Chapter Twenty-Three

JACKIE woke to a knock on his door. He dry-scrubbed his face and slipped out of bed and into the sitting room, squinting in the sunlight as he opened the door to the hallway.

“Mr. Langham thought you might like breakfast,” a young woman carrying a breakfast tray said with a pleasant smile.

“Thank you.” He motioned her inside, and she set the food down on the table by the windows.

“Can I pour you some coffee?” she asked, picking up one of the cups.

“Sure. Thank you.”

She smiled again and filled his cup. “Sugar and cream?”

“Black’s fine, thank you.”

“Anything else I can get you?”

He shook his head and forced a smile. “I’m fine, thank you.” Having someone wait on him hand and foot made him feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. He just wanted her to leave so he could be alone again.

“If you think of anything, just press the Call button on the intercom by the door.”

He hadn’t even noticed the box. “I will, thank you.” He wouldn’t call her. He could do it himself.

She left a moment later. He sat down, picked up the cup of coffee and sipped it. Good and strong, just the way he liked it. He set down the cup and leaned back in the chair.

“Can I get you some coffee?” the woman dressed in white asked his father.

“Black, please.” His father looked sad. Tired too. The dark circles under his eyes had grown darker.

“Would you like a soda?” the woman asked Jackson.

He nodded. He loved soda. He liked how the people here gave him sodas and candy. He knew he shouldn’t, though. This was a bad place. Sick people came here.

“My uncle went to the hospital,” Rory had told him at school the day before. “He never came home.”

“Is Mommy coming home?” he asked his father.

His father smiled and nodded, but he still looked sad. He opened his arms and Jackie slipped into his embrace. It felt warm. Safe. “It’ll be fine,” his father told him.

“Mr. Roth?” the doctor said. He always frowned.

“I’ll be right back, Jackie.”

Jackie watched as his father walked a few feet away and they spoke in hushed tones. Jackie knew they didn’t want him to hear, but he was curious, so he pushed his toy truck closer.

“…done all we can do, Mr. Roth,” the doctor told his father. “It’s just a matter of time.”

“She’s going to… die.” Jackie had never heard his father sound so sad.

“We repaired the aneurism, but the damage was extensive.”

Jackie came back to himself, nearly knocking over the half-empty cup of coffee. His throat felt tight, his chest heavy. How old had he been when his mother passed away? Six?

“We’ll be okay, Jackie,” his father told him after the funeral. “Just you and me.”

There was another knock on the door.

“Come in.” Jackie wiped an errant tear from his nose.

“Good morning,” Phil said.

“Morning.” Jackie gestured to the chair facing his. “Some coffee?”

“I’ve already had three cups.” Phil laughed, but it sounded awkward and forced. He sat, back straight, and crossed his legs. He looked ill at ease.

That makes two of us.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” Jackie lied.

“Good, good.” Phil waited for Jackie to say something, but a moment passed in uncomfortable silence. Finally Phil said, “I think I will have that coffee.”

“Sure.” Jackie poured Phil a cup. “One sugar, no cream, right?”

“You remembered.”

“I remember some things,” Jackie said as he handed Phil the cup. “The rest….”

“Take your time. No one expects you to step right back into your life. Not right away.”

Jackie wondered if he could ever step back into his old life. What he remembered of it, he didn’t like much. Already he longed to be back on the island. In the water. Anywhere but here.

Phil was your best friend, he reminded himself. If you can’t talk to him, who can you talk to?

“Thanks,” Jackie said at last.

“For what?”

“For being patient with me.”

Phil shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re all right.” In that moment, Jackie believed him.

“I don’t remember… things with us.”

“Our marriage?” Phil prompted.

“Tell me about it?”

“Not much to tell,” Phil said. He didn’t meet Jackie’s eyes. “Things with your dad were difficult. I’d just broken up with Colleen. My fiancée,” he added. “One thing led to another.”

Jackie remembered Colleen. Beautiful redhead. Sharp as a knife. She’d wanted to be more important to Phil than Entech.

“I remember her.” He tried to remember the rest but came up empty. He supposed he and Phil were meant for each other. Entech had been everything to them.

Jackie swallowed hard and covered Phil’s hand with his own. The gesture felt wrong.

Of course it does. You don’t remember him that way. Jackie forced a smile, then withdrew his hand.

Phil shifted in his seat. Barely noticeable, but Jackie saw it. A tiny chink in Phil’s armored self-control. Phil would be uncomfortable too after ten years, wouldn’t he?

“I’d like to go to the office,” Jackie said after a prolonged silence.

“You would?”

Jackie wasn’t sure whether Phil was surprised or whether he didn’t want him to come to the office. “Yes. I think it’d help me remember.” He stood and walked over to the window. A breeze ruffled the leaves on the nearby trees. The sun was already nearly overhead.

“Besides,” he said, turning back to Phil, “if I stay around here, I’m going to lose it.” He needed to do something to take his mind off all the unanswered questions.

“If you think you’re up to it.”

Again with the hesitation. “I’m up to it,” Jackie said, searching Phil’s face but finding no answers there.

“I’ll let the staff know.” Phil got up and walked to the door. “It’ll probably take a few days before—”

“Today, Phil.”

Phil blinked his surprise. Jackie too was surprised at the force of his own words. Jonah had never been demanding. He’d always gone with the flow. He’d always been patient.

Jackie swallowed hard but held his ground.

“I’ll get it done.” Phil was gone a moment later without another word.

Jackie stared at the door as a sense of dread crept up his neck, making his shoulders tense. Would he lose himself entirely and step right back into Jackie’s shoes? He retrieved his cell phone from the nightstand and tapped it several times until Adam’s number popped onto the screen. He stared at it for a minute, then laughed at himself and tossed the phone onto the bed. He’d call Lorene on the way to the office. She’d kick his ass back in gear. She always did.

There was no use in pressing the issue with Adam. He needed to give Adam time to decide if he wanted to call him back. Time to decide if Jackie Roth is worth the risk.