Lance
The pregnant woman on the bed lets out a sob.
“Jake …” Her voice sounds thick and creaky. I feel my mouth is open and I close my jaw with a snap. “Jake, please …”
“No, Merryn,” he says, his eyes darting around at all of us. “I can’t trust you. You have to go.”
“Jake, what the fuck is wrong with you?” It’s that girl with the arms and legs, on the other bed. She looks angry.
“Shut up, Emily,” Jake snaps. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“Like fuck it doesn’t concern me!” she spits back. “Jake, you’re being an idiot.”
“Jake,” I try in a level voice, before he can respond to his sister, “think about what you’re saying. Take a step back and look at the situation as a whole.”
“Yeah,” Trista, beside me, finds her voice. “This is a mistake. You shouldn’t do this.”
Jake looks around at all of us, almost spinning on the spot. We’re all looking at him.
“Oh, so it’s me against all of you now?” he asks, and I shake my head as Merryn lets out another cry.
“None of us are against you,” I say. “We want what’s best for everyone.”
He turns to face me. He and I are about the same height, both taller than anyone else here. My muscles tense up as I wait for him to make his move.
“Go fuck yourself,” he says in a slow voice. “You don’t want what’s best for me. You want what’s best for yourselves. None of you are thinking about me.”
“You’re not thinking about anybody except yourself!” his sister yells from the bed. Jake practically throws up his arms.
“Ugh, fuck this,” he says. “If you’re all against me then I guess I’m on my own.”
And he makes for the door, long strides taking him there quickly. I feel like I should reach out, try to stop him, but I know that’ll lead to a fight. This environment. He’s on edge, ready to prove himself at the slightest provocation.
He reaches the door and yanks it open, steps out, the thing slowly closing back in place.
And then Merryn starts crying.
She breaks down, her emotion all leaving her at once. She’s sobbing, bawling. I can’t imagine what fucking catastrophe of emotions and hormones and confusion might be going on inside of her. Trista’s at her side in an instant.
“Hey, there there,” she says, sitting on the edge of Merryn’s bed. Even Emily, Jake’s little sister, throws off her bed sheets, swinging her twisted legs over the side as she grimaces against the pain, grabbing her crutches from their place against the wall.
I’m out of my element. I can’t go over to comfort her. I’d be like a big, lumbering bull.
“I’ll go after him,” I say. And before anyone can respond I make for the door, although nobody calls out after me anyway.
I open it up and start down the hall, heading for the nearest exit. When I turn the corner I see the back of Jake. He’s moving fast so I make myself move even faster, catching up to him when he’s almost at the doors out of here.
“Jake,” I say. I’m ready to put a hand on his shoulder if he doesn’t stop, knowing that’ll probably trigger him to defend himself, but luckily he turns around. His own eyes are rimmed with red. Good. That’s a good sign.
“What?” he asks. “Are you here to tell me not to leave?”
I level my gaze at him. “Obviously,” I say. “Jake, think about what you’re doing. Merryn is pregnant. She looks like she’s going to give birth any second. Are you seriously just going to kick her out, just because she made a mistake?”
He bristles. “She put herself in danger. She wasn’t thinking.”
“No, she wasn’t thinking,” I agree. “She should have had backup. But it sounds like she did it for you. It wasn’t like she was trying to go behind your back. And why didn’t she tell you? Do you know?”
“Because,” he starts, but then pauses for a second. “Probably because I would have said no.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Exactly. Can you really blame her for going behind your back? You’ve got a temper, man. It’s obvious. It’s like a hair trigger. You’ve got to learn how to control it.”
A scowl forms on his face. “What’re you, my therapist?”
Katie. I push the thought away. “No. I’m just a guy in a similar situation as you. I want Will Silver dead. My girlfriend doesn’t.”
Jake nods. “So you know how I feel.”
“I know it’s frustrating trying to find a solution when none of them are easy. But I also know you shouldn’t leave this hospital. Merryn needs you right now. Don’t leave her, man.”
Jake pauses, glances away, seems to be thinking it over. Finally he shakes his head.
“I can’t,” he says. “Merryn fucked too much of it up. She made her mistake, and now she’s got to live with the consequences. I mean, she broke my trust. How would you like it if your girlfriend broke your trust?”
The thought of Katie floats to my mind again, more pervasive. Break my trust. Has she ever broken my trust?
I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I tell him, and Jake gives me a look.
“Then you don’t really know what I’m going through,” he says, and with that he turns and lets the sliding glass doors open in front of him, stepping out into the bright day.
I watch him go. I should go after him, I know, but it won’t make a difference. He’s not coming back. Not right now.
Katie. Now that she’s in my head it’s hard to get her away. I was so mad at her before. Why was that? Because she was changing her mind about wanting to kill Will Silver? Was that what it was? It felt so important at the time. Now it just feels … petty.
And seeing Jake do that to Merryn … that was cold. I would never do that to Katie. Wouldn’t I? Isn’t that what I’ve already done? Just left her. Gone off and done my own thing, not thinking about her, not thinking about us.
Before I realize it I’m taking my cell phone out of my pocket. The screen lights up and I find Katie’s number, hit Call.
