Sunday

Maybe I was wrong about Axel weighing more than Scarlett. Tonight she felt like she weighed a ton. It was almost tempting to wake her up so that she could walk. Instead, I adjusted her on my hip and pressed the button for the elevator. James had been gone less than an hour and I already missed him terribly. I carried Scarlett onto the elevator and leaned against the wall as the doors closed.

Ow. I slouched forward as a pain rippled through my side. Are you doing cartwheels now too? I put my freehand on my stomach. I need you to behave while your father is gone. Okay? Another sharp pain made me wince.

When the elevator doors opened, I slowly stepped out. I glanced at the sign posted on the wall, signaling that our room was to the right. I adjusted Scar again and made my way down the hall. My hand rummaged around in my purse, searching for the keycard. Damn it, where did I put it? This was why I didn't like when James left. I wasn't good at handling more than one thing at a time. I was exhausted. My stomach hurt. It felt like I was holding a bag of concrete in my arms. And I couldn't find my fucking keycard. I knew it was just my hormones that made me start crying. I wasn't even sure why I had agreed to spend the night in the hotel. All I wanted to do was curl up on James' side of the bed at home and breathe in his smell. I was always a mess when he wasn't around.

The sound of a door opening and laughter made me turn my head in the opposite direction. I'd recognize Tyler's laugh anywhere. I didn't want anyone to see me in my current state, whether I knew them or not. Come on, you stupid keycard.

"Penny? Are you okay?"

I could smell the alcohol on him. But his appearance was evidence enough that he was drunk. His tie was hanging loosely around his neck. Half the buttons were undone from his dress shirt and his tuxedo jacket had long ago been abandoned downstairs in the ballroom. He was holding an ice bucket in one hand and was awkwardly trying to button his shirt back up with the other.

I turned away. "Yeah, I'm just trying to find my keycard. Goodnight, Tyler."

"Let me help you," he said and reached for Scarlett.

The relief of having her weight off of me made me sigh.

"You're not really supposed to be lifting anything, are you?"

"No, not really, but she's not that heavy." Now that I could actually see into my purse better, I was easily able to find the keycard. "Found it." I lifted it up and smiled at Tyler. "Thanks." I put my arm out for Scarlett, but he kept her on his hip.

"I'll put her down for you." He nodded to the door.

"Oh, that's not necessary. I can do it."

"You're not really supposed to be lifting anything," he repeated.

I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"Fine." I put my keycard in the door and it beeped open.

Tyler followed me in, hitting the lights as he made his way through the room. He set his ice bucket on the nightstand and easily pushed back the sheets while still balancing Scarlett in his arms. He gently laid her down and pulled the covers up, tucking them under her chin.

I leaned against the wall as I stared at them.

He pushed her hair off her face. "She looks just like you."

"She has James' eyes."

Tyler nodded and looked up at me. The smile seemed to evaporate from his face. "Have you been crying?"

I quickly shook my head. "No. I'm just tired."

"Why do you like to pretend that I can't tell when you're lying?"

I didn't know what to say. That I missed James desperately? That my baby wouldn't stop kicking me? That I was worried a snake was going to kill me in my sleep?

"Okay, you don't have to tell me." He pulled the covers off of Scarlett and lifted her back in his arms. "But you don't have to sit here moping all night." He grabbed the ice bucket off the nightstand and walked past me.

"Where are you going?"

"To get ice. And then all three of us are going to go watch a movie."

"Tyler, I'm not going to interrupt your night with Hailey." I tried to grab Scarlett, but he shifted her away from me.

"You're not. We were renting a movie to watch with Axel. Unlike Scarlett, the kid is completely wired. I think he got more cake when we weren't looking."

I laughed. "I don't want to ruin your night."

He started walking backwards. "When have you ever ruined my night?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that time I kneed you in the junk?"

He laughed. "I'm pretty sure I deserved that one. You coming or not?" He somehow managed to open the door even though his hands were full.

I looked back at the empty bed. He was right. I didn't want to spend the night alone. I followed him out of the door and grabbed the ice bucket out of his hand. "I can at least get the ice for you." We had passed it on the way to our room.

"You really don't want to talk about what's wrong?" Tyler asked.

He was a good designated uncle. He was a great dad. But none of that surprised me. Tyler was good at everything he did. "Does Axel ever say anything that scares you?"

"What do you mean? Like how he wants to grow up and be a football player? Because I have issues with that. I'm pretty sure their concussion protocol scares every parent now."

I laughed and tried to let my thoughts disappear with the churning of the ice machine. I picked up the full ice bucket. "You're right. You shouldn't let him be a football player."

Tyler grabbed the ice bucket from me.

"I can carry a little ice," I said.

"You can do anything. But it doesn't mean you should." He smiled at me.

We were quiet the rest of the way back to his room. I was pretty sure he was waiting for me to tell him what Scarlett said that scared me. But I didn't feel like talking about it. A movie to distract me actually sounded kind of perfect.

"Scar!" Axel yelled when we entered the room.

Scarlett immediately opened her eyes. She looked over Tyler's shoulder at me. "Slumber party?" she asked and yawned.

