ARLO WATCHED THE two men. They were both eating their muffins. Carlo wondered if they had gotten him out here, gone through this whole fucking production, just to show him that they could. Like one of those stupid warnings that the bad guy always gives in dumb movies.
Carlo unwrapped the muffin. It was from his favorite store. They had taste, he’d give them that. Blueberry wasn’t his usual choice, but it was pretty good. “Mm. The muffin tastes fine.”
“Of course it does.” The linebacker’s smile was soft as he finished his own muffin. “Why wouldn’t it?”
Crane snapped at him, “It’s a fucking blueberry muffin, you prick. Why would it be anything but a tasty little morsel of delight?” Carlo decided then and there. Whoever he was, he was going to regret saying that. Nobody talked to him that way. He would find out who these fuckers were and he would staple their ears back. Take a nail-gun to their fucking knees. For now, he just smiled and finished his muffin.
“And speaking of tasty little delights,” Linebacker held the door of Carlo’s car open for him. “I have a powerful urge for us to get on, get done, and get going now.”
As Carlo slid into the driver’s seat he wondered if they could have done something to the car. They couldn’t, though. It wasn’t possible. He only had his back to them for a few seconds. He fired up the engine. As he pulled away on the high cliff road, he reached for his cell phone. No fucking coverage.
As soon as he got back to town, those idiots were going to start wishing they’d never been born. This was the beginning of the worst day of their lives.
Declan said, “We can’t just go straight back to the delicious Courtenay right now, can we? I mean, we have to see this to its conclusion. Only I have a powerful need to feel the soft press of her full tits and taste the nectar of her sweet, sweet lips.”
Liam nodded to him as they got into the car. “You and me both. Shouldn’t be long, though.”
The sun was straight in their eyes and they pulled down the visors. Declan started the engine.
Liam said, “Isn’t it funny how, if you put a muffin into some glossy, familiar packaging, a person will assume that it came from a store bakery and it must be something completely innocent.”
Looking around and then over his shoulder, Declan swung the car out onto the narrow, winding road. He headed the way Carlo had gone. “I think we gave him good enough reasons to want to believe that, though. What’s in the pill?”
“Same thing as what was in the muffin. The pill would just have been quicker. More cherry and almond flavor, probably, if you crunched it.”
“And a lot less painful, I’m guessing.”
Liam opened his window and said, “It’s hard to know. Painful for a much shorter time, though, that’s for sure.”
“How long do you think the muffin will give him?”
“Ten minutes. Tops. Probably a lot less.”
“And the pill,” Declan sped up a little, trying to keep Carlo in sight. “How long would that have taken?”
“Five. Either way, he’s pretty surely on his way to a very spectacular wreck.”
“These high switchbacks can be treacherous.”
“Treacherous.”
They swung through a harp bend and Declan nodded as Carlo’s car appeared a couple more bends ahead. “It wouldn’t be likely that anyone’s going to be looking for another cause of death, then.”
The road cut into the high cliffs and from here, seeing the space that Carlo had, side to side, it looked pretty narrow.
“All being well, they’ll be looking long enough to find the remains of your man there.”
“You don’t think there’s a risk of him being violently sick before he crashes?”
Through the open window, the hot, dry wind fanned the side of Liam’s head and made his suit coat flap. “I’d say there’s a risk you’d be violently sick if you saw a six or seven hundred foot drop loom up in your windshield.”
Nodding, Declan said, “Fair point.”
“And if anybody does bother to sift through the remains of his organs, and find the bitter almond traces, well, there’s a long list of people who would have been happy enough to slip him his final dose.”
“What makes you so sure he won’t just pull over as soon as he feels bad?”
“Testosterone. I told you.”
“Ah, yes, I remember. That was why you said we had to get him angry and anxious, and then take it all down to make him relax really fast.” Declan started to close the gap between the two cars.
“Leave him energized but anti-climactic.” The tires made a squeak and skipped as they turned through a tight bend.
“But how will we be sure?”
Liam held on to the side of the door. “About the result? We’ll follow him. Make certain he reaches his final destination.”
“I know. That’s what I’m doing. But, I mean, what if it doesn’t happen? What if he gets all the way back to the city and nothing’s happened?”
“Then at least one of us won’t be worried about it.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Because there was enough cyanide in the muffin to kill a fucking bear,” Liam chuckled, “so if he doesn’t die in the next few minutes, one of us will, because you’ll have given him the wrong muffin.”
“Oh, well, there’s no fear of that, I’m telling you.”
“I’m seriously hoping so. I’m also pretty anxious to get back to the hotel, you know? Reach a final destination with Miss Depravity back there.”
“Ah, no more than I am, my man. I’m aching to massage her throat with the end of my cock. And I do mean literally aching. But, business before pleasure.”
“As always, lad. As always.”
“I can’t wait to part her weeping lips with the head of my cock.”
