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Chapter 1
Nikki
Late, late, late. It seemed to be the theme of her life lately.
I need to get my shit together!
Nikki shook her head, sniffing, refusing to allow herself to cry. No more tears. There’d been way too many tears lately. Her husband, Grant, knew how things upset her since their baby, Jasmine. If she were to be completely honest with herself, her feelings were going on way before Jasmine was born. It just seemed like their baby’s birth only fuelled the turmoil within her. The birth of her precious baby should have made things better, shouldn’t it?
She felt so broken.
Realistically, was he expected to make his work and life revolve around her PTSD? She needed to take some responsibility for her own happiness, didn’t she? At least that was the question that was dancing around in her head lately, along with the guilt that came with her pressuring him to stay at a desk job and not do what he really loved.
After many months of Grant experiencing his wife’s mood swings and seeing her restless sleep every night, he’d take things into his own hands and tricked her into seeing one of the psychologists employed by the CIA, where he worked as an agent. After spending some time talking with Dr. Greer, she’d begun to work on dealing with her PTSD, but it was a long, slow process. Grant had been amazing – at first – to the point where she was beginning to feel smothered, but that had changed, and it didn’t take all that long for the tides to shift either.
And so here she was, sitting at the kitchen table, their six-month-old baby Jasmine in her high chair happily gurgling away, and he was late. Again.
She looked at the meal she’d prepared. Beef wellington with tomato risotto. She’d gotten the recipes from a Gordon Ramsey cookbook. Her cooking was sub-par at best, but Grant always appreciated the effort. The risotto didn’t look quite right, and it was a bit crunchy when she sampled it. But at least it was an effort. She’d get better at the whole happy mother and housewife thing.
Nikki looked at her watch a final time and sighed. It was 7pm. He was due to be home at 5pm. He hadn’t even called to let her know he was going to be late. The least he could have done was send a text message or something – he always did previously.
Standing, she began to clear the table. He could have it as leftovers when he got home. It wouldn’t be the first or the last time, she knew this. It took a lot longer to clear the table then it did to set it, perhaps because her mind began to whirl with other ideas. Perhaps he’d gotten hurt in the line of duty. She had no idea what type of fieldwork he was doing right now, although knowing Grant it was something dangerous. All she knew was that he’d promised to stay within the city.
Sure, she understood to a certain degree that he loved his job, and it was his job that made him the man he was today, but on the same note, he now had other obligations – to his wife and baby. Did he love his job more than he loved them?
“That’s not fair,” she muttered, more to herself than to their baby, Jasmine.
After cleaning up the kitchen and the mess Jasmine had made of dinner in her high chair, Nikki took her to her crib and gently settled her in with her favorite elephant stuffed toy. Jasmine gurgled happily, not realizing that her daddy was missing from the putting to bed schedule. Nikki stroked her child’s cheek and smiled. So happy. So innocent. She had no worries. It must be nice to be so free.
What if Grant found someone else? I have gained some weight and I’ve got issues now. I’ve quit college, well, not quit but put it on hold. The idea was ludicrous and she mentally stomped hard on it, making it disappear. Just because he was late doesn’t mean he was cheating. Grant was an honorable man, which was part of the reason she loved him so much.
Entering her bedroom, she stripped off her clothing and pulled on a pair of pink and black stripped pajamas. Stepped up to the full-length mirror, she stared at herself, from the front and then the side. There was a definite belly that had formed where she was slender at one point in time not so long ago. On the plus side, the weight gain had done wonders for her boobs. Though she suspected once she stopped lactating those would dwindle while the belly would remain.
Oh well, a different problem for a different day, she mused.
Exiting the bedroom, she proceeded to the living room and turned on the television. There was a new Zac Efron rom-com out to rent and she’d been itching to see it. Grant wasn’t into the rom-com stuff, so at least she’d been getting a chance to catch up on all the new releases. Once the movie was up and running she grabbed herself a soda and popcorn, heavy on the butter, and then headed back to the sofa.
