, because what if I had one too many—and then, what? And now... What if...?”

“What if what? What is there to fuck up that hasn’t all ready been fucked up?”

“Us?”

“That’s never going to happen. You... You make me feel like...I’m important. Like I matter. You treat what I have to say like it’s the most interesting thing you’ve heard all day. You look at me like I’m beautiful.” Tears stung her eyes. She was laying her soul bare to him, exposing all those little parts of herself that he’d built up over time.

“Fuck, Jen.” He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “You are important, and funny, and stubborn. But you’re not just beautiful, you’re hot as hell.”

She swallowed down her the protest bubbling up in her throat.

“You are.” He stroked his finger across her lips.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve seen you reject compliments often enough I can see what you’re going to say.”

He’d been there for enough of Walker’s attacks on her appearance, too. It was because of Lucas nearly snapping Walker’s head off that it had stopped. At least in public.

“This, you scrunch your brow. You frown. You aren’t even aware you’re doing it, but you are.” Lucas tapped the spot above her temple, over her eyebrow.

“I’m trying...”

“I know. Used to be, you’d have made a joke of it, excusing what that dick head said. That always pissed me off. You’re so damn awesome and you don’t even see it.”

Even if she wasn’t, right now she felt that way. When she was around Lucas, she was on top of the world. He made her believe greater things were possible. Without his encouragement, that tiny piece of him she’d kept when he left, she’d have wasted away into nothing. But he’d been there, in the back of her mind, telling her she could do it. She’d always hoped the real Lucas, not her imaginary one, would come back and see all that she’d accomplished.

And here he was.

Lucas let go of her wrists and stepped back. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, over his head and tossed it on the floor. She swallowed. Most of those tattoos were burned into her memory. If she had the skill, she could draw them. But there were new ones. Memories etched forever on his skin from wrist to collar bone and down past where she could see. Lucas used tattoos to remind himself of life, the things he’d done, people he cared about. If she asked he’d tell her the story behind every one of them.

For a moment, he stared at her as though that were his way of taking on her challenge.

He stepped back into the space between her knees and gripped her hips with both hands. She leaned toward him, once more resting their foreheads together.

“You get this one chance to walk out that door,” he said.

“Or—what?”

“You want to find out?”

She wasn’t about to leave. She’d fought too hard and long to get here, putting the pieces of herself back together, healing, growing. This was where she wanted to be.

Jenny reached down between them and grabbed the hem of her shirt. It joined Lucas’ on the floor.

“You’re mine now.” His lips spread into a predatory smile and she gulped.

Lucas pressed his hips against her, the hard line of his erection obvious. He bent his head, kissing her mouth. He slid a hand up her stomach, grasped the middle of her bra and pulled it down. The cups settled below her breasts, pushing them up.

He leaned back, his gaze raking down her body. There wasn’t even a hesitation before he grinned and covered her nipples with his hands, palming her.

“Any last words?” he asked.

“What kind of question is that?”

“You’re going to lose the ability to speak in a moment.”

“My, you are cocky.”

“I’m confident. There’s a slight difference.” He slid his hands down to her jeans and tabbed them open.

“If you say so.” Try as she might to act cool, on the inside she was already reverting to baser instincts, fewer coherent thoughts.

“Remember, you chose to stay.”

Lucas hooked his fingers in her panties and yanked both jeans and underwear down her legs. Jenny yelped, bracing her hands on the counter to keep from falling on the floor. She sat there in shock as he wrestled one shoe then the other off, leaving her in nothing but her bra.

He grinned at her with a sparkle of mischief behind his eyes.

“What are you doing?” She pressed her thighs together, still too surprised to register her change in dress.

“Whatever I want.”

Those three words should not excite her.

What did he want to do? And was it the same thing she wanted?

Lucas grasped her knees and pulled her legs apart. He bent his head. She continued sitting there, watching him. He flattened his hand against her stomach, pushing her back a bit.

What was he...?

“Oh my...”

Jenny’s throat tightened to the point she couldn’t speak. She gripped the counter and curled her toes on nothing.

Lucas thrust his fingers inside of her. It didn’t hurt, he fit easily, but it was still a shock to her system.

He was inside of her.

“Just checking,” he said.

On what? That she had a vagina?

He licked her nipple and she hissed, the sensation snaking through her body, far too intense.

“I’ve got plans for this pussy.” Lucas sounded far too pleased with himself.

Jenny gulped air. She’d thought she was a lot more prepared for this than she was. Clearly, she’d overestimated her readiness to handle Lucas head on. Her mistake.

Sort of.

Lucas bent, braced his forearm across her hips and licked the length of her slit.

Her mind screamed, not ready!

The rest of her went into a boneless state.

Lucas sank to his knees, thrusting his fingers deep inside of her. His tongue traced a path around her labia, leaving no hidden crevice untouched. He pumped her, stroking her insides. She curled her calves over his shoulders, her mind quickly going pleasure-blank.

She couldn’t imagine what he got out of this, but damn if she was going to protest. There was no coaxing or cajoling for sexual gratification. No, this was a one-person roller coaster and she was belted in and hanging on.

His lips worked the flesh covering her clit, easing it back as he continued to work his fingers in and out of her. She leaned back until her shoulders hit the upper cabinets and she could rest her head against the door.

She could hear herself, little mindless sounds of pleasure. There wasn’t a coherent word uttered, but at this point what could she possibly say?

The moment Lucas’ tongue touched the delicate bundle of nerves, her spine arched and she gripped the edge of the counter. He hummed, the vibrations teasing her, heightening the pleasure.

She’d anticipated that tangling with Lucas would be an experience. That he’d blow any expectations she had out of the water—and he had. His first move was not for his own gratification, it was this. An unselfish act to underscore what she felt, how he felt about her.

He’d put her on this pedestal and turned it into a carnal alter.

He sucked at her clit and she cried out, the brilliant burst of color filling her vision. She reached for him, digging her hand into his hair and holding on as the tremors shook her body. She groaned, the pleasure of it riding the line of almost too much, if there were such a thing.

Jenny pulled on his hair.

Lucas relented, kissing her thigh then her stomach. His fingers remained where they were as he straightened, dropping kisses along her body. He pressed his lips to hers, briefly, since she seemed to not be able to suck enough air down.

“Damn, that was fast,” he said.

“Sorry.”

She swallowed and peered at him. She had a lot of pent up ideas and fantasies going into this moment. It wasn’t like she needed much real world inspiration, but reality was so much better than what was in her head.

Why was he smiling at her like that?

She was pretty sure that smile was not terribly nice.

•  •