I nodded.

Tyler set her down on their king sized bed and she plopped herself next to Axel in the middle. Tyler walked to the other side of the bed and climbed over Hailey to the empty spot that he had apparently abandoned on his ice expedition. He put his arm around Hailey's shoulders. "What are we watching?"

"We agreed on Trolls," Hailey said. "Does that sound alright, girls?" She reached over and tickled Scarlett.

I smiled and sat down in the chair in the corner. "That sounds great."

"Mhm," Scar said. "But, Mommy, you sit here." She patted the bed beside her.

"Oh, no. I'm okay right here."

"That chair is like a rock," Hailey said. "Get up here, Penny!"

I laughed. It really was uncomfortable. I was so glad that Hails wasn't mad at me anymore. "Okay." I climbed up on the bed beside my daughter. I thought she might snuggle up next to me, but instead she put her head on Axel's shoulder, mimicking the way that Hailey and Tyler were sitting.

I had walked into this room knowing I'd feel like the third wheel to Hailey and Tyler. But I didn't expect to feel like the fifth wheel.

 

***

 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Tyler asked.

I glanced over at him. Everyone seemed to be asleep but us. Somehow watching trolls singing on the screen had calmed me down. And Tyler had always been good at listening to me.

"Scar said a snake was going to get me," I said. "And that she was worried about James not being a good dad when I was gone."

"Well, that's not creepy at all." Tyler smiled. "Sometimes Axel says weird stuff, but it's usually from something he heard."

"We let her watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. You know, the one with that huge snake? She started saying it after that."

"So that's it. She's just scared of the movie."

"I guess. I don't know why she's projecting the snake on me though."

"We're all worried about you, Penny. Kids are smart. They can pick up on stuff like that."

"Yeah, I know." I ran my fingers through Scarlett's hair. "James worries all the time about being a bad father. Yet, I'm the one terrifying our daughter."

"Penny, you're a great mom. Right up there with Hailey and my own mother."

I smiled. "Thanks, Tyler. It's late, I should probably get us to bed." I scooted off the side of the bed.

"You can spend the night if you want," he said. "The bed is certainly big enough."

I laughed. "I appreciate the offer, but we paid for a perfectly good room down the hall." I leaned over the bed to reach for Scarlett.

"Do you want me to carry her for you?"

"No, I've got her." I lifted her up into my arms.

She moaned lightly in her sleep.

"Thanks for tonight, Tyler. It was just what I needed."

"Any time, Penny." He yawned and switched off the television. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I walked out into the hall. This time I had no trouble finding my keycard. I carried Scarlett into our hotel room and switched on the lights so I wouldn't trip on the way to the bed.

But that made Scarlett open her eyes. She looked around for a moment, slightly disoriented.

"Can't we sleep in Axel's room?" she said. "It's slumber party."

I laid her down in the bed. "We're going to sleep in here tonight." I pushed her bangs off her forehead and pulled the covers up around her.

"But, Mommy, I'm scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of." I leaned over her and kissed her forehead.

"I miss Daddy. The snake never comes when Daddy is here."

I swallowed hard. "Scar, there is no snake. Didn't Daddy tell you that earlier today?"

"No, he said you were scared of him and that I shouldn't talk about him coming anymore. But I'm scared of him too."

She blinked up at me in the most innocent way. But the words she said weren't innocent. They're were haunting.

What was I supposed to say in response to her words? I took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. "Baby girl, there are no snake monsters. And there's nothing coming for us. Now, I'm going to go get ready for bed. And then we can have snuggles, okay?"

She let go of my hand and gripped the top of the sheets in her fists. "Okay, Mommy. But we could sleep with Uncle Tyler. Or Uncle Rob. Or Uncle Matt. Or Uncle Mason..."

"Scar, I can take care of us. There's absolutely nothing to worry about."

She pressed her lips together, like she was considering the possibility. "Can you look under the bed?"

 I smiled. "Of course." I slowly got down on my hands and knees and looked under the bed. "Nothing there," I said and got back to my feet. "I'll be right back." I kissed her forehead and made my way over to my suitcase.

I almost started crying when I opened it up. There was one of James' t-shirts sitting on the top of the rest of the items, with a note. I picked up the slip of paper.

 

My beautiful wife,

In case you can't sleep without feeling close to me. I'll be back before you know it. Call me when you wake up. I miss you already.

Love always,

James

 

I quickly got ready for bed and then pulled his shirt over my head. James' cologne immediately surrounded me. It calmed me better than anything else in the world.

But a clicking noise disrupted any calming effect the shirt had. "Scar?" I opened up the bathroom door and walked out when there was no response. "Scar?" I turned toward the bed and froze when she wasn't lying where I had left her. "Scarlett?!" I glanced around the room, but it was completely empty.

"Scarlett!" Fear gripped my heart as I ran to the door. Oh God. Oh God. I ran out into the hall and stared at my daughter wreaking havoc on a whole floor of The Plaza Hotel.

Scarlett was at the opposite end of the hall, banging on a door. "Uncle Mason!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Scar, what are you doing?" I hissed.

