He hadn’t known how to dress, though with Dominic’s assistance, Shawn had managed to find the one good suit hanging in his closet. While his friend sat on his bed, Shawn stared at himself in the mirror, attempting to style his hair into something resembling kempt.

“You’re nervous,” Dominic observed. “It’s cute.” He sat cross-legged on the mattress, flipping through what looked like a draft of his script, his gaze shifting from Shawn back to the printed page several times while they spoke. “You going to tell him about your visit from psycho cousin?”

“I don’t think his cousin was being psychotic,” Shawn said. “But yeah, I’ll talk to him about it.” He ran a comb through his hair one final time, then nodded at the result, emerging from the bathroom and joining Dominic in his bedroom again. Pausing only to turn off the light, he left behind his anxious fussing and reached for the suit jacket he’d left on the bed. “How do I look?”

“Like a million dollars.” Dominic answered without lifting his eyes from the page. Only when Shawn stared at him did he look up and smirk. “Don’t give me the stink eye. You looked great before your primping session and loverboy is going to be speechless. If he isn’t, then walk out of the room.”

Shawn rolled his eyes, but finished buttoning the jacket shut, wrestling with his decision not to wear a tie until committing to it and reaching for his coat. Dominic pushed him out the door, calling out, “I’m staying here for the next half hour. You better not return before then.” While Shawn flipped him the middle finger, Dominic laughed and disappeared inside the apartment again. While the quiet which followed should have been serene, Shawn now found it unnerving.

“Everything’s going to go fine,” he couched himself. “He invited you for a reason.”

It only took ten minutes for him to arrive at the art gallery. Glass windows and bright lights greeted him, the room he walked into awash with white walls and colorful canvases. It took stepping deeper inside for him to find Edwin, but when he did, Shawn paused, both to greet and to admire the other man.

Edwin stood alone, sipping from a glass. The moment Shawn caught his eye, Edwin lowered the drink and froze, transfixed on the sight of Shawn with such unabashed honesty, Shawn couldn’t help but to feel self-conscious. Edwin motioned him over, and while Shawn crossed the distance between them, he ruminated on what he should say in greeting, afraid to dedicate himself to admiring any of the paintings lest he choose the wrong one.

When he reached Edwin, however, the taller man took Shawn’s hand and pulled him closer. Shawn’s eyes turned wide when he found himself in his personal space, and as Edwin leaned in, Shawn felt his heart flutter. Within seconds, his lids were shut, and lips engaged in a kiss.

It lasted only seconds, but left Shawn dumbstruck. Edwin chuckled when he pulled away, and when Shawn blinked, blurted out a heartier laugh. “I could get used to that kind of reaction,” he said.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect it,” Shawn said. His smile turned sheepish. “It freaked you out, the last time we kissed.”

“Right. I’m sorry about that.” Edwin reached to scratch the back of his neck. “I have an explanation for that, but maybe not here.” He glanced around as if to emphasize his comment. His voice lowered. “We could have dinner?”

“It depends,” Shawn said, matching the volume of Edwin’s voice. “Can you explain why your cousin paid me a visit the same day I received your invitation?”

Edwin furrowed his brow, and though Shawn fought to remain impartial, a wave of relief crested over him at how honestly confused Edwin looked. “He paid you a visit?”

“Came to my apartment, yeah. I walked home from the café to find him there, waiting on the front stoop.” Shawn shrugged and walked with Edwin as he started toward the other side of the room. “He only stuck around for a few minutes, but he tried to warn me away from you.”

“What did he say?”

“That I’d end up hurting you. Through no fault of my own, mind you, but I didn’t appreciate him trying to blame your family for it.”

Edwin sighed. “He thinks he’s being protective. That’s the problem with a close-knit family. They’re in your business regardless of whether you want them there.” They reached a set of curated paintings, which all had the same artistic style, with a bright-toned, abstract depiction of fire attracting Shawn’s attention first. Edwin turned to face Shawn again, finishing off his drink and setting the empty glass on an adjacent table. This freed him to reach for Shawn presenting a silent petition that Shawn eventually gave into.

