The Difficult One
Asa
Keelie didn’t take a nap. I’d never come right out and say it, but she looks like shit. Her eyes are bloodshot, she’s worn ragged, and looks like she’s two blinks away from passing out.
If I wasn’t giving her the damned space she wanted, I’d carry her upstairs and put her to bed myself.
Fuck if she didn’t piss me off this morning. What happened last night triggered something. The minute she saw me in the emergency room, it was written all over her face. I knew I’d have to be careful and watch her after we got home, but I’ve gotta say, she surprised the hell out of me this morning when she tried to tell me to leave.
Her words sliced through me for about a minute before I decided there was no way she was getting what she wanted. She could demand we get the hell out all day long. It’s not happening.
There’s no way I’m uprooting Emma again after yesterday, and there’s no way I’m leaving Knox and Saylor. I am not that man. Keelie will come around. There’s no reason to put her kids through the wringer just to re-enter their lives when she gets her head straight. Knox and Saylor have been through enough. The look on Knox’s face when I told him I wasn’t leaving was proof enough. I’ll always be there for them.
We’ll go about living our lives while she takes her space. I won’t enjoy it, but I’ll give her all the time she needs.
She’s been a mess since she got home from school. It was all I could do not to get takeout so she didn’t have to cook, or make her sit down when she insisted on doing laundry, or make her go inside when she went out to the barn to make sure the kids took care of the animals. She made dinner for everyone, we ate together, and everyone talked to one another but the two of us. Levi and Emma even gave me the eye after dinner wondering what’s up. Later, Saylor and I started her new book and Knox and I even had time to look over his new model.
Life.
It carried on, just like I said it would.
Keelie just put Knox and Saylor to bed and disappeared. She’d better be in bed catching up on her sleep.
“Dad?”
I see Emma coming out the back door. I’m on the patio with her dog, watching him sniff around the yard for the last time tonight.
I put my arm around her and pull her to my side. “You ready to go back to school tomorrow?”
She sighs, leans into me, and shrugs.
I kiss the top of her head. “You’ll be fine. If you feel uneasy, you go straight to Keelie. If you can’t get to her, go to a teacher. I wouldn’t ask you to go if I didn’t think you’d be safe. The two who were involved in the drive-by are in jail or out of commission for good. Terry Mosher is officially expelled and your principal told me the other names you gave him are being questioned by the police. I’ll pick you up and drop you off, but inside the building, you’ll be okay.”
“I know.” She looks up. “What’s up with Keelie? She’s been weird tonight.”
I look back out to the yard. “She’s dealing with some stuff, but she’ll be fine.”
“But she didn’t say a word to you all night. Did you piss her off?”
I smirk at her. “Thanks for assuming that, but that’s not exactly how it went down. She’ll come around in time.”
“I like you with her.” She tilts her head back to look up at me, giving me a small smile—a look I haven’t seen on her beautiful face in a long time.
“I’m glad, sweetheart. I do, too.”
Today has been good. She, Levi, and I spent the day together and they’re both up to speed on what’s going on with the now murder investigation into the crash that happened months ago. I think it’s going to take Emma a while to get over the fact she doesn’t need to feel guilt over what happened. She’ll come to terms with that in time. She and I worked for hours on homework trying to get her caught up and she promised she’d go hard the rest of the semester to salvage what she can of her grades.
“Ryder,” she calls for her dog and makes kissy noises for him to come.
“You sure gave a badass name to a poodle.” I grin as he comes scrambling through the dark where she’s crouched waiting for him.
She brings him up to her face where he’s licking her a million miles an hour and she doesn’t do a thing to stop it. “You’re the one who got him for me and he’s only part poodle.”
We head back into the house so I can spend the rest of the night with my kids.
*****
Keelie
My eyes fly open when I feel the bed move. When I roll, I see a naked Asa climbing in. Well, naked besides the big bandage taped to his torso.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, my voice raspy. It doesn’t matter how tired I am, I’ve been tossing and turning ever since I came to bed.
“Go back to sleep,” he says.
I push up to a sitting position and repeat my question now that I’m more alert with a naked Asa under the covers. “What are you doing?”
