VEE

Joss left.

I'm a light sleeper and often wake as the sun rises, but last night I slept heavily in dreamless darkness. I wake wrapped beneath a blanket, but the man’s arms I fell asleep in last night no longer surround me.

I sit up, head in hands, as Ewan’s revelation floods my mind again. I waver between disbelief and a strange acceptance towards the news I’m not who I thought I was. The panicked hysteria from hours ago doesn’t linger this morning, as if Joss’s soothing touch stays with me.

I climb out of bed and peek through the curtains, to ensure some reality still exists. A low mist carpets the ground giving the area surrounding the house an ethereal look, and the sun's barely risen. Still dressed in last night's clothes, I creep out of the room and along the hallway, downstairs towards the back of the house. I reach the kitchen and hold my breath to listen. No noise to indicate anybody else is awake. Right now, I’m happier to be alone with my confused thoughts.

A heavy wooden door at the kitchen rear leads outside to a paved area. A wooden bench overlooks the barren fields, and towards the dense woods, which offer a barrier between the property and the nearest road. I've no desire to run from the house this time, painfully aware running will never be an option.

The sun continues to rise as I sit on the bench and breathe in the morning air. I focus on the familiar: scent of the damp earth and decaying leaves dropped from the beech trees, at the birdsong welcoming me to my new day.

I mull over recent months in my mind. Were there clues? Shortly after Anna left for London, nightmares started. At first, I put them down to the new situation: living alone for the first time. The darkness and screaming in my dreams, along with the breathless fear, which I woke with, gripped me for weeks until the nightmares gradually faded. I still experience the dreams, less frequently, but each time I can never grasp exactly what my subconscious is showing me. The nightmares are always the same, and each time I attempt to recall them I never do, just the darkness.

The other Vee, who believes Ewan lied, interrupts my thoughts. I pull out my phone and scroll through for Anna's number, then send her a friendly "how's things" text. She doesn't reply. My stomach lurches. Does she exist? Of course she does, it’s too early for her to answer the phone yet.

What did Anna and I do together? I search my mind, but memories of my time with Anna have faded; I can't remember what she looks like. Our teen years, complaining about school and spending all our free time together. The holidays I took with my parents to Spain every year. Did any of that happen?

But, instead of last night's terror, an acceptance floods over. Now the secret’s revealed do I need to accept the truth?

To accept I'm not Verity Jameson?

I repeat the words to myself, stunned I'm not freaking out without Joss's calming touch. Honestly, I should be a jabbering mess on the floor.

The door to the house thuds closed, and I look over my shoulder. Heath stands, holding two mugs and a wary expression. He’s dressed in the same dark shirt and jeans as last night, and the attraction to him takes over my thoughts as I look back into his green eyes. Reality? He definitely felt real when we kissed; and my reaction was definitely human.

"Hello, Heath."

He crosses and sits on the bench, keeping at a distance to prevent our bodies touching, and hands a mug to me. "I thought you might need a coffee."

"Thanks. You're up early."

"So are you."

"Hmm." I sip the hot liquid, savouring a part of my morning ritual. "Are you surprised?"

"How did you sleep?"

In Joss's arms. "You don't need to avoid the subject, Heath. I presume you know that last night Ewan told me Verity Jameson doesn't really exist."

He stares at his boots. "Yeah. I know. Ewan and Joss told me how you reacted."

"Are you surprised?" I turn to face him; the concern lining his face tugs away my desire to be cross with him, and I temper my reaction. "I find out I’m part of a mysterious world that I don’t understand, mostly because you four hardly tell me anything, and then Ewan decides to tell me the biggest secret of all."

"No. I’m not surprised about how you reacted." Heath folds his warm hand over mine.

I look down. "Let me guess, you were the one sent to talk to me because of our... connection."

Heath's gaze returns to the ground. "Kind of."

How can I say I wish Joss had been the one to approach me, and explain, this morning? That what happened last between Heath and me was between him and the human Verity, the one I need to dismiss and not to be reminded of at this moment? I can't tell Heath, but the truth is I need Joss right now. I want Joss to hold me again and take away the remnants of my confusion. Joss wiped away the weakness the frightening emotions caused, and Heath's bringing those emotions back. Once I’m calmer, I might feel differently, but not now.

I close my eyes. What day is it? Do I need to work today? And Jesus, if somebody chose to put me in this world in disguise, they could've chosen a more interesting job. Or even no job — I would've been perfectly happy tucked away somewhere with wealth and privilege until I was "found."

In a strange reversal, I’m finding it harder to grasp onto the belief I'm the Verity I thought I was. Insanely, the news I’m not, and I've only existed a short time, sits more comfortably with me.

"How do you feel now?" Heath asks in a soft voice.

I open my eyes, sip more coffee, and shiver in the autumn cool. "I'm forgetting my life already, Heath," I admit. "Suddenly, too, as if somebody pulled the plug and my memories are disappearing down into a whirlpool."

Heath shifts closer and squeezes my hand. "I’m sorry, you must be frightened."

"I was. Now... I don't know. I feel as if a box opened where a part of me was locked away and she’s pushing out my memories. Do you think that's what’s happened? That this ‘real me’ was... unleashed by learning the truth." Oh God. I pull my fingers from his and hold my head in my hands. As my body floods with panic again, I focus on the sounds and scents surrounding me. No. I’m here. I’m me. I’m Verity.

But I’m not, and the truth rests deep in my soul.

"Maybe," he replies.

I look up, and push hair from my face. "Did the same happen to you and the other guys?"

