Chapter One

Kaleigh

Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound coming from my sister’s room makes me turn over and check the time. “Five-thirty,” I groan into my pillow where I cuddle back into the heat of my cocoon. The first thing I did when I moved in with my sister was have blackout curtains installed. Oh, and a lock on the door. I like to sleep naked, so having my ten-year-old nephew and six-year-old niece walk in while I’m sleeping is not something we want repeated. I close my eyes, but it’s only six more minutes till I hear the beep again. I pull the covers over my head and think about how my life has changed in the last six months.

I was a single girl enjoying her life. I was finally my own boss thanks to having my own yoga and Pilates studio. Something I’d worked my ass off for since I was eighteen years old. Fuck, I was pushing yoga when it wasn’t even a popular thing. I still lived at home, which was how I could afford the down payment on the studio. Everything was smooth sailing, till I got that dreaded phone call from my sister, who was hysterically crying from her car.

Cheated on me. Those were the only words I could remember hearing, the only words that mattered. Her spineless weasel of a husband had cheated on her. And if that wasn’t enough, he had banged their ten-year-old son, Gabe’s, teacher and tutor. He obviously payed her for more than just her tutoring. So I grabbed everything of his that I could, brought it down the stairs, and tossed it on the front lawn.

Lauren pulled up to the curb right when I started walking to the back. I came from the side of the house with the gasoline container in my hand. I poured it all over his clothes, walked over to Lauren, and handed her the packet of matches.

“Let’s burn this motherfucker down.”

We sat there on the lawn watching it all burn, till one of the neighbors called the fire department, who rushed out, three full trucks, lights blaring in the night, an EMT, and one police cruiser. We watched the flames rising up from the pile of everything that he owned before the whole mess was drenched in water.

Needless to say when the scumbag showed up some time later, the fire department had just finished putting out the last of the fire. His clothes were now turned into ash. The only things that had survived were some of his golf clubs.

While he pulled his hair with his hands he started yelling, “This is the final straw. Lauren, she is not to go near my children.”

I sat there on the stoop of the house they’d built a home in while my sister sat there next to me. Her eyes blinked and she looked far away.

“You slept with Carmen.” Was the only thing Lauren finally said. “That was the final straw.”

“Pencil dick.” It just came out, and his head whipped to me. “You heard me.” I raised myself from my sitting position. “She gave you two children, not one, dick weed, two.” I pointed my finger at him. “Kept the fucking house clean while you went to wet your dick. Take a look around.” I motioned with my hands. “You lost it. Buckle up, cowboy, we’re coming for the farm.”

His eyes pinched together, taking in my threat. “What does that even mean?” he asked, looking from me to Lauren.

She stood up, walking over to us to stand by my side.

“It means she’s going after everything, dipwad. Now why don’t you take that sorry excuse for a two pack and bounce.” I looked over at Lauren. “I told you we should have gone to the gun range and learned how to shoot.” I grabbed her hand, turned, and brought her inside the house.

Once the door was closed behind us, she sat on the couch. “He fucked someone else,” she whispered silently. “Sex was max one minute most times.”

I sat next to her, my arm going around her shoulder. “Oh, honey, that was the first sign you should have left his ass sooner.”

Her head fell on my shoulder.

“I mean, his feet stink like cheese.”

She nodded her head to agree.

“His penis is meh.”

She kept nodding.

“He didn’t even go down on you. In a year.” I forced her to look at me. “He’s not worth your tears. Okay, maybe a couple of tears because he did give you the best two kids on the planet, but other than that, when was the last time he was actually here?”

Her head tilted to the side as she tried to think.

“Exactly, he was here, but he wasn’t here, and frankly you guys fucking deserve better.”

“I do deserve better.” Her voice came out in a whisper. “Where are the kids?” She looked around.

“Dad came to get them,” I informed her. “They’ll be back tomorrow. Because tonight”—I headed to the fridge and opened the freezer, taking out the bottle of Grey Goose she always put away—“we purge him from your system.” I took a couple of shot glasses out of the cabinet. “Or at least till you pass out.” I poured the first shot. “To assholes and the skanks who fuck ’em.”

She grabbed the shot and downed it, then winced. “Burns.” She slammed the glass down again as I poured another shot. “To women without stains on their shirts and their hair perfect.”

I raised a brow in question but took the shot anyway and poured another one.

“To husbands who leave the toilet seat up and finally manscape for another woman.”