~*~ TT ~*~
Grant
She’s going to fucking murder me. His job may be dangerous, and there was a lot to fear from the sketchy men and women he dealt with daily, but he faced them head-on without hesitation. But his wife on the other hand… She had a fuse that had gotten shorter and shorter since she’d witnessed him being shot and almost killed.
He supposed she had a point and a right to feel the way she did. She worried. Any woman would be insane with worry. At least any woman who cared as much as Nikki did.
Pulling into the driveway, he noticed the lights were out with the exceptions of the light on the front step and a flickering in the living room window. No doubt she was watching one of those silly romantic comedies that she loved. She had made the statement previously that she liked comedy because, since the world was already such a sad and scary place, why watch death and destruction for pleasure? She used to like horror movies… but even that had changed.
Maybe she needed more sessions with Dr. Greer?
Shutting off the car engine, he got out and made his way to the front door. He took in a deep breath and slowly released it as he grasped the front door, turned the knob and opened it. Fuck, his heart was beating so rapidly in his chest, he’d have thought he was about to make a bust on a bad guy.
“Nikki, babe.” He called out as he entered the kitchen. His eyes immediately spotted the candles which had been recently lit at the center of the table.
Well, fuck. She was going to be pissed, and upset. Chances were there’d been tears. I should have called her and told her I was going to be late. Though in his defense, he hadn’t been in the position to make a phone call that would require he explain what he was doing and who he was doing it with.
“Nikki?” The only response he got was voices from the television in the other room. A prang of fear raced through him as he rushed through the house and into the living room. He skidded to a stop in front of the sofa and chuckled softly. She was curled up on the sofa, clutching a bowl of popcorn and snoring softly, the baby monitor sitting on the end table at her head.
Which brought about a dilemma... Should he wake her or let her sleep. She’d been sleeping so badly for so long now, plagued with nightmares. He didn’t know if he had the heart to wake her. Just as he reached down to rouse her, his conscience jumped into play and stopped him. With a nod he decided to leave her be, instead going and getting a blanket to cover her up.
With blanket in hand, he began to tuck it in around her as gingerly as possible. Satisfied that he’d done a good job without waking her, he gave himself a mental pat on the back. Two good deeds done today, he was on a roll. Picking up the remote, he shut off the television.
Crossing the room with the intention of checking on Jasmine and then getting a long, hot shower, he was almost out of the room when an ear-piercing scream came from behind him. The scream pierced through him, chilling him to the core. He knew the scream. Another night terror.
Fuck.
Bowing his head in defeat, he turned as she screamed out again, this time jolting herself awake. Even though she looked directly at him, she didn’t seem to register he was even in the room as she pulled her knees up to her chin and lowered her head, her dark hair draping over her face as she sobbed.
Fuck and double fuck. He was to blame for this. He’d put her in danger because of his damned job and now she was the one who was paying the price.
Jogging across he room, Grant fell to his knees at the edge of the sofa and pulled her into his arms. She protested, but just for a moment, and then she melted into his arms, burying her face into the crook of his neck and shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
She shook her head. She always refused to talk about her dreams, though she’d told him the gist of it on a couple of occasions after a fair amount of prodding. Though she preferred it if he just shut his mouth and held her until the trembling subsided, so that’s exactly what he did.
Normally, after she finished crying on his shoulder, she’d look up at him with her brilliant blue eyes and tell him how much she loved him and that she could never live without him. At least that’s what he was expecting, but she threw him for a loop this time.
Pulling out of his embrace, Nikki’s nose crinkled as she stared, her blue tear-rimmed eyes looking up and locking with his grey ones. “What’s that smell?”
“Smell?” Her question through him off so well that he was momentarily at a loss for words. What in the hell was she talking about? Smell?
She leaned into him and sniffed, reminding him of a bloodhound on the hunt for its prey. In fact, it was so comical he chuckled.
“The smell…” Her nose crinkled in distaste once more. “Have you been smoking?”
Oh, fuck me…. He braced himself for the impending storm.