Chapter Eleven
Ratchet stared down at his stubborn erection as the water from the shower crashed over his body.
He was going to win her. Marlee. He knew exactly what he had to do. And the way she’d run to him when he walked in the door had only confirmed it. Her body against his had felt like the missing piece of a puzzle. It was the plug that filled that empty hole in his chest he’d carried with him for his entire life.
That feeling of wholeness made him harder than he’d ever been in his entire life. Aroused him deeper than any physical attraction.
He wanted closer to Marlee. Wanted more of that feeling. Wanted her to hold on to him all needy, like she did for those few precious minutes.
But he had to win her. Convince her he was the one. Convince his bedraggled animal that he could love someone. Her. Put another person’s needs over his own.
But could he? Could he really?
Was his heart capable of it? Opening to another and doing all that intimate shit that bonded two people together?
He didn’t know. But he knew he wanted it to be possible. With Marlee.
So… he needed to convince her, his animal, and himself.
Shit.
And all that when fucking nobody believed in him. Not even himself.
This is the way to heal. You, but also the clan. You go first, the others will follow.
It was the only way to protect her how she needed. Ratchet had to be powerful to keep her safe from Bastian. From the clan. Healing his animal was the only way, and she was the only one who could do it.
But how the hell could he mate Marlee like he needed to? When she was so afraid of his touch. When she’d faced horrors he knew nothing about in Bastian’s care. How could Ratchet ever make her feel safe enough to want him. And even if he could… he’d never be good enough for her like he was.
Too hard. Too rough. Too fucked up.
But he knew the answer to that one too, and his raging boner didn’t appreciate it one fucking bit.
No sex.
The way to win Marlee was to find her heart and make a home there. Like she was starting to make in his. His lamb didn’t need anyone owning her body. Not while she was a captive. Not with the fear so deep in her bones that it seeped out with every word.
Ratchet twisted the shower faucet to turn the water off. His dick was still hard from moments he’d spent holding Marlee, but he wasn’t touching it. He’d spent too much time with his hand in the past, and he wasn’t doing it now, with his girl so close by. The thing would just have to go away on its own.
Stepping out of the shower, he stared at his reflection in the fogged mirror.
Win his mate. That was the mission.
It would break the curse, which would make him strong enough to protect her. Strong enough to save the dolls, and start his clan on the road to recovery.
Monster and Skittles were ready to change. But right now, they were all as powerless as Marlee had been. As the other girls were.
All of them so fucking powerless.
Ratchet was going to bring it back. Restore them all, starting with himself and his sweet, scared mate.
He wrapped a towel around his waist and reached for the door, but then stopped, remembering the clothes he’d brought into the bathroom with him. He typically didn’t give one shit about modesty. It was no big thing to shifters who changed forms often. But he could cover up for Marlee until she was used to him.
Doing a quick dry off, he jerked his jeans up his legs, not bothering to hook the button, and pulled a t-shirt over his head. There. He was covered.
Walking out into the room, he stopped short.
Marlee stood by the closet, the jeans he wore earlier hanging over her arm. She had his wallet in one hand and was staring into the palm of her other.
He cleared his throat and she looked up.
“I was cleaning up,” she rushed out. “Putting the laundry in the basket, and this fell out.”
She showed him what was in her palm, ruining one part of his surprise. The gift he’d found for her in the trash was cradled in her hand. And against her pale skin, it looked even closer to her eye color. It was perfect. But now he couldn’t give it to her the way he’d planned.
“It’s scratched a little. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Was it very important?”
“Kind of.” He cleared his throat again, not liking the way his voice sounded. “But it’s okay—” He was about to tell her it had come from the trash when she interrupted.
“Maybe I can fix it. I saw on the news one time that toothpaste can take scratches and scuffs out.”
Well, fuck. Now she was trying to fix the broken thing he’d brought her. This attempt to court her wasn’t starting out so well.
He reached forward, pecking it from her hand and jammed it in his pocket. Then he took his wallet, shut it in the dresser drawer, and tossed the jeans into the basket.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, escaping through the door before she could say anything else.
He took a deep breath and made his way to the kitchen. Food and drinks. Then he’d show Marlee the rest of the surprise.
He bypassed the lounge. The party wasn’t swinging yet, but he wanted something better than pizza and shit for tonight. If that meant he had to cook something up, then he would. And maybe Marlee wouldn’t mind too bad if it was burnt.
But in the kitchen, he found his mom at the counter, quickly shoving food containers into a large paper bag. Her back was to him as she muttered, “I told you, Fang. The food is for Ratchet, and you can’t have any. None, okay? He’s finally eating, and he’s going to want all of it. So buzz off. I’ll make you some cookies later. Deal?”
“It’s me.”
Her head came around. “Oh, good. Here.” She shoved the bag in his hands. “Take this. It’s drawing too much attention.”
“What is it, ma?”
She wiped her hands on a towel as her eyes shifted to the door and back to him. “Pasta. Salad. Bread. Dessert.”
“You didn’t have to make us nothing.”
“Yes, I did,” she whispered. “She needs good food. Needs to get stronger, whether you like it or not.”
Ratchet snapped his head back in surprise, and her eyes seemed to soften.
She thought he meant to hurt Marlee? Hadn’t he kept his promise not to touch her? Hadn’t he fed her and let her sleep in his bed and brought her a gift?
“Oh, son,” she said regretfully, her shoulders slumping low. “I know what you’re doing. You think you’ve found a mate, and you want to get her with child because it’s what you’re supposed to do. What you’ve been taught to do. But she doesn’t need that, and this clan doesn’t need any young, understand? Let her be. Let her heal. And then let her go.”
Never.
The mere idea of letting Marlee go was a grip around his throat, threatening to choke him out.
“It’s not like that.”
She pressed her lips together, her worried gaze searching him.
“I’ve seen this so many times before, Thomas. I see the change in you.”
He shook his head, staring away to avoid her guilt. It triggered the guilt that had been fading in him with every hour he spent with Marlee.
“She can heal me,” he admitted, and looked back to catch his mom’s expression. “She can break the curse. Give me my power back.”
And that was when he saw it. Something he never saw in his mother. Something she’d obviously spent a lot of time concealing, masking. For what… survival?
Fear. He saw fear.
So blunt and stark. It wasn’t much different than the fear he saw in Marlee. No, it was nearly the same.
His mother was afraid of him being healed? Of him regaining his power…
Ratchet narrowed his gaze.
She’s a captive. Like mate.
The new beast whispered the truth to him, and he couldn’t understand how he didn’t see it before. His mother was a captive to the clan just like Marlee had been to Bastian. She was fed and cared for, and paid for the job she did. But a captive all the same. To their violence and the results of it. To the past and what the fathers put her through. To the future she’d lost sticking around to care for him and his brothers.
She was captive, and Ratchet was the one who’d kept her here.
Shit.
New guilt poured over him.
Why hadn’t he seen it before?
You weren’t ready. Your heart is growing stronger.
And instinct told him there would be more painful revelations to endure before he was completely healed. Before the curse could break and he could give Marlee and his mom back what too many people had taken from them.
He reached forward, wanting to touch her somewhere. A hug, hold her hand. It had been ages since he let her that close.
But it wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t fixed yet. And she wouldn’t understand.
“You said you see changes,” he reminded.
“Yes, but—”
“That’s just the beginning. This clan is going to become something new. And it starts with me. I’m going to fix our wrongs.”
He turned to leave, getting all the way to the kitchen door before she answered.
“Thomas.”
Looking back over his shoulder, he met her sad gaze, and knew she didn’t have faith in him. But he couldn’t blame her. He’d just have to show her.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”