From Twinkle, With Love by Sandhya Menon (5)

Five

Thursday, June 4
Artsy Fartsy

Dear Kathryn Bigelow,

Maddie’s in the bathroom. She always drinks way too much Sprite when we come here and then spends 10 percent of the time peeing. So I’m just hanging out, sorta painting (that’s the best I can do) and petting Roux, the adorable red Lab that belongs to the lady who owns this place. He keeps putting his gigantic head in my lap every time I pick up my brush and looking at me, like, You can’t resist this, Twinkle. Let’s be real.

Anyway, I’ve been subtly probing Maddie’s interest in Brij all night by asking sly questions, such as, “Hey, wasn’t that binder Brij made so cool?”

Maddie’s entire face lit up. “Oh my gosh, yeah, it was! Do you think he does that for every subject or just econ?” (Do I know Maddie or do I know Maddie? I asked Brij the EXACT SAME question in the library because I knew she’d want to know.)

I played it casual. “Oh, I’m pretty sure he’s a well-rounded organizer. Rumor has it he even has those Post-it flag thingies and a personalized memo pad.” Maddie was practically fanning herself. They should make a Hallmark movie out of their budding love story.

So now I’m trying to figure out what the best way would be to get Brij and Maddie together. I have to be sly, though. If I try to force it, Maddie’ll buck and run. Kind of like those wild horses that can never be tamed. They always end up kicking some well-meaning horse whisperer in the head and getting put down.

Hmm.

Thursday, June 4
Still at Artsy Fartsy, 2.5 Sprites later

Dear Claire Denis,

Maddie’s in the bathroom again. My field of sunflowers looks like a toxic waste dump, which might turn out to be a cool statement on society’s unthinking gluttonous exploitation of our planet’s natural resources. Maddie’s looks like Monet helped her paint it. It’s so unfair. Why did she have to luck out in virtually every department?

Hold on. Roux’s chewing on my journal. He is such an attention hog.

Okay, I’m back. The owner lured Roux away with a shriveled pig’s ear, which is apparently a canine delicacy? Dogs seriously have no standards.

So, anyway, Maddie and I were talking and being all open and honest, and she told me how she went to get fro-yo with Hannah, Victoria, and Francesca the other night. What sucks is Hannah’s having a birthday party at Victoria’s parents’ cabin in Aspen in two weeks but it’s on the same night that Mr. Tanaka has a gallery showing in Denver, so Maddie said she couldn’t go. Hannah didn’t understand and thought it was because Maddie was mad at her about sitting on her turkey sandwich that one time (it was in a sandwich bag, but still). The way Maddie tells it, Hannah pitched a little fit.

I knew I shouldn’t say what I was thinking. Hadn’t I learned my lesson at Mr. Tanaka’s birthday party? But the words were out before my brain could sound the alarm. “Why do you hang out with her?”

Maddie looked surprised. “What?” Her gold eyeshadow and purple silk dress made her look like royalty. I felt a little dowdy in my clothes, tbh, which was crap because it’s what’s inside that matters and I’d been proud of my T-shirt and glitter Keds at my house, parental comments aside.

“You can’t go because it’s important that you support your dad. So why can’t she understand that? Hannah sounds like a total jackass.” I stopped talking all of a sudden and my eyes went wide. Papa should have replaced my filter when he replaced our fridge’s because mine is obviously completely worn out. Speaking up about her dodging my call must’ve unlocked something reckless in my brain.

Maddie’s cheeks turned this light pinkish color. (Unlike mine, which turn a deep shade of purple instead. Dadi calls it my baingan, aka “eggplant,” look. I think she means it in an endearing way, though.) “I can’t just stop hanging out with her,” she said, stabbing her brush on the canvas, her charm bracelets clinking angrily together.

“Why not?” I was thinking “in for a penny, in for a pound” at that point, which, in retrospect, was totally stupid. I should have changed the subject to syncope in older adults to take Maddie’s mind off the fact that we are so far apart now on most issues that we practically live on different continents.

“Because!” Not meeting my eye, she kept stabbing at her canvas. “If I want to hang out with Victoria and Francesca and that whole crowd, I have to hang out with Hannah, too. It’s sort of a package deal.” She glanced sideways at me. “And Hannah is … She gets, I don’t know, possessive. Maybe it’s because she’s an only child and she gets lonely.”

I wanted to say, You so don’t have to put up with that.

Or: Is that why you won’t hang out with me around your other friends? Because Hannah won’t let you?

Or even: Hey, you may have noticed, but I’ve got a BFF spot vacant. No friendship with Hannah required.

But my fearlessness evaporated and I didn’t say anything. We painted in glum silence until Maddie sighed and put her brush down. She bumped my knee with hers under the table and smiled when I looked up. “So, you never told me how your meeting with Sahil Roy went.”

