Nancy

 

“I can’t tell you how proud I am,” Mom says, bobbing little Sebastian up and down on her knee. We’re in the wedding dress store, me in a dress which cuts short at the knee, flashing a sliver of thigh, the sort of dress I wouldn’t have entertained before I met Fink. But I love it; it’s stylish and sleek. “Really,” she goes on. “This little guy.” She tickles Sebastian’s cheek. The two-month-old just smiles blandly up at her. “And now the wedding and . . . Everything’s really working out, isn’t it?”

 

“Everything’s working out,” I agree, spinning in the dress. “It better be. I’ve spent more time in the gym than I want to think about, losing all that baby blubber.”

 

“Baby blubber.” Mom giggles. “It was worth it, though, wasn’t it?”

 

I lean down and kiss Sebastian on the forehead. “Of course, it was.”

 

I get changed into my normal clothes and buy the dress, and then Sebastian cries in that way which means he’s hungry. “Where can we go?”

 

“There’s a café around the corner,” Mom says.

 

We walk through the LA sun, Sebastian crying in his stroller, and then go to the back of the café, where nobody can see us. I bring Sebastian to my breast and let him feed. He quiets down.

 

“Are you nervous?” Mom asks.

 

“About the wedding? Not really. I think Fink is more nervous. I know I want to be married to him. I’ve known for a long time.”

 

“And he doesn’t?”

 

“It’s not that he doesn’t. It’s just that he gets scared he’s not good enough for us. I keep telling him it’s silly, but you can’t just shake someone out of a way of thinking about things they’ve had since they were a kid. This is deep stuff for him. Anyway, we’re in love, and when he’s not nervous, he can’t wait. He’s like an excited little kid. He keeps calling me “my wife” even when I tell him that he has to wait.”

 

Sebastian finishes feeding. I put him in the stroller next to the table and rock him back and forth with one hand.

 

“I’m sure everything will work out absolutely fantastic,” Mom says. “Everything’s in order. The flowers, the music, the catering—”

 

Mom’s list is interrupted by my cellphone. It’s a number I don’t recognize.

 

“Nancy?” Dad says, his voice cleaner than I’ve ever heard it. He doesn’t slur. He sounds wide awake.

 

“Dad?”

 

“I’m calling from the manager’s phone,” he says. “She was nice enough to let me use it. I just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow and I’m really sorry I can’t be there, okay? When I get out of this place, I’ll come and say hello to you and Fink and the little guy . . . if that’s okay with you, of course. I don’t want to presume.”

 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Dad.”

 

“I haven’t touched a drink in eleven months,” he says. “I’m looking into work right now. That’s why I’m in the manager’s office. All the computers are down except for hers. I’m looking into security work. Get back into the swing of things. Only be a better man this time around. What do you think?”

 

I can tell he’s hungry for my approval.

 

“I think that’s great,” I tell him.

 

“Okay! Great! Well, the next time I see you, I’ll have my one-year chip!”

 

“How is he?” Mom asks after a pause.

 

“Okay. Getting better.” I fill her in.

 

“I hardly want to say it. I don’t want to jinx it. But I think he actually might be getting better. He’s never gone this long before. He’s never even come close to going this long before.”

 

“I know.” I smile, and it feels stolen. We can’t smile about Dad; our hopes will just be dashed. But Mom’s right. He’s never gone this long before. “I feel the same. I know it’s dangerous, but my hopes are flying high right now.”

 

Mom touches my hand. “Just focus on tomorrow. Focus on making your family happy and peaceful for that little guy.”

 

Fink

 

After all this time, I still get a damn funny feeling when I see her, especially today. Dressed in that sexy white dress, a dress that shows just enough thigh to get my mind working, walking down the aisle with music playing, and her family smiling from her side and Sal and his wife smiling from my side. Her mother walks her down the aisle to me.

 

I think about last night when crazy thoughts of running went through my head. Not because I don’t want to marry her—I want to marry her more than anything in the world—but because I didn’t know if I deserved it. Well, I still don’t know. Maybe I’ll never know. But I can spend the rest of my life trying to find out, trying to make the answer yes.

 

She smiles at me radiantly, her makeup highlighting her big eyes, her full lips.

 

“Hi,” I whisper.

 

“Hey,” she whispers in return, with a cute giggle.

 

We go through the ceremony until we get to the fateful moment, the moment my entire life hinges upon. I glance into the crowd and spot Seb, smiling with his gummy mouth, pawing at Cheryl’s chin. My heart floods with warmth, warmth unlike anything I have ever known, warmth so stunning I want to wrap my arms around Nancy and Seb and protect them for the rest of time.

 

“I do,” I say. “I do, I do, I do.”

 

Nancy is crying, tears streaming down her cheeks, cutting lines through her makeup. I take her by the shoulders and lower her in my arms. “I’ve got you,” I whisper, kissing her softly on the lips. “I’ll always have you.”

 

“I love you so much,” she whispers through her tears.

 

It’s only when we stand up that I realize everyone is clapping. Sal is crying just as much as Nancy, maybe more, and Seb is clapping his hands together in imitation of the adults around him.

 

I wipe a tear from my eye.

 

THE END

 

 

***

 

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