The phone rings in my ear when I lift it up. Two times. Three. It picks up.
“Lance?”
Her voice. It feels like everything inside of me melts. How could I ever want to leave her, after everything we’ve been through?
“Katie,” I say, ignoring the new tightness in my throat. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Lance, what’s going on?” Concern in her tone now. “You sound different. What happened?”
I cough away the tightness, try swallowing to clear it.
“Too much,” I say. “Too much has happened. I have to see you. Where are you?”
“I’m at the Thirsty Sister,” she says. Her favorite bar. “Do you remember it?”
I can’t help the smile. “Yeah, I remember it.”
“Does this mean you’re ready to talk?”
“Yes. I’ll come by … as soon as I can.” Merryn and the others. They have no way to leave. I have a car. “I don’t know when. Stay there. I’ll come by as soon as I can.”
“Lance, what’s going on?”
“I’ll tell you when I see you. Katie … I love you.”
A pause that lasts a lifetime. “… I love you too.”
I wouldn’t be able to wipe my smile away if you had a gun to my head. I hang up and stash my phone away, then go back to the room. By the time I get there I’m back to neutral.
When I walk in both Trista and Emily are at Merryn’s bed. Merryn is no longer sobbing, but instead is drawing in hitching breaths. The others are speaking softly to her, comforting her. Emily looks angry, and she’s crying too, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
No one seems to have noticed I’ve entered the room. I stand, uncomfortable, unsure what to do. The door opens behind me and the nurse who took us here comes in. Her eyebrows shoot up.
“You’re still here?” she asks. “You can go home now.”
Both Trista and Emily wheels angry glares around on her.
“Can’t you see we’re in the middle of something here?”
“You can be in the middle of it somewhere else,” the nurse says, unfazed. “We need these beds for other patients.” And then she turns and leaves without saying another word.
Merryn nods, sniffs, sits herself up more in the bed.
“We should go,” she says, her voice thick.
“Fuck that nurse,” Emily says. “We’ll stay here as long as we want.”
“No,” Merryn says. “We should go.”
“I can drive you,” I blurt out, and all three women turn their heads. “I have a car. I can drive you …” I’m about to say home and I think Merryn knows it, because her lower lips starts trembling again. Trista cuts in.
“You can stay with me,” she says, looking back at Merryn. “We’ll go get some stuff and you can stay with me, until this all blows over.”
Merryn blinks two fat tears out and holds Trista’s hand, giving it a squeeze.
“Thank you,” she says. And then she pulls in a fast breath and lets it out. “Okay. We’ve got to get out of here.”
Trista and Emily get up from the edge of the bed as Merryn start pushing the sheets back, revealing her gown-covered body. Her belly looks huge. She looks up at me, still sitting on the bed.
“Um … sorry, I don’t actually …”
“Oh, Lance,” I say, realizing she doesn’t know my name. “My name is Lance Rush.”
“Lance,” she says. “Would you mind leaving while we change back into our clothes?”
“Oh!” I say. Heat blossoms up my neck. “Yeah, of course. Sorry.”
And with that I quickly leave the room, hearing Emily let out a single small laugh as I do.
I’m in the hallway for fifteen minutes before the door opens and Merryn, Trista, and Emily come out. Trista is walking close to Merryn, poised ready to grab her arm in case she falls. But Merryn’s ambling along on her own. Emily is using her crutches, and though she’s holding her chest inward and wearing a grimace on her face, she’s still moving at a good pace.
“Do you want any help?” I ask the group at large. “I could get some wheelchairs.”
Merryn shakes her head, as does Emily.
“No, I think we’re all right,” Merryn says.
Tough, I think, but I don’t say it.
“Okay, well let me go get my car and I’ll meet you at the exit.”
They nod and I stride ahead as they slowly move in the same direction. I leave the hospital and walk to the parking lot, finding my car. Jake’s bike is gone. I get in and turn the car on, leave the spot, make my way around and park outside the doors, keeping the engine idling in case anybody comes and tells me to move it.
Nobody does, and eventually the sliding doors open and the three make their way out. I get out and start to come around to open the doors for them, but they get there before me and need no help. So I get back in the driver’s seat, waiting for them all to close. Emily’s in the front again, Trista and Merryn in the back.
“So … where to?” I ask.
“I’ll direct you,” Emily says, and I leave the hospital grounds as she leads me through the city. In the back neither Merryn nor Trista say anything. Finally Emily tells me to turn into a small alley, quiet, lined with squashed-together apartments on one side, garages on the other.
We move along slowly until Emily points.
“You can park up there,” she says, and I do, turning the car off as we all get out.
Emily takes out a key and opens up the door to an apartment. I guess she lives here too, with Merryn and Jake. No sign of a bike. He’s not here. Probably for the best.
Merryn’s started crying again, although she’s not making any sound. Trista walks slowly beside her. Emily’s the first in through the door, followed by me, Merryn and Trista bringing up the rear.
I follow Emily as she goes up all these stairs on her crutches. We reach the top and I see a modest, but comfortable, living room. Couch, coffee table, TV near the window. Up against the opposite wall is a dining table, pushed up so only three spots are available. To the side, along the wall, is a hallway that leads to more rooms, and that’s where Emily heads.