I let my breath out in a whoosh. Okay, so she didn’t pick up when I called to talk about it, but this was progress—at least she was asking now. “It was amazeballs.” I filled her in on the gender-swapped Dracula idea. “And he gave me a DVD of the original movie to watch at home.”

Maddie sat up straighter and clutched my shoulder. “Ooh! You guys should watch it in my home theater!”

Maddie’s home theater setup is epic. You didn’t need to shell out twenty bucks for a movie ticket at the real theater because you got all of that in much more lux surroundings at her place. “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely! How about tomorrow night?”

“Sure!”

She grabbed her cell off the table. “What’s Sahil’s number?”

I’d memorized it in case I needed to call it at any point, so I gave it to her. She typed in the message, her fingers flying over the keyboard. Her phone beeped almost immediately.

Sounds good! How about 7?

I nodded and she confirmed with him and then set it aside. “Done.”

“Thanks, Maddie.” I clapped my hands together (gently, so the brush didn’t spray paint all over Maddie’s expensive dress). “This is going to be awesome. Sahil’s cool. I think I’m gonna enjoy working with him.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, teasing, and I waved her off (still being mindful of paint and silk). “Nah,” I said. “Sahil’s just Sahil.” Even if he is cute and totally gets my need to punch back at the patriarchy with excellently made movies.

“Riiiiight,” she said, arching her eyebrow even higher until it nestled into her bangs. “I forgot you’re holding out for the other Roy brother.”

“Shut up!” I said, laughing.

She’s right, though. I am holding out for Neil. I am holding out for that shiny, non-groundling future self I’d always pictured, the one people can’t just ignore. That future Twinkle Mehra? Maddie would never leave her behind.

Love,

Twinkle

Thursday, June 4
My room

Dear Valerie Faris,

I hung my toxic waste dump painting on the wall. It goes well right next to the shelf with my vintage 1950s Kodak Medallion 8 camera. (Dadi bought it for me at a flea market four years ago to remind me of “the vast unknowingness of the human experience and how you must always strive to capture it, Twinkle.”)

Oh, wait. My computer just dinged with an incoming e-mail. I love e-mail. I know most people my age are all about the texts, but as someone without a cell phone, I have to take what I can get. Brb.

OH MY GOD. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.

I, Twinkle Mehra, wallfloweriest of wallflowers, have a SECRET ADMIRER.

This is not a drill.

I repeat: I have a secret admirer.

I printed out the e-mail, and I’m pasting it below:

Do you see how he signed off? N!! And he called me pretty, just like you-know-who did at the lockers yesterday! Do you know what this means?

It’s Neil. It has to be Neil. IS IT NEIL??

I wrote back immediately. I’m stapling my response below.

He hasn’t written back yet. I went and looked up Neil’s e-mail in the school directory, but there isn’t one listed. I mean, I know he’s using one he made up specifically for this purpose (if it’s even Neil), but I just hoped! AAAHHHH. I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

Love,

Twinkle

FriYAY, June 5
Homeroom

Dear Nora Ephron,

N never wrote back. Grrrrr. I’ve chewed my nails to little stubs. It has to be Neil. He’s not at school, so I can’t even just go up to him and ask. I mean, not that I would. Because (a) that would be embarrassing if it isn’t him, (b) I am, after all, the Greatest Coward West of the Mississippi, and (c) I kinda like the mystery and he clearly does too, so who am I to ruin it?

You were always super good at showing the relationship between guys and women, Nora. I wish you were here to give me some advice. Because I feel like I’m in a movie and I’m the main character.

I’m used to being invisible, you know? Papa works a lot—he has since I was a baby—and Mummy’s always been … Mummy-like and distant. People at school constantly looked through me, but I didn’t care much because I had Maddie. But now she’s semi-gone and … I’m not okay with being overlooked anymore. And all of this—Neil (potentially) e-mailing me, the movie, and my new friendships with Sahil and the rest of them? It feels like my life is finally getting on track.

Besides, what girl doesn’t want to be the object of someone’s affections, secretly or otherwise?

He-he-he.

Love,

Twinkle

Friday, June 5
Lunch

Dear Sofia Coppola,

I’m not sitting alone at lunch anymore. I’m sitting at Sahil Roy’s table, with him and Skid and Aaron! They just casually waved me over and I just casually walked there.

Maddie was watching me, so I waved. And guess what? She glanced at Hannah and bit her lip, like she was afraid to say hi or something. And then Hannah saw me and did this obviously fake laugh and grabbed Maddie’s arm so they could look at something on her phone together. And Maddie went along with it. Totally uncool, but that’s how it’s been—I’ve learned to accept that Maddie is completely different from the Maddie I know when her other friends are around. I’m hoping she’ll realize that this blows as a long-term strategy, but in the meantime, I just go with the flow.

