I woke up to the sounds of the ocean floating in from my open window. The waves were calming after my rough night. Mason had comforted me at the hospital, but when we got back to Violet and Jaxon's house for the evening, I pulled away. I wasn't ready for the conversations that needed to follow what we’d discussed on the plane. My head and my heart weren't agreeing with what I wanted to happen between us. Picking up my phone, I dialed Adam. I needed to check in and let him know what was going on here. To my surprise he picked up on the first ring.

"Hey Emmy. How are things? Any changes with Stephen?"

He sounded stressed and not about Stephen. I hoped it wasn't something serious. It wasn’t really possible for me to be supportive and comforting from across the country.

"Nothing yet, but the doctors seem optimistic. It's just really hard seeing him like this."

He spoke to someone in the background before answering. "You know if there's anything I can do for you or Lexi, you just need to ask."

"I know and we both appreciate it. She seems to be holding it together pretty well.” I paused when I heard him speaking to someone else again. “Are you sure you can talk right now, you seem preoccupied."

"That's Lexi for you, and it's fine. I'm signing off on charts and getting ready to head into surgery. I have a few minutes though.” He paused. “I'm sorry; I probably shouldn’t have answered, but I wanted to make sure I talked to you this morning."

Multitasking. Adam was great at that, but I wasn't used to him doing it with me. "I can call back later, or you can call me after you get out of surgery."

"No, honey. I'm stepping into my office now. Talk to me."

I hesitated. "It would be better if Lexi wasn't so pissed at Taylor, but there's nothing I can do to fix that. She's is just looking for someone to blame besides Stephen and the semi driver."

"Those two have been friends for a long time, I'm sure she'll figure it out."

"I'm sure they will. I just hope it’s before they ruin their friendship."

We talked for a few more minutes about how things were going for him and his schedule for the next few days before getting off the phone. It felt forced, which threw me because it had never been that way between us, and I hated it.

He hadn't been thrilled when I told him I was going with Mason to California. Why would he be though? His girlfriend was on a plane with her ex-husband. Adam knew I still loved Mason in some way, even if I wasn't willing to admit it to him. Adam had taken me to the airport the morning I flew out of New York, and it killed me that our kiss goodbye felt so final. I didn't want to believe that Adam was giving up on our relationship, but it seemed like he’d already started to let me go. A week ago we were talking about taking a romantic vacation and now it felt like he was just done.

A light knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, I was just coming to see if you were awake,” Mason said, as he peeked his head inside the door. “Jax and I are about to head back to the hospital. Lexi and Taylor finally agreed to come home and sleep."

"Good. They both look exhausted."

"Can you stay here and make sure they sleep?"

"Of course. Where's Violet?"

"She's...uh…oh, hell." He grimaced. "I'm not going to lie to you. She's pregnant and having horrible morning sickness right now. They haven't told anyone yet, but I heard her throwing up this morning and Jaxon told me. It's awful because they found out the morning of Stephen's accident and they planned on telling everyone after he got home."

My stomach was in my throat and suddenly I felt sick.

"Oh damn."

"Yeah. Can you please not let Jax or Violet know that I told you? Jax and I are just starting to get along. I don't want to fuck that up, but there’s no way I can keep this from you, or lie to you. Especially after everything you told me on the plane.” He stepped further into the room. “Are you going to be okay, baby?"

"I think so," I said softly. His drunken phone call still loomed over me, reminding me that he could keep a secret from me. Now wasn't the time to bring that up though, maybe if Stephen woke up or things got a little better, but not now. "I'll just bug Violet until she tells me herself."

Mason smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Let me know if you need anything, or even if you just want to talk. I'll text you if there's any change with Stephen."

He turned and walked out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I couldn't think about Violet having a baby or I would lose it. All I could think about was his drunken phone call. Mason had promised something to someone, and it probably was either his mom or his sister. Those are the only two women I could see him giving anything up for. My head ached and I needed coffee.

