The masseuse works the knots in my back like a magician. Her hands are soft, yet firm, but it’s her fingers that are really doing the best job. Each push or jab into my skin gives me instant relief and dare I say it, satisfaction. I want to moan but I’m afraid I might frighten her. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, even though I’m the one naked and lubed up.

Thinking of myself like that has me in a fit of giggles. Jimmy would be all over this right now. Being a bass player, his fingers are nimble and can work some magic when my neck is sore, but this lady… well, I want to take her home with me.

“What has you laughing over there?” Josie mumbles. I turn my head and look at her. She has her eyes closed and seems to be as blissed out as I am.

“I was just thinking that Jimmy would jump at the opportunity to be a masseur.”

“Just for you,” Josie says. “Jimmy is smitten with you and Eden. I can’t imagine him looking at another woman.”

“I agree,” Katelyn says.

My masseuse giggles but quickly tries to hide it. It makes me wonder if she’s realized who we are. Josie and Katelyn laugh, quickly affirming my suspicions. On that note, I stop talking and go back to enjoying my massage. This isn’t the place for us to discuss the men or what other jobs they’d like to have in their lives.

As soon as we’re done, we find ourselves in the sauna. For right now, it’s only the three of us and we can speak freely.

“Katelyn, do you wish you and Harrison had a child together?”

She smiles. “Yes and no. It’s not like we were safe all the time. We went with the notion that if it happened, great. If not, we already had three amazing children. Now, we’re at the stage where we could be grandparents soon.”

“God, don’t remind me,” Josie adds. “Every time I see a magazine with Noah’s face on it, I fear that the headline says something about him becoming a father.”

“You’re not ready?” I ask Josie.

“It’s not that, it’s… oh God, I am horrible. It’s Dessie. I just can’t find something to like about her, and I feel like the worst mother in the world.”

Josie covers her face and her shoulders shake. Neither Katelyn nor I move to comfort her. It’s like we both know she needs this moment to let it all out.

When she pulls her hands away, I’m unable to tell if she has shed any tears due to the moisture from the sauna.

“What don’t you like about her?” Katelyn asks.

Josie shakes her head. “Liam said I don’t like her because she’s with Noah, but that’s not it. She just acts like she owns him. Like he can’t think for himself. When we were in Los Angeles for his game not too long ago, Elle went right up to him and hugged him, and Dessie stood there with her arms crossed looking really pissed.”

“I remember,” Katelyn says. “That night, Quinn was going on about how things used to be different between them.”

“Eden likes her, but I think it’s because she’s a supermodel,” I add. “You have to follow your instincts, right?”

Josie nods, as does Katelyn. “I’m trying to find common ground with her because I know she’s important to Noah.” Josie leans her head back against the tile wall. “This is like history repeating itself. Bianca hated me when Liam first brought me home. I remember I wasn’t allowed in the house if she wasn’t home, and she and Sterling made me feel miserable. Liam would sneak me over all the time. I don’t want to be that version of Bianca.”

“Eden talks about this surfer kid from Australia named Dane Foster all the time. I’ve met him a couple of times. He’s cute. Has an accent. Dane’s coming over to the house this week and will meet Jimmy for the first time. It’s funny because he used to tease Eden about her crush on Quinn, but now that she really has one, he’s freaking out.”

“Those accents will get you every time,” Katelyn says, laughing.

“Don’t I know it.”

“Why didn’t you cancel her party?” Josie asks.

I adjust my towel and stretch my legs out. The tiles are cold against my heated skin. “I thought about it but Jimmy didn’t want to interrupt her plans. He’s having a hard time letting her grow up.”

“That’s easy to understand. I have a hard time with Quinn paying his own bills. I still want to mother him. The only thing he really allows me to do is his laundry.”

The three of us laugh.

“Why didn’t you and Jimmy have another baby?” Katelyn asks.

Josie and Katelyn both make eye contact with me. I smile and shake my head. “We tried. We did everything humanly possible but I just couldn’t get pregnant. We thought about using a surrogate when Eden was about six or seven, but Jimmy and I both have trust issues and decided not to.”

“I would’ve done it for you,” Josie says.

“Me too. All you had to do was ask,” Katelyn tells me.

I nod and try to hold back the tears, but to no avail. They pour out of me like a leaky faucet that can’t shut off. The girls start to move toward me, but I hold my hand up. “I’m okay. I read so many horror stories about surrogates and using friends that I didn’t want to ruin our relationship.”