Brij and Matthew came over too, even though the invitation was not exactly meant for them. Maybe Brij is trying to get some more info on Maddie, which I am okay with. Maybe he can loosen Hannah’s hold on her like I haven’t been able to. We scooted over and made room.

“Man, I do not want to do that project for Cultural Studies,” Skid grumbled, shoveling some pizza into his mouth.

“Show-and-tell for high school,” Aaron said, shaking his head and scoffing.

“What are you complaining about?” Skid elbowed him. “You were all excited last night about getting to talk about your underground bands.”

Aaron blinked and looked momentarily caught out. “Uh, yes, but …” He looked around. “Sahil’s going to talk about Roger Ebert, an old dead guy who loved movies way more than a normal amount!” he blurted out suddenly. “He’s bringing in the poster and everything.”

Every head at our table swiveled to look at Sahil. “So what?” he said, thrusting his chin out. “The man’s a legend. Our loss is tremendous.”

Brij and Matthew snorted, but I smiled. “I agree with Sahil. I mean, there are some people who deserve legend status and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’d bring in my poster of Ava DuVernay if it weren’t falling apart.”

He bumped me gently with his shoulder. “Thanks, T. I knew my director would have my back.”

Brij was watching us intently. “Well, I’m going to be bringing in my E-3000 Digital Study Buddy,” he said, looking directly at me. “It has a built-in bank of SAT vocab words.”

Everyone just stared at him. “Er,” I said finally, because he was still looking at me. “Great, Brij. That’s awesome. You should remember to tell Maddie about it too.”

“So, what are you bringing in?” Aaron asked me, folding his giant pool-noodle arms on the table.

“I’m not sure yet,” I said, taking a swig of milk.

“Maybe you could bring in your camera,” Sahil said. Our arms were resting on the table together, and the hairs on his brushed mine lightly. An interesting and not altogether unpleasant little ripple went up my spine, but I ignored it.

“My Canon?” I said. “I don’t know. … I need it to make our film.” I’d gotten it for a total steal on Craigslist because the lens cap was missing and the handle was broken, and even then it had wiped out my entire savings account.

“No, I mean the other one,” Sahil said, his brown eyes sparkling as he looked at me. “That vintage Kodak you brought to school in eighth grade?”

I shook my head slowly. “You remember that?” I’d been so ridiculously excited that I’d slept with it for a week.

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his food. “I mean, yeah,” he said softly. Brij and Matthew were arguing loudly about cryptocurrencies and Skid and Aaron were debating which was more important to society, botany or music, but I could barely hear them. Sahil glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “It seemed important to you, so.”

I didn’t even know Sahil had seen it or realized it meant so much to me. Dadi buying it at the flea market was the first time someone in my family had acknowledged my dream of becoming a filmmaker. I’d leveled up that day. I wasn’t even sure Maddie remembered anymore that I had the Kodak. “That’s sweet,” I said, looking down at my food too. It was hard to meet his eyes all of a sudden. “Maybe I will bring it in.”

“Grab,” Sahil said, and I heard the smile in his voice.

“Definitely grab,” I said, smiling too.

Your movies were a lot about insider/outsider status, Sofia, and I wonder what you’d say about me sitting at this table (ostensibly a loser table, but populated by some of the funniest, kindest, most talented people I’ve ever met). I tossed my hair and laughed extra hard just so Maddie could see how happy I was, even though half my heart was over there, beside her. It’s not the most mature thing I’ve ever done. I’m running out of ideas, though, to show my ex-BFF that I won’t just wait around forever. But at the same time? I’m not ready to let her go.

Love,

Twinkle

Friday, June 5
AP Econ

Dear Dee Rees,

After lunch, Sahil and I talked about our movie project and how we were going to watch Dracula together tonight at Maddie’s. (But then Mr. Rivers poked his head out of class and told Sahil to stop flirting and get to class. Sahil and I both turned red and purple respectively. Come on, Mr. Rivers. Don’t you recognize a BUSINESS MEETING when you see one?)

We decided that we’re going to take notes on iconic scenes, costumes, and anything else that sticks out to us that we want to include in our movie. We were both so excited, we were talking over each other and laughing all giddily and stuff. I have never had anyone be as exhilarated about making a movie as I am. This must be how Dean and Sam Winchester feel every time they go on a hunt together. (I am the cooler, bad-boy Winchester and Sahil can be the tall and gawky-but-still-kinda-built Sam.)

Only six more hours till Dracula!

Love,

Twinkle