CHAPTER 6
Nick
A book of Homer’s poems is in my hands. I’m staring right at it, but I haven’t turned the page in probably twenty minutes or more.
My mind’s not on the book. It’s on her.
She’s in the guest bedroom sleeping now, but before that she was the star of the day…and night.
Once we got back to my place the three of us played games, listened to Greek music, and even managed to stuff down a few Greek desserts. I like sharing my culture with others, but what I’d really like is to be sharing my bed with her right now.
I haven’t been with a woman since my wife left. It’s not from lack of opportunity. It’s by choice.
I want the one. I made a mistake the first time. I don’t blame myself. I learned from it and I love Sophia. But I would blame myself if I made the same mistake twice. Then it’d be my fault.
But there’s nothing to fault about her. As much as I like her I think Sophia may even like her more, if that’s somehow possible. They got along like best friends. I saw the way Sophia looked at her. I can easily imagine them doing things together and Jackie teaching Sophia things. I need to face the facts. I’m a man and there are certain things I can’t do for Sophia. Certain ways I can’t communicate with her but a woman can.
But there’s no way I’ll just let that woman be some woman. She has to be perfect. Not just for me, but for both of us.
I saw that tonight. It was only one night, but I saw it with my own two eyes and it made me feel like there’s hope thanks to her.
Greek stoicism teaches me to not desire things, but to prefer them if possible. Having a woman in my life is the perfect example. I would prefer it, and it would be great if it happens, but I will not long for it and cause myself to make a bad decision or for this desire to take over my life.
And that’s how I live, and it’s always felt right…until today. Now I understand why the stoics are so revered. They found a way to remove desire. I thought I had too, but now I know I was just pretending…just fooling myself.
I want her. I desire her. Every minute that passes that desire feels more and more like a need.
It’s not good, or is it? It’s natural. Following the ways of the stoics worked for me, but maybe now it’s time to let that all go…to feel as alive as she’s making me feel.
What’s wrong with me? How is this girl able to make me feel this way? Why can’t I even explain it?
I’m letting her sleep in my home and I have a young daughter. What am I thinking?
I feel I’m a good judge of character, but this is just crazy…or maybe it’s not…or maybe crazy is good.
Like many kids I backpacked around Europe, although it was years ago. There were dorms where there were often eight or more of us in a single room sleeping in bunk beds. Nothing ever happened. People are good. I believe this. I have faith in people even after what my ex did to Sophia and I.
And Sophia is accustomed to having a lot of people in and out of the house. We’re always entertaining guests whether friends or my business associates.
It’s just that this is happening so fast. I didn’t even feel this way about my ex. We were friends for a while and then started our relationship. Looking back I’m not even sure we were truly in love.
I hear a noise and my eyes come off the words on the page.
A second later I see her! She’s tiptoeing past the doorway in a white T-shirt, and I’m not sure what, if anything, underneath.
Her legs look strong and powerful. How I wish they were wrapped around my back right now as I held her in my arms as I had her pinned against the wall.
She stops.
“Oh, sorry,” she says. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
I realize my table light doesn’t illuminate out past the doorway. She must have just noticed it as she passed.
“Yeah, just doing some reading before bed. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Just a little case of jet lag I guess. I was thinking of grabbing a glass of water if that’s okay.”
“Of course. Allow me to give you a hand.” I say
I stand and quickly realize maybe it was better if I didn’t offer my services. I already have a quickly growing erection which is stretching the fabric of my shorts.
We walk together to the kitchen and I turn on a small light. I prefer the warmth of a incandescent light bulb to the glow of some halogen light at this hour.
“Water, juice, tea, coffee…maybe ouzo?”
She laughs.
“It will help relax you and put you to sleep.” I’m not the kind of man who tries to get girls drunk, but it’s true. There are many Greeks who take a shot before bed to induce sleep. It can work wonders, although I limit my consumption of alcohol in general.
“You know what? Why not?” she says.
I pour two glasses of water and two shots of ouzo.
“We can sip them,” I say. “We don’t have to tip them back as we did earlier. This particular ouzo is good for enjoying. I think you’ll like the taste,” I say.
“I’m sure I will,” she says. “Cheers”
“Ya sou,” I say.
We both take a sip.
“That’s cheers in Greek?”
“It is.”
She leans forward on the kitchen island. I know if I drop my line of sight for just a second I’ll be able to see down her shirt. It’s taking the will of the entire army of the three hundred warriors who battled Xerxes at the Battle of Thermopylae not to do so.
“You have such a beautiful culture.”
“And you have such beautiful eyes,” I say. It’s like the words just fell out of my mouth. They’re very true, but I don’t want to seduce this young girl who’s staying in my home. This should be a safe environment for her. I never want to make a guest feel uncomfortable.
“Can I tell you something?” she says.
“Anything,” I say.
“That’s the first thing I notice about you. Your blue eyes and how they literally sparkle. I think it’s the contrast of your skin.”
“If I was clever like Homer or Aristotle I would tell you the blue was taken from the depths of the Aegean Sea by a Greek Goddess and placed there for safekeeping.”
She giggles.
“Yes, I know. Very cheesy. That is why I’m not one of our famous poets.”
“No, no. It’s not that,” she says. As she laughs she extends her hand and places it on my forearm. “It’s…” We both pause, feeling the same thing. There’s a certain connection whenever our skin meets. It’s indescribable. The smile is wiped clean from her face and she looks very, very serious.
Her tone softens as she continues. “When I first saw you I told myself you looked like a Greek God.”
“And I knew you to be a goddess,” I say.
I move around the side of the island, never removing my eyes from hers.
I feel my heartbeat race and my breath shorten. I look down at her as she turns to open her body more toward me, inviting me…calling me.
Everything inside me says go, but I’m still trying to practice restraint. Still trying to hold myself back…until I just can’t any longer.
I grab her face with both hands and kiss her passionately and immediately I feel more alive than I ever have.