I didn’t realize I’d dozed off in his arms until I tried to move. The watery fingers of early morning light peeked through the edges of his dark curtains. He’d pinned me against him and the mattress with his leg and arm. I tried to be annoyed. It would be easier if I was to be honest, but I couldn’t work through the molasses thick emotions threatening to choke me.

Love.

Greed.

Need.

I wanted to belong to him so very badly. Almost as overwhelming was the equal need for him to belong to me.

And that was so very dangerous.

I wiggled out from under his arm and he moaned into my ear. “Where are you going? You said you’d stay tonight.”

“And I did. It’s morning.”

“No.” The word was more of a moan and rumbled through his chest and along my back. “I missed the whole thing?”

“We were a little tired.”

“There were many little boys and girls, and a very excited one who didn’t want to go to sleep last night. Then…a nightmare.” He curled his arm under me and danced his fingertips over my inner thigh. “There was also another not-so-little girl who tired me out.”

“You wouldn’t be calling me fat, would you?”

“God, no. Perfect.” He skimmed his finger over my thigh to my hip and cupped my ass to shift us even closer. “You fit me in every way.”

I bit back a moan. “Sex is easy, Seth. We’re good at that.”

“Yeah, we are. It’s more than that that and you know it.”

I stiffened and tried to wiggle free again. I didn’t want to hear this now. Not when he was all soft and rumbly with sleep. When he could say things he didn’t really mean.

I longed to hear them so badly, and it was way too easy to believe him while my shields were down. Exactly why I didn’t want to stay the night with him.

Pillow talk was dangerous. Recriminations were even worse.

He rolled me over and nudged my thighs open.

“Seth.” I wasn’t sure I could resist him and he must have heard the warning in my voice. He settled down until I couldn’t move, but he didn’t slip inside.

He could have.

He was hard and I was weak when it came to this part of us.

Instead, he cupped my face. “I love that you slept with me all night. That you allowed me to fill you up and hold you close. That even now we may have a family growing between us. But that’s not all this is about. It hasn’t been for a damn long time.”

I closed my eyes.

I couldn’t face those dark eyes. I knew he loved me in his way. The hugeness of our history would always be full of complicated emotions. But there had been so many changes around us and between us.

“Ally.”

His voice was low and patient.

I tried to move my hips a little. Maybe I could distract him.

He groaned and buried his face in my neck. “No fair. And I’m not letting you distract me. Open your eyes, babe.”

The different endearment startled me enough for my eyes to pop open. Yesterday he’d called me baby. Now babe.

The couple vibes were everywhere, but I didn’t dare believe them. If I did and he was just being affectionate—like he might with a friend he loved but wasn’t in love with and liked banging—I wasn’t sure I could survive it.

“There you are. Don’t shut me out. I don’t like it. That’s not what we’re about. We’ve always had each other’s back.”

“I know.” I hated that my voice was so tentative and shaky. He was right. I was the one changing things, not him. Well, minus his insane idea that had started all of this in the first place. But I was the one who couldn’t box up my emotions when it came to him any longer. “Things are different now.”

“Not for me.”

Well, they sure as hell were for me. Could he really not see that? Was this ever going to work between us if I had to pretend every day?

I leaned up to kiss him. To distract him so I could finally get some much-needed space, but he turned away from me. “Distracting me again. I don’t just want this. I love this part of us, but the family we’re creating is even more important.”

“For Laurie,” I said on an unsteady breath.

“Not just Laurie. For us. We both came from families that were a hot mess. I want Laurie to have an amazing mom as well as a sister. That’s because of you.”

I swallowed down the huge lump in my throat. I’d never believed I would be a mom. His little girl was more than I could ever hope for. And if I couldn’t have all of Seth, at least I’d have a part of him.

At least a child between us could be enough.

“I learned from the best.” I blinked away the rush of tears.

“You sure did. I wanted your mom to adopt me. One of the many reasons I want you in Laurie’s life. Can’t you see how perfect this is? How we are?”

“I’m so not my mother.”