“I think the bond we have is different from those stories you read. We were friends with you long before Liam brought the guys into our lives. It’s a bonus that the three of us are best friends and married to the band, but that doesn’t mean we still aren’t your family.”

“Katelyn’s right, Jenna. I’m just sorry it’s too late. I can’t imagine being pregnant now. I’d probably park myself on the couch and eat Bon Bons all day and go back to watching the Young and the Restless.”

I snort, laugh, and cough at the same time. “We’re thinking about adopting, sort of. I’ve bought it up, but Jimmy is on the fence. Thing is, Eden’s almost fifteen and I don’t know if I want to do diapers or midnight feedings again.”

“So, adopt a young child from another country,” Katelyn suggests. “I’m always seeing those ‘save the children’ ads that are meant to make you cry, especially when you’re already an emotional mess while watching TV.”

“That might be easier than what Liam and I did,” Josie says.

“You haven’t spoken much about that time.” I add.

She shakes her head and offers a quick smile. “It was hard, ya know. I had the room ready to go. I had heard his heartbeat and seen him on the monitor. She kept telling us that she didn’t want him. She wouldn’t even look at the screen during the ultrasound. Then Aubrey calls one day and he’s no longer mine, and I’m pregnant.”

“Like it was meant to be,” I say, but she shrugs.

“He’s in Betty Paige’s class so I see him all the time. I always wonder if he would smile more if Liam and I were his parents.”

“Why do you say that?” Katelyn asks.

“His dad bailed when he was almost two and from what I hear around town, he doesn’t pay child support. Meredith tries…”

“But it isn’t the lifestyle you and Liam would’ve given him?” I ask.

Her lips go into a fine line as she nods. “I hate thinking about it because I have no doubt in my mind that Meredith loves him, but… I don’t know. If I hadn’t had Paige, I don’t think I would’ve done it again. The heartache was too much even when I knew I was having my own. I missed the son I thought I was getting, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be right for you and Jimmy.”

The mood seems to turn somber and I can’t help but feel as if I caused this. “What do you say we go and get some ice cream?”

“Ice cream?” Katelyn looks confused at the notion.

I shrug. “It makes everything better, at least that’s the line Eden uses on me when she’s hurt, upset, or knows that she’s done something wrong.”

Josie laughs. “She gets that from Noah. This one time I had asked him to watch Paige while I ran to the store. He was glued to the television, watching some highlight show or whatever. It was my fault for not making sure he listened to me.

“When I came home, Noah had this big bowl of ice cream waiting for me. He handed it to me with a smile and went and unloaded the groceries from the car without asking. That was where he went wrong. When he came back in, I asked him where Paige was and the color drained from his face. He told me my mom was there and that they were upstairs. Turned out that Noah let Paige color… all over herself with a Sharpie. He panicked and called my mom to come help.”

“Did he get in trouble?” Katelyn asks.

Josie nods and starts laughing. “After I finished the ice cream.”

We leave the room laughing, but I still feel awkward after the adoption conversation. It’s something I should bring up to Jimmy and see how he wants to proceed. Maybe Katelyn is right and we should look at adopting from another country. We could give a child a decent life here.

After quick showers, we’re walking back toward our hotel when we come across a stand selling shaved ice. “It’s my favorite,” I say as I step up and order one. The girls quickly follow suit. “You know, I always want to do random jobs. I keep telling Jimmy that the next time they go on tour, I’m going to get a job working in a food truck or at the county fair.”

I glance at Katelyn and Josie, they seem slack jawed at my confession. I shrug. “What?”

“Why would you want to work in a greasy, hot truck?” Josie asks as if the idea is disgusting.

“Why not? Think of the people you’d meet. Besides, I’m bored at home. Jimmy is always with Harrison, and Eden is in school.” I take my shaved ice and thank the man. I start eating mine while Josie and Katelyn wait for theirs. “Katelyn, aren’t you bored?”

She looks at me and smirks. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to join the carnival.” She laughs.

“Why don’t you apply at a florist?” Josie asks.

“Why don’t you move to Cali and bring Whimsicality with you?” I counter.

She looks from me to Katelyn and shakes her head. “Our home is in Beaumont.”

There’s a bit of finality in her voice, the way she tells us that’s where their home is. Sometimes I wonder if she’s mad at us for leaving. With Harrison being from Los Angeles and Jimmy living there when he moved over from England, it made sense that they’d want to move back. Liam had only been there for ten years and Josie was established in Beaumont.

When they finally have their treats, I stick my very blue tongue out at them. It feels good to be a bit childish to lighten the mood.