When I made my way down to the kitchen, Violet was sitting at the table looking miserable. I hid my face as I poured a cup of coffee and added creamer. I was happy for her, but I was so jealous that she had what I wanted.

"You look like shit."

"Gee thanks, Em. Love you too," she said flipping me off.

"That’s a bit of an overreaction,” I said grinning. “Do you need something?"

Violet shuddered. "I don't want anything, but it would probably help if I ate."

"Want me to make you some dry toast? Ginger tea?" I asked, innocently.

"Oh give it up, I know Mase told you. He never could keep a secret from you and Jaxon told me that he heard me throwing up earlier."

It was obvious she didn't want to talk about her pregnancy. I threw a few pieces of bread into the toaster and turned back towards her. "Apparently, he can keep a secret."

She shot me a look and I told her about the drunken phone call and the miscarriage. I filled her in on everything, down to cuddling on the plane. Violet was as suspicious as I was about who would have made him promise to stay in Savannah.

"You think it's his momma?"

"It's possible. She's always been manipulative when it comes to her kids."

"I remember when Kaleb had his enlistment ceremony she pretended to be sick so she didn't have to go because she was so upset." She rolled her eyes.

"Mason was so pissed off at her over that." I took a sip of my coffee and leaned back against the counter. "It doesn't matter anyway, the divorce is almost final."

"It is? When the hell did this happen?"

"A few months ago. After I went to Georgia, I filed. That is, I filed after we had dirty, end of marriage sex." Violet snickered, and I continued, "One drunken phone call months after I went to confront him won’t change things. I love him, I always will, but he isn't going to change his life for me. My life is in New York and his is in Savannah."

"He loves you, you know that right?"

I smiled sadly. "Sometimes love isn’t enough."

We were quiet for a few moments. "I'm going to go forward with the IVF. Adam gave me a list of donors."

"Aren't you forgetting the part where he offered up his own boys to get the job done?" Lexi chimed in from the doorway.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said, exasperated.

"I woke up. Tell Vi the truth about Adam. He's so in love with you it's not even funny, but you can't make a decision to save your life right now, unless it has to do with work."

"Damn it, Lexi. Just because I'm not sure that I want Adam to be the father of my children doesn't mean that I can't made a decision. He's sweet and sexy and everything I could ask for in a man, but we haven't been able to have a real relationship. It can't be easy on him that while we were dating I found out I was still married. Every time it seemed like things were going good something else happens to derail our entire relationship."

"Shouldn't it count for something that he's still here?" she countered.

"It does, but when he dropped me off at the airport, he was acting weird." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. For the past ten years, I've thought Mason would be the rest of my life, but now I'm trying to figure it all out while I'm on an impossible deadline." I sat my coffee cup down in the sink harder than I meant to and turned to walk out of the kitchen.

"Em, I'm sorry. I know the pressure you're under. I'm just tired and stressed," Lexi started.

"Don't worry about it," I said cutting her off. "Try to get another nap before you go back to the hospital. I'm going for a run."

I turned to walk out the kitchen and Lexi caught my arm with her hand, stopping me from walking away. "I just want you to be happy, and I've seen how happy Adam makes you over the past year."

"I filed for the divorce with Mason. And Adam pretty much broke up with me when I told him I was coming out here with him. It didn't matter that I was coming out here for you guys, not to him. Adam had every right to be upset, but now I’m trying to decide if I even want to be in a relationship right now."

Lexi let go of my arm and I took the opportunity to escape. I went upstairs to change into shorts and a tank top so I could go running. Maybe the feeling of sand under my feet and the sound of the ocean while I ran would help clear my head.

 

***

 

Lexi invited a few people over on one random night she had off from the hospital. It was amazing because she hadn’t been home in almost three days. Instead of sleeping, she wanted to be around people. If it were me I would have been dead on my feet. Luke and Adam were both there and it was nice that I was starting to recognize other faces as well. I smiled at Adam, but the look on his face threw me a little. He looked worried. Silent, little nagging alarms went off in my head.

