As soon as I see Josie, all is right in the world. For as long as I can remember, she has been my rock, my go to… my best friend. Not seeing her every day is the drawback of living in California, but that’s where my kids are. If I could be in two places at once, I would be. Because where Josie is, so is Mason.

I thought about suggesting we meet in Beaumont for purely selfish reasons. I miss Mason’s dad and would like to try my hand at convincing him to move closer to me. There was a time when I thought he and Harrison’s mom would become more than friendly, but what I thought was happening was nothing more than two parents getting along for their children.

Harrison likes having him around as well. He was the same age as the twins when his father was killed and I think having Mason’s dad around filled the void Harrison felt. Mr. Powell is also very supportive of Quinn, giving him the chance to have a grandfather.

The other reason is Mason. Sometimes I feel like I’m betraying him by not being in Beaumont to tend to his grave. I know his father does it and so does Josie, but he was my husband and the father of my daughters. A part of me feels like I should always be there, but that wouldn’t be fair to Harrison.

Josie returns from the bathroom and takes off her cover-up. I spit my drink out all over my lounge chair as she stands in front of Jenna and me with her hands on her hips.

“What in the…” I start to say, trying to contain my laughter at the bikini she has on. Only Liam would do something like this, to mark her so everyone knew she was taken. Not that she would ever look in another man’s direction.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jenna says. “That is something Jimmy would do.”

“Right! But no, my husband thought he’d be funny and had this waiting for me when I got off the plane.”

Josie sits down with a huff. I half-expect her to cover up, but she doesn’t. I know she’s proud to wear the swimsuit. Our waitress appears with a fresh round of drinks and appetizers.

“This is paradise,” Josie says as she sips her cocktail. After she sets it down, she reaches for my hand. “Are you okay?” she asks, knowing that my thoughts weigh heavily on my mind.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Jenna asks, sitting up. I look from her to Josie and back to Jenna, who moves over to my chaise lounge. “I knew something was bothering you earlier.”

Taking a deep breath, I bite my lower lip to keep the tears at bay. “Today is the anniversary of when Mason proposed,” I say, shaking my head. “I know it’s just a day and that most people don’t remember it twenty-plus years later, but I do. Each year, it’s like a ton of bricks weigh heavily on my chest.”

Josie slides over next to me and pulls me into her arms. “We’re here for you.”

“It’s stupid, right?” I ask them. “I mean who’s to say that Mason and I would even be married right now.”

Both Jenna and Josie gasp. “You don’t mean that, do you?” Jenna asks.

I shrug because I don’t know. “When Harrison is gone and I’m lonely, my mind wonders. It plays the what-if game and I find myself asking the most ridiculous questions, ya know.”

“Been there, done that,” Josie says.

“Right, I mean what happens if Mason doesn’t die? Does Liam still come home? Because if he doesn’t, I don’t meet Harrison and I can’t imagine not having him in my life.”

I turn away, angry with myself for bringing this up while we’re supposed to be on vacation.

“I can’t imagine my life being any different,” Jenna says. “As much as I loved Mason, his death brought Jimmy to me, and Eden.” Jenna reaches for my hand. “I don’t want to sound selfish, but—”

“I get it, Jenna. You don’t have to explain yourself because I’m there too, which makes me feel like a horrible person.” I rest my head on Josie’s shoulder.

“Tell me about your proposal,” Jenna says in a bid to lighten the mood. Josie snorts and sits up, preparing for me to tell the story, even though Josie knows it well.

“Everything with Mason revolves around football, right? So, he calls me one day and tells me to meet him on the field. This is not out of the ordinary. He would often be there working out, running the snake and whatnot. So, I go out there and there are rose petals everywhere. The entire field is lined with rose petals and in the center of the field is Mason, dressed in a tuxedo that is too small for him.

“Of course, I make sure to step over each yard line so I don’t mess up the roses as I walk to him. He doesn’t even say anything. He just drops down onto his knee and asks me to marry him. I said yes. I mean he knew I would.”

“Do you still have the ring?” Josie asks.

“I do. Gosh, remember how small it was?” I ask her.

She nods.

“I used to think it was the biggest diamond ever, but God, we were so poor. I don’t even know how he saved money to buy it.”

“That’s because love doesn’t know size,” Jenna says, and she’s right. I look down at the ring on my finger now and smile.

“I’ve saved it for the girls. I know they probably won’t use it, but it’s there if they want it.” Deep down, I know they’ll never ask for it. Most of the time I wonder if the memories they have of Mason are theirs or just their imagination from the stories they’ve been told. They were five when he died, barely old enough to keep full-fledged memories. I hate that for them.