“Oh, honey.” I placed my glass on the table. “Did he actually have a bush?”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “That should have been my first clue, right?”

“It should have been the first clue to run for the hills, but who are we to judge.” I picked up the glass. “To bigger dicks and manscaped pubes.”

She clicked my shot glass and downed her third shot in a row.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” She ran from the room. That was the beginning of let’s destroy Jake. She dusted herself off all right, started doing yoga with me and spin classes. All her frustration was put into what I called revenge body.

A knock on the door makes my head pop up. “Auntie Kay, can you do a fishtail bwaid for me?” my niece, Rachel, says from the other side of the door. “Pwease. Momma is trying on dresses.”

I roll out of bed and grab my robe before unlocking the door. I open it and she runs in and plops down on my king-size bed. It’s a small room that fits just my bed and a dresser, but has a huge closet, so I’m okay. The bedding looks like I sleep on a cloud and that’s because I sleep with two down comforters.

“So what type of braid do you want?” I ask her, sitting behind her on my bed.

“One like Awielle.”

I continue to comb her hair, making her a short mermaid braid. “Okay, sweet pea, go get dressed before your mom yells again with a warning.” I kiss the top of her head, watching her bounce out of the room. I dress after she closes the door, then head downstairs to get myself a coffee. Stopping at the door, I bring in the newspaper that was thrown on the doormat.

I’m sitting on a stool reading the paper while my sister runs around yelling out the time limits. Today is the first day at her new job. She’s going back to work. She took a job as a temp, not what she was looking for, but it’s better than nothing. I know she’s a nervous wreck because she’s been nonstop pacing without even realizing it.

I’m in my yoga pants trying to enjoy my second cup of coffee, my loose sweater falling off one shoulder. I’m not wearing a bra, because, well, frankly I’m not in the mood for it. My perfect size B cups are not going anywhere. “How do you remember this stuff?” I ask her while she starts putting the breakfast plates into the sink.

“It’s magic. Once you become a parent, you’ll get a brain,” she tells me with a smirk.

“Then what happened to Jake?” I smile back while taking a sip of my now almost cold coffee.

“Okay, I take that back. Once you become a mother, you get a brain. I mean, I don’t think all men are dicks. Look at Dad,” she tells me while she puts the milk back in the fridge and picks up the cereal box, putting it back into the cupboard. Her phone alarm sounds again. Another thing, my sister is OCD with being late. “Two minutes, guys!” She even has different alarm sounds.

“Aren’t you going to be late?” she asks me while she grabs the lunch boxes and walks to the door with the kids.

I fold the paper in half. “Nope, I have a client at ten-thirty. We are doing yoga in the park today. Become one with the earth and all that.” I finish it off with Namaste hands while she walks out with the kids to go to the bus stop.

I check my phone to see what else my day has in store for me. It’s not like I can’t afford to be in my own place; it’s because this is where I belong for now. I take in the house and how it’s changed since that fateful day eight months ago.

I snap back to the present when I hear the bus honk its horn. I walk to the living room where I move the coffee table to the side and start with my stretching moves. Lauren walks back in, admitting that she’s nervous.

“You are going to go in there and kill it. And if you don’t”—I shrug my shoulders—“then you don’t. What’s the worst that can happen? You fall face first in your boss’s crotch?”

She glares at me, throwing her hands in the air.

“Don’t forget, the kids are off the bus at two forty-five. Did you set an alarm?” she asks me.

“Yup, on my internal clock.” I roll my eyes at her. “Stop stressing. It’s going to be fine. You are going to be late if you don’t leave now.” I usher her out the door. “Don’t forget to play nice and make friends. Friends who are nice and hot and have big dicks!” I scream after her as she gets into her car and closes the door.

Mrs. Flounder, the next door neighbor, gives me the thumbs-up, clearly in agreement with me.

I wave at her while she backs her car up, honking once when she drives forward.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Mrs. Flounder asks me from her side of the yard.

“It sure is.” I nod, agreeing with her. “You know what would be better? Being chased by the hot UPS guy who keeps coming around. I bet you he has a huge package in that truck of his.”

Mrs. Flounder throws her head back and laughs. “Honey, if I was a little bit younger I’d definitely find out what type of services he offers.” She winks at me.

“That’s what I’m talking about.” I point at her. “I’ve got to get ready. Have a great day, Mrs. F.” I wave at her, going back inside and getting ready for the day.