“All finished,” I say to myself, looking around my condo that’s completely filled with packed boxes. The moving company should be here within the next hour to start loading all my stuff up for my big move to the Nashville area, where I accepted a new job with a student advocacy center. My passion is helping families obtain the services their children need, and deserve, to learn in a school setting, and I’m excited for a new adventure.

After finishing my degree at Alabama State University, I followed my love, Ben, to Philadelphia, where I found my first job helping to coordinate services for kids within the public-school district. We met our freshman year of college and quickly fell in love. He proposed over our summer break between junior and senior year, and we had planned the perfect wedding for the following fall.

But our lives drastically changed when Ben got sick and, weeks later, was diagnosed with end stage brain cancer. Three weeks after his diagnosis, I buried the love of my life. I haven’t been the same, even after three and a half years.

As hard as it was to lose Ben, though, I’m finally ready to move on with my life. I’m ready to find love again, to start fresh, and this move is the beginning of that. I’m also looking forward to being near my best friend, Lilly, again, as well as her husband, Cash, and their kids. I’m so happy they found their way back to each other, after all those years apart.

* * *

I make one last pass through all the rooms in the condo to double-check I haven’t missed anything. After several hours of foot traffic and noise through the halls, it’s finally silent. The movers just left with everything, except what I’m taking with me in my car. When I flew out to Nashville a couple months ago for my interview, I took the time to look at places to live. Since I was unfamiliar with the area, I decided to make it easy and scout out rentals near where my work is located. I hope to buy my own place in the next couple of years, but want to have time to decide where in the area that will be. It would be nice to do that with a partner.

* * *

“Hey, girl! How’s your drive going?” Lilly’s voice booms over the speakers in my car.

“It’s good. I won’t make it to Nashville until late tonight. There was a big accident that had me at a standstill for a while earlier,” I tell her, as I slow down to take the next exit. It’s time for a bathroom break and I really need to stretch my legs.

“Well, text me when you make it, so I don’t worry. I wish you’d take us up on the offer to stay at our place until your stuff arrives.”

“I appreciate it, but it’s only a couple days in a hotel. And I like the idea of being in the area where I’ll be living. I want to get a feel for the neighborhood. Explore a little before I start my new job.”

“Fine, fine, but let’s plan to do lunch soon! I miss you like crazy.”

“Now that we can do! How about on Sunday?”

“Sunday will work. I’ll leave the kids with Cash and we can have a girls’ day.”

“Sounds great, Lil. I’ll text you once I’ve made it to the hotel tonight. I just pulled off at a rest stop for a short break.”

“Be careful. Bye, girl!”

Smiling, I disconnect the call and make my way into the rest stop. After using the facilities, I walk around their grassy area, taking a deep breath of fresh air before getting back on the road. I’ve got a few audio books lined up, as well as a playlist of music, in case I start to get tired while driving.

I finally pull into the hotel, just after ten PM. After the delay from the accident this morning, bathroom breaks along the way, and a longer lunch and dinner break, I’m exhausted and ready to crawl into bed. After checking in and making my way to my room, I shoot off a text to Lilly.

Cam: I made it. I’m exhausted, but here! See you on Sunday! Let me know what time works for you. :)

I plug my phone in next to the bed and pull out my shower bag, along with some pajamas. I feel all grimy and as much as I want to sleep, I need a shower more. In celebration of my new start, I splurged a little and booked a small suite for the next couple of days. I wanted to be comfortable and not cramped in a small hotel room. I’ll get keys to my new place tomorrow when I stop by the leasing office, and the movers are scheduled to be here on Monday. Things are finally becoming real.

* * *

Keys in hand, walk-through complete, and move-in paperwork all filled out, I started mapping out how I’d set everything up. I can already see it in my mind and start making a mental list of things I’ll need to buy. I cleared out most of my pantry before I moved, so a large grocery shopping trip is in my future.

I text my mom a few pictures before I decide to take a walk around the area and get an idea of where everything is located. The neighborhood where my apartment is went through a revamping a few years ago, and is now a very popular area, filled with restaurants and shopping—all easy to walk to. I scope out a few places to check out over the next few weeks, including a tattoo shop.

I’ve wanted to get a tattoo since shortly after Ben died, to remember him by, but I never built up the courage to actually get one. This move, though, is the start of my new life, and with that, I’ll be facing head-on the things I’ve tried to ignore since losing Ben.

* * *

Lilly’s going to be here any moment, and I can’t wait to hug my friend. It’s been far too long since we’ve seen each other. Once she arrives, we plan to grab some lunch at one of the restaurants nearby and then do a little window shopping. I’m hoping I can convince her to stop into the tattoo shop with me, so I can talk to an artist about drawing up some design options. Lilly knew Ben, so I’m excited to have her input on some ideas.

I hear a knock on the door and jump up to answer it. As soon as the door opens, I see Lilly bouncing in place, full of excitement.

“Ah, I’m so excited to see you!” Lilly screeches as she launches herself toward me, wrapping me in a hug, and I laugh. It feels so good to be back around my best friend.

“It’s good to see you,” I say, squeezing her harder before releasing her. “Ready to get out of here?”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

We head down to the lobby and out onto the street. “Do you have a suggestion on what restaurant we should go to?” I ask, as we walk across the parking lot and down the street.

“The Mexican place on the corner is really good. Cash and I have been there a few times.”

“Mexican sounds great! I could go for a margarita or two. Maybe the tequila will give me the courage to walk into that tattoo shop across the street.”

“Inkers Tattoo?” Lilly asks.

“I think that was the place. It’s the one across from the Mexican restaurant.”

“That’s where Cash goes. One of his buddies is an artist there. Want me to text him for his info?”

“Um…sure. I’m still on the fence about actually getting a tattoo, but it wouldn’t hurt to have the guy’s info. And it does make me feel a little better knowing that someone from that shop would be recommended by someone I know.”

Lilly sends Cash a text as we walk into the restaurant and wait to be seated.

Not long after we’ve placed our orders, her phone chimes with a text from Cash.

Cash: Tell Cam to ask for Ethan. I’ll send him a text to let him know the two of you will be stopping in today, and to take care of her.

“Cash recommends Ethan. Said he would let him know to expect us sometime this afternoon.”

I pale just a bit, knowing that my dream of getting something to remember Ben by is getting that much closer to becoming a reality.

“So, what are you thinking for the tattoo?” Lilly asks between bites of chips and salsa.

“My ideas are all over the place. I was actually hoping that you could give me some input. I figured since you knew Ben, that you might have some ideas.”

“What about his initials? I’m guessing you’re thinking something small.”

“Yes, something small. I’ve considered his initials. Do you think it’d be weird to also put our wedding date? I know it never happened, but it’s still an important date to me.”

“I think you should have whatever you want. It’s your way of remembering Ben by. Nothing you include would be wrong,” she says, laying her hand on mine, offering a bit of comfort.

I’ve come a long way in working through my grief of losing Ben. Still, years later, it all becomes too overwhelming at times, and will hit me like a ton of bricks. The moments are getting fewer and farther between, but they suck when it happens.

Lilly and I continue to catch up over lunch, and the margarita was exactly what I needed. After we pay the bill, we head across the street to go talk to Ethan.