He hesitated before walking over. “Em, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, sure Adam." I cocked my head. "What’s up?”

His hand wrapped loosely around my arm and he pulled me to the side of the living room. “Did you ever reschedule your appointment with my office? Or with anyone else?”

“No, I didn’t. Honestly, I forgot after the drama of everything." Lie. I just didn't want to know. “Adam, is everything okay?”

"Your chart came across my desk today and I realized you hadn't come in for your appointment. There are important things you really need to know. I can tell you now, or you can make an appointment. If Lexi had any idea that you hadn’t come in yet, she would be pitching a fit.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I want to get this over with. Let’s go into my room and you can tell me what I need to know.”

Adam followed me upstairs. He pulled a chair up across from where I sat on the bed. There was no doubt in my mind that the news he was about to give me wasn’t going to be good, but I hadn’t wanted to face it. It was part of the reason that I hadn’t rescheduled the appointment in the first place. The look in his eyes told me that whatever he was about to say had the potential to break me if I let it.

“Emmy, when you had your miscarriage we found something.” Adam squeezed my hand as he continued, “I found some abnormalities after your miscarriage. I normally run a few tests after a D&C to check hormone levels. When I got your results back your levels came back with some of the indicators of PCOS. I think we should run more tests, especially since you’ve already lost a fallopian tube. If I'm right it’s highly unlikely that without medical help that you’ll be able conceive again.”

My sight went spotty and my body slumped to the side. Adam's strong arms wrapped around me, catching me before I slid to the ground. I was so thankful that he was my friend and not some random doctor in a cold, impersonal office telling me this.

"Did you talk to Lexi about it?"

He sighed. "Yes, I did, but I didn't tell her it was your case. I consulted her for a second opinion, but I spoke in generalities because I didn't want to tell her your business. That's your decision if you want to talk to her about it."

I closed my eyes and held onto his hand tighter. “What else?”

“Emmy.”

“What else, Adam? I need to know everything.”

“If I'm right, the older you get, the harder it will be for you to conceive. You're on a timetable now if you want to have kids. It was going to be difficult enough losing one of your tubes, but the PCOS makes it even more extreme.”

“How soon do I need to try if I want to have kids?” His jaw tightened and I saw the strain in his eyes. “Adam, just tell me.”

He moved to sit next to me on the bed.

“With the severity, you probably have a year, maybe two, before the chances significantly decrease. There was scar tissue on your remaining fallopian tube and with the ectopic pregnancy,” he trailed off. “I’m so sorry, Em.”

“What are my options?”

“IVF would probably be best.”

My heart raced in my chest. “So I will need to find a sperm donor.”

“Yes, either that or someone that you know could give a sample.”

A sample. This keeps getting better and better.

“Kids weren’t on my freaking radar, and now I might not ever be able to have them if I don’t do it pretty damn quick. Fuck. My ex didn’t even know I was pregnant.”

Adam squeezed my hand again. “I wanted kids. My ex didn’t. I found out that she was pregnant, by the guy she had been cheating on me with, on the day that our divorce was finalized." He huffed out a humorless laugh. "Sometimes things don’t end up how we want.”

"That's the understatement of the year." I rested my head on Adam's shoulder. “I don’t know if I should thank you for making me face the truth or kick you for ruining my night.”

He chuckled. “I was worried about telling you.”

“I would have kept my head in the sand for as long as possible.”

“You might not have many choices, but I want you to be able to choose from what options you do have. Maybe tonight wasn’t the best time to tell you, though.”

“Why? Now I can go get drunk with all of our friends and be in denial a little longer.” I smirked at him.

“Always looking on the bright side, Em. That's what I like about you,” he said laughing.