She turned toward me. But then immediately ran to another door, farther away from me. "Uncle Tyler!" she yelled and banged on the door.

"Scarlett, stop it." I started walking toward her. "You're going to wake up everyone on the floor." Ow. Not right now, baby boy. I stopped and placed my hand on the wall. A searing pain hit my chest right after another kick in the ribs. I closed my eyes for a second.

"Uncle Matt!" Scarlett screamed as she banged on another door.

"Scarlett Hunter, stop that right now," I said sternly and opened my eyes. "Come over here."

She just ran to another door. "Uncle Rooooob!"

Damn it, Scar. I put my hand on the center of my chest and pushed myself off the wall. Ow. I knew she had scared me. That's why my chest hurt. It's just in my head.

Scarlett started banging on another door.

"Scar, please stop. Please stop for Mommy." She hadn't listened to my demand. Maybe she'd listen to me begging.

Matt walked out of one of the rooms she had banged on earlier, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

"Uncle Matt!" Scarlett said and ran over to him. She jumped into his arms as he leaned down to talk to her.

I slowly hobbled over to them. "Scar, you can't run off like that. We just talked about this the other day. What were you thinking?"

"It's okay," Matt said. "I got her."

"And what if it hadn't been you? What if it had been some stranger that just snatched her up?"

"But it was me." He said it slowly.

I knew he was trying to calm me, but I didn't think anything could calm me down. "You promised you wouldn't leave without a grown-up, Scarlett. Get over here, right now."

"I said I wouldn't leave the house," Scarlett said and hugged Matt's torso even tighter. "We're not in our house, Mommy."

For God's sake. When had my daughter become a smart ass?

 "And we need Uncle Matt to sleep with us," she said before I could respond.

Matt laughed.

"We don't need anyone else, Scar. I told you I'd take care of you."

"Yes we do!" she yelled. "Because the snake is going to get you and you can't stop it. And then I'll be alone. We need Uncle Matt. We'll sleep in his room tonight." Scarlett pointed to his door.

"Actually, kiddo, you can't go in there right this second." He awkwardly ran his hand through his hair.

Not only had we most likely awakened half the floor, we had interrupted Matt in the middle of whatever normal single people did at weddings. Which was clearly sex. There was no doubt in my mind that he had a naked woman lying on his bed, waiting for him to return.

"Come on, Scar. We're going back to our room. I'm so sorry, Matt."

She gripped Matt even tighter and turned to face him. "But the snake is going to kill my mommy."

My chest hurt. And I thought someone had kidnapped my daughter. And I missed James. And I was seven months pregnant with a son who wouldn't stop kicking me. And I didn't want to die. God, I didn't want to even think about death. It was like her words had pushed me over the tipping point. I couldn't even help it. I burst into tears.

"Mommy?" Scarlett said.

I turned away. "Can you just...can you hold her for a second, Matt?" I tried to wipe away my tears as fast as possible. I tried so hard to be strong in front of Scarlett. I never, ever wanted her to see me cry. And I had just ruined everything. Now she'd know that I wasn't invincible. But clearly she already knew that if she thought a snake would be the end of me. Fuck, stop crying.

"Mommy?" she said again.

I tried to take a deep breath. Ow.

"Let's get you girls back to your room," Matt said and put his hand in mine.

I should have pulled my hand out of his. I should have been able to tell Scarlett no and get her back into our room on my own. But my chest still hurt. My stomach still hurt. Everything just hurt. And Matt's hand was comforting. The fact that Scarlett was comforted by him was also a huge plus.

"But you'll stay the night?" Scarlett asked as he walked us down the hall.

"Yeah, sure," he said.

I knew he just said it to calm her down. But the thought of Matt coming into my room in nothing but boxers made me cringe. James was jealous enough as it was. This wasn't going to help. I wiped away the remaining tears on my cheeks. "I can take her now," I said when we reached our door.

"No!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "I want Uncle Matt."

She was a little terror. When had she become impossible for me to handle alone? I guess daddy's girls wreaked havoc whenever their fathers weren't around.

"It's fine," Matt said. "Key?" He nodded to the door.

Shit. I hadn't grabbed the key when I had run out looking for her. I reached out and turned the handle, but it was locked. "It's in the room." I leaned my back against the door. Why me?

"You're going to sit with your Mom while I go get another room key, okay, Scar?" he said.

"No," she replied and hugged him even tighter.

He gave me a tight lipped smile.

"I'll go get it," I said.

"No you're..." his voice trailed off. "You're only wearing a shirt."

I completely forgot that I was inappropriately dressed. Normally James' t-shirts covered me pretty well, but with my pregnant stomach they barely covered my panties. I awkwardly tugged on the hem of the shirt. "But you're just wearing boxers."

He laughed. "It won't be my first time making a scene in a hotel lobby." He adjusted Scarlett on his hip. "We'll be right back." He winked at me and made his way to the elevator.

Scarlett didn't yell to stay with me. Or cry for being taken away. She clung to him like she loved him more than anyone else in the world. As they disappeared onto the elevator, I let my back slide down the door, until my butt hit the hallway carpet. And I cried. I cried and I couldn't seem to stop.