He settles, facing away from me. “Made sure my kids were okay going back to school tomorrow and now I’m going to sleep. You should, too.”
“You can’t sleep here—especially naked,” I snap.
He doesn’t look at me, but sounds tired when he replies, “I’m not sleeping anywhere else naked.”
“Put some clothes on and go to the sofa. I told you I needed time and space.”
“You’re the one talking. I’m trying to go to sleep.”
“Asa.” I raise my voice. If he’s in my bed naked, I’ll never sleep.
He still doesn’t look at me and I can tell he’s settled in. “There’s at least twelve inches between us—you’ve got your space. I’m giving you all the time you need, but you’re the one still chattering. Told you I wasn’t leaving you and I’m not. Go to sleep, Keelie.”
Sitting here in the dark, I huff, looking at his big bare body lying next to me. Could he make this any more miserable?
“Why are you making this so difficult?” I ask.
“I’ll say it one more time. You’re still talking. The way I see it—you’re the difficult one.”
“Holy shit,” I mutter and flop down, only to hear him groan. Oh, damn. His stitches—I feel bad and ask before I realize what I’m saying, “Are you okay? Did you take your pain pill?”
I hear him sigh. “Yeah.”
As angry as I am at him for taking over my house, loving on my kids, and doing what’s best for his—I have to fight my desire to roll to him. To tell him goodnight and make sure he’s putting ointment on his stitches so they don’t dry out and make the scar worse. He’s going to end up with a doozy as it is.
But I don’t do any of that.
I stick to my guns and settle facing the other way. There has to be two feet between us in my big bed.
Regardless, he’s here, and because of it, I find myself able to relax a little. Shutting my eyes, the last thing I think about is how he’s within reach.
*****
Keelie
“Hey, Keelie.” I look away from the stove to where Levi’s come into the kitchen. “Can Carissa come over after dinner?”
I give him a small smile. “Sure. She can eat with us if she wants. I’m making pasta and there’ll be plenty.”
He grins. “Thanks.”
“You’ve got less than a month, Levi. How does it feel?” I stir the sauce while looking over my shoulder.
He loses his grin and tips his head.
I put my spoon down and look to him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He leans into the counter and crosses his arms. “Carissa’s just a junior. It’s gonna be weird.”
I know he’s only eighteen and Carissa’s even younger, but to dismiss his feelings because of that would be hurtful, even though the chances of them sticking it out after he goes to college aren’t high. I see it all the time. “You’ll only be two hours away, Levi. You can try and make it work next year if you want.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You know your dad will be at all your home games and I bet he’ll travel to see you play, too. She can tag along and you can come back here to visit. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
He smirks and shakes his head. “I hope you’re right.”
“I’m your counselor. I’m always right.” I grin. “We’ll eat in about an hour. Let me know if the kids need to set a place for her.”
“Thanks,” he says and I think he’s left until he calls for me again. “Um, Keelie?”
I look back. “Hmm?”
“I’ve never seen my dad with anyone.” His words come out in a rush, like he’s uncomfortable, but making himself say what he needs to. “Before you, I mean. My parents have been divorced a long time. My mom dated a lot before she remarried, but dad never did.”
“Oh.” Asa has given me space and time for two days now, even though his idea of these have proved to be much different than mine.
“He’s different,” Levi keeps on. “With you. Different than I’ve ever seen him. Emma thinks so, too.”
I don’t say anything and bite my lip. It’s got to be evident to everyone but Saylor that Asa and I aren’t the same as we were, and that’s only because Saylor is oblivious to everything around her.
“I just wanted you to know.” He clears his throat. “I like knowing he’s happy, you know—with you, even if it is right before I’m getting ready to leave for college.”
Everything in my chest tightens and I have to make myself smile. “Thanks, Levi.”
Looking pained after expressing his approval about his dad’s relationship with his school counselor, he gives me a quick nod and escapes the kitchen as fast as he can—and I’m glad. I wasn’t prepared for that and I certainly wasn’t going to tell him I tried to break things off but his father was too stubborn to let me, so now we’re living in the same house not speaking to one another and he’s still sleeping next to me naked.
How did I get myself into this fiasco?