“You’re even better.”

I tried to shift him off me. “Stop. I don’t need you to butter me up. I already said yes.”

“That’s not what this is.” He let me up, but didn’t move away. In fact, he reached for me, gripping my hair and dragging my gaze up to meet his. “I couldn’t imagine anyone else being the mother of my child. I wish you really were Laurie’s mother too, but I can’t wish away her mother because she’s part of Laurie. And Laurie is perfect just the way she is.”

“Yes, she is.”

“But the fact you love her so completely makes up for the rest.”

The rest. Aka his brief, shitty marriage. My chest tightened. It really was my fault Marj had left.

He’d just admitted as much.

Every part of me wanted to roll into a ball. I was the reason that little girl didn’t have a mother.

He lowered his mouth to mine. “Don’t cry, baby. I know you miss your mom.”

I clung tighter to him, letting him believe the grief living inside me was because of my mother. I missed her desperately, but I also knew she was at peace.

And she hadn’t been for a long, long time.

My tears mixed with his soft, sweet kisses. Because I didn’t have it in me to say no. And because I needed this as much as I needed oxygen, I melted into him.

Soft and gentle as rain. Maybe, just maybe…as healing.

I strained under him as we moved together faster. As the morning light streamed over our bed, with Seth braced over me, I wound my legs and arms around him as if I’d never let go.

When he came inside me, I held nothing back.

He nearly shouted out his release when I lifted my mouth to swallow it down inside me. I held that too. I held every piece of him close. I trailed my fingers up his back until his breathing evened.

I liked the stillness of the morning and my brain was too wired to drift off again no matter how tired I was. I sifted my fingers through his shaggy hair. The dark curls twined and teased my skin. Even in sleep he was hard to ignore.

A thud from out in the hallway made him jump. “Laurie?”

I kissed his temple and slid out from under him. “I’ll get her. Go back to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” His dark eyes were blurry and unfocused, but the father in him was ready to get up and take care of his little girl. It melted my heart even more.

“Yes. We’ll make some breakfast.”

He curled his arm under the pillow and slid the rest of the way off me with a low groan. “That sounds amazing. I’ll be down in just a few…” He didn’t even finish the sentence.

I laughed and pulled the sheet up over his distracting ass. I slipped out of his bed and darted for the bathroom. I’d fallen asleep wearing his T-shirt, but it was hopelessly wrinkled. I tossed it into the hamper and glanced at the huge glass shower. Those jets would probably feel amazing.

A second thump from down the hall and Laurie’s exaggerated shush put an end to that fantasy. I cleaned up as best I could before rummaging in Seth’s drawers for something to wear. I hadn’t packed an overnight bag, so a pair of boxers and T-shirt would have to do.

I darted out the door, closing it quietly behind me. Down the hall, Laurie’s door was open and her dolls and Care Bears were arranged around a white table. A plastic tea set from one of her friends was set up ever so carefully. Except for the tea pot that had somehow ended up under Laurie’s bed.

Laurie’s tousled blond hair was a halo of snarls around her head. She was searching around the room, picking up toys and discarding them.

“Under your bed.”

“Ally!” Her huge blue eyes went wide and she slapped her mouth shut. “Shhh,” she said through her fingers.

I tried not to laugh. “Nothing’s going to wake your dad up right now. But if you’re looking for your tea pot, it somehow got under your bed.”

“Share Bear was very rude.” It came out more like berry rood, but she was too adorable to correct.

She was a super smart kid and often spoke in a manner that seemed far beyond her years. But sometimes she was just a four-year-old.

“Well, that’s not good. Why don’t you grab it and we’ll go down and make some breakfast for Daddy?”

Laurie crawled across her rainbow rug to the ruffle of her bed. “There you is.”

“You are,” I corrected.

“That’s what I said.”

I snorted. She picked up her tea pot and set it on the table then proceeded to take each of her stuffed animals off the table.

“You can bring down one of your friends.”

She looked up at me with her arms full of Care Bears. “But Ally.”

