Chapter Three
The first time I shifted was the first time my mother slapped me. I was fifteen, far older than most shifters who discover their abilities by accident. I don’t know what had taken me so long; perhaps it was my devotion to my studies or my constant efforts to control the world around me. Whatever the reason, I spent fifteen years believing that I, and the people around me, were human.
At the time, there was a kind of witch hunt happening in Madagascar. Humans who found an animal they believed to be a shifter brought them to the local church to have the minister inspect it. Most of the time, they were just normal animals; little birds, innocent lemurs, or large, shiny bugs that had never shifted, but the priest always declared the creature “demonic” or “evil.” And then, it was killed.
I always felt sad at the pronouncements by the priests at the church. I somehow knew that they were wrong, but I also understood that it was not my place to correct these loud, enthusiastic men. I couldn’t; they had devoted themselves to cultivating fear and unrest. If I went against them, I would surely have a horrible fate myself.
One day, a farmer found an actual shifter. It was a snake he had discovered out among the cassava, and he caught it in a bag and brought it to the church. Just as the priest approached the bag, the snake transformed into a young boy. He couldn’t have been older than six and had big, shining tears in his eyes. I remember the shock I felt at hearing the story; no one I knew went anywhere near snakes. That day, I saw a boy who could actually be one.
Through his hiccupping cries, the child explained that he hadn’t known he could be a snake. It was an accident. He didn’t want to hurt the farmer, he just found himself in need of a warm place and saw a nice rock in the field. He was just going to lie there and wait until he changed back, but the farmer caught him first. He explained that he was a true believer and didn’t want to be a shifter anymore, adding that he would do whatever the priest told him to so that he could stop this horrible thing inside him.
“My son,” the priest said, putting his hand on the young boy’s head, “there is only one way we can help you.”
“Please,” he said, “I want to be good. What must I do?”
“You must stand there and not move.” The priest moved away and let the angry mob of frightened people rush in on the young man and tear him limb from limb. I watched from the edges and made sure to keep my eyes dry. Inside, my heart was breaking, but outside I was silent and still just like that little boy had been in his final moments of life.
So, shifting had never been something I had dealt with. I thought it was a problem for the other people of my village, not me. Why bother stressing over something that wasn’t a part of my life? I saw no point.
One day, I was out watching some of the other children swim. I was reading up in the branches of a tree as they splashed and teased one another.
“You’re a shifter! You’re going to turn into a fish and bite me!”
“I am not! You’re the shifter. You become underpants and live on people’s butts.”
I rolled my eyes at the sound of all of this, but the eyeroll didn’t end. My pupils got stuck up at the top of my eye socket and wouldn’t come back down. Slowly, the book I had been so engrossed in slid from my legs and fell to the grass beneath me. I tried to cry out for help, but I had no voice. I gripped the tree and was horrified to realize I had long, sharp claws that were digging into the bark. My vision became new and sharper; everything around me was suddenly more dazzling and detailed, and I could smell each individual thing around me as layers on top of layers as opposed to one outdoor scent.
No one noticed my new shape as I stayed in the tree. In just a moment, I was covered in fur, had long, sharp teeth for hunting and strong, spry limbs for climbing, jumping, and running. I tried to stay calm, but my heart was going insane. What had happened? What did this mean? I tried to breathe, but each breath carried the scents of the small creatures around me, and none of them smelled anything less than mouthwatering.
Even in my animal form, I knew that I had to hide myself, to get out of that situation as quickly as I could. I waited until the children in the water were watching a boat pull in and waving, before I jumped from the tree and sprinted off in the opposite direction. From behind me, I heard a yell of “Fossa!” from one of the women who had come down to wash her clothes, but I didn’t stop. I just ran, and ran, and ran.
I went out into the forest near my home and climbed a mango tree as high as I could go. Then I held myself very still and listened.
It didn’t take long for several people to knock on my family’s front door and demand to see me. “We believe your daughter is a fossa shifter,” one man said. My father shook his head and explained that it was impossible; I was a teenager, after all, and shifters revealed themselves much younger. He said I had not come home; perhaps I had encountered a shifter. This made everyone panic and run off to arm themselves against the phantom creature in the village.
After they were gone, my father emerged from the house again, but he didn’t seem to go anywhere. My father was a tall, muscular man with a strong stance. Years of hard, physical labor had sculpted his muscles into a beautiful, high-relief, each sinew a story of struggle and victory. I watched as those muscles lengthened and changed into the same shape mine had taken on and gasped at the sight of my father in fossa form as well.
