I lie in bed, my body twined with Luke’s, feeling happier and more contented than I ever have before. His breathing grows even, and I listen to his heart beating next to mine. No matter what the future may bring, right now, I feel open and willing to face it. Inside me there’s a deep and growing sense of hope.
I close my eyes but sleep doesn’t come. My mind drifts to Victoria Easterbrook and The Lady’s Secret. Since finishing the book the first time, I’ve read most of it again, generally out of sequence in accordance with the call sheet. Women of Victoria’s time and situation would have been at the mercy of others – of men – and been largely powerless over their own lives. How odd that we find their stories so romantic. I remember the picture on the cover of the book – the twisted gateposts of the manor house, the wild auburn hair of the heroine. I’d judged the book by its cover; dismissed it as an enjoyably titillating, but ultimately unremarkable story.
‘It’s all there in in the book.’
Phillipa once told me that part of the fantasy of a romance novel is convincing the reader that the author has found that elusive secret to everlasting love, that she or he can impart to the rest of us. When often, in reality, the truth is something quite different. I think of everything I’ve learned about her, and Julie – and Luke. For some reason, her words are like a tick in an old vinyl record, keeping me awake when I’d rather be asleep. There’s still a part of the equation that’s missing. Something I’m not seeing. As much as I want to put the past behind us – want Luke to put the past behind him – I worry that somewhere, there’s a part of the truth that’s still festering below the surface.
Gently, so as not to wake him, I disentangle myself from Luke. I find my e-reader and Julie’s diary, and go down to the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of yesterday’s coffee, take a notebook and pencil from the drawer, and sit down at the table.
When I open up the diary, I find that a few more pages near the end have come unstuck. But Julie used a felt-tip pen to write and most of the words are smudged. I manage to decipher a few more passages. The first one seems to be about Luke:
He’s always following us around and watching us. It’s totally creepy. I think he saw us under the tree that day when I gave her the daisy…
…she doesn’t seem to mind. She even flirts with him sometimes. I swear, I’m going to show her that she can’t just…
The Watcher? Luke? I make a column on the paper and jot down the reference, followed by ‘initials’, and ‘daisy ring.’
…can’t believe she lost the money. I mean, I only did it to help her. But she said that he took it. I think the two of them might be planning…
I transcribe the words, but I’m not sure what to make of them. In a previous entry, Julie spoke of stealing some money. Just as Victoria did early on in the novel, prying her father’s desk drawer open with a lizard-shaped paperknife.
She just doesn’t get it. I mean, she’s part of the family now. She started crying when I ripped up the photo of her mum, but doesn’t she see I did it for her own good?
Again I put a question mark on the paper. In the book, the Watcher destroys the locket that Victoria has with a photo of her mother. But the diary is clear – Julie, not Luke, destroyed the photo.
…I mean, I’m the one who loves her. But she just laughed and said I was totally…
I hate it when she laughs like that.
Phillipa and Julie – two girls with more between them than just a teenage crush. They stole money to run away, and then Phillipa lost it – or it was taken. Luke saw them together and threatened to let the cat out of the bag. Another question mark…
The rest of the diary is unreadable; the pages flake to dust when I try to pull them apart. I push it aside and then tackle The Lady’s Secret.
To be honest, a lot of the plot details in between the love scenes went over my head on the first read. But this time, I focus on the little things that I missed before. The opening scene with the initials on the tree, the broken locket, the daisy ring, the stolen money. I reread the Watcher scenes: the malevolent figure, the dead bird, the shredded gown. There are many missing pieces, and it seems that Phillipa’s chopped and changed the characters and their various roles. But as the hours go by and the moon rises over the lake and then dips again below the horizon, ever so slowly, a new story begins to emerge.
*
It’s almost dawn when at last I crumple up the piece of paper. I leave the diary and the e-reader behind on the table and go back upstairs to crawl into bed with Luke. I’m exhausted, but also frustrated with myself. There’s something there – I’m sure of it – but there are so many red herrings and misdirections that I can’t put my finger on it.
Luke wakes up briefly, and I fall asleep in his arms, my body nestled against his. We stay in bed late, until eventually he gets up and goes downstairs to make breakfast for me. In the light of day, whatever it is I was looking for last night – and didn’t find – seems like pure fantasy.
I shower and get dressed and check my phone to see if Connie has texted any more photos from the seaside. She hasn’t but there are three missed calls from last night – all from Theo.
I go downstairs and show the phone to Luke.
‘You’re not two-timing me, are you?’ he jokes. His smile fades when I don’t laugh.
‘He rang me yesterday evening. He sounded a bit off. He’s worried about Phillipa. Asked me if I’d seen her. I’m afraid I wasn’t terribly keen to discuss whatever the issue is.’
‘Can’t imagine why.’
I stare at the pitcher of orange juice and the plates set out on the kitchen table. There are also two coffee cups – Luke’s and one that’s half-full of coffee pushed to one side. I’d put my cup from last night in the dishwasher before going to bed. The cup on the table has a smear of pink lipstick on the rim.
‘Where’s the diary?’ I say.
‘The diary?’ Luke frowns. ‘I don’t know, why?’
‘I came down in the night and I had it with me. I’m sure I left it down here.’
‘I haven’t seen it.’ He stares at me. ‘Why were you looking at it again?’
Before I can think of an answer, the phone rings in my hand. Theo’s name comes up as before.
Luke raises an eyebrow. I answer the phone.
‘Lizzie!’ Theo sounds breathless. ‘Thank God I got you.’
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t talk yesterday. What’s the matter?’
‘Phillipa’s disappeared. I mean… well, I hope this doesn’t upset you, but we’ve kind of started seeing each other.’ He pauses awkwardly.
‘OK,’ I coax.
‘But she’s been acting so strangely lately, and last night, she didn’t turn up. Now, she’s not answering her phone. It’s been almost twenty-four hours.’
‘She’s a grown woman, Theo. But I haven’t heard from her. Have you tried the hotel?’
‘Yes, she’s not there. It’s just, the way she’s been lately, I’m worried that she’s done something – or going to do something… I don’t know. Maybe I’m totally wrong…’
He’s speaking so loud that Luke hears too. ‘Can I talk to him,’ he mouths.
I hold out the phone.
‘Theo,’ he says, ‘Luke here. What’s going on?’
But I stop listening to the conversation. I stare down at the cup with the smear of pink lipstick. I rush out of the room and put on my shoes.
I leave through the main door and run round the side of the house. I race along the borders towards the far gate to the paddock.
‘Lizzie, wait!’ I hear Luke calling out behind me, but I ignore him. Because this isn’t about him – not anymore. The last piece of the puzzle has finally clicked into place.