“We’re going to make pancakes. It gets too…” I trailed off when she dropped three out of the four in her arms and ran for the door. “Sticky.” I crossed my arms. “Laurie?”

She halted. “Yes?”

“Is that how you treat your toys?”

She scrunched up her face and hugged Share Bear tighter. “Um, yes?”

“I don’t think so.”

She sighed dramatically. “Okay, but only because I should put my friends on my bed.” She set Grumpy Bear and Leo on the bed. “There, just like Daddy.”

“Grumpy?”

“No. Friends in bed. All snuggled like you and Daddy.”

My eyes widened and I choked. “Uh, let’s go downstairs, okay?”

“Okay. Can we have chocolate chip pancakes?”

“How about banana?”

She put Share Bear in a headlock as we neared the stairs. “Ohh. I’ve never had those before.”

“Never? We need to fix that ASAP. How about banana with peanut butter?”

She squinted up at me. “I don’t know. That sounds gross.”

“Banana and nutella?”

“Now we’re talking.”

I laughed and took her hand as we went down the stairs. “Sounds like a plan.”

When we got downstairs, I pulled out the ingredients for pancakes. I’d been with Seth when he picked out all the things for his kitchen. I knew where almost everything was.

Well, except the cinnamon evidently.

I opened doors and backtracked to the pantry.

“What are you looking for?”

“Cinnamon.”

“Oh.” Laurie zoomed out of the kitchen into the hallway. She came back with a white bag full of supplies. She couldn’t quite lift it, so she dragged it along the floor. “Daddy went to the store for cookies stuff.”

“Thank goodness for Daddy,” I murmured as I reached for the bag.

“I got it.”

I held up my hands. “All right.” I watched her as I pulled down the cast iron skillet and started the bacon.

She huffed and I prayed the bag wouldn’t explode as she dragged it over the threshold and over every grout line of tile. When she stopped in front of me with the biggest smile ever, I decided right then and there I’d have cleaned up five pounds of flour and sugar for her without complaint.

“When did you get to be such a big girl?”

“I’m four, silly.”

“You sure are.”

She looked up at me with the bag straining from her fingers. “Okay, you can have it now.”

I lifted the bag onto the island counter. “In fact, you’re such a big girl, I’m going to make you help me with the mixer.”

“You are?”

“Yep. Where’s your stool?”

She zipped away again and pushed the stool Seth had bought so she could help him cook. How many times had we both cooked dinner with her? A dozen. More?

Had to be more.

And yet Laurie seemed even taller now. She was growing out of her baby face and chubby legs and arms. My eyes misted. She wasn’t even mine, but I was mourning the loss of the baby I’d…well, I’d helped raise.

The nights when Seth was beside himself with worry, the triumphs, and even the meltdowns. I’d been here with him more than not.

Until my mom had taken a turn for the worse. There had been little room for anything other than her at the end and I’d missed out on a lot with Laurie. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed this little girl until now.

She climbed up on her chair, then held up her hand. “Oh. Forgots.”

She clambered down and I had to stop myself from helping her as her feet dangled before she dropped to the floor. Instead, I busied myself with flipping the bacon and pulling off more strips from the package.

I tightened my hold on the tongs when she skimmed too close to the counter. She was so very independent. Allowing her to do things for herself was one of the hardest things I’d had to learn. She made a beeline for the far wall. There were two adult height hooks with a black and white apron on each, then a shorter one adorned with fairy wings that held a smock and two child-sized aprons. One purple with yellow flowers and a hot pink one with white butterflies.

Laurie went right for the pink.

I grinned and followed her. “Think your Daddy would mind if I borrowed his?”

“No. Just don’t touch Unca Ollie’s black ones. He no like people touching his stuff.”

I grabbed the white one and looped it over my head. Seth was quite a few inches taller than me, so I had to tuck it up a little higher before wrapping the strings around my waist.

Laurie pulled the pink strap over her head and twisted around in circles to try and get the ties around the back. When she made three rotations, she finally huffed. “Can you help me?”

