Chapter Thirty-Five
MILLER
I went to practice earlier than necessary. Mainly because I knew that once Sanchez and Em talked things out, I wouldn’t want to be within a one-mile radius of whatever the hell sort of bedroom gymnastics they were going to be a part of.
I ran a few laps around the stadium and started to stretch, when some of the cheerleaders made their way onto the separate section of practice turf they typically took over either right before our practices or sometimes during.
Em wasn’t there yet.
For months I’d been trying not to love her, trying not to want her, and now that I knew the truth about our friendship and about the way she felt for Sanchez, it just seemed so . . . normal.
The world hadn’t ended.
The sky hadn’t fallen.
My life wasn’t over.
But the crack in my heart . . . it was still there, just not as painful since I’d talked with her, since we’d made our peace and I’d watched her walk away.
But it was there.
And it made me wonder if sometimes the greatest loss you ever feel is something that nobody will see when they look at you.
Because when your heart breaks, somehow it keeps beating.
Mine felt broken, but I knew it wasn’t. I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself that while I had been her past . . .
He was her future.
We both deserved to move on.
I just didn’t know how.
Because it sucked to finally realize I never had. I’d just lived in a constant state of anger and limbo when it came to Em, and now that I was released from all that shit, I didn’t know what to do.
“Hey, stranger.” Kinsey put her hands on her hips and stood by my side. “What exactly are we looking at?”
“Grass.”
“Grass,” she repeated. “How very interesting. And is there something about this grass that intrigues you? Or are you just having a moment?”
I smirked and ducked my head. “I’m having one of those moments guys get when they realize they’re selfish tools.”
“Don’t worry.” She patted my arm. “Jax has those every day.”
“Well he’s a guy so . . .”
“Right.” Her bright-blue eyes blinked up at me with amusement. “Well, are you gonna cry now?”
“Hell no,” I barked, and then I whispered. “Already did that last night.”
She burst out laughing. “Ah, Miller, you win some . . . you lose some. I’m guessing this is one of those losing scenarios?”
“Honestly, Em’s with the better man. I’m glad I got my best friend back, but sad we had to go through so much shit to get there.”
She slapped me on the shoulder. “Think of it this way, Miller. There’s more fish in the sea. I mean I’m not saying that from experience because a certain shark named Jax seems to be really talented at scaring them all away and I’m probably destined for a nunnery or a life with multiple cats, but yeah, Miller, loads of fish—tanks of fish. Besides, we live in Bellevue. Ocean’s just over the ridge.”
I stared down at her. “No fish at all?”
“Not even a minnow.”
“Damn Jax.”
“You have no idea. I have a plan to get him laid so that he’ll stop locking me in my room.”
“Wait.” I frowned. “Back up. You live with him?”
“See?” She shrugged. “Hell. I live in hell, but he has a ninety-inch flat screen that I get to watch all the away games on so . . . I’m easy, what can I say?”
I nodded appreciatively. “Tough trade-off though.”
“Know any single girls who can steal his virginity?”
I choked on my spit. “I’m sorry did you say—”
She made a face. “I mean I’m not sure, but he’s so freaked out over people wanting him for his money and fame that he rarely lets them get close.”
Jax took that unlucky moment to walk onto the field.
“Maybe even just foreplay.” I shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt.”
“Even a boob, like one flash, maybe two.”
“Three flashes. Always go for three, Kins.”
Jax stopped stretching and stared at us. His eyes narrowed, and then it was as if the dude had discovered a cure for cancer, he grinned, rubbed his hands together triumphantly, and walked off.
“That look, right there. He had that look when he locked me in my room so my prom date couldn’t find me.”
“Dude does a lot of locking.”
“I think he’s under the impression that it will break my spirit.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it.
It felt nice.
To know that I could still laugh and actually mean it, to know I could have an entire conversation and not once think about Em.
“I’ll help,” I found myself saying.
She grabbed my arm. “Shut up! Are you serious?”
I shrugged. “Eh, why not? I mean the guy’s good-looking, rich, famous, and actually a legitimate human being. We’ll find a fish for him, then find you something bigger than a minnow.”
“Hah!” She elbowed me and looked up. I’d never noticed how pretty her eyes were, how crystal clear the blue was. “I tend to like bigger . . . fish.” She swallowed and quickly looked away.
I stared at her like an idiot, with a grin probably twice as wide as necessary.
“Big fish, huh?”
“Just . . .” She waved me off, laughing. “Shut up.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I like big fish too, Kins!” She walked off and saluted me with her middle finger.
“Glad we’re friends!” I called back.
She did a little twirl and blew me a kiss.
I dodged it and pointed at Jax.
She burst out laughing and skipped over to her brother and planted a giant kiss on his cheek, then pinched it.
He rolled his eyes.
And suddenly, as I stretched my hands over my head and continued doing my warm-ups, things didn’t feel so bad.