“I can explain what probably had him worried,” Edwin said, clasping both of Shawn’s hands. “Anything you want to know. You look too good not to take out, though.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shawn surrendered to a grin. “You made the reservation before I even showed up, didn’t you?”

“Wishful thinking.” Edwin matched his expression. Pulling one of Shawn’s hands to his mouth, he kissed the back of his palm. “Regardless of what you wore, you would’ve looked too good not to take out.”

“You keep saying things like that and I’m going to risk kissing you again.”

“I hope you do, by the end of the night.”

“Might be sooner.” Shawn took a step closer and tilted his head, the touch of their lips quick, but already laden with suggestion. “Alright,” Shawn said, gazing into Edwin’s eyes. “We’ll go out and you can explain. For now, I want to see where you have your work.”

“It’s right in front of us,” Edwin said, nodding toward the paintings. Both men turned to face the closest one, and as Edwin gestured at it, one hand continued holding onto Shawn with their fingers intertwined. Something about it struck Shawn as the right kind of possessive, making him feel coveted, and though Shawn never needed public displays of affection, the bold commentary filled him with a sense of warmth. It took all the concentration he could muster to stay focused on the framed canvases, and not read into Edwin’s behavior.

Other people casually strode past, and when Edwin concentrated more on the questions offered by viewers and potential buyers, Shawn wandered around to look at the other artists’ works. The gallery owners had people pour glasses of wine and soon, both he and Edwin had one in hand, draining them over the course of the hour that followed. It took another hour for them to leave the gallery, but by the time they had, two of Edwin’s paintings had sold. He arranged payment and pickup of his other works with the gallery owner before leaving with Shawn.

“I don’t know how you guys measure success, but that looked like a good night,” Shawn said, clutching hands with Edwin once more while walking through Rittenhouse.

“That is a good night,” Edwin said. “Good enough for me to afford the bill for dinner.”

Shawn laughed. “Oh God. Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” A cryptic smile lingered on Edwin’s face throughout the brief walk that followed. While Shawn pressed again for a location, Edwin kept his cards gathered close to his chest, presenting their destination with pride once they had arrived and not a moment sooner. Shawn felt himself being whisked inside a fine dining restaurant, remembering the one time he’d applied to work there and marveling over the thought of eating there instead. A hostess sat them at their reserved table and after a server requested their drink order, Shawn looked around in awe.

“This is going to cost you half one of those paintings,” Shawn said, permitting himself one twist around to admire the place before situating himself.

Edwin chuckled. “Not quite half. Maybe a third,” he said, winking. While Shawn shook his head, Edwin admired him in silent appreciation.

Shawn sank into the moment the moment they made eye contact. “You’re outgoing tonight. Tempted to ask what’s gotten into you or if this is how you always act when you’ve got a showing.”

“Nervous, you mean? Because I’m not sure someone could ever call me outgoing.”

“More than usual. I don’t mind it, I’m just curious.”

“I was more nervous about you showing up than I was about the event.” Edwin brushed fingers with Shawn, but his gaze never wavered away from Shawn’s face. Not even when the smile that had been painted on Edwin’s lips faltered. “I’m sorry about the other night. I promised you I’d explain, but it sounds like Rob already made that attempt in the worst way possible.”

“Not necessarily the worst way. He did still seem like he was trying to protect you, even if it wasn’t any of his business.”

“It wasn’t. You’re being gracious, not getting angry at either him or me.” Edwin paused and as he lingered on his thoughts, Shawn saw his demeanor turn serious. Remaining quiet, and waiting for Edwin to choose his words, Shawn was rewarded when Edwin swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“He knows I like you,” Edwin said. “I’ve talked about you a few times and thought he was more on board with me trying to be with you. At the same time, if he said something about my weird family and me getting my heart broken, he wasn’t wrong. They are overbearing at times, and I did get my heart broken by somebody I thought understood me. They blamed my family, but the truth is that when I mentioned moving away, they still didn’t think it would work.”