“What can I do?” I ask her, hearing Merryn and Trista slowly come up the stairs behind me.
“You can help us pack,” she says without turning around. So I follow her down the hallway, past the kitchen and bathroom. Emily walks into the door at the end, her bedroom. There’s the thin door of a linen closet, which means the other door must be to Merryn and Jake’s room.
“Come on in,” Emily calls from her room. I step inside. She’s walking around her bed to a closet at the far end. Opening it, she starts rummaging around. I walk around to meet her. “I have some broken down boxes in here,” she tells me. “We can use those.”
“Okay,” I say. Seeing the way she’s balancing on her crutches with one hand, using the other to push things aside, I ask, “Do you need any help?”
She pauses just long enough to turn and look at me. She doesn’t look angry, or offended. But the expression on this girl’s, this teenager’s, face makes it clear that she doesn’t need any.
“No,” she says. “Thanks for asking, though.”
She goes back to rummaging and I stand, feeling useless, not doing anything, not saying anything.
Finally Emily pulls out some flat cardboard and she hands it to me, pulling the rest out. I lay them down on the bed and start assembling boxes. When Emily’s got them all out she joins me.
“How many do you think we need?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. She’ll need clothes, toiletries, maybe some books. Baby stuff. That bag she put together for when she goes into labor.”
She isn’t looking at me as she talks. It’s clear from her tone how she feels about all this. I pick up one of the boxes.
“I’ll go start getting things put together.”
Emily nods, staying where she is as I walk back around her bed and leave her room. I hear low voices coming from the living room so I walk down the hall. When I reach the end I see Merryn and Trista sitting on the couch together, the backs of their heads to me. Merryn’s frame is shaking, and Trista’s stroking her hair.
I clear my throat, making Trista turn to look.
“Um,” I hold up the box. She nods, says something to Merryn, and then gets up off the couch, leaving Merryn there. Trista comes to join me.
“Come on,” she says, and she leads the way to the end of the hall, looking at the door to the left, then opening it up and stepping in.
This room looks much more adult than Emily’s. Trista makes for the closet, pulling it open and pushing things to the side. I put the box down on their bed.
“She told me some of the stuff she wants to take,” Trista says, pulling down clothes off the hangers and handing them to me. I start to stuff them into the box, but Trista stops me. “Fold them first,” she says, so I take everything out and fold items of clothing as she removes them from the closet and, after, the dresser. Emily shows up with a box of her own, talks to Trista about needs to be taken, then goes to get toiletries.
They’re both acting so … nonchalant about the situation. Like they’re approaching it with a cold attitude. They aren’t fighting back, they aren’t yelling or complaining to one another about this. If I were in the same situation, I don’t know if I’d be able to do what they’re doing with such a level head. I think I’d tear the place apart instead.
It takes us about half an hour but we three finally get Merryn’s items packed up. Trista and I each carry a full box back out and down the hallway. Emily’s is already at the top of the stairs, and she’s on the couch now, sitting with Merryn. A heaviness settles in the air as Trista and I put our boxes down.
“Merryn,” Trista says. “It’s time to go.”
I can’t see Merryn’s face. But I can see Emily’s, sitting on Merryn’s other side. She’s crying, that look of anger back in her eyes and in her cheeks.
“My brother,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. Merryn puts a hand on Emily’s but Emily just shakes her head. “He’s such a fucking bastard!”
“It’s okay.” Merryn’s voice. She sounds like the calmest one of them all. “Don’t be mad, Emily. He’s just doing what he thinks is right.”
Emily sniffs wetly, stands up from the couch.
“I’m coming with you!” she declares. “I don’t want to be under the same roof as him.”
But to my surprise Merryn shakes her head.
“No Emily, it’s okay,” she says. “I’ll be fine. Trista’s going to take care of me.”
Tears run down Emily’s face. “I’ll talk to him, then. I’ll tell him he’s being a big fucking idiot if he thinks this is what’s right.”
Merryn nods. “Okay. Thank you.”
She slowly stands up, Emily helping her to her feet. When Merryn turns I see that her face is dry. Dry and emotionless. She looks up at me.
“Thank you,” she says. “For all of this.”
I have to swallow. “It’s no trouble,” I say.
She gives me a weak smile, but it falls away as though it has nothing to stick to. And then she makes to go downstairs as Trista goes with her, the two taking the stairs slowly, Emily standing at the couch and me standing at the top of the stairs, neither of us saying anything. When Merryn and Trista have reached the bottom I pick up a box and carry it down, reaching the bottom quickly, unlocking the car so Merryn and Trista can get in, opening the trunk to put away the boxes.
I go up two more times for the other ones, and at the top of the third trip I look over at Emily, who’s sitting down on the couch now.
“Well,” I say. She looks up at me.
“Well,” she says.
Neither of us say anything else. I take the box down and close the front door behind me, not having a key to lock it. Box in the trunk, and then I close it. The others are already in the car. I climb in the front, turning it on.
“I can direct you,” Trista says while Merryn remains silent. I put the car into Drive and we leave.