I laughed and crouched down in front of her. “Of course. Turn around.”

She spun around and lifted her hair out of the way. She smelled of baby shampoo and watermelon. I dragged her in for a quick squeeze and tickle. She giggled until I lifted her to set her on the chair.

“I can do it!”

“I know you can, but I need to get you in front of the mixer real quick. Your dad is going come down as soon as he smells bacon and coffee.” I reached for the coffeemaker that was always full and ready to go in the morning. One thing Seth never skimped on was his java.

Laurie wrinkled her nose. “Coffee is gross.”

“Coffee is heaven, but it’s not for little girls.”

“I’m a big girl.”

“Yes, but not quite big enough for coffee.”

She made a little humming sound. “I no want it anyway.”

“Coffee is mana from heaven.”

The deep voice behind me made my skin instantly flush. Seth slipped his arms around my waist and dragged me back against him. He tucked his chin into my neck. “I thought I liked the T-shirt, but those boxers are giving me ideas.”

Right then, I was very glad I had an apron on. I elbowed him and Laurie giggled.

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, Munchkin. What are you making?”

“We’re gonna make nana pancakes,” she said.

“Banana pancakes? I could go for those.” He flicked his finger under the apron and stroked across my belly. “Are you having a craving maybe?”

I rolled my eyes and slipped out of his arms. I felt weird cuddling with him in front of Laurie. Weird because I wanted it so very badly.

Her eyes tracked over us and a lopsided smile tugged at her lips. “Daddy has scruffles.”

I slid my palm over my neck. “He does.”

“You have red marks all over. Did Daddy play tickle monster with you?”

Seth snorted and covered his laugh by turning toward the bacon on the stove.

“Don’t eat all of the bacon.” I glanced over my shoulder and sure enough he had a piece in his mouth.

“Just one.”

I moved to Laurie and poured flour and cinnamon into the mixer.

“I can do it!”

I winced. “Sorry, kiddo. You can crack the eggs. Hang onto your chair.”

“M’kay.”

I swung over to the fridge for supplies and with my arms full, I couldn’t avoid Seth’s ambush. He cupped my face and settled a soft kiss on my lips. He tasted like toothpaste and bacon and all of that was wrapped in his toasted sugar scent.

“Daddy!” Laurie’s giggle filled the room.

“Sorry.” He turned and did the same to his daughter, you know, without the tongue part though.

My system had little time to readjust from the highest highs of touching him, and sleeping with him all night, and now to domesticity. It was all so jarring. For so long we’d made sure to keep things platonic. I’d been careful not to allow our interactions in front of Laurie to be too familiar and now it seemed like ever boundary was gone.

Was it just my imagination?

Or maybe I just wanted it that much.

“Ally, we need to start making the pancakes.”

“Right.” I blinked out of my stupid overthinking moment and grabbed the bananas on my way by. I dumped all the fixings on the counter and went to work teaching Laurie how to make banana pancakes.

By the time we were done, we both were covered in flour and my arms were dusted in cinnamon. The three of us soon figured out a system for the pour, flip, and finish of each silver dollar pancake.

Seth stole a kiss when I passed him the cup of Nutella.

“Hey. None of that.”

He leaned down with a smile and nibbled at the corner of my mouth. “Was just getting the bit of chocolate there.”

“Uh huh.” I flicked out my tongue to find he’d actually been telling the truth.

“Now, don’t tease a man. I have other things I want to do with that tongue.”

My stomach jittered and my heart pounded. Before he could lean down again—and God, did I want him to—Laurie yelled from the dining room for the chocolate spread.

“Coming,” Seth said against my mouth.

“Not yet.”

His smile slid from sweet to calculating. “Oh, I’ll fix that soon enough.”

“Daddy!”

I laid my hand against his chest. “Go on. We’ll finish later.”

“Oh, you will. Again and again.”

I swallowed as he backed through the swinging door. I quickly washed my sticky hands and grabbed the bacon to follow him when I caught the telltale colors of our high school on an envelope stuffed in the napkin holder on the counter.