“They’re your family,” Shawn said. “Even when they’re not with you, they’ll still be there.”

The server preempted Edwin’s response to take their food orders. Once he left. Edwin paused to take a sip of his freshly-delivered drink, the action an obvious stall while he gathered his thoughts. “I hate how right you are,” he said, “but I can’t deny it either. I might not have had the same upbringing you did, but I still have a good relationship with them.”

“Is that why you go home every month?”

“It’s not every month, but it’s most months.” The corner of Edwin’s mouth curled, hinting at the return of his smile. “It is. Yes. It isn’t like being the member of a church, or part of a synagogue or mosque. I know they value the places of worship they grew up in, but they seem fine going to other ones. It’s more challenging for me.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we don’t worship in a building. We do it as a… family. It’s more fulfilling to be with my community and I haven’t found anything like it here. Being in the city makes that difficult.”

Shawn nodded. The conversation shifted to Edwin’s faith, and the lack of religion in Shawn’s upbringing, but left Shawn feeling like they’d danced around things unsaid. When the server delivered their food quickly, they spent the first few minutes enjoying their meals, but Shawn took a deep breath afterward and decided to break the silence. “You said you were going to explain why you recoiled from me the other night,” he said.

“Didn’t I?” Edwin asked with a laugh.

“Well, sort of, I guess. At the same time, I told your cousin that we didn’t have to put so much pressure on us dating. I know getting to know your family will be important down the road, but can’t we be two guys enjoying each other’s company for a while first?”

Edwin studied Shawn for a moment before nodding. While Shawn took another bite of his food, Edwin rested his elbows on the table and folded his hands over his meal. “I need to ask you a question,” he said. “And it’s okay if the answer isn’t necessarily what you think I’d want to hear right now. It’s only my way of trying to force us both to be honest.”

“Okay,” Shawn said, lowering his fork. He reached for his glass, finishing off his drink. “What question?”

It took a moment for him to give the question voice, like he’d lined out his words and, again, placed himself in the important position of choosing them carefully. Shawn saw hope and sobriety play out in Edwin’s gaze. Butterflies took flight in his stomach.

“Do you think anything about us could ever be casual?” Edwin asked.

Shawn blinked, hesitating before he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, without being emotionally invested. I listened to the song you wrote, and I think we’re both already in trouble.”

“Well, I mean, it’s a song and while I’m not saying it wasn’t from the heart, I’m saying I’m okay building a bridge to that place. I wrote that song while crushing on the sweet, good-looking man who sat in the coffeeshop. This is about us getting to know the real Edwin and Shawn.”

“You’re confirming that you wrote it for me, though, right?” When Shawn nodded, Edwin did as well, and as he lowered one hand, he extended it toward Shawn, intertwining their fingers again. Something about his expression turned sober; his lips straightened through his eyes gained a glimmer that reached into Shawn’s chest and filled it with warmth. For the first time all night, he thought of the way they had looked in the moonlight and Shawn almost opened his mouth to ask when Edwin continued talking.

“I’ve never heard anything like that,” Edwin said. His voice turned soft, laying atop Shawn like a blanket. “It was romantic, and gorgeous, but you saw me like nobody else ever has. I can’t believe for a moment that I’d ever be able to casual with someone as incredible as you.”

Shawn nodded, his head moving on automatic like some sort of replying gesture had been demanded. Glancing away, he looked back at Edwin only seconds later, drawn into the vortex again. “I don’t know what to say to that,” he confessed. “Does this mean it’s all or nothing at all with you?”

“No.” Edwin chuckled. “Nothing like that. But it means I know what my heart has already told me about you. I’m alright if you need some time to come around to the words you wrote, but something tells me you already have.”