Once fully animal, he prowled toward my tree and smelled it. Then he looked up and flicked his ears at me. He didn’t growl or bare his teeth, he just lay on the ground and waited for me to join him.
I climbed down carefully, keeping an eye and an ear out for my hunters, but saw no one. When I reached the ground, he was already changing back. I sat and watched him as he slowly rolled into a standing posture, fully human once more. “Larissa,” he said in his human voice, “you must change back as well.”
I closed my eyes and demanded that I take on a human shape, but I felt nothing change. When I opened my eyes again, I was the same, but now I could see both of my parents looking down at me. My mother was decidedly angrier than my father.
“You change back right now, you horrible girl!” My father reached out to calm her but she smacked his hand away. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? We’ll never be able to live here again!”
The sadness in my heart pushed through so powerfully that it brought me back into a human state. I wiped the tears away and looked at my mother’s human face as she gaped at mine.
“Your star,” she whispered, “it’s gone.” She stepped forward to touch my face in the place where my birthmark had been all those years, and I felt the new, smooth skin that hand formed under her hand. She gave me a sharp slap and knocked some more tears loose.
To my father, she said, “We have to leave. Get your things.”
Without a word, we followed her inside to pack a small bag each. We left all our lovely furniture, our television, and our stereo in their original places. My father penned a letter to whomever might find it, explaining that he and my mother had run away to the new country to get away from this house. It was too full of memories of their daughter, who had, he explained in his writing, surely been the victim of a horrible shifter. He folded the letter in half, tucked it under a paperweight, and we were off.
My star never came back. I remember how shocking it was to suddenly have young men smiling at me. No man had ever looked my way before the mark disappeared. They had all seen my massive black mark as some kind of proof that I was dirty or unlucky or some such nonsense. I, meanwhile, had never given human attraction, or any kind of relationship with a boy, any thought. Suddenly, the opportunity was presenting itself left and right, and I didn’t quite know what to do.
My family and I spent our entire savings on three plane tickets to the new country. We were on the plane for over fifteen hours, and I thought I would go completely insane, but I kept my brains in my head and landed safely with my parents in the open field that, at the time, served as an airport. From there, we learned of the new shifter laws and applied for some kind of housing.
We went from a gorgeous house on the beach to a decrepit apartment. At least they didn’t hunt us down or chant for our blood. At least we could say what we were. However, we couldn’t show that we knew how to read, and school was suddenly off-limits to me. That was until The Hills and the new regime. As soon as I came to The State, I knew something stunk. The overlord of a president, the bizarre living restrictions combined with work expectations – I didn’t know which way was up for a long time. My parents suffered greatly. Not only were they shifters, they were foreign shifters, so most humans would cover their children’s eyes at the sight of my mother and father. Even members of the shifter community wouldn’t talk to us before The Hills.
***
“Hey, daydreamer,” Tina said, slapping my arm, “where’d you go?”
I shook the memories out of my head and looked over at her with my softest smile. “Sorry, just remembering home.”
“The Hills? You miss it?”
“No.” My smile fell immediately with her lack of knowledge of a past that wasn’t hers. Unfair, I know, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Why did everyone seem to think I had just magically appeared in their country? Even my accent didn’t seem to tip anyone off.
“What’s up?” Tina could tell I wasn’t happy and asked the question cautiously. I relaxed and put my arm around her shoulders.
“Nothing, my wolf. Just remembering things from a long time ago. Back when I was small on the outside and too big for this world on the inside. Did I ever tell you I used to have a black star on my face?”
“No.” Her face lit up. It’s unusual for me to share details of my life with others, but life alone had softened me a bit. She was a rapt audience of one while I described my former life, my enormous ego, and my aspirations of living in the magical land of France. She didn’t laugh or roll her eyes, she just listened. That’s why I love Tina so much; she just accepts shifters and humans as they are. She never tries to one up or change anyone. She’s a true star.
Soon, we had walked a couple of miles and had come up behind some odd shops and stalls. We walked through them slowly as if we were looking for something for an educator. At one little hole-in-the-wall spot, Tina stopped and gestured for me to follow her in.
I stepped through the crooked, rotted doorway and was hit with the smell of dust and aging metal. All around me, packed into the walls, hanging from the ceiling and piled in the back were all manner of apparatuses that were all metal of some kind. I had no names for most of the strange gadgets in front of me, but they fascinated me all the same. Tina walked among the madness with her hands in her pockets as if she were strolling to a neighbor’s house. I picked my way through gingerly, certain the mountain of stuff would topple and crush me at any moment.
