Chapter Thirteen
EVERLEIGH
I am sitting behind the counter at my store, broken foot propped on a box. It’s been five days since the date, and I still can’t stop thinking about Colton.
I know I shouldn’t even give him the time of day, but if he’s going to rent space in my head, I should be receiving more in return other than frustration, unanswered questions, a stuffed animal, and a bit of a broken heart.
My thoughts have been playing a mean game of ping-pong since he left at the hospital that night. There were several moments I can’t forget. There was the Ferris wheel. There were the looks, the soft touches. The quick seconds where he softened but then went rigid again. I could see the struggle in his ocean eyes and his body language.
If we are honest with ourselves, we have been fighting this for a long time. The pull. The push. The we can’t and the off-limits. I’ve been reaching for him in some way for what seems like a lifetime and even though my head is telling me to accept the fact that he will never reach back, my heart is still hoping. Hope can be such a fickle thing. Hope can offer the world, or it can offer nothing but disappointment. Hope had given me unrealistic expectations when it came to the date with Colton. The letdown has been such a farther drop than I could have ever imagined. Yet, my heart still wants to hold on. My head is saying let go, but that look in his eyes right before he left me, told me not to discount him. Yet, it’s been five days. Colton can be a massive dick, but he wouldn’t have stayed away for so long if there was something there. I can’t allow myself to hope anymore. I need to heal – both emotionally and physically and move on. Live my life the way I did before hope weaseled her way in.
From what Sienna said, he was afraid that if things didn’t work out with us, it would strain both of our relationships with his sister and he didn’t want that. He put things to an abrupt stop before we even started. Maybe I should be grateful for that, but I’m not. I’m pissed. What happened between me and Colton shouldn’t affect his relationship with Sienna but it has. That girl is more stubborn than a bull.
I sigh when the bell on the shop door dings and the door opens wide. I notice the time, I don’t even have to look up to know it’s Sienna.
“You ok?’ Sienna always can tell when I’ve been thinking of her brother. She does her best to pull me out of my melancholy mood, but at the same time, both she and my brother are allowing me time to deal with it.
“I just keep replaying our date over and over in my head. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. Then I think about the panda and what he did to my living room. I don’t know. Maybe I should have said thank you or something.”
“I get it, Ev, but I’m not going to let you wallow anymore and neither is Colton.” She pulls back and smirks at my gaping mouth and shocked expression.
“Look he was an asshole. I know it and you know it, but most importantly, he knows it.” She has a knowing look in her eye that baffles me, but I keep my mouth shut. As much as I want to rebuff what’s she saying, the only thing I can do in response is shake my head.
“It’s true. We finally talked the other day and he likes you, Everleigh. Like, likes you likes you,” she uses a Valley Girl accent and I can’t stop the giggle from escaping.
“Well, I think it may be too late,” my voice shakes giving away the lie I’m not only telling Sienna but also myself.
“Bullshit! You have had feelings for my brother for as long as I can remember. From what he said, I’m pretty sure they have been mutual for just as long if not longer.”
I roll my eyes, and she pulls something out of her bag and slaps it on the counter. I notice it’s a copy of the newspaper. “Don’t believe me? It’s right there in black and white.”
I lean over and pick up the paper. Opening and scanning it until I see what she was referring to. It’s an article titled Confessions of Bachelor Number Five. The by line is what has my eyes widening in shock
“Holy shit” I breathe out and start reading.
Normally I don’t write editorials. You know me as the travel guy, but for today, you can call me Bachelor Number *[email protected] bag. Why? Because that’s exactly what I was.
Last week, Nadine Marks, our senior editor hosted a bachelor auction to raise money for Healing Heroes. I was the reluctant bachelor. The one who didn’t want to be there. The one who had an IOU cashed in on him. The one who would never go back on his word and I didn’t, at least not in a conventional way. See, I thought that this was going to be a meat parade where the desperate, dateless women of Norfolk would be bidding on someone younger and better than their exes or something like that. I’m the first to admit how wrong I was.
