Jake was sat at his kitchen table, head bowed.

It was the first time I’d ever seen him cry. His heart was breaking, and it was me that was breaking it.

“I don’t want you to go,” he sobbed. “Please, stay here with me.”

“If there was any other way, I’d do it, but staying around here is messing with my head. I have to see what else is out there for me.”

“But you’re going to the other side of the world to do it.”

“I have to have some me time, and I’m going to see my dad. He’s the last piece of the puzzle and once I’ve done that, I can come home and start again.”

“Where does that leave us?” he asked. “And why do you need some me time?”

“You know how hard it’s been for me since the accident. I’ve had to fight my way back and I’m still nowhere near the person I was.” I knew he understood. “I still love you, and that won’t change, but I can’t settle not knowing where I come from.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Matt. Where does this leave us as a couple?”

“I won’t ask you to wait for me – that’s not fair of me to ask.”

“Ask me.” He looked deep into my eyes.

“I can’t.”

“You don’t want to more like.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth, Jake. It isn’t like that at all.”

“Then what about us?” His eyes were red from crying.

“There is no us after today, and that’s the only way I can say it. I don’t want to ask you to wait for me because I don’t know when I’m coming back. You deserve to be happy and if you do meet somebody, you can do it with a clear conscience.”

“Fuck you, Matt,” he said, knocking his glass off the table. It smashed into pieces on the tiled floor. He looked shocked by his outburst. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

I pulled him away from the table and into the living room. I sat down next to him. “I know you’re hurting, but I’m not rejecting you, far from it.”

“What has Declan said?”

I didn’t want him to ask me that. “He feels the same way you do about me leaving, but it’s different for the two of us – we’re friends and nothing more.”

“And you really believe that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you were leaving me for him, I could handle it – you know, the better man won and all that, but no, you’re jetting off with Carolann to find a man who cast you aside like a rag doll.”

“That’s not fair, Jake, and you know it.”

He looked at me, tears falling again. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s been the best and worst year for me, and I’m lucky to still be standing. I never thought I’d get this far after the brain surgery, but I fought and so far, I’m winning. I carried on for you, and for Declan. You both helped me through, but what you don’t know is, when I was lying in that bed, dribbling like a child, I made a promise to whoever is up there looking after us, that I’d do something with my life, follow a path that made me happy, and going to find my dad, and spending time with my mum is what will make me happy right now.

“Then you need to go,” he sobbed. “I don’t want to, but I love you enough to let you go.”

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. I’d miss him more than he ever knew.