“Hi there.” We looked up to see a squat human male with a kind of lamp on his head. The light washed out the details of his face as he shone his intense beam of light on us, but when he clicked it off, I could see a round and friendly face. I blinked until my pupils shrank down a bit, but it took a moment before I could see properly.
“Hello.” Tina extended her hand to the short male, but he didn’t accept it.
“Huh. Haven’t seen anyone like you two in here before.” He crossed his arms and leaned back. Tina and I froze; two what? Neither of us spoke, so we just waited to see if he would call in the law enforcement or demand we leave. He didn’t do either.
“Two shifters away from The Hills. How did that happen?” He sat on a tiny stool behind what looked like a random pile of metal but turned out to be a welded sculpture. I reached out to touch it and was surprised at how messy his seams were. My father could have done something truly great with all that material.
“We’re looking for something. Something unique.” I looked up at him, into his beady little eyes, and he started to sweat a little. I moved a tiny step closer. “We’ve lost a valuable piece of jewelry down at the bottom of a well. We need a way to get down there and take some air with us. Can you help?”
“Oh,” he said, hopping down, “you want what’s called scuba gear. Stay here.” He scuttled off into the back and left me to look at Tina with wide, shocked eyes. Why was he helping us? She just shook her head and shrugged. Who knew?
Our odd little friend returned with a heavy, oblong tank connected to a kind of tube and strange piece of plastic with a rubber strap around the back. He set them down and reached up for two odd flat pieces of plastic that looked like big letter Vs. I reached for the supplies, but he held them back.
“Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast. I’m helping you two, maybe someone can help me.”
I waited, but he didn’t continue. Tina stepped forward and leaned her torso down onto a table. “What did you have in mind?” she asked, smiling a little.
“Well, I think you know. How about we go in the back and…well, you two show me how you…” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “Become your other selves.”
I was still lost, but Tina sighed with a resignation. “You’re a watcher?”
He nodded, a huge smile across his face. “Right this way.” He gestured to the back and Tina gave me a look to let me know it would be okay. Shaking my head, I picked my way through the rubble to follow the short man and my friend to some hidden space in the back of the shop.
As we entered, the space cleared, and I realized we were in a kind of house. It wasn’t anything impressive, just a cot, a little stove for cooking, and a tin bathtub for bathing. The short man leaned my things against the wall and then pulled up a strange chair that had no back to it. After he sat down, he cranked himself up high enough that we were eye to eye. “Roll me back a little, will you?”
I complied, though I still didn’t know what was happening. Tina stayed where she was in the center of the room. I stayed near the man after I rolled him over which seemed to irritate him. “Go over by her! Do it together,” he demanded.
Though I was put off by his attitude, I decided to comply and go stand next to Tina. She tilted her head and smiled, and to my complete shock, began to take off her shirt.
“Can you put on some music?”
“Oh, yes,” he sighed and reached out to hit play on some old machine that I recognized from childhood. It played odd little plastic rectangles of music, things called cassettes, and a slow, deep sound came from its speakers. He leaned back and seemed very excited. “Take your time. I want to see every part of the transition.”
Not knowing what else to do, I just started swaying with the odd beat and following Tina’s lead. Through her teeth, she whispered for me to take off my clothes. “I don’t want to,” I whispered back.
She did a little turn so her back was to our guy.
“Don’t worry,” she said under her breath, “he just wants to see how our bodies shift. He’s not going to touch us.”
I followed her lead again and turned with her. “How do you know?”
“Watchers don’t like the idea of physical contact with shifters. They just want to see how we do it.” She slipped out of her skirt, and I undid my shorts. Soon, we were both down to our underwear and dancing around a little more freely.
I was in the spirit of things by then. It was reassuring that he wouldn’t touch me. I shimmied out of my panties and then let myself start to change.
Normally, I shift quickly. Going from human to animal is a painful process, but as shifters age they learn how to speed it up and shift in just a few seconds. However, the option to slow it down is always available. My fur sprouted all over me while I still had a mostly human shape, then I willed my bones to change shape from the feet up, my tail sprouting before I had to go to all fours. Next to me, Tina was doing the same, giving herself a tail long before her other traits kicked in.