I set the bacon down and slid the card out. Seth’s bold checkmark was the first thing I saw. I scanned upward and my stomach pitched.

Reunion.

God, how could it be ten years already?

Ten years and I’d done absolutely nothing.

I dropped the invitation and had to curl my fingers into my palm. For God’s sake, they were shaking.

Seth pushed his way back into the kitchen. “What’s taking you so long? Your pancakes are going to be ice-cold.”

I looked up at him.

“Hey. Are you okay?” He rushed forward and slid his hand along my hip.

“Fine. Just gotta get the bacon.”

He frowned down at me. “I know that fake smile. That’s the one you give Patty Duncan when she’s gossiping.”

“It’s nothing.”

His gaze slid down to the counter. “I forgot, I was going to mention that to you. I wasn’t sure if they were forwarding mail to your new place. I gave Jill your new address, but I wasn’t sure if you got the invite.” He stroked his thumb over the raised type on the card. “I’m excited to see people.”

“Yeah, definitely.” My voice was flat, and I had to tamp down my astonished laugh. No way did I want to go back and see those people.

High school held a lot of crappy memories for me. My mom being sick on and off, along with generally just feeling as if I didn’t fit in. I’d never really come to terms with being the best friend of one of the most popular guys in school. Not that Seth tried to win over people. He just attracted them without effort.

Basically, he was the anti-me in so many ways.

He picked up the bacon. “Yeah, Brad and JT texted me. They’re coming in from California. The Three Musketeers ride again. Come on, let’s eat.”

“Right.” I followed him and tried to shake off the dread filling my chest.

Seth set the bacon down as he filched another piece. “Hey, Munchkin. Did I ever tell you that Ally and I went to school together?”

Laurie was nibbling around a misshapen pancake on her fork. A ring of chocolate stained her lips. “Mmm. Big kid’s school? Or like me.”

“Half-day pre-K is almost big kid’s school.” I smiled. “We went to high school together. You’ll go to high school in about forty years.”

Laurie’s mouth rounded and I laughed.

“Not quite forty, but close. Don’t want you to grow up too fast, munchkin.” He took a bite from his plate and popped another piece of bacon in his mouth. “These are really good.” Then he pushed his chair in so he could round the table to go to the hutch.

My stomach dropped as he licked his fingers and pulled out the yearbook standing beside his senior picture. He still loved looking back on those glory days.

“God, you still have that?”

He grinned and sat down at the table. He pushed plates out of the way and flipped pages. “Of course I do.” He spun the book to show his daughter. “Do you remember Daddy’s friends? Brad and JT?”

Laurie cocked her head. “I no think so.”

He was grinning down at the picture of the lacrosse team. I remembered how amazing he looked on the field. All those muscles and aggression wrapped in a boy becoming a man.

And now he was so much more than the cocky kid on the field.

And me?

Not at all.

I was actually stuck in the same time as if ten years hadn’t gone by at all. Before I could stop it, I blurted out my disbelief. “You really want to see those people again? All those judgy people.”

He laughed and looked up from the pages. “Well, most of them are still in town with us. Not like it’s a big deal. Besides, I have everything I could want.” He swiped his hand over Laurie’s head then tickled behind her ear.

Laurie grinned around a slice of banana.

I stabbed at my pancake and forced down a few bites. Of course he did. All the things he wanted were right in front of him.

And me? I was looking in on the world again. The almost family behind glass. I was good enough to make a baby with him, and to help take care of his daughter, but I wasn’t part of them. Not really.

He flipped the page. “Oh, man. Remember those letters we had to write to our future selves? God. I don’t even remember what I wrote.”

I certainly did and it made everything worse.

I pushed back from the table and picked up empty plates. I’d barely eaten, but my stomach was twisting so much I couldn’t choke down any more. “Done, sweetie?”

Laurie was poking at the banana on her plate instead of eating. She set her fork on her plate with a nod.

Seth didn’t look up from the glossy pages. “I got it. You cooked. I can clean up.”

I nodded. “Okay. I need to go upstairs and get dressed.”