The date I chose was to an amusement park, the pre-grand opening of Thunder Park. I had to do a write-up on it so I figured I had a plus one, I didn’t have to pay for anything and I can get some work done. I thought I could just get by with pleasantries and that was that. Again, I was more than wrong.
The winning bidder for me was someone I have known for a very long time. Someone I have always been attracted to, but she’s also someone I put in the off-limits zone. She wasn’t even in the friend zone. She’s my sister’s best friend which made her automatically untouchable, or so I thought. Even though I knew that the attraction, the pull that was between us, was mutual, I kept my distance. Why? I couldn’t even tell you at this point. Looking back, it all seems so childish.
We were masked, so she didn’t know it was me and when I saw her face, I knew I was in trouble. We had been fighting this thing for so long, that I knew I was going to break down and give in to the temptation of her. I guess I had it my head that if things didn’t work with us it would ruin her relationship with my sister and my sister adores her almost as much as I do.
I pause in reading when I notice tears streaming down my face. I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand and look at Sienna. Her smile is wide, her expression encouraging so, I keep going. I hear her footsteps disappear to the back of the shop as I continue reading.
The date was awesome. We had a great time, even in the car on the way there. This woman is so carefree and so optimistic. She makes the best out of every situation which was rubbing off on me. I had to keep up the façade and I handled it well until dinner on top of the Ferris wheel. We were stopped up top, the view was incredible, but my date; she was breathtaking. Her hair was blowing in the wind, her smile contagious. I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned over and kissed her. It was at that moment, my life changed, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time. Kissing her was the most natural thing in the world for me, and I can’t get into the things that one, heated moment did to me since this is supposed to be PG. Then something happened. Fear. The realization I did something that I had convinced myself was wrong even though it felt so right.
After dinner, things were a little awkward. At least they were on my end. If it was the same for her, she didn’t let it show. She went on like nothing happened, continuing to have a great time until she got hurt. She tripped and fell, breaking her foot in the process. I took her to the emergency room at the hospital and dropped her off. I just left. I went back to the park where the press conference was happening, so I could get some good information for my article.
I haven’t spoken to her since. I did break into her house, leaving her a stuffed panda she was admiring at one of Thunder’s many gift shops as well as a stack of books she bid on at the silent part of the auction. She didn’t respond to that. She has maintained radio silence. I can’t blame her though, I handled everything, up to this point, so wrong, it will be a miracle if she even reads this far into this article.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I could go back and change things. If I could do that then I would have held her hand the entire time. I would have gotten her every bear in that gift shop. I would have kissed her more, held her hand to never to let it go. I would have waited for the doctor with her. I would have been there when she got out of x-ray and I would have held her hand as she woke up from the anesthesia of the emergency surgery she needed. I would have taken her home, making sure she had everything she needed before I crawled into bed with her and held her the entire night.
I wouldn’t have let this much time go before apologizing. I would have told her how beautiful she is, how much hope she brings me and how I have been in love with her for so long. I would have staked my claim, made her mine, never giving her a reason to leave my side…ever.
There’s a lesson in all of this. One I happen to have learned the hard way. Nothing ever goes as expected and to make sure you see what’s in front of you because if you don’t you could be missing out on the greatest thing that ever happened to you.
I am glad I did the auction for the mere fact that I got to have her just for a little while. How can I regret that? I can’t. I will forever regret my reluctance and my behavior toward her, but if she’ll let me, I will show her every day how sorry I am and how much I want her and need her in my life.
I let out a sob when I finished reading. His words brought hope back into my heart, and I don’t know how I feel about that. The only thing that’s screaming in my mind is that he loves me. Colton fucking McDaniels loves me. He sure as hell had a shitty way of showing it. Even though I don’t have all the answers, I need to find them. To see what was really going on in his head and to see if what he wrote is real. After the way he treated me, I don’t know if I can trust him, although I want to.