Found in Understanding: Refuge Series Book Three by Debbie Zello (23)

Chapter Twenty-Three

He sat me back down on the couch as he paced in front of me. “I was a lot of trouble to my parents when I was young. I did the usual crap of skipping school, drinking and I got involved with the wrong kids. I knew what I was doing. I’m not blaming anyone but myself.”

“I went with my gang to rob a store. I didn’t go in but I was there. A surveillance camera outside got a really good look at me. I was caught and put on trial. The judge gave me the option of enlisting in the Army or going to jail. I enlisted the next day.”

“After basic training, when they saw I could shoot the eye of a needle at thirty feet, I was given the assignment as a sharp-shooter. I went to Iraq and Afghanistan. In the hierarchy of grunts, a sharpshooter is way up there. I got the girls and the booze, anything I wanted.”

“I was a magnet for every sin and the worst of it was; I didn’t care. I slept with everything I could. One night stands, hookers, club whores, it didn’t matter to me as long as I was getting it.”

“One of the girls at the club wanted more from me. Connie was a sweet thing, just twenty. I knew she was falling for me; I could see that. She waited for me. She stopped being with any of the other guys,” he stopped talking to rub his forehead. I was silent waiting for him to continue. “She started to use when I wouldn’t commit.”

“I knew what she was doing and I still banged her whenever I could. I was an original member of the club so I had my own room there. She would wait for me in my room. I came in one day and found her. She had overdosed. She was naked on my bed, waiting for me.”

“We couldn’t let her be found at the club. An investigation would have turned up a lot more than a dead woman. My head was up my ass and I went along with the other members that were there. We took her in a car to a motel, rented a room in her name with one of the other girls pretending to be her. We put her in the room and left.”

“She was discovered the next morning by the housekeeper. It was all over the news. They thought she was a prostitute. Her parents were crushed and I did nothing to correct it. I let them believe their beautiful daughter died in a hotel room working as a prostitute,” he said, deflating at the ending of his story.

“You didn’t kill her. You didn’t help or stop her, but you also didn’t kill her. All that is between the Devil and us is our free will. You let him decide yours for a time. Things are different now, you’re different now.”

“Not so different, Neomi. No, I don’t get involved with the women at the club. I don’t even go there much at all anymore. Most of my clients are women escaping from abusive relationships. I protect them from harm as a kind of payment for what I’ve done. Not that I can ever make it right,” He tried to explain, selflessly.

“All of the drops of water in the entire world can’t sink a boat until the water gets inside, Understanding. You have to make sure the water stays out. I know you’ll do that. You’re a good person. I love you,” I said, standing in front of him.

“I sent her parents an anonymous letter a few months ago, telling them exactly what happened. I left out any incriminating things like the name of the club or our location. I sent the letter to a brother club in New York and they mailed it from there. I still feel I should have done more.”

“Yes, you should have. I want to think that if it happened now, you would. You’d help her. You wouldn’t be so careless with her affections.”

“I love you, Firelight. You’re so accepting. I’ve broken the law, killed, done despicable things in my life and still you stand here forgiving me. You should have opened the door and pushed me through it by now,” he said holding me in his arms tightly.

“I want you to make love to me. We choose the people that we love with our hearts. The reasoning isn’t always smart, the timing imperfect, and the result not completely ideal. Nonetheless, we still love them. I want this and I want you, I chose you,” I said snuggling closer.

He reached over to the oven and turned the temperature down. Opening the oven door, he tossed in the two potatoes and then turned to me. Picking me up he walked effortlessly to the bedroom and set me down next to the bed. “If at any time you change your mind, just say so. Tell me if I’m hurting you or if you’re at all uncomfortable with what I’m doing. You have to talk to me so I know you’re okay.

“I know what I’m doing but I’ve never been with a virgin before so I don’t know what you’re feeling. I want this to be good for you, too,” he said looking so serious.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry. There’s a first time for everything, right?” I said smiling. The look that was on his face was one of pure longing. It made me feel so desirable.

