I wake up, my mouth sour, aching, and stiff—getting out of bed is a slow belly crawl. I can barely walk to the bathroom. A disheveled mess greets me in the mirror. I stare with fascination at my reflection. Very slowly and with great difficulty I unhook the row of black pearl buttons at the back of the dress and shrug out of it. I go to the end of the room where two mirrors meet and gasp in shock at the dramatic sight that greets me.
My back, hips, buttocks, and thighs are blue black. It looks like I have been run over by a truck.
I gingerly lower myself down on the toilet seat. The urine flow burns and the entire area is so sore I can hardly clean myself. Drinking without having consumed food has also left me with a throbbing headache. I step into the shower. Good move, Lana. It relaxes my muscles and makes me feel a little more normal. Afterwards I dose myself with two 500mg paracetamols. In fifteen minutes Mr. Nair and I are sitting at the kitchen counter having coffee. I feel pretty normal.
After coffee I call Tom and tell him that today I am bringing Sorab to stay with me. I go downstairs at 9:30 am and Tom puts down the newspaper he is reading.
‘Good morning.’
‘Good morning, Tom.’
He opens the car door, but getting in draws a wince from me.’
‘Are you all right?’ Tom enquires with a look of concern.
‘Just stomach cramps,’ I say.
He nods and goes around to the driver’s seat.
Billie is drying dishes. She throws a dishtowel over one shoulder and turns to me. ‘You look a bit constipated,’ she says by way of greeting.
‘I tried your advice. Drank half a bottle of vodka and pushed his buttons last night.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘He didn’t want to play ball.’
‘So why are you all scrunched up with pain?’
‘I mean, I got the rough sex, but nothing else,’ I say. ‘He never said a word he should not have or retaliated in any way that would fall outside of rough sex.’ I lower myself slowly onto one of the dining chairs while Billie looks on with an expression I cannot quite fathom.
I stay with Billie the whole afternoon making plans for our new business.
Blake texts to tell me he will be late so I leave after the rush hour traffic at six. I have dinner on my own. A simple meal of grilled cheese on toast with a slice of smoked salmon on top. It is wonderful to have Sorab with me. The flat doesn’t seem so foreign and lonely. Afterwards we have a grand old time in the bathroom, him shrieking happily and splashing lustily and me laughing. It is at this moment that Blake appears at the door.
‘Hi,’ I say. I am actually very nervous. In my mind I still think Sorab looks a lot like Blake.
‘Who do we have here?’ he says, and comes into the room. I look at him in surprise. He stands over us looking at Sorab for a long time. Sorab is waving his hands at the new face excitedly, but my heart is in my mouth. What the hell is he looking at? Surely, there is no way he can tell it is his son? When he turns to look at me his eyes are neutral. We look at each other.
‘Does he cry a lot?’ he asks finally.
‘No. Most night he will sleep right through,’ I say quickly, my breathing, returning to normal.
‘Good,’ he says, and turning around goes out. I throw the sponge into the water. Shit. For a moment there I was really worried. I mean really. I take Sorab out of the water and as I dress and powder him I can hear Blake in the dining room. He is talking to someone on the phone. He works steadily on and by the time he comes into the bedroom I am almost asleep.
I feel the mattress next to me depress with his weight and I open my eyes sleepily. He is sitting in the dark. He bends his head and kisses me. I am so startled I come awake. The kiss is gentle and soft. I open my mouth and the kiss deepens. Raw hunger starts eating my brain. I am aching and sore and yet I am still gagging for him. I feel his fingers slide down my body and tug at the rim of my knickers. His fingers press flat against my crotch.
‘You are so wet,’ he whispers and inserts a finger into me.
It burns all the way in, and I tense involuntarily.
Immediately he stills. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing,’ I mumble and light bathes us. I blink and squint. Blake’s hands are lifting my gown. My knickers are being taken off and I am being turned over. ‘Jesus Lana,’ he gasps. Gentle hands turn me back to face him.
‘I did that?’ His face is shocked, pale, draped in regret. I would never have believed that he could look so shaken. This is a new Blake. One I cannot reconcile with the man I know. The change in his face and eyes is so great, it is like night and day. Could a few bruises really have such a grand effect on a man like him? I did not like the answer. There was more to this change. What, I did not know yet.
‘I bruise easily,’ I explain warily. ‘It’s not permanent.’
He doesn’t answer. ‘I’m sorry… I’m so very sorry. I can’t believe I’ve done that to you.’
I shrug, still very suspicious of his niceness. ‘It’s not as bad as it looks. Hey, I pushed you to it, remember?’
He looks at me with a creased brow. ‘Why did you?’
I look down. ‘You know that song ‘Wrecking Ball’ by Miley Cryus. That’s me. I wanted to break down your walls. You were so cold and distant with me all the time. I guess I used my body as the wrecking ball…’
‘There are many things you don’t understand, but you must believe me when I tell you, you are my sustenance, my oxygen. I need you desperately. In fact, right now, what I feel for you is the only part of me that feels human.’
I look at him in shock. ‘What do you feel for—’
He lays his fingers flat against my mouth. ‘Shhh. Please trust me that I have your best interest at heart, always…and it is not in your best interest to know any more than you do now.’
I am unhappy with his mysterious reply, but I nod my agreement. What choice do I have?
‘Now I need you to make me a promise.’
‘What sort of promise?’
‘That you will not leave me before your 42 days are up. No matter what you hear or see, no matter who asks you to, you will not leave me.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I am asking you not to. Will you do this one thing for me?’
I shrug. ‘OK.’
‘No, say the words. It is very important that you understand the importance of the promise that I am asking for.’
‘I promise not to leave you until the 42 days are up.’
‘Do not forget this promise you have made to me.’
‘I won’t, but what happens when the 42 days are up?’
He smiles. It is a sad smile. ‘That will be your decision.’
‘My decision? What do you mean?’
‘No more talking tonight. Move over to your side of the bed.’
My eyes widen. ‘Are you staying the night?’
‘Mmnnn.’
Instead of scooting over I gently roll over and end up on my side, propped on my elbow. ‘Do you want me to blow you?’
He shakes his head.
‘Are you holding out for my ass?’ I tease cheekily, daringly.
‘I will have your ass, soon. I want to own every part of you. But not today. Today I just want you to curl up against me and sleep.’
And that is what we do. We go to sleep entwined, like two wise snakes.