“One of them may surprise you,” Josie says. But I doubt it. The girls have grown up in a lifestyle that doesn’t equate to the way their father and I started out. I’m okay if they don’t use it, but don’t know what to do with it if they don’t.

“This is dreary talk. We’re supposed to be on vacation,” I remind them. I sit up and the girls adjust. “How’s Noah?”

“He’s good. I think he’s ready for the season to be over.”

“Is he coming home?” I ask.

Josie shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe to visit, but there’s Dessie…” she sighs. I’ve met Dessie and can understand why Josie feels the way she does. “Anyway, they have an apartment so I imagine he’ll stay there.”

“Do you think he’ll ask her to marry him?” Jenna asks.

Josie covers her face with her hands. “I don’t want to be that mom, but I hope not. I just don’t like her and I’ve tried so hard to be open minded but she just doesn’t fit in with us. She’s not family orientated.”

“Then this isn’t the place for her,” Jenna adds. She’s right, we’re family through and through. Aunts and uncles to each other’s children.

“I have to find a way to like her,” Josie mumbles. She looks away briefly before turning her attention toward us. “What about Quinn?”

I smile proudly at the mention of my son’s name. “He’s doing his thing, playing in coffee shops, small gigs in the park. He’s having fun and he loves that Elle is living there. They’re talking about getting an apartment together when she finishes out the semester. She doesn’t want to live on campus anymore.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t pledge?” Jenna wants to know.

“I know, me too. I thought she would, but her major keeps her out late at night and she didn’t want the obligations that come with being in a sorority.”

It was Josie’s and my plan to pledge when we got to State, but that all changed rather quickly when Josie found out she was pregnant. At that point, Mason and I did everything we could to keep her in school. Liam already broke her heart. We didn’t want her future ruined too.

“Peyton called the other day to talk to Liam. I tell ya he lights up like a Christmas tree when he hears her voice.”

“What did she want?” I ask Josie. Not that it’s any of my business, but I worry about her the most.

“To tell him that she was given some assignment or something. He kept telling her how proud he was of her.”

“On Sunday, she’s walking the sidelines for the Bears. Her teacher asked her if she would like to write up the recap of the story as part of her project,” I tell them.

“You know before long, Peyton is going to be on television and we’ll all sit around screaming that we know her,” Jenna says, who in her own right has a daughter who’s making a name for herself.

“And Ben?” Josie waggles her eyebrows and laughs. I shake my head. Benjamin is Elle’s best friend, but that’s it.

“Nothing. Elle brought him home last weekend. I looked for a sign, but there was nothing. I honestly think they’re just friends.”

“That’s too bad. Ben’s cute,” Jenna adds. That he is with his baby-blue eyes and dark hair, but interested in him, my daughter is not.

I wipe away a few errant tears that have fallen and smile at my friends. I pull them both into a hug and hold them there briefly before letting them go. Josie, with her Liam-autographed swimsuit, goes back to her chaise and brings her umbrella drink to her lips, with Jenna doing the same.

“Hello, ladies.” A man stands at the end of our cabana. Water drips down his chiseled body, disappearing into the waistband of his swim shorts. There isn’t a drop of ink on his skin and I find myself wondering what Harrison would look like without his many tattoos. It’s an image that I can’t even imagine. My hand brushes against the flowers on my hip. It’s my only tattoo. I’ve thought about getting more, but don’t know what I’d get and honestly feel rather old.

“Hi, are you our waiter?” Josie asks. I have a feeling she knows that he’s not. Jenna and I stifle a laugh.

“No, ma’am, but I’d like to buy you lovely ladies a few drinks,” he says, rubbing his hand over his chest. Inside, I cringe, wondering if this is what my daughters go through when men try to pick them up. I can’t even fathom Quinn acts like this.

“I think we’re okay,” Jenna says, shaking her drink in the air before taking a sip.

“Look, my buddies and I have a cabana over there.” He points over his shoulder. “Why don’t you ladies join us for a good time?”

As if on cue, we all raise our left hand and wiggle our fingers. Even though Harrison and I aren’t officially married, we are common law, and even if we weren’t, there isn’t a man alive that could take me away from him.

Our lothario puts his hands up. “My apologies,” he says. “Please tell your husbands they’re very lucky.”

As soon as he’s out of earshot, I say, “Damn, that felt good.”

“I can’t wait to tell Jimmy that some guy hit on me,” Jenna says, laughing.

“Yeah, I think I’ll keep that one to myself,” Josie adds.

“You know Liam will find out. If Jenna tells Jimmy, he’ll blab like a little girl and tell Liam and Harrison.”

Josie and I give Jenna a pointed look. She throws her hands up in the air and laughs. “Fine, I won’t tell the Brit.”