Chapter Twenty
PHIL said nothing more on the ride home, and Jonah’s head still throbbed. He needed a shower, a drink, and a good night’s sleep. Two out of three isn’t bad.
He needed to call Adam, but he had no idea what he’d tell him—how he’d break it to him that he was… married. He still couldn’t process that particular bit of information or the lack of memories surrounding it.
So you call him and then what? His marriage to Phil changed everything. The only sure thing was that Adam would tell him he really was certifiable to think they might see each other again. You owe him the truth. As he and Phil climbed the stairs to what Jonah hoped would be someplace he could sleep, he resolved to call Adam when he had a chance.
Jonah worried Phil would expect him to join him in his bedroom but was pleasantly surprised—relieved, really—that Phil had prepared one of the guest bedrooms in the same wing of the house. Well, calling it a house might be an understatement. The penthouse apartment he’d lived in before he’d gone missing had been spacious, but the Beverly Hills estate reminded him of one of the castles he’d visited on a high school trip to the Loire Valley in France.
“My room is the last door on the left, if you need me,” Phil had told him as he left him with an awkward peck on the cheek. “Don’t hesitate. I’ve put some clothing in the closet, and there are toiletries in the bath.”
“Thanks.” Jonah closed the door.
He walked over to the closet and opened it to find it full of business clothing. Button-down shirts, a half-dozen suits, shoes, and a rack full of ties. All appeared brand-new.
A bead of sweat dripped down his back. The room felt too hot. Too small. Too enclosed. His throat tightened and he gasped for air, then opened the french doors onto the balcony. The cool breeze felt good. The setting sun reminded him of the open water and the feeling of elation he felt when he jumped from the boat and submerged beneath the surface.
Adam. He knew it was crazy, but he missed him. His voice. His touch. The way he smelled good. The warmth of his kiss.
He knew enough about his old self that the panic and the emotions felt wrong. Shameful. He was stronger than this. Jackie wasn’t a monk, by any means. But he wasn’t a sappy romantic either. Sex had a purpose. Relationships had a crappy return on investment.
He walked back inside and sat on the couch. Someone had lit the gas logs in the fireplace. What the fuck was the point of fake logs in LA in February? It was seventy-five degrees outside.
He reached into his tattered backpack and pulled out a dog-eared business card. Adam’s business card, its edges bent because Jonah had fallen asleep on the airplane with it clutched in his fist.
“Call me if you need anything,” Adam had told him when he ran from the bed where they just had sex. Right now, Jonah couldn’t think of anything he needed more than talking to Adam. But you know what you have to do. Once you tell him the truth about you and Phil….
He rubbed the card again. He didn’t have a cell phone, so he picked up the landline and dialed Adam’s number. It went directly to voice mail.
“This is Adam. I’m not available to take your call right now. Please leave me a message and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.” The phone beeped.
“Adam, this is Jonah. Jackson. Jackie Roth.” God, he sounded like a complete idiot! “I know you must think I’m the world’s biggest asshole. I hope you know I never meant for things to end up like this. I… I’d really like to talk to you.”
Crap. He didn’t know what number to leave, and the phone didn’t have a number marked on it. “I don’t have a cell phone yet. But you can call me at Entech. My assistant will know how to reach me.” He wasn’t even sure if Carly, his old assistant, still worked at the company. On the island, he’d never wanted—never needed—a cell phone, but he supposed he’d need to get one.
He replaced the receiver and sighed. Total clusterfuck. That’s what his life felt like right now. And the temptation to run again was right there under the surface. Ever present.
He stripped out of his clothing and headed to the bathroom for a shower. He caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror over the sink. The lines around his eyes were deeper than he remembered, the circles under them proof that he hadn’t slept well.
Ten years older. That made him thirty-three. Right now he felt about a hundred. He looked it too.
He turned on the shower and stepped inside, allowing the heat of the water to relax his body. Maybe later he’d find the hot tub. Places this big always had a hot tub, or a sauna.
My place.
No. That felt wrong. He had no memory of this house. Phil had told him they’d made plans to purchase it shortly before he’d disappeared, but Jonah still couldn’t remember. The house and his marriage to Phil seemed as though they belonged to another person.
He quickly washed, then remained under the water until his skin began to pucker. He toweled off and slipped into a fluffy white robe that reminded him of the resort. The entire place felt like a hotel with its pristine grounds, perfectly placed furniture, and doting staff.
He padded into the bedroom and picked up the phone again. He dialed Lorene’s number and sat by the window that overlooked the grounds behind the building. Perfectly placed lighting illuminated perfectly trimmed bushes. Brightly colored fuchsia plants surrounded bougainvillea. Palm trees of various sizes and shapes growing close to the high wall that surrounded the property created an impenetrable backdrop and shielded the house from onlookers. In spite of its beauty, the place felt more like a fortress than a home.
“Hello?” Lorene sounded sleepy.
“Lorene. Sorry. I forgot about the time difference.”
“It’s okay, baby. Where are you?” Her deep voice had never sounded so good.
“Los Angeles. At my… house.” He wouldn’t tell her about Phil. Not yet.
“You don’t sound so good.”
“I’ll be fine.” He didn’t want to worry her. “It’ll take some adjusting to, that’s all.”
“What about Adam?” she asked.
“He’ll know by now. It’s all over the media.”
She tutted, but he imagined she was smiling. “Not the best way to find out, is it?”
“I thought I’d have more time to tell him myself,” he said, kicking himself for not having taken her advice and calling Adam at the hotel before he left. “I left him a message a few minutes ago.”
“Good. That’s a start. I’m sure once you two have a chance to speak, things will be fine.”
Hardly. Bad enough that he’d turned out to be a fake; now he was married to someone else. How could that ever be fine?
“Jonah?”
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“God gave you a second chance,” she said. Before he could say anything to protest, she added, “I know you do not believe in these things, but I believe they are so.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re a good man,” she said.
“I’ve treated people terribly.”
“So you’ve said. But your heart is good. It is the same, no matter what your name. No matter what you do.”
Easy to say. But he doubted anyone would believe he’d somehow found his humanity in the ten years he’d been gone. Already he felt his old life clawing at him, threatening to drag him back.
“Listen here,” she said sternly. “You ran away from your life before, didn’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Why?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Jonah, you know you can’t lie to me,” she replied. “You know why you ran away.”
He did. He’d been filled with grief. He’d wanted to bring his father back. Do things differently this time. “Yes. I wanted to change things. Be someone different.” Pain welled up inside, and he took a few deep breaths.
“You did change things. And you became the person you wanted to be,” she told him. “You know this.”
He wasn’t sure of that. “Maybe.”
She laughed. “That’s good enough for now.”
“What do I do?” he asked.
“Do?” There was a long pause, and he wondered if the connection had been lost. But then she said, “You do nothing. You must be yourself. The rest will follow.”
“Thanks.”
“Feel a little better?”
“Yes.” For the first time in days, he smiled. “I do.”
“You’ll call me again when you need me, won’t you?” she asked.
“You know I will.”
“Be well, Jonah. Take your second chance and run like the wind.”