Soon, I was in full fossa form, and I realized the man was masturbating in his chair. He was letting out long, high-pitched moans as he begged us, “Change back! Change back!”
We did, transforming and rising slowly until we stood naked in his home again. He finished just as we became completely human once more, and as soon as he was done, he lost interest.
“Alright,” he sighed, “clothes on and out you get. No one talks about what happened to anyone, got it?”
We dressed quickly as we assured him, “Not a word. Promise.”
I walked over to get my stuff and looked at it incredulously. “Um… how do I..?”
“I’m not in charge of you! Get out of my house and figure it out.”
I couldn’t leave fast enough. After I threw on my minimal clothing, I grabbed my tank and the rest of my odd collection of objects to run for the door, Tina close behind me. We ran down the street for a few minutes and then stopped to catch our breath.
“Whoa. That was close. I really thought he might call the enforcers on us.”
“Me too.” I bent over and put my hands on my knees while I silently begged my heart to slow down and relax. It took a while longer, but it finally listened. I stood to look around, wondering if we’d attracted any attention, but it looked safe enough. There were people around, but no one was giving us any more than a glance.
“How is it that no one knows what we are?” I whispered to Tina. She scoffed and patted my back.
“Haven’t you heard? All those filthy shifters got collared. They can’t leave their compound. So, no collar means you’re looking at a human.” She winked. “Just like you and me, friend.”
“Oh,” I nodded, “the collars. Of course, what a relief.” My shoulders relaxed knowing that our lack of disguise was as good as any mask. We strolled down the street a ways and were hit with a delicious, warm and salty scent.
“Mmm… What’s that?” I asked, craning my neck.
“Let’s find out,” Tina said, walking faster. I grabbed her shoulder to stop her.
“We don’t have any money.”
“Sure, we do.” She pulled an old, beat-up wallet from her pocket and smiled at me. “Don’t you remember?” Another wink. I felt a little sour twist in my stomach at the sight of the stolen money, but what could I say? No one was going to pay Tina any kind of fair wage for a job; not that anyone would hire a shifter who had openly killed a human. And she was out among the humans to help the others back at the compound. Could I honestly judge her? Didn’t she deserve this cash more than the pervert back at the shop?
I pushed my objections deep down into my gut and followed her to a food stall with fried soy balls and soy sticks. We sat down to eat our junk food and smiled at each other, knowing that no one else had any suspicion of who we were or where we were headed. “Humans are easily misled,” I thought to myself. ‘It’s a shame. They’re so intelligent and so stupid.’ As I ate, I tried to follow the conversations around me, but they were confusing. Everyone around me seemed to be complaining about some random slight; demanding teachers, seeing a person they’d never seen before, parents refusing them a lock for their doors. Was a good education, new members of a community, and caring parents so terrible?
Tina caught my eye a couple of times and gave me the tiniest of head shakes. Don’t say anything. I kept my mouth shut except to shove food in it. It was so long since I’d eaten as a human that I was practically high from the experience. I’d forgotten how humans eat for taste and texture; for company and sights and smells. Animals eat for the thrill, the crush of bones, and rush of blood. Casual, human-style eating was a nice break from my usual savagery.
We finished and put some money in the center of the table where a small basket was waiting for the workers. I was so full I could hardly stand, but I managed. I put my tank under my arm, and a hand stopped me.
“Hey,” a man’s voice said, “you a diver?”
“Me? Um, yes.” I patted my tank as if I carried around such things all day, every day. “Diver for sure. Excuse me…”
“Your tank’s empty. You’re not gonna fill it?”
I froze. What did I need in my tank? I glanced at Tina for help, and she was just as uncertain as I was, but quickly relaxed her face into a smile. “We’re actually looking for someone who can fill it for us. Do you, um…could you?”
“Sure.” He tossed the last bite of his meal into his mouth and then wiped the grease from his hands. “I’m working at the station just there on Rand. Follow me, I’ll get you some air.”
“Before we go,” Tina interrupted, “I just want to ask how much that might cost. I need to make sure I have enough.”
“What do you got?”
She quickly opened her wallet, and I stood over her. The pudgy shop owner had done well for himself; he had about 500 Bachmanns in his wallet. Tina and I glanced at each other with no idea what to say.
“Well,” she started, “I guess I could go in for about 250 Bachmanns.”
He blanched at the number. “Whoa, what? This isn’t diamond-infused, luxury air. It’s just the basic stuff. It’s an even twenty-five.”