“What?” He stood, closing the book. “Why? I thought we were going to hang out today.”

“I didn’t agree to that. I have to work. As it is, I’ll probably catch he—um, heck—for being late.”

He glanced down at his watch. “You don’t usually go in until ten.”

I swallowed. I couldn’t be around him right now. Too many memories were bumping into my pathetic reality. “I need a shower and to go home and get dressed.”

He sighed. “Are you sure you can’t call in?”

“Some of us don’t have that kind of luxury.”

Seth blew out a breath. “Dammit, you know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Dollar to the swear jar!” Laurie chirped happily.

I wiped my fingers on my napkin and pressed a kiss on top of Laurie’s head. “You tell him, kiddo. Thanks for helping me cook this morning.”

She grinned up at me with chocolate smeared all over her face. “Thankie, Ally.”

“Daddy will wash your face.” I gave him a pointed look and escaped.

Not that I got too much of a head start. Five minutes later, he was bounding upstairs with The Care Bears blaring from the living room.

I’d slipped into my dress from the night before. Hello, walk of shame.

“Do you really have to go?”

“I do.” I didn’t want to turn and look at him. He was too good at making me forget just what this was between us. I had to remind myself that we weren’t a happy little family.

No matter how much I wanted it to be so.

He crossed to me. “Can you come back tonight?”

“I’m tired, Seth.”

He tugged me into his arms and linked his arms at my lower back. “We have babymaking to accomplish.”

One more reminder. Thanks, buddy. I pushed out of his arms. “Can we take tonight off?”

“Is everything okay?” He slid his fingers into my hair and turned me toward him.

“Fine. I’m just tired. Someone didn’t let me sleep last night.” Please don’t see my fake smile. Just let me get out of here.

“I’d really like to not let you sleep again tonight.” He tipped up my head and pressed a kiss on my lips.

I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. I almost let myself slide back into him. Back into the status quo we found without skipping a beat.

I cupped his face and ended the kiss. “Tomorrow, okay?”

He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine. “All right. I have a ton of meetings tomorrow anyway. I guess I should get ready for them. The birthday party kind of took over.”

“See? Perfect.” I swallowed down the lump in my throat and stepped back. “I’ll text you later.”

He frowned and twisted his fingers around mine. “All right.”

Grabbing my purse, I strode out of the room and jogged downstairs. I didn’t wait for him. I couldn’t.

Not if I wanted to really leave.

I stopped in and said goodbye to Laurie, but she barely looked away from the screen. The Care Bears were far too enthralling.

He followed me to the door and dragged me back before I could go down the front porch steps. The kiss was hot and heavy and the lump in my throat grew even larger. So much that I thought I was actually going to choke.

I wouldn’t cry. It wasn’t his fault I didn’t know how to keep up with how things were supposed to be.

I wasn’t supposed to want more.

I pulled back and smiled. “I’ll see ya.”

His smile was soft and sweet and it took everything inside me not to let the tears brim over. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Sure.” I turned to leave and he snagged my hand.

“Hey. The munchkin’s graduation?”

God, I’d almost forgotten. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Are you okay?” His eyebrows lowered.

“Yes. Just can’t believe she’s growing so fast.” I sniffed. At least these tears made sense as far as Seth was concerned. Right now I was more than willing to hide my face in his shoulder. “She’s getting to be such a big girl.”

He laughed. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one freaking out.”

“Not just you.” But if I didn’t get out of there I was going to absolutely melt down and that wouldn’t work. He’d never believe it was just Laurie growing up on us.

Him.

Me. Sort of.

God, what a damn mess. I stepped back again. “I’ve got to work.”

“All right. But hey, wear something extra pretty. Not that you’re ever anything else of course.” He kissed my temple. “But I want to show off my girls.”

“I’ll do my best.” There was no way I was going to be able to hold off all the emotions running amok in my damn head. I ran down the driveway to my car. I turned to wave at him. As soon as he went back inside, they fell. I couldn’t have stopped them if I wanted to.