He pulled his shirt up and over his head tossing it on the chair. “You have a beautiful chest and strong shoulders,” I said feeling his defined skin.

“It’s a good thing because in a few minutes I’ll be using every one of them to make you sigh, smile and explode.” He lifted the hem of my shirt and raised it over my head tossing it in the chair with his.

He drew his finger slowly down my neck and over the top of my bra. “You are so beautiful. Your skin is flawless and so soft to touch,” he said as if he was in awe of me.

He unsnapped my bra continuing his sweet talk. This was the seduction I had always dreamed of. The unhurried, soft and charming temptation that would introduce me to the total connection to a man. My man, my love.

He moved my hands to his jeans. “Undress me, Firelight. I want you to feel me. Making love is a feast of all the senses. Both of us need the touching.”

I fumbled with it, my hands shaking. He whispered words of encouragement. I finally had him naked again. This time I saw his tattoo that was on his hip. It was three words, “This End Up.”

“What does it mean?” I asked.

“The men in my unit teased each other that we were so ugly if we were ever shot no one would know our faces from our asses. This would help to identify which was which. It was another comrade thing. I want to see yours,” he said moving his hands down to my jeans.

With remarkably steady hands, he made quick work of removing both my jeans and panties. He ran his finger over my tattoo. “It’s you, isn’t it? Fire and light, it’s as beautiful as you are.”

“It reminds me of home and my safe place,” I said reflectively.

“I hope you think of me as your safe place. Nothing will ever hurt you when you’re with me.”

Understanding made love to me instead of Trigger. I make the distinction because he was so sweet, treating me like a fine porcelain doll, which might be easily broken. He spoke calmly, words of love and yearning. “You are so perfect.” “I love you so much.” “You feel so good to me.” “You are my world, my existence, my reason to be.”

We ate our dinner quickly so we could go back to bed. He wanted to cuddle with me, to finish showing me his feelings. I fell asleep naked and in his arms, completely happy.

I woke in the morning to the awesome sight of this dazzling man sound asleep next to me. His long black lashes fanned out across his sun-tanned cheeks. His lips were slightly parted as he was softly snoring. His naked masculine chest rising slowly with every breath. And the best part, he was mine.

I leaned forward against his chest and licked his nipple. A slow smile spread across his face. “Good morning, Beautiful. I see you slept well last night.”

“Very well. I was tired.”

“No doubt the extra exertion with last night’s activities,” he said with a chuckle.

“Most likely it was that. But the man’s arms around me all night helped too. I really liked that feeling,” I said still rubbing his nipple between my fingers. He turned on his side, placed his hand on my breast, and began kneading it. His mouth followed his hand. I sucked in a sharp breath and my back arched against his mouth.

“You like this, my love?”

“Yes, I like this very much,” I said dreamily.

“Good because I also like this very much. You’re very sensitive…and tasty.” he said with a smirk. He continued his assault on my nipples as I closed my eyes in pleasure. “Are you sore at all?” he asked lifting his head to look at me.

“No, you were very gentle with me. I feel great this morning.”

“Good because I want to be anything but gentle with you very soon. I want to bend you over on every surface in your apartment and my house and be buried inside you for hours,” he said, moving his kisses down to my belly button.

“That doesn’t sound very comfortable being bent over backwards,” I said, lifting his head off my belly to cradle his face in my hands. He looked at me curiously and then laughed loudly.

“I keep forgetting that this is all so new to you. You won’t be bent over backwards, necessarily. There are literally thousands of different ways to make love. You’ve only experienced one way. I have to admit; this way is probably my favorite.

“It’s like having your favorite book be the only one that you’ll ever read. It is the story you like the best but after several hundred readings you want a different title. It’s still reading, just a different book. Making love is very similar. You want to still make love, just a different way,” he explained.

“I feel stupid. Of course, there must be all kinds of different ways. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You are far from stupid, Firelight. You’re inexperienced, that’s all. I plan to rectify that in due course,” he said kissing me.

“Thank you for having patience with me.”

“Absolutely my pleasure. My pleasure and hopefully yours.”