I go to my pantry, and just like every time I come in here, memories of Asa shutting me in to steal away from nosy children flood my brain. Him suggesting a pantry blow job the other day doesn’t help, either.
I quickly grab a bottle of red from my wine stash. More Asa memories, dammit.
It’s a good thing I have more than half of a case left. I’m gonna need all the wine.
*****
Sliding in the key to unlock my office door, I’m more sluggish than ever. It’s Friday and Asa hasn’t said a word to me in five days.
Five fucking days.
This doesn’t mean he hasn’t looked at me. He has. He looks at me when we get ready in the mornings. When we’re cleaning up from dinner. When we’re with the kids, and even working in the yard.
I thought I could escape him when I decided to get back to my damn house projects. Last night I went upstairs to the third floor to work on the last bedroom—which is still a mess in progress—and started to cut out the trim. Twenty minutes after I started, he waltzed into the room, picked up the roller and started painting.
I had to stop and stare, but this didn’t slow him down a bit. He ignored me like a champ and kept on rolling. I had two choices—leave him to paint by himself or keep on. And since I had no idea if he was good at trimming, I kept on. We worked like speedy mutes and when we were done, I was covered in paint like always and he hardly had a drop on him. He even had the nerve to smirk at me with a raised brow before setting the roller down and leaving me to clean up the mess.
It's been like this all week. I thought by now he’d give up and leave me to be crazy all on my own.
I’m about to push my door open when Marcia comes rushing into the counseling center in a tizzy. “Did you hear?”
I toss my bags on a chair. “Hear what?”
“Beth Thorton OD’ed last night.”
“Oh, shit.” All I can think about is sweet, fifteen-year-old Emma. She and Beth used to be best friends.
“Yeah. She’s not my student, but they live down the street from me. I’m going to move some meetings around and get to the hospital. I don’t know for sure, but I heard it was heroin. Her parents have to be out of their minds. She’s in critical condition.”
“Let me know if they need anything and keep me up to date on her status. Does Brett know?” I ask.
“He should by now. Shirley called and told me on the way in, and you know how she talks.”
Marcia is right. Shirley works the front desk and is the biggest gossip in the building—including the students. Shirley knows everything.
Marcia is leaving my office when Emma rushes in. I brought her to school today. One of the men who shot at us during the drive-by is in custody with no bail for attempted murder and the other one is dead. It happened the night Asa ended up in stitches. The guns used in the drive-by were found in their possession. If it can be believed, Emma looks lighter after revealing her secrets. The stress in her eyes is fading after carrying around all that baggage the last few months.
But not now. She has tears welling and she’s hugging her middle as if to hold herself up.
I put my hands to her shoulders and look into her troubled eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Did you hear?” Her voice is shaking. “Beth Thorton—I heard she almost died. She was shooting something. It’s all over the school. Is it true?”
I pull her into my arms and she comes like a crying baby. “I did hear, and yes, it’s true. But I don’t know anything more. All I know is she’s in the hospital.”
“I thought they were just smoking pot. I had no idea they were shooting up.”
“How would you know what they were doing?” I ask. “She was your friend, so of course you’re upset. But you knew they were getting themselves into trouble and removed yourself. That’s something to be proud of.”
“I can’t believe she was so stupid. What if she dies?” Emma wipes her face and shakes her head. “And I heard Maggie was with her. She was the one who called the ambulance. Is that true?”
“I think it’s safe to say you know more than me.” How in the world do kids find out everything so fast? It’s usually pretty accurate, too. “Are you going to be able to go to class?”
“I guess. It’s just such a surprise and everyone is talking about it.”
I try to give her a reassuring smile. “If I hear anything about Beth, I’ll text or come get you. Okay?”
Emma nods and I hand her a tissue to clean her face. When I walk her out of my office, Tom Logan comes storming through and I call for him, “Hey, do you know about Be—”
Frowning, he growls, “I know very little, but I know. I’m trying to find out what happened.”
He gets his door open and slams it shut just as fast.
“I’m sooo glad he’s not my counselor,” Emma whispers from beside me. When I look over, she’s shaking her head. “You’re so much nicer.”
I lean in and give her a squeeze. “Try to have a good day. You know where I am if you need me.”