A nervous smile sufficed as Shawn’s answer. As Edwin raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to speak his thoughts, Shawn shifted away from the gaze holding him hostage. Both men resumed eating in silence, and while tension strangled any chance at light discussion, it forced Shawn into his own mind, reliving everything that he’d felt while writing. He remembered the time spent composing the music and when he divorced himself from being critical, he realized that the man who had sat on a stool, pouring himself into every note, was a smitten mess.

Edwin paid for the check when it was presented and continued to act like a composed gentleman. They walked away from the restaurant, still strangled by silence, and as Shawn tossed between the thoughts waging war inside his head, Edwin led them patiently toward the area where both apartments laid.

“What if I am?” Shawn finally spat out after they’d put a block between them and the restaurant.

It took a moment for Edwin to reply. “What if you’re what?” he asked.

“What if I am already in over my head?” A nervous breath filled the space between one statement and the other. Shawn shoved both hands into his pockets, like he’d suddenly turned cold. “I thought about what you said, about coming around to what I wrote, and I think I’m scared of how much I actually feel that way. It was different when I was writing that about someone I could just watch and didn’t bother talking to. I’m here with you now and it feels like there’s a giant chasm in front of me, telling me to jump.”

“Do you want to jump?”

“Yeah.” Shawn closed his eyes. “Yeah, I kind of want to.”

“I think you’re scared for the same reasons I was.”

The admission made Shawn open his eyes again, and as he looked toward Shawn, both men stopped walking. Edwin encroached into Shawn’s personal space and as Shawn freed his hands, he found them coming to rest on Edwin’s hips. “I have a better idea,” Edwin said. One palm came to rest on Shawn’s cheek, thumb brushing against his chin.

“What’s that?” Shawn asked. His breath hitched when Edwin leaned forward and touched foreheads with him.

“We both run headlong into this and see how good it could be. Stop overthinking it and forget about what my cousin said for a while. I have this feeling that you’d understand, and that’s what I want to get to. Not the part where we’re walking on eggshells. The part where we both surprise the hell out of each other.”

“I’m still scared. But I want to say yes.”

“Let me make a believer out of you, then.”

Edwin captured Shawn’s lips with his, causing Shawn’s eyes to flutter shut again. While their first kiss had been brief and affectionate, Edwin poured intensity into this one, seemingly unaware or apathetic to whoever on the street saw them. Shawn felt a tingle race the entire length of his spine and before he knew it, his palms had slid to Edwin’s back, as if to say, don’t you dare move. One lurid embrace turned into another and as Shawn felt himself getting lost in the moment, he heard Edwin’s dare echo in his ears.

Yes, let’s dive in and ask questions later.

It didn’t take long for them to stumble toward the apartment closest to them – Edwin’s, it turned out. While the walk had been peppered with touches and kisses and whimsical laughter, the moment the door shut in Edwin’s apartment, the intensity returned in all its sound and fury. Edwin pinned Shawn against the wall and while he reached for the buckle of Shawn’s belt, Shawn feverishly worked on freeing Edwin of his coat and shirt. Clothing formed a pile on the floor, then led to the bedroom like breadcrumbs, a few laughs exchanged when Shawn bumped into unfamiliar furniture.

As Shawn toppled onto the bed, however, Edwin crawled on top of him, a feral look in his eyes.

Shawn had never felt so consumed with lust.

Edwin had a condom in hand and lube glistening his fingertips within moments. With small, gentle pushes, he entered Shawn and as the two made love, Shawn wondered if it had ever felt so good. Climax screamed at him like a runaway train and as he came, he saw stars behind his eyes while chanting Edwin’s name like a sacred mantra. His fingers clawed at Edwin’s back and as his lover joined him, he buried his face in Shawn’s shoulder, muffling a scream. They remained entangled for what felt like hours afterward and parted only when the eager kisses they exchanged forced them on their sides.

As Edwin wrapped his arms around him, Shawn touched noses and smiled.

“I think you have me convinced,” he said.

“Good,” Edwin said with a smile. “Let’s rest for a moment. Then, I’ll convince you again.”