Heath stares ahead for a few moments, mouth turned down. "No. I don't know where I came from originally. We all arrived at this house on the same day. Literally, woke up one morning, here. Weird shit—we’d never met each other before. I didn’t even remember Xander was my brother." He blows air into his cheeks and side glances me. "We had the advantage that we all arrived in the world at once; shared the confusion. I mean, I have a vague memory of agreeing to take on this role, but none of us remember why." He gives a derisive laugh. "In the house, we found a bizarre signed contract where we’d agreed to this. That’s it. No specified reward, training, any of that shit. Just a book about our predecessors and some ID. So, yeah, Vee, I partly understand why your head’s fucked. "

"You aren’t the original Horsemen?" I ask.

"Told you before, that’s a warped story."

"I bet your early days are quite a story too."

"A very long one."

His harsh tone shuts down my questions, and I slump back onto the bench. "I wish somebody had left me some bloody information. Was I in your book?"

"You were alluded to. We thought we were looking for "truth" as a concept, by uncovering deceit in the world. Then Xander announced he was sure you existed in reality and we had to find you."

"What changed his mind? Did somebody tell him?"

Heath shrugs. "Said he had a dream that you were out there and hidden."

"Right. A dream." My doubt matches that I see in his eyes. "But why did whoever hide me?"

"No fucking clue."

We exchange a smile, then sit in silence as I mull over his words and last night’s events. "I freaked out and attacked Joss."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that too. I think he has bruises."

"Really?"

"No, I’m kidding. I also heard he slept with you last night." Heath stretches his long legs out and taps his boot toes together. "I always hoped it would be my bed you spent the night in."

"I've slept in Joss's bed before."

"Not with him though."

"Believe me, there was nothing romantic about it—or anything else."

"Yeah, but he was there to help. Joss was the one who made things better for you." Heath turns his eyes to mine. "I wish I’d been there for you."

"But that's his power, right? He was helping me."

"I doubt that's all it is." Heath drains his mug and stands, mouth set firm. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Want me to cook you breakfast?"

His response irritates me; he should be happy Joss was there to help. "Sure. Then I can get ready for work."

"Work?" Heath's expression is as if I told him demons had breached the house's defences.

"I thought we agreed I could work?" I ask.

"I don't think Xander agrees."

"Screw Xander."

Heath chokes a laugh. "I think you two are going to have an 'interesting' relationship."

"Hey, whatever I am, Vee still exists. and she doesn't take bad attitude from people. Especially not guys." I pause. "I need to be the Vee who works at Alphanet, just for a few hours. Can you explain that to him, please?"

"Okay. And for the record, I think you’ll need that attitude around my brother." I follow as he yanks open the door to the house.

Inside the kitchen, the smell of cooked bacon hits me and my stomach rumbles. Joss stands at the stove, spatula in hand.

"Just in time! I cooked breakfast. Nothing like bacon to make the world a happier place." A smile crinkles the corners of his eyes. "How are you this morning, Vee?"

"Better," I say cautiously.

"Cool." He rubs his nose. "Want some too, Heath?"

I glance at an unimpressed Heath and nudge him. "Famine making breakfast. Funny, huh?"

"Yeah, he’s quite the cook. I don’t eat breakfast." Heath inclines his head to the hallway. "If you want to head to work today, I'll get ready and take you."

I chew my lip as I watch him leave. Heath told me he was hungry. Did Joss ruin his appetite?

Joss dumps the bacon on a chipped plate and slides it along the kitchen counter towards me. "Has Heath explained things?"

"Not much, but I don’t feel like talking about everything again."

He nods and drops bacon on a plate for himself. "I want you to know I'm here if you need help coping. A hug or whatever." He cocks a brow. "Distraction."

Joss’s words are the opposite of Heath’s heavy conversation. "You know what?" I say. "I think your Joss-ness helps. I don’t mean the guy who calms me when I'm around him, but the joking."

He smiles. "I try."

"Where did you go last night? I woke up and you weren’t there anymore."

Joss rests against the kitchen counter and folds his arms across his broad chest. "I left you once you fell asleep because holding you drove me nuts." His green eyes meet mine, and he shakes his head, as if shaking away a thought. "Do you realise you smell better than bacon, and that’s pretty damn impossible?"

I laugh softly. "I’m pretty sure it is."

"I went to find the others after I left you, and the four of us talked about the ‘situation’." Joss picks at his bacon. "We decided Heath should be the one who spoke to you this morning. And Ewan... be nice to him. He feels like shit about what he did."

"Ewan? I don't blame him. I mean, yes the news could've been broken more diplomatically, but he didn't mean to hurt me. I'm sure of that."

Joss bites his lip. "Good. Well, the other thing we decided last night is we’ll give you a hundred percent control over what you want to happen next."

I snort. "I bet Xander loved that idea."

"Actually, it was his suggestion. Xander's worried that you'll run now. You're crucial to us as the missing piece and we need you to stick around. If you want anything from any of us, ask." He drops the seriousness and bows, flourishing his hands in front of him. "We're here to carry out your every whim."

I take a bite from my sandwich. This is what I mean. The joking Joss is who I need, the way I’ve discovered that I need Ewan's forthrightness and Heath's gentleness. In a way, I also need Xander's control of the situation, although that doesn't sit as well with me.

I swallow the mouthful. "Thanks for last night. And for the sandwich."

"Any time," he says softly. "If you need anything Vee, I’m here. Just say the word."

As Joss’s focus remains on me, a realisation hits. When the human memories ebbed, something else flowed in to replace them. The bond to these four men is stronger than I imagined, and an idea I dismissed until now crystallises.

My heart and soul are now completely open to all four guys, and I not only want them all, but I have them all.