“Thanks, Keel—I mean, Ms. Lockhart.”
When I get back to my office, I shut my door and contemplate my options. I don’t want to, but under the circumstances, I need to.
I pull out my phone and bring up a text string that hasn’t been used in days. Specifically—five days.
Me – Hey.
I see bubbles on the screen, but they disappear just as fast. I wait, then a message appears.
Asa – Hey, baby.
I try not to let that affect me and stay on topic.
Me – If I tell you something, will you promise not to run off into the night again?
Asa – No. What’s going on?
Me – You have to promise.
Asa – So you want me to lie to you?
Me – No.
Asa – Get to it.
Whatever.
Me – Beth Thorton OD’ed last night.
Asa – The fuck?
Me – Yeah. She’s in ICU. I heard heroin, but I don’t know for sure.
Nothing. No bubbles, no hey babies, and no banter.
Me – You’re already running off looking for someone, aren’t you?
Asa – No.
Me – Oh. Good.
Asa – If I call you, will you answer? This is getting old.
I roll my eyes.
Me – I guess.
Asa – You’ll actually talk to me?
Me – Only for the fight against drugs.
Asa – I’ll take it.
No sooner do I read his last text, my phone vibrates with a call from Asa Hollingsworth.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Baby.” His voice comes at me smooth but strong across the phone. “Good to hear your voice directed at me for a change.”
I do my best to ignore that. I hate to admit it, but it feels good to hear his voice, too. “Emma’s upset about Beth. She heard about it before I did and came to me. I’m glad she did. I tried to calm her and she knows I’m here if she needs me.”
I hear him sigh over the phone. “Thanks for that.”
“Asa.” I trace the edge of my desk with my finger. “Please don’t go looking for Raymond the drug dealer. We need to give his name over to the police.”
There’s nothing but silence over the phone and I’m about to argue my point further when hell freezes over. “Okay.”
There’s no hiding the frown in my voice because I’m shocked he’s being agreeable about anything. “Okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll make a call when we get off the phone and tell them what I know.”
“Oh. Well, thank you.”
“I’m doing it because it’s not my child lying in the ICU, it’s not you, or one of your kids. If it was, it’d be a different story,” he explains.
“Are you serious?” I exclaim.
“Keelie.” He’s the one who sounds frustrated now. “If you want me to lie to you, I will, but I doubt you want that. I’m just telling you the way it is.”
“You’ve been hurt once this week. You have about two million stitches in your abdomen to prove it. I’m trying to tell you I don’t want you to do things like this.”
He sighs and softens his voice. “I know. You’ve got to trust me and trust that I’m not going to do anything stupid. But trust I will do everything I can to protect the ones I love.”
My breath catches and I bite my lip. He basically just professed his love for me and my children off the cuff.
“You still there?” he asks.
I close my eyes, slumping back in my chair. Before I say something I regret—or tell him to meet me in my pantry—I whisper, “I’ve got to go.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he states, “I take it that means you still need space.”
Whatever. Like he’s given me any space over the last five days.
He doesn’t seem unnerved at all. “It was good to talk to you. I’m here if you need me and I’ll see you tonight. Don’t worry about dinner, Knox told me he wants General Tso’s. I know what everyone likes, I’ll swing by and pick it up on my way home.”
I lean forward and bang my head lightly on my desk. “This is so fucked up.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he responds, and damn him, he sounds chipper doing it.
I don’t know if I’m asking him, myself, or the room in general when I keep on, “Who breaks up like this?”
“You and me, apparently.” It’s not hard to hear the sarcasm laced in his voice and I’m sure he’s humoring me.
I sit up and argue, “But this isn’t giving me the time or space I asked for—let alone breaking up.”
“Yep,” he agrees.
“Holy shit,” I exclaim. “You’re unbelievable. I’ve really got to go.”
Again, with the unfazed tone, he replies, “See you tonight, baby.”
I don’t know if I’m frustrated, pissed, or relieved to have actually spoken directly to him—but I hang up straight away. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
Asa’s gifts just keep on giving. Him pretending to give me time and space is just his newest one.
And it’s annoying as fuck.