My eyebrows flew up before I could stop them, but looking at the guy’s confused face, I remembered to make them slide back down. “Of course. My friend isn’t used to buying tanks of air. She’s not a diver like me.” I gestured with my hand. “We would love to get over to your station.”
He shook his head at the both of us and stood to lead the way. “Couple of real professionals I got here.”
The three of us walked together, Tina and I in a heightened state of endless fear, and the man we’d suddenly befriended strolling with all his joints loose and his feet almost flopping, he was so casual. “My name’s Alex. What’s yours?”
“I’m Tina. This is Larissa.”
He tilted his head at us. “You two together?”
We shook our heads no, then looked at each other with wide and surprised eyes. No one had ever mistaken us for a couple before. It was thrilling. I could have maintained my male shape with Tina, but it hadn’t even occurred to me. It was more fun to be a girl with Tina and walk through our world as females.
Tina and Alex seemed to hit it off, so I let them talk, while I walked with the empty tank on my back. I hoped Alex wasn’t another watcher or some guy out to hurt us. I supposed if he came after me I could shift and bite his head off, though I preferred to leave him intact. I glanced over at my old friend and my new friend, as they giggled and teased one another. Once again, Tina was flirting. She always had a bit of a thing for human guys.
“Here we are.” He gestured to an odd, covered space. Back in the old days, it must have been a truly great location; a place where people could get their precious fuel and food and water without even blinking. Now it was a place of rust and dust.
Everything big and grand was crumbling. The only part of it with any light was a small office with a window in the door. Alex unlocked it and clicked on a small lamp on a desk. All around were plastic bottles filled with oddly colored liquids that I knew were different kinds of fuel. I’d heard there were groups of people trying to make fuel from all kinds of plants, but the ground was so hard and worn out that growing any kind of crop was near impossible. So, people like Alex just made what they could on a small scale and stored it with crossed fingers in hopes it would work.
“Okay,” he said, swinging his keys around his finger, “air, air. Where did I leave the…? Here it is.” He pulled a long hose forward and reached out for my tank. I took it down from my back and handed it to him.
“So,” he said, “you’re clearly not a diver. What do you need this tank for?”
“I discovered an underground water source. I want to explore it.” I was a little surprised that I had told him anything, but, for whatever reason, I felt I could trust him. He chuckled.
“By yourself? That’s pretty dangerous. What does it lead to, some treasure?”
“You could say that.”
“Well,” he said, maintaining his squeeze on the hose’s nozzle, “whatever you’re looking for, I recommend you have a friend on the surface. Underwater diving is no joke.” He gestured to Tina. “I don’t suppose you can go along?”
She shook her head. “My mom would kill me. Besides,” She bumped her shoulder into mine, “this is one smart and brave lady. If anybody can do it, it’s Larissa.”
I blushed and looked down as they both stared at me. Why did she have to say that?
“Alright. It’s full.” He started to hand it back, but he could barely lift the thing. “Uff. I forgot how heavy these things are. You have a ride home?” We shook our heads again, he stood to turn off the light, and then we walked out of his office. “I’ll drive you as far as the border. Then you’re on your own.”
Our mouths must have dropped open perfectly with our shock. He tilted his head toward his truck. “Don’t worry,” he assured us, “I could care less what you are. Just be careful and uh…” He turned to Tina, “Come visit me sometime.”
She handed him a roll of bills. “Take this. I may need your help again someday soon.”
He tapped the money to his chest. “At your service.” The two of them got into his truck’s front seat, and I hopped in the back with my heavy tank and other odds and ends. They could flirt all they wanted. I wanted to visit with my friends, the stars, and ask them for some advice on my new venture. They had a lot to say as we drove in sight of the president’s mountain and then glided around to the Open Zone. There, we hopped out and waved goodbye to him. As he sped off, Tina pulled me in for a hug.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Not entirely,” I admitted. “But if things get dangerous or too out of control, I can scrap the whole plan.”
“I’ll come see you in a couple of weeks,” Tina said. “Leave me some sort of sign so I know if you went for it or not. Okay?”
“Okay.”
My only friend pulled me in for a tight hug, and I was reluctant to let her go. She felt so familiar and warm. ‘It would be so easy to just go back,’ I thought. ‘Black Feather would have no idea, and I could just go on with my life.’ But I didn’t go back. I looked up to see the Children watching me and knew the desert was waiting for me. I gave Tina one last squeeze and then pointed myself back to the familiar Nothing.