Lettie stared into the flameless open hearth. No warmth would come from its eerily dark space. No answers would be found in its gaping expanse. There was no epiphany awaiting her. No guidance from above. She was alone in her decision.

Daniel loved her. Somewhere within her, a place so deep she’d have to focus far longer than she had in months to find it, she knew his words and his feelings were nothing but the truth and had been uttered in complete openness of heart.

What was not so easily understood was if she were capable of returning his affection. She’d left everything on the battlefield, and in that meadow at Waterloo. She’d left England a whole person, a woman who’d found her forever love in a man who understood her. However, she’d returned a broken widow, plagued by terrors that did not wait for the cover of darkness to attack.

Those same nightmares had changed since her return home. No longer did Gregory lay dying in her arms, but Daniel—his battered face and bruised body crushing her. An overwhelming sense of remorse filled her. Lettie led to nothing but heartbreak and suffering. Daniel needed to see this. She could not put him through that future, her future.

She’d betrayed all Gregory had been, all he’d given up, and all they had by even thinking of Daniel during those dreams. While the night terrors were rife with anguish, they were the only moments she could spend with Gregory…and Daniel had taken his place.

She should feel a traitor, a woman not worthy of the great love Gregory had given her—but she didn’t. Not an ounce of her held any remorse for her wayward dreams.

Did that mean Lettie had more to give? Maybe she wasn’t as shattered as she’d thought.

Even now, she thought more rationally than she had in months. Could focus and purpose be her saving grace? Or did her salvation lie in the arms—and heart—of Daniel?

Or, the most frightening notion, her mind was so far gone she could not accurately remember the past in a dream state.

She lifted her hands and pressed each to the sides of her face as her head pounded, threatening to scatter her musings and resolve once more. A thumping pulse increased behind both eyes. Her skin heated as if on fire.

It was all too much.

How could Daniel love a woman who couldn’t even think long enough to reconcile simple ideas? She wasn’t capable of making it through a dinner party without falling apart.

She had nothing to offer anyone. She’d lost any sense of who she was when she’d buried Gregory in that meadow. Where she was going and how she’d get there eluded her. Lettie couldn’t risk taking Daniel down that long, dark path with her.

“Please, give me a chance,” he pleaded, his tone sorrowful and laced with a desperation she’d never known he possessed. “Do not give up on me. On us.”

“There is no us, Daniel. There is barely a me.” She turned to face him, her hands falling limply at her sides. “How can you say you love me?”

“I do.” His face was masked by the darkness of the room, but the certainty in his voice was unmistakable.

“You love the woman who left six years ago. You do not know the woman I’ve become. If you did, you’d likely run far from me.” She crossed her arms across her chest, suddenly aware that her gown still hung open in the back and draped low in the front. She was bared to him both on the inside and the outside. “I am broken. I do not think love is something within my grasp. You may love me, but what if I am unable to return that affection?”

“Do we both not deserve a chance?”

“A chance at what?” Lettie argued. “You would be giving up a happy future for a woman who may never be capable of love. And I will become a burden to you. Our mutual discontent will fester with time…”

“You cannot know any of this.” He stood and moved to stand in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I am not asking you to do this for me. I have never deserved someone as fine as you, Lettie. I’m begging you to do this for yourself. I would be content with a lifetime of loving you, no matter where your heart lies.”

Daniel squeezed her hands where they warmed from his touch.

Lettie wished he could reach more than just her hands, but her heart constricted with ice more and more as the days passed and it slowly sent tendrils of frigid blood through her entire body—reaching every extremity.

He was offering her the world: security, adoration, love, acceptance, and the chance to piece back together the remnants of who she’d been so she could decide who she wanted to become. She’d spent so many years chasing Gregory’s dream; putting her at risk in camp, exposing her to the cruelties of humanity, and baring her soul to a million heartbreaks. Never once did she realize his dream did not embody her dreams. She’d blindly followed him instead of finding her own path. It was far easier to believe she was doing good and making the correct choices as long as the choices never actually belonged to her. She’d never comprehended that there was another way to live.

Lettie had embarked on the journey of life with no hesitation.

She still held no regrets about that decision.

It was through sheer amounts of blood, sweat, and tears that she’d been lucky enough to return home. She’d dreamed of her homecoming during those long, cold nights. She’d longed to see her family once more, even Daniel. She’d fought hard to keep her wits about her during some of the most vicious battles.

Now, she was here, with Daniel, and all she could think of was the hardships she’d face while away from him, even while he offered her the opportunity to live her own dreams, unrestrained by others.

To find all the pieces of her and put them back together. Maybe not in perfect order, but into some semblance of the woman she used to be.

Lettie feared her mind would never work properly again. The thoughts rushing through her were like autumn leaves falling during a heavy wind, scattering to and fro with no concrete path or ultimate destination. Was she destined to live the rest of her life blown about, her course changing with the smallest breeze?

Daniel was offering her more than love. More than financial security. He was giving her the chance to grasp on to something stable and solid—unmoving. He would root her to the ground where she chose to be, and would never allow her to flounder at the mercy of others or her erratic mind. But for how long could he love her despite them both, knowing she wasn’t exactly right and his love might never be returned?

She stared into his deep, black eyes, concern etched in the lines of his smooth face as he waited for her to work through whatever was happening within her. Lettie longed to run her fingers along his brow and remove his worry for her. No one had ever given her space and time to think through her actions. Truly, when her mind was sound and whole, she hadn’t needed any extra time. She’d always been certain of the path she would take. Never had she needed anyone to guide her.

But now, she needed someone—him.

What would happen to her if he decided this was all too much for him to take on?

A quiver fluttered in her stomach at the thought.

“Lettie.” Daniel kissed her forehead, and her eyes drifted shut. No one had ever treated her so tenderly. “I am broken, too. Mayhap not in the same ways as you, but I understand all that you’ve witnessed—death, violence, and loss. When you left, I tried to mask the pain of losing you with liquor, and surrounded myself with people who didn’t care a whit for me. That way, if they left, I would not feel what I felt with you. Because of this, a boy lost his life. I am responsible for that. I will spend my life making amends for it. All those lost at war…that blood is not on your hands. Allow me to prove that to you.”

Without taking his eyes from hers, he spread her hands wide, palms up. He leaned down and placed a kiss on each palm before gazing back at her.

“See, there is no blood. If anything, there are men who survived because of you. Families were reunited because of your quick thinking and medical aid. Men had clean clothes and full bellies because you cared enough about them all to work tirelessly, day in and day out.”

Lettie looked down at her hands, calloused from years of labor. They were, indeed, without bloodstain. The hardship remained in the way of roughness, but no flakes of dirt or blood clung under her nails.

Was it possible to scrub away her memories—live her life, never forgetting all the people lost and injured, but finding some form of peace? She would never let Gregory’s memory go, but she could remember him, honor him, without throwing away her second chance at happiness.

“Lettie, I love you,” he pleaded. “I beg you to give us a chance. The worst that can come is a lifelong friendship. The best, we both find love, happiness, and fulfillment with one another. I will never stop trying to make you happy. I will never turn away from you, no matter where life leads us. I want you—and only you—at my side.”

If she accepted, would she doom Daniel to an uncertain future? As much as she wanted to jump in, believe his words, and know he could help her…she could not fully put him at risk. What if her mind didn’t improve and only continued to deteriorate? The time may come that she was not fit to be around anyone, especially Daniel and any family they may have together.

She searched his face for any sign of unease or hesitation. Any hint that he did not wholly mean all he promised because, if she accepted his offer and she was never able to recover her sound mind, then she would never forgive herself for dragging Daniel down with her.