“Yep.” I stood up and held my hand out to him. “Let’s go get shit-faced and talk about how horrible our ex’s are.”

He smiled at me. “Sounds like a great idea.”

 

I stared out at the horizon watching the waves peak and crash into the surf. My run hadn’t helped my mood. In fact, it had deteriorated quickly. Now I was remembering things I would rather not and wondering how much time I actually had left if I wanted to have a baby. Adam had offered to be my donor, but he wanted us to be a family. There was no way I was ready to consider a step that big. My life would have to change dramatically. None of that sounded the least bit appealing. Besides my craziness over Mason versus Adam, I liked my life. Living in the city was exciting. I was on my own schedule and my time was my own. If I wanted to, I could go to Europe for a week. A baby would change all of that.

I stood up slowly and wiped the sand off my butt and legs. Violet was onto something, living at the beach. It was peaceful here. Maybe I should look into opening a west coast branch of the record label.

The house was quiet when I walked inside. Thank goodness the girls all seemed to be taking naps. No one was yelling, so at least Taylor and Lexi were still avoiding each other. I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost time for my shift to go sit with Stephen. Hopefully a cool shower would help me clear my head since nothing else had, but I didn’t hold out much hope.

 

***

 

I was leaning back with my eyes closed in the window seat in Stephen's room. I wasn’t asleep though. There was so much tension between Mason and me. I couldn’t be in the same room with him without it being awkward as hell. Everyone was picking up on it, and I was debating moving to a hotel so it wouldn't be so weird. Taylor kept giving me funny looks, but I wasn't ready to talk.

“Em?”

“What?”

I really shouldn't snap at her just because my head is screwed up. Her boyfriend was in a coma for God's sake.

“Never mind.”

I sighed. “Just ask, Taylor.”

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. We haven’t talked since Vegas about you and Mase. You’ve had a rough time lately with the divorce and deciding about the—”

I needed to cut this off quickly. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

She looked over at Stephen’s still form. “What do you want to talk about then? You see exactly what’s going on in my life. It’s falling apart right now and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. Can we at least attempt to fix yours?”

I stared at the wall for a long time before finally speaking. “I still love Mason. And I'm so confused.”

“You still love me?” Mason’s deep, husky voice filled the room. A tear slipped down my face. I could tell Taylor was warring between wanting to jump up and hug us both or fist pump that we were finally in the same room again.

“Go talk. I’m not going anywhere,” she said, reaching out to grasp Stephen’s hand. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

I nodded and watched as Mason rubbed her back while he handed her a bottle of water. Every time he came into the room, he brought Taylor water or food. He knew she wasn’t eating or drinking much, and he was going out of his way to make sure she always had something, whether she wanted it or not. It was one of the many, many reasons why I still loved him.

I followed Mason out of the hospital room and down the hallway. The waiting room was empty to my despair. I wasn't sure I was ready for this conversation. For that matter, I wasn't sure I would ever be ready. Mason took my hands in his as soon as we sat down.

"You said you still love me."

Wow, we’re diving right in.

"I do, but I still don't understand how we can make this work. You've admitted that you've kept things from me and I don't know what to do with that information. How am I supposed to let that go and trust you again? You lied to get me to leave the state."

"I wanted you to be happy and staying in Savannah wouldn’t have made you happy. I know that it's going to be a long process, but Em, we can make this work if it's what you want."

"Mason, I don't know what I want. What do you even want?”

He shook his head. “Don’t turn this back on me right now, give me your answer, then I’ll give you mine.”

“Look, I’m not the one that made some drunken phone call telling me—”

“That phone call was a mistake.”

“Mason, if you regret it so much then why are we even having this conversation?”

“Because I miss you and I want a future with you. I never should have said those things though, especially like that.”

I sighed. “Mason, I'm still processing everything from the miscarriage and our divorce. Divorces,” I corrected. “It’ll be official soon and there's more to it than what I told you, things that might change your mind about wanting to fix our relationship at all."

