I looked at my phone. Seventeen missed calls.

My heart sank when I realised they were all from Carolann and Jake. I had a horrible feeling.

Please, God, let Matty be okay.

I hit the redial button and Jake answered right away.

“Where’s Matty?” I asked.

“He’s in surgery now,” Jake replied.

“What on earth happened?”

“Some sort of blood clot – I should have known he wasn’t himself.”

“Where are you?”

“Carolann and I are at the Royal.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” Jake said, his voice shaky and uncertain, “Pray for him, Declan.”

“Always.”

I disconnected the call, panic rising instantly.

Why now? Hasn’t he suffered enough?

I must have broken the speed limit but didn’t care.

Screeching into the hospital car park, I found a space, locked the car and dialled Jake’s phone.

“I’m outside.”

“Stay there – I’ll come and meet you.”

“How is he?”

“We don’t know yet. He’s still in the operating theatre.”

“I’ll wait here,” I said, wanting to recover the composure I was rapidly losing.

“Declan.” Jake said. He looked tired and broken.

I hugged him. “How are you?”

“Struggling, but I’ll be okay – I have to be.”

“How long is surgery scheduled to last?” I asked, as Jake led me along the long sterile corridor.

“The nurse said he could be in theatre for a good few hours.”

“Where’s Carolann?”

“In the waiting room upstairs. She’s not in a good place right now.”

We stepped into the elevator that took us to the second floor. Carolann was sat in the corner chewing her nails again.

She turned to look at me and her face crumbled.

“Oh, Declan, this is all my fault, but I can’t lose him, not after everything we’ve been through.”

“You won’t. Matty’s a fighter and he’ll beat this.”

“Promise me,” she said.

“I promise,” I replied, having no right to offer such a guarantee.

Jake took a seat next to Carolann, while I took the seat the other side of her. Together we sat in silence watching the clock as minutes ticked into hours.

I volunteered to go to the cafeteria for coffee. We all needed it, but neither Jake nor Carolann wanted to leave the room.

The staff would only release details to Carolann as his next of kin. It irked me slightly because Matty was my best friend. We had so much history together, more than any other living person and I was at the back of the queue.

Coffee’s in hand, I made my way back to the waiting room. As I was walking down the corridor, I noticed a grey-haired doctor enter the room and picked up the pace.

“How is he?” Carolann asked, as I followed him into the room. “You were in there seven hours.”

“He’s in recovery right now, but I won’t lie to you – there were complications. He came through the surgery and that’s the main thing right now.”

“Will he be okay?” Jake asked.

“It’s too early to say.”

“Why?” Carolann asked.

“The bleed was worse than we thought, but I managed to stop it and repair any damage. He’s been through the mill, Mrs Anderson and the next forty-eight hours are critical. If we get him past that point, I’m afraid it’ll be a long road ahead.”

Carolann began to cry. “It’s all my fault,” she cried. “If I’d stayed away he wouldn’t be where he is now?”

“Matty loves you,” I said. “He wants you in his life.”

“Listen to me, Mrs Anderson,” Doctor McNamara said. “Matthew is in the best place and receiving the best care possible. We won’t know much until he wakes, but he’s young, fit and healthy, so let’s get him past these next two days and he should stand a good chance of making a full recovery.”

“What can we expect?”

“Expect the unexpected is all I can say. It will take a good few months for Matthew to be back at his best, and even then, he might not be the same person he was before. There could be brain damage – mood swings or drastic changes to his personality, but that is worst case scenario. I urge you to take each day as it comes.” He took Carolann’s hands in his. “He is in the best place, remember that. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll take my leave. Matthew will be taken to ICU and you may all visit him, but only one to the bed at any given time.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” I said.

“Just don’t expect too much, too soon, okay?” He nodded and exited the room.

I slowly opened my eyes to a dazzling brightness.

It didn’t hurt my eyes like I expected it to.

Where was I?

I had no idea, but there was no panic, or worry. Far from it. I felt calm and serene.