Chapter Three

 

 

“You do need to learn to fight,” Tinker Bell said as she fluttered along beside me. “But there's something even better that I could teach you.”

“Yeah, what's that?” I turned to face the pixie.

Tink was a little fairy, but she had a huge heart. She took us around the forests of Neverland and introduced us to the Indians. She showed us where we could find food and shelter, and had a whole flock of friends that watched the forest for us, warning us whenever the Captain and his crew came around.

“I can teach you to fly,” Tinker Bell whispered.

“To fly?” I asked in excitement. “Really?”

“Yes, it's easy.” She tossed her platinum blond curls over her shoulder. “All you need is a little pixie dust and some positive thoughts.”

“Positive thoughts?” I frowned at her. “Like I can control my thoughts.”

“You absolutely can.” She did little somersaults before me, blinking her massive green eyes. “I will teach you.”

“Not right now, Tink,” I said as we approached the Indian village. “I'm looking for a man.”

“A man?” She canted her head. “But you have five of them back at the tree.”

“And Straton won't let any of them be with me,” I huffed. “I just want a little love, Tink. Is that too much to ask? I'm lonely.”

“They all think very highly of you, Pan,” she said sweetly. “I'm sure they'll even love you in time. Why are you lonely?”

“I want more.” I sighed and sat on a mossy boulder. “I want affection... intimacy.”

“You want to have sex!” Tinker Bell declared in epiphany.

“Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “But that's not all; it's just the most urgent of my urges.”

“You want sexy love.” She nodded sagely. “Love that makes men write poetry and music. Love that makes people dumb.”

“Yes, exactly!” I declared. “Now you understand! I want dumb love.”

“Oh, then tell them that,” she suggested. “You are the most beautiful woman on this island, and they live in the same tree as you. You can have them all if you want.”

“That was my thinking precisely,” I said. “But Straton is stubborn.”

“Positive thoughts will help,” Tinker Bell said. “Trust me; the only way to circumvent stubbornness is to show it how to be happy. Focus on your true emotions, the love and loyalty you can show them, and then the rest will follow.”

“Focus on love and loyalty?” I scoffed. “All Straton wants me to do is train.”

“Well, we'll train first,” she gave me a secret smile. “Then you'll be prepared to train with him.”

“All right, Tink,” I gave in. “I'll try this positive thinking out, but if it doesn't work, I'm going native.” I waved my hand toward the tribe, and she giggled.

“You've got a deal,” Tinker Bell flew off.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Come on; we need to find the perfect spot.”

“I need a perfect spot to think positively?” I huffed as I hurried after her.

It turned out that I did. Tinker Bell led me to the top of Dionysus's Drop: the tallest cliff in Neverland. She told me to sit at the edge and breathe deeply, letting all my frustration drain out of me into the rock. When I felt as if my body was lighter and nearly numb with relaxation, she had me look out across this magical paradise that had been built just for me. She had me acknowledge all of the good things I'd been given and then had me focus on them–be grateful for them. It was a momentous shift for me.

I don't mind admitting that I was a bit self-centered and selfish before Tink's little meditation session. I knew how and why I'd been fashioned, so a lot of what I felt had been instilled into me by the gods themselves. But I'd also been created with kindness and generosity, so even though I could get a little blasé about my beauty, I did so matter-of-factly, not out of pride. It didn't seem like a big deal to me since the men I lived with were each as beautiful as I, in their own ways, and also, my beauty had only gotten me in trouble thus far. Through meditation, I realized that I'd learned to associate beauty with trauma, and even though I wanted my warriors, I couldn't allow myself to love them. They were just too handsome, and I couldn't trust that.

Silly, right?

Tinker Bell showed me that beauty was not good or bad, it simply was something nice to look at. Sometimes the person who wore a pretty face wasn't pretty inside, and sometimes they were. I needed to release the bondage my beliefs had placed upon me because my life hadn't been entirely unlucky or tragic. I could have been abandoned on this island as Epimetheus had intended.

Zeus had screwed me over, but Dionysus had done the best he could for me. If I focused on the wonderful things I'd been given in exchange for the heartache I'd endured, I could see that I had come out ahead. I would never age or sicken, and I would never be touched by most of the evil I had released on the world. I had a sanctuary and warriors to protect me. That was lucky. I was blessed, and I needed to remember that. A glistening happiness filled me.

Then Tinker Bell sprinkled me with pixie dust.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust,” she sang out.

I felt even lighter, and something rushed through my body like a landslide–powerful and rumbling. I opened my eyes and found myself floating out over the edge of the cliff. I gasped and flailed and then plummeted down toward the rocks below. I started to scream.

“Happy thoughts, Pan!” Tink shouted. “You can't fly when you're sad or scared. Think of something that makes you happy! Close your eyes and do it now!”

I focused back on my warriors, seeing them as more than possible lovers, mere romantic distractions, and as the men they were. I had grown to know each of them intimately, but I had denied that sort of intimacy. I had been afraid. I didn't want to be hurt by a man again. But now I saw them for who they were. I focused on the traits that made them special. Drakon's skill, Praxis's humor, Erastos's sensuality, Akylas's kindness, and even Straton's steadfastness. They were another blessing, and I hadn't appreciated them. Not truly.

My rapid descent whipped my long hair up, and my stomach went with it, lodging in my throat as fear filled me. I pushed it away determinedly and focused back on the men. My gorgeous, loyal warriors. I was lucky to have them with me. I felt my speed slow, and then I stopped entirely. I opened my eyes and found myself mere feet above the ground.

“That's it!” Tink exclaimed gleefully. “You can fly!”