"Nothing that you say is going to make me change my mind. I never stopped loving you Emmy. I'm always going to love you. Can we actually talk—"

I was startled out of our conversation when Gage cleared his throat from behind us. We hadn’t even seen him walk up because we were so distracted. "I'm really, really sorry, but do you know where Taylor is? She isn't in Stephen's room and the doctor wants to talk to her? It sounds important."

I frowned at him. "She was just in there a minute ago. I can help you find her though."

Mason let go of my hands, a defeated look crossing his face."We should help."

I nodded and reluctantly stood up. I couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing having our conversation interrupted. Surely that was fate intervening. We found Taylor walking back into Stephen's room. She’d gone to get a cup of coffee, a miracle in itself, and was gone for less than five minutes. Mason was so frustrated he decided to go back to the house. I couldn't shake the idea that a conversation between Mason and me wasn't meant to happen, at least not like this. So if not now, then when would be the right time?

 

***

 

The steady beep of Stephen's monitors was all the confirmation I needed as I sat next to him in the otherwise quiet room. It had been six days since the accident, but he still hadn't woke up. On my shifts I read to him. My voice cracked several times and it was impossible for me to go on. I laid the book down in my lap and stared at his limp body.

"I need one of our heart to hearts right about now, buddy."

I pushed his hair out of his face and leaned over, resting the side of my face against his arm as I held his hand in mine.

"I've got one shot at this baby thing and I've already wasted eight months trying to figure out what I want. You know I still love Mase and I always will, but I need to move on with my life. The divorce is almost final and I need to accept that. Things weren't ever going to change; he's not moving to New York and I'm not moving back to Savannah. It wouldn't be fair for either of us to give up on our dreams. I told Violet that sometimes love isn't enough, but I don't think I realized how true that was until now.

"Mason made a promise to someone that he wouldn't leave Savannah. The only reason I know is that he called me drunk off his ass and admitted it." I paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "Why didn't he just tell me, Stephen? Maybe if he had, we could have worked it out, but now I feel like everything that happened was a lie. He pushed me away and I don't know that I can forgive him for that. We were supposed to trust each other with everything. That's what a marriage is, but he couldn't, or wouldn't do it. Even if I could forgive him, that puts us in the same place we were when I first left."

Tears fell down my cheeks and I pushed my face against Stephen's arm. His fingers tightened against mine and I sat up at quickly. His eyes were still closed, but he looked different; his face wasn't as pale as when I'd first arrived.

"Stephen, can you hear me?" I whispered.

He didn't open his eyes or squeeze his hand again, but I knew he was trying to make his way back to us. I fished my phone out of my purse without letting go of Stephen's hand and called Taylor. She needed to be here with him as soon as he woke up. The nurses came in to check on him and with huge smiles; they agreed that it looked like he was trying to wake up.

Thirty minutes later Taylor stood next to me at Stephen's side. She looked like she was about to fall apart, but somehow she was still holding it together. This girl was so much stronger than she looked. She just needed to believe it herself. Her eyes shone with love when she looked at Stephen. The determination behind them made me certain that come hell or high water she would make him wake up.

"Tell me exactly what happened," she demanded.

"I was talking to him and he squeezed my hand."

"What were you talking about?"

I paused. It wasn't that I didn't want Taylor to know what we were talking about; it was that I didn't want to add on to her problems. She was stressed out enough without worrying about my issues.

"Just stupid stuff. Nothing important, but I think you should try talking to him. I think he can hear us." She hesitated, but I took her hand and placed it in Stephen's. "Just talk to him, Tay."

Tears filled her eyes. "I wasted so much time being scared."

"Then tell him that. Just talk to him."

I stood up and pushed her down in the chair I’d been sitting in. She looked lost, but I kissed her forehead and walked out the door to give her some privacy. Taylor needed to be with him more than anyone else. She would be the one to bring him back to us.