“Should we be driving so close?”
“You think it’s making him nervous?”
“Oh, I know it’s making him nervous. No, my concern is for the possibility of us being seen on a video recording, just a few feet behind his back bumper.”
“Do you think it would be better if we were seen following him from farther back?”
“Well, if it came to it then, yes, I think it might.”
Declan said, “But there’s not a camera out here for miles.”
“Ah, you know these Californians love to have all of the very latest little gadgets. Wouldn’t you suppose that most of them have got dashcams fitted by now?”
“Sure, but there’s no one out here.”
“I know.”
“It’s not like you to be jumpy.”
“It’s not like you to let the mark go driving off on his own.”
“It’s a beautiful plan.”
“It was when I thought of it in the hotel. I won’t be happy now until it’s completed and it’s all done.”
“There. He’s starting to weave.”
Carlo’s car lurched by a precipice. He swerved and the tires kicked shale off the ledge. He swung back into the middle of the pavement but as the road twisted back, he was at the edge again. A hail of dust and a spray of shale flew.
Carlo’s car vanished in the cloud of dust. As they drew closer to the spot, they saw it. The rear stuck out into the road. The front tire was on the edge. The door swung open and Carlo stumbled out.
He blundered the wrong way, toward the edge and slipped. His heel skidded and his foot flew up in the air as his ass thwacked onto the pavement. He was going over the jagged precipice. And he rolled back to safety.
He lurched as he spun back up to his feet. Declan was parking and Carlo faced them. His foot slipped. Falling forward onto his knee, he raised an outstretched hand in Liam’s direction as he waved his arm for the car door. The car rocked as he leaned on it. He half stood and stumbled toward Liam and Declan, his hand outstretched. And he turned fast. His neck craned and he folded and leaned. His face reddened and his mouth stretched as he blasted a stream of vomit over the edge.
Carlo wobbled unsteadily on his feet and turned to blunder toward Liam. His eyes rolled like they had come loose. “His shirt is still perfectly nice and clean.” Liam said with amazement, “It’s a miracle. There’s not a trace on him.”
“Yes.” Declan said. “My worry is that his stomach is just as clean. He could have expelled the whole of our good work there.”
“It’s possible.”
“Do you not know?”
“I’m not a fucking toxicologist, man. What do you want? I did my homework. It should have worked.”
“He’s coming to give you a hug.”
Carlo fell into Liam’s outstretched arms. “Okay, here you go, big feller.”
“Is he going to throw up again? Ah, no. He’s pretty well collapsed in your arms, I’d say.”
Carlo slumped in Liam’s arms like a rag doll. “Like a babe. And doesn’t he look peaceful?”
“Is he gone now?”
“He will be if we get him back into the car.”
“You’re right enough there.” Declan moved around Carlo’s slumped body. “I’ll get his feet.”
“And it would be best if best we don’t give any straggling travelers the view of us heaving him in,” Liam felt Carlo’s arms trembling, “so let’s be sharp about it.”
“Ah, have you got him there? Lift, now. That is the thing I’m always saying about working at night, you know.”
“Oh, here we go again.” The car door was still open. “Is the car going to balance while we get him in? I don’t want you going over with him.”
“Good point. You go first, then it won’t be me.”
“Har de fucking har. Heave now.” They swung him into the driver’s seat.
“Yup. He’s in.” Declan said, “Hold onto my belt while I reach across him, would ya? But you see, don’t you? Any passerby at night, whizzing by this scene now, they’d be most unsure of what they’d seen. And they’d be keen to hurry along, too. Okay, I’ll start the engine and push it straight into ‘drive.’ Have you got a hold of me?”
“I’ve got you. Yes, they’d hurry on because at night, oh, watch out, you’ve got your jacket caught.” The car made very little sound as it slipped over the edge. Liam and Declan turned back, not waiting to watch. “There he goes. Well done, lad. Are you okay?”
“I’m grand.” As they sprinted back to their car they heard the distant, rustling crump as the car landed, nose down. A moment later there was another when it fell onto its roof.
Declan started the car right away. “All right, we don’t need to wait around. The sooner we’re not here, the better for all concerned.”
“So what were you saying?”
“That’s my point. The reason people hurry by at night is… seat belt, okay? I don’t want to listen to this thing binging all the way back. It’s because everything looks suspicious at night. So if there’s ever a chance of some concerned civilian wanting to make a call, it’s going to be in the dead of night.”
“Slow down a bit, would you? As we get around this curve we’ll get a look.”
“Oh, well, that’s grand. A nice little fire.”
“No one anywhere near to get hurt.”
“Not as far as I can see.”
“And in the end, he was kind enough to put all the vomit where no one’s going to even go looking.”
“I think we’re leaving the scene of a perfect, self-closing case.”
“And on our way to a well-earned celebration.”